Diary of a Patient Mistress insert 16

INSERT 16

We got home, sat in the car a while, with me still 'feeling' dizzy. Stan wanted to go home soon after dropping me off, so i begged him to be with me until i was 'fully recovered'. He agreed to this without a doubt, and i was the happiest woman. We spoke about a lot things, about our future most importantly, It was kind of awkward at first but we needed to have that kind of conversation since we so badly wanted to continue the affair. I was being frank to him about my feelings, and he in return also spoke of his own, genuinely!

Me: So baby, i know that it's pretty still premature to ask you about this, but there's no better time. What do you think the future holds for us?
Stan: Honestly baby i don't know, I mean i love you and would hate to loose you now, or ever for that matter. 
Me: So what exactly are you saying?
Stan: What i'm saying is we gotta stand strong and make the future possible for us
Me: Ok. I don't mean to be forward or insensitive but do you think my being your mistress is a good thing? I mean we love each other ofcourse, and on the other side there's Lerato, whom you still adore. I sometimes wonder how you see me or what you think of me being your side chick.
Stan: Baby i don't see you as a mistress nor side chick. Yes Lerato is my wife legally but i love you more and....

His phone rang, he put it on speaker......

Lerato: Stan where are you, i thought you would be home by now.
Stan: Lerato you know i'm very busy! I will be home as soon as i'm done with my meeting
Lerato: What meeting this late?
Stan: Are you keeping tabs on me now? I have to do what i need to do to be able to pay the bills. You know bills do not pay themselves
Lerato: But Stan u know i just got released from hospital today and i need you here
Stan: I will be there, just don't wait up for me. Now get some rest, while i finish here.

He hung up on her....

Me: So i'm a business meeting now?
Stan: Lebo i told you that we are taking this 1 step at a time akere?
Me: No hard feelings, just a simple question nje
Stan: Can we please talk about something else?
Me: Ok, suits me just fine
Stan: Thank you!

I noticed the sudden change in his tone, he was angry, cold and irritated, so i became worried. What if he was having second thoughts about us? Or maybe he saw through my manipulative ways? H e was somewhat distant, i couldn't reach out to him the way i had hoped.

Me: I think i'm fine now, i can go inside
Stan: Are you sure baby?
Me: Very sure, besides, i see that you are pre-occupied. You are not exactly good company right now so i think it's best we call it a day, huh?
Stan: I'm sorry if i seem occupied, i just have a lot going through my mind
Me: Mind if i ask?
Stan: I'm wondering how i'm going to end things with Lerato. I mean i can't pretend that everything is fine when it isn't

Did i hear correctly, did he just say end? Now i was worried...

Me: What do you mean end things?
Stan: Baby i can't keep seeing you like this, you deserve way better.
Me: I know, but i completely understand. No need to rush

*ME SOUNDING LIKE THE EVER CARING GIRLFRIEND*

Me: I don't want you making any rash decisions, lets take our time and groom what we have. I want you to be sure that its really me you wana be with, not because things are 'sleg' between yourself and Lerato
Stan: You see 1 of the reasons i'm mad about you? You are considerate and not at all selfish. You have the qualities i need right now, how can i ever desert you
Me: Ok baby, i hear you. Just be sure before you make any life changing decisions

By now i was really worried, i know i should be rejoicing but this is not how my late mom raised me. I knew better than that, yet, i couldn't help myself. I thought to myself: what if i was Lerato, how would i feel if some1 else did that to me? I couldn't carry on like this , i deserved better.....

Stan: What are thinking about sweets?
Me: uhm nothing important, just how much i love you
Stan: You are so sweet, i love you too nana
Me: Well i've got to get inside now baby
Stan: Ok, just remember what i said neh? I meant every word
Me: I know you did love

We cuddled for a few more minutes before he drove off. I stood in the street, waiting for his car to disappear. I walked slowly inside the house, went to my room, lay on the bed and thought deeply...

I love Stan and he loves me too, Then there was Lerato, who was obviously mad about her husband. The two of them made a promise to love each other through thick and thin, who was i to come and break that bond? I felt guilty about everything, so i took my phone to text Stan our 'official breakup'. I was about to press send when a call came through... It was Lerato......