INSERT 13
I couldn't fall asleep, i hated myself, i felt so ashamed. I don't know when i fell asleep but when i opened my eyes, it was already morning. I turned to face Stan, and he was nowhere to be found! I walked to the bathroom, but it was empty. No phone, wallet, watch or anything that belonged to him was in the room. This could not be happening, i was treated like a 'floozie', not even a goodbye from Stan? I then decided to take a shower, i scrubbed myself so hard that my skin began tearing, i felt dirty, cheap and extremely valueless. I sat in there for a while, thinking how this went from 'fairy tale' to 'nightmare'? I hated my life, i knew i deserved better than that, the only thing left to do was to stop crying and feeling sorry for myself, get up, dust off the guilt and shame, and keep walking as if i had never tripped.
I wrapped a towel around my body, brushed my teeth and went out. I was still thinking about all this when i heard: Morning angel, i thought i should get you some breakfast before you woke up! I smiled, held my hand against my head and just stared at him. He brought croissants, blue cheese and and my favorite beverage: latte. He pulled out all the stops, and instead of being angry with him, i just wanted to hold him tight and never let go, but i couldn't do that. He had someone waiting for him at home and i had to accept that.
Me: Ohhhh, you are back?
Stan: Yeah, i had to get you something to give you energy after.... you know what i mean
Me: oh Stan stop it*blushing*
Stan: What baby? Can't a man appreciate his woman?
Me: Yeah, i know i know! You know i actually thought you had gone back to your wife!
Stan: And leave without saying goodbye? Now what kind of man would that make me?
Me: When i couldn't find you or any of your belonging, i completely lost it.
Stan: Baby, i'm not going anywhere. You and i share something magical and i will never let go
Me: Do you promise?
Stan: With my life baby
Stan: Yeah, i had to get you something to give you energy after.... you know what i mean
Me: oh Stan stop it*blushing*
Stan: What baby? Can't a man appreciate his woman?
Me: Yeah, i know i know! You know i actually thought you had gone back to your wife!
Stan: And leave without saying goodbye? Now what kind of man would that make me?
Me: When i couldn't find you or any of your belonging, i completely lost it.
Stan: Baby, i'm not going anywhere. You and i share something magical and i will never let go
Me: Do you promise?
Stan: With my life baby
I now felt reassured that Stan would be there for me no matter what, i was still worried about his wife and how this would work out and what was i to him? I suddenly got a headache from all this thinking, so i decided to enjoy this moment whilst it lasted, ate my breakfast and then fixed myself up. It was almost time to go, so Stan and i decided to have a delicate conversation about what was to happen next....
Stan: Baby i know what you are thinking, about you being forced to share me with Lerato and stuff. I want you to know that i love you very much and i don't want to promise you the world right now but what i can promise is that, i'll always be here for you. Please bare with me until i sort this mess out?
Me: Stan i don't know how this is gonna work out, i mean she is a reality and somehow i just fin it so hard to come to terms with it. I need time to think about this
Stan: Lebo what's there to think about? Clearly you have already thought this through, when you lay with me last night, i knew there was no turning back from here. I want you and i know you want me too, why deny something so special between the two of us? This is more than just love and feeling, the chemistry is just too strong to disconnect our elements of love.
Me: Stan i don't know how this is gonna work out, i mean she is a reality and somehow i just fin it so hard to come to terms with it. I need time to think about this
Stan: Lebo what's there to think about? Clearly you have already thought this through, when you lay with me last night, i knew there was no turning back from here. I want you and i know you want me too, why deny something so special between the two of us? This is more than just love and feeling, the chemistry is just too strong to disconnect our elements of love.
Hear i was, listening to him tell me all the things i wanted to hear, exactly when i needed to hear them. I was loving this man more and more, and this scared me because i knew that one day he could just go home and never come back to me. But that didn't matter to me, he was right, i wanted every piece of him so bad. I never wanted to let go, his soul ignited mine, he captured my heart and he tolerated my emotions just the way i wanted him to. I had made up my mind, i was his and he was mine, well technically 'OURS'. It was now time to go home, i felt a bit sad but i knew i had a man who adored me in every way, so that kept me going...
