Broken Vows - Diary ya ga Obonolo Chapter 50 - Mzansi Stories

Wednesday, October 14

Wizzy

Broken Vows - Diary ya ga Obonolo Chapter 50

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DYGO 50
Nna: Ok cool.E re ke seke ka disturber your conversation, le ka tswela pele. I will be in my man’s bedroom.When you are ready to leave, shout bye neh"

I was so disgusted by TT, and the little naïve Zee, o ne a eme ekete kgogo e netse ke pula. Ke ne ke batla go ba bolaisa pelo nje. I heard gore, Zee did mess her relationship with Kevin, so definitely sure, she aint the woman of the house…I was.
I turned and left them in the room, headed to Kevin's bedroom. I was replaying the conversation. Although some parts were spoken in Xhosa, but most of the conversation was clear. I was just wondering. Is my life in danger? I thought let me call Kevin a itse gore go diragala eng in his house and he needs to get these two women out of here. Seriously. I didn’t feel safe at all. That TT woman is just too freaky.
I dialed Kevin, he picked up after one ring.
Kev: “Hey Shuga, I am at the gate, just hang in there.”
He hung up.
Hee banna…. I was wondering how did he even know gore go nale intruders mo ntlung. I thought maybe security called when He opened the gate for the ladies or Dikengkeng called him?
I heard the footsteps passing by the door; I opened the door and peeped through. I saw the two witches heading towards the stairs. I was relieved because they will meet the owner of this house.
Nna: “Leaving without saying goodbye?”
TT: “Mxxx...”
I enjoyed poking her, but ke ne ke tshogile gore a ska ba pissed off and go gaga on me. I decided to stay in the bedroom because I didn't want to be involved.
Five minutes later Kevin came in the bedroom. He just held me closer to his chest, asking if I was ok and if they didn't hurt me or anything. I laughed and said no, they didn't do anything to me. I asked him if o ba bone. Are he did and I must not worry they are gone for good. I asked him gore o letseditse ke mang, are both security and Dikengkeng. He said he was expecting TT to come yesterday afternoon to fetch her stuff. Apparently they could not pack her stuff in the morning as they were rushing to Evaton with Kgosi, who was leaving for USA. So Kevin told the security to call him as soon as she arrives, unfortunately she never showed up yesterday. So when she did rock up today, the security phoned him, saying she was there with his ex.

Kevin: "I called DK ( the helper) to rush to the house and protect you, because I know ha TT a kopane le Zikhona, they can be devious. I was worried about you. I got alarmed when DK smsed me saying, you are thinking of packing your stuff and leaving. I just grabbed my keys and cellphone and rushed here to stop you. I don't give a damn about those two. I just couldn't bear the thought of you catching a taxi and leaving because of them. TT o sele hampe, she must have fetched Zikhona on purpose. Last night she called me, and I told her that I was with you and that you were sleeping over, so ke a nahana o ne a batla ho tsosa moferefere fela.Nxxxx."

Nna: “O ska tshwenyega, I am good. I’m here and I am not going anywhere. I'm in your life to stay. No Zikhona or Tatenda will change that."

I told Kevin how I eavesdropped on their conversation except the part where they were contemplating to go to Makuzwayo again for help. I asked Kevin, what happened between him and Zee. He said he has to go back to work, he will tell me about it on our way to Pretoria. We kissed and he left.

Lunch time Kev came, to take me to my flat. He told me everything about what happened between him and Zee. How he caught her in bed with some guy. How she's been begging him to take her back. Kevin has been heartbroken because of that betrayal and has been single for close to 7 months since it happened last year September. I felt a huge relief. It’s been long since they were together, nothing can come out now. I thought.

We arrived at Sunnyside exactly 13:45; Kev didn't get in as he was rushing to work. We planned that he would come Friday afternoon, to fetch me, re ye go spender weekend together ko Rosebank, until Batso get used to the idea of us.

I rushed to the flat so that I can keep busy and wait for Batso’s confrontation or outburst. Yoo ke ne ke sa lebella motsotso oo ka nnete. I had mixed feelings. I was scared and ashamed. Scared of Batso’s reaction towards me keeping the secret about knowing Kevin way before. I was ashamed that, I fell in love with my roommate’s crush..Unknowingly-so. I still felt bad

As I enter the room, I was met by half empty place. One couch gone, a big vase by the sitting room, a lot of other stuff that was mainly bought by Batso were all gone. I was devastated and shocked. Initially I thought maybe there was a break in, but there was no sign of forced entry. Batso’s bedroom door was wide opened.When I left ka Friday, it was locked. I went closer to peep through. To my greatest shock and suprise, the room was empty. I proceeded to the kitchen, opened the doors, all her stuff was gone. Batso was here. She packed and left without telling me, or something.

