Life without my husband Chapter 78 - Mzansi Stories

Tuesday, July 21

Wizzy

Life without my husband Chapter 78

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Chapter 78

Cwenga
Sunday morning the family and I were driving to Bhofolo, to visit Athi's grave. Thato and I finally agreed on taking Bonga to her parents, well we found her father qha Bukho help us. In the car Thato was playing with Athi's jersey which I thought we got rid off, she was in trans and we were all invading her dream. Me"Feed your brother " Mvaba was crying so loud but Thato was playing with that jersey, hugging it, feeling it like it was normal or like Athi still wore it. Thando"Nah ndihluthi mna" Bonga and I exchanged looks then laughed together. Me"Not you tsh! " Bonga feed Mvaba andazi njani but he slept, when we got emangcwabeni Thato was still in her own world. Bonga"Mama" I told them to wait outside for us. Me"Thato don't do this not today" I pulled the jersey and she finally looked at me with burning eyes. Thato"Sifikile?" I nodded, she asked me to open emva. Me"I'll do it akhonto, Thando go with your mother" she stared at me for the longest time "really Cwenga? you'll take this from me too?" she walked away fuming.  Bonga"Is it my fault? or that we here? " It was both, Thato felt like she was losing too much at once. Me"The latter, but tell me why now? Did we do something to make you feel unwanted? "  as much as I didn't want to admit, I was beyond hurt. Bonga"That day when Mvaba needed blood, I wasn't a match I felt so useless! like tata that day reminded me I wasn't your child, Thando and Mvaba yes. Mna you took me somewhere because my parents didn't want me, you took me someone because you felt sorry for me" she looked at me "I want to know why they didn't want me, I kept Manzi at 16 and I would go through fire for my son. Why couldn't they? I want to know who I am! why am I Bonga but I wasn't good enough to keep? I cannot leave my life wondering what could have been!" Thando came to us running. "Tata kukho into ewrongo ngo Mama" I left them there and ran to Thato, Mvaba was laying on the ground crying while Thato was digging the grave with her hands. Me"Wenzanto!!!" she stopped and looked at me. Thato"I wasn't ready to switch off those things! You forced me!… You took my son from me and you said it was for the best! you buried him far from me!… I want my son! Ndifuna umntanam!" she started digging "Help!" she stood up and wanditsalela engcwabeni "I just want to see him… I need to hold him just one last ti…me I iii… can…t I wa… nt my son" she kept on digging until she couldn't anymore then cried louder. Me"Thato pl…" "Ndiyeke! … Pl…ease ndiyeke" I took Mvaba and watched as my wife got what I deprived her, a chance to grieve, a chance to come to terms with her loss but mostly a chance to say goodbye to her son our son "It wasn't your fault, you couldn't have known. Stop blaming yourself, Thato it wasn't your fault" she didn't say anything just stood up and took the things we came with. Me"Thato" she stopped and looked at me, her eyes showed me something I've never seen Thato being vulnerable. Thato"Then why do we both blame me?" I couldn't answer because she was right, I blamed her and I always hated her for Athi being sick. Thato"I need this… please… leave me alone" Nothing hurts more than losing a child and sometimes when you let yourself admit you will never see them again, the pain gets worse but I hope it heals with time "okay" that's all I could say.

Qhama
"Ndiyeke!" Mbasa was on top of me strangling the life out of me "Esihle" he was mumbling alot of things at once. Me"Ba…by" this happens almost every night, he loses it and starts to strangle me. Mbasa"Hamba apha" I tried to move him but his grip was tight. Me"Mba…sa" cough "Ndim… Qhama" I started kicking so he could wake up. Me"Taka … Mila" he opened his eyes not letting go of my neck, I wanted to cry but I couldn't. Mbasa"Qhama" he quickly let go jumped up and came back with a bottle of water, I took it and drank. Mbasa"Again?" I nodded. Mbasa"I'm sorry" I removed the blankets to show him my pee stain. Me"I actually wet myself" We both sat in silence, I stood up and took off my pj's ndasusa amasheet while he sat there. Mbasa"I think I need help" I looked at him, I feared my own husband, my high school sweetheart, my soul mate I was scared of him killing me in my sleep. Me"Uzobanjwa Mbasa! you will have to confess, I cannot be a single mother" I stood next to the mirror, looking at my bruises. Mbasa"What if I don't wake up? what if I lose you?" he came to stand next to me. Mbasa"I need help" I know I should allow him but I knew he killed by law I will also be charged then what happens to Milani?. Me"No! we will figure it out" he looked at my neck. Mbasa"I am sorry" we hugged "I think you should bath" we both laughed, he kissed me. Me"I love you" we kissed again. Mbasa"Hay hay, ufuna undenza nto?" he went down to kiss my tummy "I cannot believe we on our second one" I was exactly 5 weeks pregnant.  Me"Hahaha sudika mpa,should I run us a bath?" he nodded. Mbasa"You are beautiful yaz, I love you MamKhomazi" we took a bath, he went to check on Milani then came back. Mbasa"Still sleeping, Qhama can I ask you something?" I nodded. Mbasa"Are you scared of me?" I nervously smiled.  Me"No" he sat next to the tub. Mbasa"Give me your hand" He took my hand and he put it kwintliziyo yakhe. Mbasa"It beats for you, I will never harm you yeva?" I smiled "I'm scared, these dreams are getting worse and your neck looks bad Q. Let me get help, I promise you I will always be there for us" He kissed my forehead. Mbasa"We will make a plan, we always do right?" I nodded. "Thanda nyani mfazi wam, ndiyi shit mgaphandle kwakho yeva? Thanda nyani Qhama" we both laughed.  Me"Ghetto kanjani" I got out of the water. Mbasa"Masenze mtchanam" He spanked me. Me"Andifuni" I wish we could never go back to sleep.

Entle
Monday morning mgidi vibes were still happening, we had to fetch random people from Greenbushes and France to come eat the meat basele notywala. Seth"Sihamba nini?" we were going to Greenacres just the two of us. Me"Waiting for this place to be clean" he looked so adorable in his clothes. Seth"Enkosi mama" I smiled.  Me"reward me nge results zakho zika Matric" he laughed. Seth"Hahaha don't even remind me" we eventually left because Dabawo said they will be fine. Seth"I need to buy Manzi impahla zeChristmas" I looked at him trying to hide my smile. Me"We already bought him clothes njena" he laughed.  Seth"Bonga and I decided somthengela, we both need to do this" he kept on looking at him.  Me"You guys are best thing about me" he smiled "That's why I want Manzi to know I am his father, you raised us with no plan and often bungu tata and Mama.  Trust me we appreciate you too" I think I am dying Seth is never nice. Me"Ufuna ntoni?" He laughed.  Seth"Hahaha We all agreed, whatever you decide divorce wise we leave with you. Viwe included. So Nolhiza don't use us as an excuse to stay married ke"

They are growing up

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