Me: Look, this is hard for me bt i'm gonna try and take a chance with you. I just hope it won't come back to bite me!
Stan: I wouldn't hurt a fly if i had to, so why would i hurt you? I just need you to trust me on this
Me: I will give you the benefit of the doubt, for now. If things don''t go the way i want them to go then we go our separate ways right?
Stan: Things are going to go fine, you just watch and see.
Me: Ok then, here is some new rules...
Stan: Rules?
Me: Yes rules dear
1. I don't ever wana have to remind you to call me
2. You will come check up on as before
3. You will always be there whenever i need u
4. I'm just as important to you as your wife, maybe even more because i make you happy, so never mention her name when you are with me
5. Last but not least, I love you, and you remember that
Stan: I wouldn't hurt a fly if i had to, so why would i hurt you? I just need you to trust me on this
Me: I will give you the benefit of the doubt, for now. If things don''t go the way i want them to go then we go our separate ways right?
Stan: Things are going to go fine, you just watch and see.
Me: Ok then, here is some new rules...
Stan: Rules?
Me: Yes rules dear
1. I don't ever wana have to remind you to call me
2. You will come check up on as before
3. You will always be there whenever i need u
4. I'm just as important to you as your wife, maybe even more because i make you happy, so never mention her name when you are with me
5. Last but not least, I love you, and you remember that
Stan: wow, you don't gamble ey?
Me: This is not a joke, either you follow them or jump
stan: Hey, go easy on a dude. I was making a joke, where is your sense of homour?
Me: I just had to make my self clear and make sure you will follow my requirements
Stan: Your wish is my command Senorita
Me: Well, that settles it then, shall we?
Stan: Isn't that supposed to be line?
Me: I told you i'm in charge now
Me: This is not a joke, either you follow them or jump
stan: Hey, go easy on a dude. I was making a joke, where is your sense of homour?
Me: I just had to make my self clear and make sure you will follow my requirements
Stan: Your wish is my command Senorita
Me: Well, that settles it then, shall we?
Stan: Isn't that supposed to be line?
Me: I told you i'm in charge now
We both laughed it off, hugged one last time and finally went home. I felt whole ,yet empty. I had put my self in a situation that would either make or break me, but i didn't care about that. I only cared about my feelings and my happiness, and that's all that mattered. We pulled off infront of my gate, said our goodbyes and departed ways.
I went in the house, looking and feeling gloomy as ever. It was now Exactly an hour since i came back when my phone rang. I picked up answered, it Stan. He sounded devasted and in shock. I asked him what was wrong, he paused a moment before he could answer..
Stan: She tried to commit suicide!
I was quiet and didn't know how to respond
Me: Well is she ok?
Stan: The doctor says she'll be alright, don't worry
Me: How can i not worry, we led her to that.
Stan: It is not your fault, it's entirely mine. Just don't stress about this, i will sort it out
Me: How can i not stress? I think we should end this before things get real ugly. I won't the reason for some one else's misfortune
Stan: Baby, i'll call you back. There is something i need to handle, just remember that i still love u!
Stan: The doctor says she'll be alright, don't worry
Me: How can i not worry, we led her to that.
Stan: It is not your fault, it's entirely mine. Just don't stress about this, i will sort it out
Me: How can i not stress? I think we should end this before things get real ugly. I won't the reason for some one else's misfortune
Stan: Baby, i'll call you back. There is something i need to handle, just remember that i still love u!
A woman, a wife, has just tried to take her life because i couldn't keep my hands off her man, vice versa. I felt angry, but i am a woman so i thought to myself: If she had actually died, i wouldn't have to share Stan with no one. My mind was full of selfish thoughts but i couldn't help it. He was mine too and who ever fell would loose him. I was turning into something i was not, and i have to say, i pretty much enjoyed it. Only the strongest survive out there and i was ready to make my mark. I had been a mistress before and i had been walked all over, but this time things are gonna be the way i want them to be. She was the wife but i was the life, or so i thought. Stan came to me, not the other way round. If he had been completely honest with me from the start, i would have not involved myself with him but now since i'm here, i had to make things work. I lay back on my couch, thinking deep about everything that was happening, it was a chance i was willing to take.
I now embarked on my new journey as : THE MISTRESS ON A MISSION........