It all came together. It seemed to me that, she was angry with me. I wanted to sit down and think clearly on what I'm going to do, as I sit on the couches, I spotted an envelope. I took it and it had Obonolo written with bold letters on the other side. Ke lebeletse ka mo gare, there was a letter . I opened it, It was from Batso ....
I thought, when.i.find.Kevin.n.loose.my.roommate. Ke bile ka dula sentle fo sofeng and started reading the longest letter from Batso:

Dear Obonolo
If you're reading this, it means I went through with the choice to leave. I’m really sorry for being hard on you and for sometimes not communicating my true feelings with you. Maybe that's probably why we are where we are right now. We caused each other so much pain with silent words. I wish I could have said a lot, expressed myself more, instead of just keeping quiet.
I hope one day to come up with a magic word or valid explanation why I had to leave. Until then I will keep trying with the weapons I have: brutal honesty peppered with humor all enveloped in love, to make you understand.

Right now, I just think that you and I need time apart to deal with this blow, the best way we knew how. It just pain me, knowing that, I won't be there for you, to rejoice with you. Just that feeling of somebody being there for you – no words necessary!
I don’t know the extent of my hurt and pains from the bombshell, but I know that it has held me back from being in the present and looking to a future. I don’t want to compare my pain with anybody’s pain. We all hurt in different ways and different degrees. We all deal with it in different ways. I guess this is my way.

I really had no business telling you what to do, how to react and how to feel mostly to want to force you to my brother Kgosi but being your friend allowed me no other choice, I thought I was looking out for you...I had no idea, that you and Kevin met at Nkagisengs wedding, I would not have let myself fall for Kevin. He would not have given me mixed signals or false hope of what I mistaken for Love.... and in writing this to you I realize I am also writing it to myself!
I really want you to understand that there is at least one person that cares about you: ME. I don’t want anything from you. I don’t want anything in return.

Well, actually I do.

I want you to be happy! I love the sound of your laughter! I long to hear it every day! That is why I didn't approve of your relationship with Rich, it seemed toxic. Ever since you dated him, you lost a part of you. You stopped laughing, you were constantly crying, you lost so much that I thought I should try to bring that joy back into your life. Hence I tried match making you, with my brother in an attempt to ensure you become happy and that I would hear your laughter again. I was being a friend.
I don't know why when you had all the chances and time to tell me about you and Kevin, you choose not to? I still can't understand why? I'm not judging you, I also should have revealed the identity of the “secret admirer", maybe you would have told me then that you knew Kevin.

I want you to realize what a great person you are! You are not perfect! Nobody is! But among all your imperfections you shine! You have so many great things about yourself, such as honesty, generosity, compassion. You have morals and lives by them! What I appreciate the most is the way that you present yourself to me: real, fallible, caring and sensitive. That’s why, when I found out that you kept your interaction and feelings for Kevin for almost 4 months a secret blew me so hard.

I want to make peace with the hurt I just experienced; I want to deal with this blow, on my own. Yes, a part of me is hurt by what happened. I really am trying to look past it, move from it, deal with the past and leave the past in the past! But it will not happen, when I will constantly be reminded of the betrayal and embarrassment, I experienced. It will be too hard having Kevin visiting the flat, knowing he is there to see you not me.

That day when Kevin and Kgosi came to the flat and Rich rocked up? That’s when I suspected that you felt for Kevin and he fell for you too. I saw how you looked at each other. That time you left us downstairs and went back. It was like I never existed, I was hurt. He looked at you till you went inside the flat, not saying anything to me. I blamed you. I felt like you wanted everything and everyone.
Hard and painful as it is to admit, I’m glad you and Kevin found each other, and that, you will finally get rid of that Rich guy.

You are not your past and your past is not you! Right now you can decide who you want to be and what life and future you want. If Kevin is your future, then I have to accept and live with it. Hence, I decided to give you space and time to build your relationship.
I want to forgive you and Kevin, completely. I also ask that you can both forgive me. Only when we learn to forgive, we will be able to leave the past hurt and betrayal where they belong: in the past.

You have no idea of the pain that I'm carrying now. Whatever happened between us, was not your fault alone, it is also because of my own pains, insecurities, and inabilities of dealing with stuff and communicating my needs. I wish you and Kev well. I pray that you guys will make each other happy. Ho tsamayeng haka, will enable you guys to love each other without the guilt.

I know you would say to me: "Respect the pain! Don’t run away or try to bury your past: expose it, confront it, feel it, cry it, mourn it, forgive it, and then let it go! Stop dragging it around with you" Roomie, this is hard, it is such a heavy baggage to deal with. Honestly, more than anything, I’m embarrassed and disappointed.
I will pray for you and wish you only the best in life. Please do me a favour, don’t beat yourself up, forgive yourself too! Even if you think that you caused me and yourself pain or that somehow you did something to deserve it, realize that you are a flawed human being.

You will make mistakes every now and then – making mistakes is part of our growing. The key here is to acknowledge it, learn from it, forgive yourself and let it go! I know you didn't mean for things to happen this way, so did I.
We both should have been open and honest with each other. Stop looking for answers! Sometimes in life there are no answers. People behave in the ways they behave and sometimes it makes no sense and there is no explanation. We would not be here had we've been honest and open and upfront about whatever was going on instead of blindsiding ourselves with “waiting for the right moment ”.

