Broken Vows - Diary ya ga Obonolo Chapter 116 - Mzansi Stories

Thursday, October 15

Wizzy

Broken Vows - Diary ya ga Obonolo Chapter 116

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DYGO 116
I decided that I’d rather not go . One thing for sure “Your heart will never break, even when you feel its pain.” It is quite normal to avoid people and situations that you believe will or might hurt you. It is natural to take precautions to protect yourself from grief. However, what we really do is test .We try situations in the hope to get certain reaction or answers. Trying and testing will never spare one a heartache , in fact, these are the very actions that weaken the capacity of the heart. I know that, I was really testing Kevin knowing very well that he wont agree or like it instead he threw me with such hurtful defensive act.

All I needed was to go home and go drown my sorrows.

I waited for Ole. He didn't even take long; he parked by my left side and opened his window. He asked me where to from here. I said Dainfern. And asked him where he was heading from here. He said he was going back to Omo’s. He told me they were going to have a braai and just bond with the kids. I told him that I’m going home first and I might come join them later. Otherwise if I don't make it, I will see them tomorrow after church.

Ole could see that I was not ok. He just said he doesn't think I should go to Dainfern, instead, I should come with him, ke relax ko Omo, and just be with my kids. I thought, maybe he was right. Being alone nje, I would broke down into million pieces or lose my mind going over and over the stuff occupying my mind. I was going through a lot . I was torn apart. Spending time with my siblings and the kids would really take my mind of the shit I was feeling.

Ole drove off and I followed behind him.

On our way, I decided to get myself together for the sake of the kids. I couldn't let them see mommy falling apart. I had to be strong.

It’s true that your heart is a very strong muscle. What you think your heart cannot withstand , it actually can. When you believe that your heart doesn’t know something, it usually knows. You do not have to learn how to fix or mend the heart once it has been bruised or broken. Instead, you must learn how to take care of the heart so that you don’t waste its energy and strength.
Having said that I decided to fill my heart with happy thoughts. My heart knew that my husband was up to no good and if I could dwell on him, I would end up more devastated and shattered.

We got home and the kids were playing in the garden, Omo was making snack for them. I helped her out. She told me to go lie down a bit; I guess she could pick up that I was emotionally drained. I went to the kids' and hugged them. Kani once more asked me where her daddy was. I said he was at work. I told them that mommy was tired and she's going to take a nap. They just carried on playing.

Ole asked if he should start braaing or must he wait till I wake up? I said he should go buy pizzas instead, the kids wanted MacDonald. I went to the kids’ bedroom and threw myself on Kaho's bed.

Kevin's message was still playing in my head and all the events from maobane. I couldn't understand why my husband was acting up and being snappy all of a sudden? Can he really treat me like that only because I wanted to spend time with him? I was deep in thoughts, listening to the kids’ laughter. They were enjoying themselves with no worries in the world, they were just having fun. I just got chills from thinking about the route my marriage was taking. Am I heading to where I always thought and vowed that I would never go? Heartbreak Ville?

Are all marriages supposed to go through these phase? Are they meant to take this route? The route where one of the partner start to pull off to a different direction? Where one partner stops putting their marriage first? Where marriage is no longer a priority? Where outside influences penetrate into the marriage?
I was really scared. I didn't think I was strong enough to stand for something like that. I was so used to a certain way of living, of feeling, of thinking, of laughing and of crying, I would not be able to adapt to any other different way. I won't.

I must have fallen asleep; I was woken up by Ora, saying her mom was calling me. When I checked the phone, it was 17:00. I had put my phone on silent to avoid disturbance. So I checked if I had missed calls or messages, particularly from my husband. I checked and there was nothing from him. I had missed calls from Nonkululeko ( aka Nkuli , Fikile’s sister), Tshwarelo ( aka Relo, Kagiso’s wife), and Lesedi –my colleague.

