Life without my husband Chapter 88 - Mzansi Stories

Tuesday, August 18


Life without my husband Chapter 88


Chapter 88
Me"Seth!!!" I followed him, he kept on running laughing glowing from the sunlight. Me"Seth!!!!!!" It felt like we were in a maze, each turn he got younger and the clothes he wore all had some sort of meaning. Seth"umzi watsha, umzi watsha… khangela phaya khangela phaya… umlilo umlilo… galela amanzi galela amanzi" he carried on singing, in each turn his voice was starting to disappear "Seth!!!" he was now crawling, I tried picking him up but he disappeared. Tata"Nolhiza" I looked up, we were in our old house kwi nursery ka Seth. Me"Tata nguwe" he wasn't looking at me, ndasuka emva kwakhe to see what he was looking at. There I was feeding Seth, I looked so different "Tata" he loved at the old Entle and laughed. Tata"talk to him, look for yourself kuye. He knows you better than anyone ngoba yena uyayazi kunjani ubayi nkedama" What did that even mean, old Entle started crying. Old Entle"Ndiya moyika" she handed Seth over to her father. Tata"Entle" he was looking at me. Tata"Vuthela amanxeba akudala kuqala" he handed sex to me. Me"What wounds?! Tata uthetha nganto" he started fading, the old me faded,Seth faded.

Entle running outside, she wasn't wearing anything. Cwenga"Cover her" Zimkitha followed with a blanket, she was hysterical . Thato"MaRadebe calm down" but she was fighting us of, screaming for Unekamva and Seth. Entle"Ndifuna abantwana bam!!! He took my children!!!" Kathy suggested we take her to Seth immediately. Bukho"No! dont" We all looked at him. Bukho"Lonwabo whats Entle's biggest fear?" I took her from Thato's arms and wrapped her with the blanket. Me"Ndim lo Bhungane! Ndim lo Ndlebe ntle zombini" she started crying again searching my eyes. Entle"Pls get me my children" Bukho signaled that he'll do it, she kept on whispering something like she was arguing with herself. Thato"Entle not again! awukwazi undenza lento" Zimkitha was even worse, she was begging her to fight this whatever was making her act up again. Cwenga"Lonwabo Entle needs traditional help, I know I never admit to such things but listen to her" I ignored him. Unekamva"Bhuti?" Entle's face lit up as soon as she heard Une's voice. Entle"I'm sorry! xolo mtanam! I was only 17, I didn't know ndizo kuthini but I wanted to raise you… I tried to see you but your grandparents made sure andizi kuwe, I worked hard kuyo yonke into yam for wena! ndifuna uthi xolo, I'm sorry that you never got a chance to be raised by me, for not fighting harder! for being weak! xolo for being happy and acting like you never existed that was cruel of me!… but I love you Nomahlubi" Seth, Ntombi and Viwe walked in, she went straight to Seth. Entle"I didn't bond with you not because I hated you, I didn't deserve a chance at motherhood . I tried Seth even when it seemed like I wasn't, Lolo offered to raise you because I wasn't coping not because I loved you any less! … the were days where I wanted to fetch you and just tell you everything but I couldn't, no child deserves a weak mother and I know you hate me most of the time I don't blame you. Just know, I never meant to hurt you or be like this.  I hate that I'm like this too but its who I am, It should never take my love away from you. And before ugxole ngondi caphukela, always love your siblings put all that hate you feel for me in loving them" She kissed their foreheads and went upstairs, Thato and I followed her.  Thato"Ulele" she was sleeping peacefully.

Depression or mental illness is so common in our family, like we hardly fuss about it anymore instead we watch and wait for our next clue. Lelethu on the other hand was frightened, or just emotionally overwheld. Thato"Take her to the kitchen umnike amanzi eswekile" I led her to the kitchen "Think I need to sleep ", nam without any hesitation I took her to her room. Lelethu"Will she be fine?" I nodded. Lelethu"Are you fine?" I wasn't but this wasn't about me. Me"only if you are" she stood up from the bed and kissed me. Me"I don't need your pity" she kissed me again, this time I responded. We stopped again, I looked at her and sat on the bed "tixa" that's all she said before taking off her jeans. Me"I've done this" she giggled "Nam but I like you" "tixa" I locked the door. Lelethu"Can I take off my own clothes" I nodded, I wanted to say no but I wasn't sure how to take off a bra . We sat on that bed naked in silence, she kept on looking at me and I kept on looking at her brown skin. Me"I don't know funeka ndithini" we both laughed.. Lelethu"Play any appropriate song on my phone, we'll stumble together. I'll tell you when I feel uncomfortable and you'll tell me when its in the right part" we both laughed again, she laid on her back and I tried to remember the stories Seth kept on telling me over the years about fingering. Me"Are you sure" she laughed covering her eyes then nodded, I got ontop of her and she flinched which scared me too. Lelethu"Uyabanda" I apologized and carried on kissing her nipples, she kept on moaning. Lelethu"Viwe" I looked at her and we kissed, between her and James Blunt in the background. Me"You're wet" be both giggled, she covered her face again I prepositioned myself and tried to penetrate her. Lelethu"Ouch" She bit her bottom lip. Me"Ndiyeke?" she said "no" I went in again keeping my strokes slow and shallow. Lelethu"Mmmm" I knew I was doing something right, I went in deeper and stopped for her reaction. Her legs were wrapped around my bum, each stroke was welcomed by amazing warmth. Me"Are you fine" she kissed me. Lelethu"I love you" I enjoyed that moment so much,looking at Lelethu and thinking I'm glad I waited.

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