Sunday, September 13

Mahlatse Ramatseba

The Journey Of Life. A cycle Insert 71

Insert 71
Been holding on, on the roller coaster of my life. Bumping things along the way, major hiccups as well as set backs but God had seen me through even though I've wronged him more than once.
Its been a nightmare juggling the studying, hot flushes and all my cravings. All my shirts have become crop tops while my jeans refuse to slight up!
What aches my heart at this moment, is my present situation. The silence that fills the corners of my heart, needing some motherly advice. Mrs Motsepe has been wonderful even though cheeky and strict through her caring natural which I highly regard and appreciate. The mother of my best friend and soon a gracious protective grandmother, has been a motherly figure to me. But my own mother doesn't even notice my silence cries and misfortunes.
The sharp knife that stabs my heart isn't the gossip and harsh words I receive from the streets but the silence I receive at home. I learned to deal with all the staring eyes, the loud whispers when I pass and most of all the finger pointing right infront of me.
I've accepted the fact that I'll be the center of attention with my baby pump and swollen feet. I swallowed the fact that they'll look at me the same again, that they are celebrating through my misery.
Rorisang has been a darling, a heaven sent. Forever listening to my moans while I irritate the patience out of him. I thank God through my silent prayers that at least I am not alone in this. We both committed the sin and are facing the consequence. He supports my decision to rewrite my matric this year although always nagging me to slow down for his princess's sake.
Funny how everyone gloats about the fact that it is a girl, like really? It might be a big strong boy without his father's player abilities or what you say?
I've mentioned the hell of this pregnancy but there is a light at the end of each dark tunnel. Even though I looked like a silly hippotamous as Kaboentle always describes in vein. I felt amazing every time I'd be kicked or even sneeze because I'd pie myself a bit. As I rub my bun ans feel the bliss that they'd write in articles. I remember the first time I heard the heart beat and saw him/her move in me. A true blessing wished I could share such a gracious memory with my mom but ...
Dad and Tire have been amazing, loving the pass they run every time I cry "cravings!". Some times I'd just do it for fun. You should see their pale face written panic and fear. Best moments of the pregnancy, Kaboentle Skypes me twice in a week and I'd amuse her with my wails! Lee as well they'd both break into stitches of laughter.
I smile now not because everything is perfect because I've met sadness and I dont like it. Smiling lightens up my mood and atmosphere everytime.
I've learned a lot through the past 8 and a half months that I come first in my life at the moment and I should do the best for me!
No baby showers!!
Dont want to drink egg mixtures and all. I love my sexy body this way.
I've written a letter that I've gave to my lawyer as I am his first client "Rori" if anything gets out hand they it will help them.
Advice to girls like me, darlings worry not for the Lord is with you wether the father of your child is there or not. You are carrying the most precious, amazing unique gift for this world. You carrying the next President, Whitney Huston or even Michael Jackson. They'll always talk all you do is push your baby pump upfront and butt back as your do your catwalk to a great future with your love thing.
Pregnancy is not the end of the world I have learnt that and I am a living testimony. Opportunities are always going to be there to pursue your dreams and aspirations.
Girls like you willing to keep that baby are heroes and those who thought they can't worry not we won't judge!

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