I decided to return their calls. Nkuli wanted to know if I knew when Fikile was coming back from Cape Town (oh she lied about her real destination), I remembered that she asked me not to tell Nkuli that she was going to Nigeria, so I said, I have not been able to get through her phone, it was on voicemail. That was true because even Nkuli confirmed that she also tried contacting her sister, but her phone’s mail box was full. I told her that Fikile told me she was coming back on Friday, the 18th March. I couldn’t tell her the truth but it pained me to be put in such a situation, web of lies. We said our goodbyes.

I called Lesedi, she wanted to know gore ke ko ntlung naa? She wanted to pass by. Seeing that I was not picking up her calls nor replying to her whatsapp messages she ended up going to visit her aunt at Diepsloot. I said I would see her after church tomorrow. We hang up.

My last call was to Tshwarelo ( aka Relo), her phone rang for a long time before it went to voicemail. I didn't leave a message, I just hung up. I thought she would return my call. I remembered that I spoke to Relo on Thursday night and Friday morning , she told me she was going home to Majaneng in Hammanskraal to her cousin’s 40th birthday party. So probably she was having fun hence she could not hear her phone ringing.

I headed to the kitchen. Mm, there was a smell of ting. Aah my little sister knows me too well. Bogobe ba ting is a pick me up soul food for me. It just takes me back home ga Mmatau. She made beef stew, cabbage and tomato gravy. I even danced kwasakwasa. I couldn't wait to eat. I joined the kids and alome Olile by the TV. They were watching Cinderella movie (cartoons one). Just as I was about to sit down, my phone rang, it was Relo. I went back to the bedroom to answer,

Relo: " hey my skat, o reng fela?"
Nna: " hai my skat, ke right, ga ke right , wena o siame?"

Relo: " Le nna ke right ga ke right. Wena why o se right my skat, Is there anything I can do for you?"
Nna: " roka pelo ya me, its bleeding, sew it so that it doesn’t lose a lot of blood, I feel as if it has a crack…(I jokingly said to Relo, but deep down that was the truth)”

Relo: "Askies my skat. Nka se khone go roka pelo ya gago, but I am sending you hugs and kisses to comfort you. I hope they penetrate straight to your heart neh my skat…Aish Byanong, I might as well hang up, to spare you further damage to your already bleeding heart. Ne ke nyaka go botsa something, but with a broken heart already, you might not handle this. I don’t want your heart to stop pumping. I will tell you Monday."

For a moment I thought Relo was just pulling my leg about telling me something that might make my heart stop. But I didn’t hear her saying she was joking or something. It meant she really needed to tell me something. Yoo. She can’t start something and leave it hanging till Monday. Never…

Nna: " Hai my skat, you can't say that and leave me hanging. Tell me please. Since well ke le mo kutlo botlhokong, ke tla bolaya two birds with one stone of healing. I will just sew it one time and heal. I'm not going to let you tease me, please tell me. If it means ke drive nou, ke tle Hammanskraal, I will. So save me petrol and long drive."

We laughed about me driving all the way to Hammanskraal for whatever she wanted to tell me. She said she cant let me drive that long distance just for such news. I insisted that she tells me if she didn’t want to see me ko Hammanskraal.

Relo: " My skat, I don't know how to tell you this, but, I also know that I can’t keep this to myself. It bothered me long enough last night. Initially I didn’t want to tell you, but I remembered our pact. To cover each other’s asses nor matter what and to always tell each other the truth even the most hurtful or hardest stuff. So I cant keep this away from you. You deserve to know.”

I felt scared. That sounded serious. You know, I had a very tiring and hurtful day, I was not sure I needed to hear more bad news. Since I insisted that she tells me, I might as well listen. What was it though? That was too hard for Relo to keep away from me? The thing she thought I deserve to know? Is she getting a divorce? Has Kagiso caught her cheating on him? Hai, but that wont stop my heart from pumping. Yes it might hurt me if she was to be caught or filling for a divorce, but Whatever it was, I knew it had to do with me, personally…But what was it.

