Diary of a Single Mum Episode 36 - Mzansi Stories

Wednesday, August 5

Wizzy

Diary of a Single Mum Episode 36

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Episode 36
Forgive when it's still hurting, when the wound is fresh and oozing with blood. Do not wait for the passage of time,rest you be tricked into forgetting when actually its forgiving you ought to do first. Love is giving people the freedom to be the way they are,not trying to make them the way you want and one forgives to the degree one loves.
The voice on the other end paralyzed my senses. I failed to get in control of myself and I hated that. I knew Peter would never leave me alone but couldn't he had picked a better time than that? I was going through an emotional crisis and that wasn't a conducive environment for love to trespass.
"what can I do for you?" I said keeping my emotions at bay and in check as best as I could.
"Can't you please have a heart to forgive? oh Wangu I know I hurt you so much and I deserve all this. Did all that we had mean nothing to you to give up just like that?" That put me right on the corner.
"You have no right to talk to me like that? did it ever occur to you to consider what we had when you were sleeping with Masozi?" I was just trying to justify myself that he deserved the punishment I was unleashing on him.
"how many times did you forgive that psycho Ben? you couldn't even see that he was never for real yet you kept him on board. Don't I deserve another chance? tell me if you no longer love me then I will never bother you again." I gave out a huge sigh. Saying I didn't love him could have been a blue lie but admitting to love him could have been self betrayal of the highest order.
"can we talk about this later because now am not in the best frame of mind." Atleast i was being honest with him.
"I will leave you to think and call me back whenever you want I will wait because I don't want to force you in something you don't want." I could feel the anguish in his voice. I loved him so much it hurt. When he hanged up I realised that the key to my own happiness laid in my hands by letting go of all the hate and hurt harbouring my heart. Forgiveness is the fragrance the flower leaves on the heels of the one who crushed it and in silence alone does a man's truth bind itself together and strike root. I was determined to take that step to healing and it had to start right there inside me.
I wiped away the tears I didn't realize were making their way down my cheeks and wetting my blouse. I went back to my mother's room. Apart from my children she was all that I called my own. Come rain come sunshine nothing about us would never change unless she chose to drain her DNA from me.
I held her hands which were warm,another comforting
sign that she was still alive.
"oh mummy you could have told me what to do. Please come back I miss you. Do you think going back to Peter is the best thing? I can't do this alone I need you ..." I broke down and cried so hard. Letting out all the pain bottled inside me. There and then I heard her cough then when I looked at her she was trying to open her eyes and getting them accustomed to light. It felt like I had witnessed the birth of a new born.
"Mum..." I called her thinking that it was all a dream and afraid to wake up to the cruel realization of the truth when she would suddenly vanish.
I went to call the nurse who first looked at me as if I was crazy before I snapped at her and had her on her heels. We rushed to the room together and she looked at her in amazement.
"it's a miracle,I didn't think she would pull through," she mouthed. It was an emotional moment, I was kneeling down and praising God like I have never done before. Psalms 103 was all over my lips. I was blessing The Lord who forgives all our inequities and heals all our diseases.
The nurse told me to go outside because she needed to do some examinations before the doctor arrived. I went home to tell Aunt and Janet the good news,such news was profound to be told on the phone. I was grinning all the way smile emoticon and obviously Peter forgotten at that moment.
***********
Life couldn't have been more rosy. We were home celebrating my mother's homecoming. Janet's husband went to Nkhatabay to fetch Beatrice and my brother Yamie. They were dying to see Mum as well and we couldn't deny them the pleasure. She wasn't going back anytime soon. For all we knew, Mrs Kamanga wasn't to be further frustrated. My mother's presence would trigger new hard feelings. I couldn't imagine the scandal circulating among the villagers. Beatrice told me that Uncle had gone to the elder's council and put a case against her for dragging the family name in the mud and for having an affair before her husband's family set her free. I didn't care whatever they could do next as long as my mother was fine,tomorrow would take care of itself. i knew she was in pain everytime the accident crossed her mind but I didn't want to bring her pain all over by mentioning Mr Kamanga. The day she was discharged from the hospital she asked me if Mr Kamanga was fine, I told her that he died and I didn't want her to talk about that until she was ready. Atleast she had to deal with the news of his demise sooner than later.
"you won't understand,nobody would but he was my first love." I read her pained expression in shock but didn't want to probe her.
I had so much things which I didn't know until I went to find my Aunt in her room to get to the bottom of this.
" Aunt much says Mr Kamanga was the love of her life, how is that possible when she was happily married to dad?" I was no longer a kid so some things couldn't be shocking to hear.
"You won't understand dear." she said but I knew all I had to do was ask her long enough.
"I will try to understand. Come on now I need to hear something that will finally bring this madness to an end."
She patted on the bed beside her and beckoned me to sit closer.
"What you are about to hear is not meant for your childish ears. It will be best if you keep your mouth shut, I don't think your mother would like the whole world to get hold of it."
I became excited. Skeletons in the closet are almost sacred.
She begun telling me how mum and Mr Kamanga were childhood sweethearts. She got pregnant and they got married. Unfortunately she miscarried in the fourth month. Mr Kamanga left her with his grandmother while he went to Zimbabwe in search of greener pastures with promises of a good life when he would return. After a year,her family went to take her back assuming that he won't ever come back for his bride. My father who was the best friend quickly went to pay her bride price and her family married her off without her consent. Trouble came to a peak when I was born and Mr Kamanga came to reclaim his bride....
to be continued ...

