Thursday, September 10

Mahlatse Ramatseba

Diary of a Single Mum Episode 68

Episode 68
Rejection is like a disease that slowly eats at the core of one's soul.
I felt numb from head to the tips of my toes. It was just unbelievable, simply insane to think that just a few hours ago we were together but now she was gone, completely wiped off from the face of the earth, leaving behind a shameful legacy as a woman who died the death of the cursed. I was crying uncontrollably as reality sunk in. There was just one person I thought of turning to in those painful moments, Isaac. I dialled his number with trembling hands. The moment he picked up,I couldn't hold back the tears and I ended up telling him nothing he could phantom.
" hang on sweetheart I'll be right there."
The whole house was awake now and Norah tried to console me but I just couldn't stop the tears. Amanda and Laurent started crying too in all the confusion,they were scared for they have never seen me in such a state before.
The moment Isaac walked inside the house, I run to him and buried myself in his chest. He was in his pyjama and slippers, obviously sleepy but he left the comfort of his bed to be by my side. He hugged me tightly. I told him everything and he was grief stricken too. I knew he understood the depth of loss, the sting of death he had known and came to live to live with.
I asked him to drive me to Joy's place, Norah wanted to come with us but I told her to watch over the kids. 
He drove silently,deep in thought and I was equally in despair, crying all the way for an extraordinary woman who had given up on life too soon. If only I had stayed with her over the night maybe things could have been different. I couldn't help to ask myself 'why?' a thousand times because she wasn't someone I had known to give up easily just for a man who had brought her headache. She chose to depart and leave behind three beautiful innocent souls she had helped bringing into this world. Where had her faith gone? That endless pilgrimage of the heart. I was shaking uncontrollably as we drew nearer. Many a time, Isaac had to stop and gather me in his arms as I became hysterical. The pain inside me was enough to rip my heart open and tear it in shreds.
We arrived at the house just in time as her body was being carried from the house into the ambulance. I quickly got out of the car to see her corpse for myself but Isaac stopped me before I did. I wanted to wriggle free from his hold but one of police officers who was standing nearby said, "you don't want to see that madam,its not a pretty sight."
I stood there,crying my heart out as Isaac held me in his arms. It was better to keep the picture of the woman I used to know. Looking at Joy's children didn't help matters, I just didn't know what these poor kids were thinking. Lusungu the eldest was holding her two siblings who had no idea what was going on. A thousand thoughts were crossing my mind. Where was Mike? Who would take care of the burial? Who would inform Joy's family because I didn't have the strength. Peter's car drove in at that point and he stood dead in his tracks the moment his eyes set on mine, I looked away. He walked straight to where I stood.
" What sort of a crazy world do we live in? Is that what you used to discuss with your friend? Advising each other to commit suicide? " I didn't know why he chose that moment to fire me with so many questions.
"Excuse me Sir but this is not the right moment to talk like that." Isaac saved me.
" Where is my poor mother? She must be terrified." He spoke while stroding inside the house, only pausing to look at the kids before proceeding. Did he make me his mother's keeper or what? Where was the once compassionate man I had loved before? It was useless to talk about him when it didnt help in bringing Joy back to life.I was heart broken.
" Be strong now dear, you must realize that not everybody is as strong as we might wish them to be." His words only brought fresh tears to my eyes.
Peter came out holding his mother as if she was the most delicate China. Her face was cast down as if genuinely grief stricken. I wished I could shake her shoulders until her teeth came out of her mouth. She was the worst pretender I had ever known and wished God could punish her there and then. She was alive to destroy the lives of these men she called her children yet they were too blinded by her influence to notice it.
I watched them pass us to Peter's car and we went to where the children were sitting. I wanted to usher them inside the house but a picture of Joy hanging from the roof made my blood coil, it felt like I was seeing her, swinging, painfully struggling for breath,fighting as death finally claimed her.
I called the maid to make tea for the children because they were obviously cold. After she was done serving them, Isaac called her to narrate how it had happened. She said she had found her hanging in her bedroom when she went to check on her if she was awake so that she should bring her something to eat. It must have been hard for her to see her employer who was more than a mother to her in such a state. Another thing, she had found a suicide note by the bed side...

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