I thought maybe whatever Relo wanted to tell me had something to do with Kevin coming home late last night. Maybe he was with Kagiso and they were up to no good, hence she said whatever it was, would break my heart. Yaa, Honestly a part of me didn’t want to know but again, another part wanted to know.
I snapped out of a trail of thoughts playing in my mind and battling on what I wanted,

Nna: “don’t keep me cracking my mind, just shoot Tshwarelo.”
Relo: “Tell me, do you know where your husband was yesterday afternoon?”

Nxxx, Relo mara? Can she ask me such a silly question? Off course I knew where my husband was yesterday afternoon. He was at work or on his way back from work. Well, if she was asking about last night, then I would be worried, because, I didn’t know his whereabouts. I even, almost reported him missing.

Nna: “Tshwarelo, afternoon has many time slots, what time in the afternoon?”
Relo: “Between 17h00 and 18h00..."

Nna: “Ya I know, he was at Vaal. Either at work, or on his way back home.”

Wait a minute, I was lying, I actually didn’t know where my husband was. I thought he would be at work or on his way home but he only came back very late at night.

Nna: “Relo, why are you asking me that?"

Relo: "You know I went home to Majaneng yesterday neh? O.k., around 17:00 I saw your husband. Akere o driver a metallic grey Merc- G- class with registration Makoota GP?

Nna: "Relo weee, you know Kevin bought a new car, you saw it more than twice. Yes, he drives a G- Class with that registration. Who among his friends doesn’t know that?. Anyway, where did you see him?

Relo: “ At Petroport.”

Nna: “Petroport? Is it not that place along N1 Polokwane? The Red and white place like a bridge where there’s garages and steers on both side of N1?

Relo: “Yes, that one. Were you aware Kevin went that route?”

Nna: “Tshwarelo weee, Where are you going with all this questions mara? Just tell me what you want to say. Maybe o tshwantshitse Kevin with someone else, I'm definitely sure my husband was not that side around that time. I spoke to him around that time and he said he was still at work busy with something.

Ooh No. Can Relo be telling the truth? Was Kevin driving towards N1 yesterday afternoon, hence He couldn’t make it to our date? Ok, even if it was Him, why was it important for Relo to tell me?

Relo: "Hai my skat, I am definitely sure it was your husband. I saw him; he was wearing blue denim with yellow shirt and sneakers. I made sure that it was indeed Kevin. I had to be extremely positive that it was him, no doubts”

Now, that was creepy. Yes, Kevin was wearing a denim and yellow shirt to work yesterday. Definitely sure, Relo saw him. I was now getting chills on my spine. Why was Relo making sure it was Kevin he was seeing?

Nna: “Ok, yes, you did saw Kevin, so? Did you speak to him?”

Relo: “No I didn’t, in fact I couldn’t.”

Nna: “Why?”

Relo: “He was not alone my skat. O ne a tsamaya le some little Barbie doll. They didn't see me.


DYGO 116 Cont. 

I almost fainted hearing that, but I had to compose myself and hear the whole story from Relo. My heart began a free fall that took my stomach with it. I blinked and uttered a single shallow laugh. Maybe there must be some kind of mistake. Kevin with a Barbie doll? 

Relo and I calls every side chick Barbie Doll, so for her to say my husband was with a Barbie doll, meant only one thing. Kevin o ne a fasitse. I refused to think that about my perfect husband. It can’t be. It just can’t be. Not my Kevin.

Nna: What are you talking about? What a terrible joke and trick, calling me and making up such a story Mara Relo? You must have seen a wrong person. That couldn't possibly be... You are wrong. That was not my husband. My husband! With a Barbie? You seriously don't know my husband.

She continued…..

Relo: I made sure that he does not see me especially because he was with a girl. They were coming from the shop. Kevin was holding her hand. I followed them from Petroport. We took the same off ramp, Hammanskraal Off ramp but they turned towards Temba, while I proceeded home to Majaneng. I won't lie to you nor make up such allegations. I took a video of them when they were going to the car, and also a few pictures of them and the car. I'm sorry my skat. You know I just couldn't keep quiet about this. I wouldn’t have felt good. I am sorry I had to be the bearer of such news. I thought you deserved to know.