Episode 36...continuation
In those shocking minutes I got the most terrifying revelation. I didn't think this was what I thought it was.
"Does that mean Mr Kamanga was my father?" I wasn't sure if that is what I wanted to know even when I
went through the trouble of asking.
"No sweetheart. Remember it was a year later after Mr Kamanga was gone that you were born." The relief I felt was beyond words. I couldn't imagine that I came from the loins of such a shameless man. It was quite a love story but these two had over done it. One must
always know when to let go. We win some and lose some. One can never have the best of both worlds. I felt sorry for my mother for having had to endure a loveless
marriage for such a long time. I now understood the underlying animosity between my parents which seemed to accompany them
everyday. My father was a bitter man who thought he had beaten his best friend once and for all yet they were in love more than they
had ever been and that had made him a ruthless man.Later I think he must have realised that if you can't
beat them,join them. He had to endure such a mockery of a union to his last breath.
***********
Now that my mother was feeling better again, I felt that it was time I reconstructed my life. I had
neglected myself for some time and in the process denied myself the peace of mind. It was high time I got off my high horse and made
peace with Peter. The fact that I still loved him and had not been successful to put him at the back of my mind was driving me crazy. How does one person get stuck in
somebody else's mind for so long? I took my phone to call him and he picked it up at first ring.
"hello"
"hie how are you?"
"good and you?"
"great too."
"well I ..."Seriously he wasn't
making it easy for me.
"yes am listening " then silence.
"I just wanted to tell you that can we forget the past and look into the future? " That was rather said abruptly. He heaved out a sigh one would think he had been holding it for a life time.
" Thank you very much princess you have just made me the happiest man in the world."
Butterflies fluttered in my tummy as I held back a dam of tears that threatened to flood my eyes.
"Well what will happen to Masozi and the baby?" That had always stood between us and even if I had tried to ignore it, it stood imposingly. after all it was the reason for everything.
"You won't believe me but I am one lucky man." He said yet I had no clue where this was driving to.
"what happened?" Seriously I started feeling like a stranger for not knowing his life's latest development. He started telling me how one day after work he came home and found a letter on the dining table addressed to him. It was written by
Masozi. She said she has had
enough of the marriage in which a husband had nothing to do with her. kkkkk that was if marriage is one sided. The only time she got
pregnant was the only time he had touched her. I admired her courage to know when things wouldn't work. She had left heavily
pregnant and had taken everything that belonged to her. He had being frightened to think that nobody would believe him and the first thing he did was go to the police station and say it all. One policeman had asked for Masozi's
number and called it. She said there was no way she would get back to Peter even if he was the last man on earth. She got it that he didn't love her and respected that fact. She told the policeman not to hold him responsible for anything that would happen to her because she had chosen her path. She said she was in Mwanza staying
with her boyfriend, a Mocambican truck driver.Peter had been shocked by such an honest revelation but it was a blessing in
disguise.
I felt like punching the air in
victory. Such a mountain having had to disappear after all the havoc we passed through. After all the
pain,the shame,the rejection and the tears. Well that was done but now I didn't know how to handle Peter's mum. wasn't she going to say I gave her son muthi? The Lord who saw it fit to cast out the Peninah out of my life, knew that my hands were clean.
" That's some good news but please make sure you keep in touch for news of the baby when it arrives," I said bearing in mind that he
shouldn't neglect his child as well.
"There's no way I will have
anything to do with her again. That woman brought me nothing but bad luck," he fumed.
"The baby is your blood and
innocent in every way."
"Wangu please don't make me do what I don't want." I knew better when not to argue with him.
"I want to come and see you in a week's time," his words were music to my ears and I was so excited. The thought of seeing him again made me realise how much I
missed him and guilt washed over me for the calls I rejected and the ones I hunged up on him.
"can't wait to see you again." I giggled almost pinching myself for such a show.
"I miss you my love,I wish I had the ability to fast forward time."
That night I went to bed with a glow on my face. Remo kept sending me messages which I didn't reply,I didn't have the time to entertain that. The king of the castle was back to claim his queen.
I didn't want to end up like my mother nursing a love wound for the rest of my life.
For the life of me,I hoped I had made a good decision ...

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