Anyway, it all happened. I hope you are happy. All I know right now is that, I am hurting. Hurt of losing a man I never even had in the first place. The man who was not mine to begin with.
Hurt is growing pains! Hurt is just the price that we have to pay for the ultimate happiness! Yes right now, I am hurting, but I see this hardship as a gift! I totally believe that when people break up with us they are doing us a favor! Of course I wish our "break up" was different.

Pain and hurt are there to make us stronger. It forces one to confront themselves and either fall apart or thrive! It gives us a chance to rediscover ourselves and be the best that we can be! There is a unique lesson here and we need/want to make sure not to miss it! I'm taping into that, to free myself from the hurt.
Pain is necessary and unavoidable! The pain is necessary to get us somewhere! But it is my choice to wallow in self pity or gain strength from it and move on. Who really knows what the future holds? No one, but God, so Noli, choose to live a life that is full of promise. Concentrate on today and love and live the most that you can! Don't ever feel guilty.

Enjoy your life, don’t let fear hold you back! I want you to go out and dance and date! Try again, as many times as necessary! Be as bubbly and happy person you were when we first met. I wish you and Kevin a happy and fulfilling relationship ahead of you.

(Yeah I must admit this was a real tough one for me to write....

But when you love someone, as much as I love you Noli, you have to put their needs ahead of your wants. Hence you just walked in to an empty flat. I want you to be free to get to know and love Kevin without feeling awkward. I want Kevin to also be free to visit you without feeling bad about bumping into me. Trust me, it is best this way. For both of us, especially myself.

Please forgive me for being a coward. I could not face you especially after what I said to Kevin.

Give me time to deal with this. I will be okay. Hope to cross paths with you sooner. When I'm healed. I will truly and dearly miss the wonderful times with you. So much.

Love you always, Matebatso aka Roomie,

“You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.” ― Kahlil Gibran.

As I sat there in an empty living room of the place I spend so many wonderful times with my Roomie I felt tears welling up in my eyes. I was trying to process all that…

Batso was gone, all because of me. He fell in love with Kevin, not knowing Kevin was in love with someone else, Me. All this time she was telling me about her mystery man, I never thought it was Kevin. I felt bad gore why ke ne ke sa mmolela about meeting Kevin from the beginning?

Offcource I betrayed her first and more. I deliberately kept a secret which led us here. To this sad and hard time. We would not be where we are right now, had I told her. It would have spared us all this. I know that day when Kev and Kgosi were here, I was planning to tell her, but I stopped because she was hurt. And now I know I should have tried harder to tell her. Well its now in the open. Unfortunately she had to find out like that. One thing for sure, I never meant to hurt her...

Just as I was there, lost in thoughts of guilt, pain, and regrets, a knock came to my door, it was Kedi. She found me in tears. She took the letter from my hands, read it and held me closer, saying sorry. I wiped my tears and told her everything, and she was surprised that Batso's mystery man was Kevin. Now that we both find out, she ran away to avoid facing me. We spoke about the principles of true friendship and girls’ code, especially about always being honest with each other to avoid this. Kedi and I spoke a lot.

Later in the flat, I tried to call Batso, wondering gore o ko kae and how is she doing, her phone just said Subscriber is not available. I called Kevin and told him Batso moving out and about the letter.

Days and weeks gone by ke sa itse gore Batso o kae. I was looking for her all over, ke sa mo fitlhela. It’s either ke ne ke faapana le ena or, ke ne ke sa mo bone at all. I gave up looking for her. I decided to give her space to heal and deal with this, with the hope that we will meet again someday..That our paths will cross again.

Kevin: “Mrs Tau, ha o ye go ipakanya? Its almost 12h00. You need to go get ready for the reception.

Nna: “mmmmmm”

Batso: “Makananelo Tau, you are really not here with us, come back to the world Mrs.."

Kevin: “For a moment, you slipped away from this world ka nnete Batso is right,come back.”

Kevin and Batso disturbed my trail of thoughts about that painful moment in my life. I looked at both of them and smiled. I walked towards Batso and gave her a warm and tied hug…

Nna: “Thank you for being my friend and my sister, against all odds. Ke a go rata.”

Batso: “Thank you for not giving up on me when I gave you all the reasons to. I Love you too my beautiful friester.”

We broke off the hug as Paula came towards us and pulled my hand.

Paula: “Queen B, let’s go get you into your 2nd dress. Aus Batso, please excuse us, le wena Ntate Tau.”

I hugged Kevin who was staying behind and we walked away.

As we were walking, I locked eyes with Richmond who was standing next to the reception entrance....I quickly looked away, made small talk with Paula and left....I didn't know what to do....or what to say, or how to feel ....

I will definitely see him and Kedibone at the reception area...I needed some answers of some sort...

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