I just hang up. I was literally shaking. I could not begin to imagine what that meant. I couldn't feel my heartbeat. I was numb with pain.

You know at the beginning of an endeavor whether or not it will be fruitful, make the choice to be involved or not involved at that time. In doing so, you preserve the strength of your heart. Believe what people show you about who they are! Believe what you see and choose whether or not you will be involved with them. This preserves the strength of your heart.

Adrenaline flooded my veins, pounding its way through my arms and legs and heart, and again I felt myself falling, farther and farther down into terrifying, dark abyss. I gave my head a fierce shake and tried to hold on to anything that might make sense. Relo must be mistaken, she had to be.

Now the pieces of a puzzle was coming together. I knew there was something wrong maobane when I spoke to Kevin. Yes, it was around that time that Relo said she saw him. Now it makes perfect sense. He was with a woman. That’s why she cut me off, that’s why he was too angry, and cocky. O ne a mphella pelo, a nkgalefetse, ale cold and rude. Gante O ne a fasitse? My dearly beloved husband?

Relo and I have known each other, almost the same time I started dating Kevin. We met at club Coco, and we have been friends ever since. She is one straightforward person. She calls a spade a spade. She would not lie to me. She had no reason to. She loved me like a sister. We have been through every celebration, mourning, hard times and good times together. We even made that promise that if I find out that Kagiso was cheating on her, I should tell her. I also said should she ever catch my husband cheating, she should tell me. We said we would always have each other’s back. We said we would always tell each other the truth…

I remembered way back before we got married. Myself, Relo and Motsheoa once made a promise to each other that we would look out for each other. Especially since we were dating friends in the same circle. We promised to watch each other’s back whenever we were on an outing and one of us was away. You know how guys can be sometimes. Whenever we go away and their steady girlfriend couldn’t make it, they always had a plan B, meaning you end up hanging around with their Barbie dolls. So we didn’t want that. We were always each other’s ears, eyes and kept each other updated about the coast.

Kevin knew that about Relo and Motsheoa, he knew that whenever I was not around wherever they could be, there was no chance for him to be doing funny businesses. So as Kgosi and Kagiso. They never dreamed of shady dealing in front of either of us. They could do whatever they wanted as long as we were not around.

I just knew, she was telling me the truth. I just didn't want to believe it was true. I couldn't think clearly.

On occasions like these, when what you know is changing, when what you believe proves not to be true or worthy, when what you expected does not manifest itself, do not tax your heart with fear, anger, disappointment, bitterness, or resentment.

My mom always said one should use a little faith and forgiveness to build your heart’s strength. She always say we need to embrace any little shred of goodness you have received. This was the only way to build your heart’s capacity to sustain you. You will have a lot of strength to deal with whatever the challenges you would be facing without having a heart attack that might kill you before getting to the bottom of the issue at hand.
I didn’t know I was that strong. I really didn’t.

The greatest service I could offer was…..to remember that my heart was very strong. Yes I might have been under false notion that my heart could be broken into a million pieces should I find out something like this about my own husband but right there in that bedroom, I remembered the most important thing…..that my heart was a strong muscle that grew stronger as I move through life’s painful experiences.

I just died on that bed. I closed my eyes, and my heart seemed to stop beating. I couldn't move. Thanks to Oratilwe, I would have passed out in that bedroom without anyone knowing. She came into the room, saying her mom was calling me to come eat.

A thud pounded in the depths of my chest, and I felt my heartbeat return, this time twice as fast as before. I opened my eyes and fumbled for the cellphone that I threw somewhere on top of the bed. My hands shook so badly that I could barely hold it. It's impossible... this isn't happening.. it's a lie

I kept whispering those words. Why Kevin. Why? My voice was low and empty, as if my entire existence had been snuffed out in the time it took Relo to break the news. I found it hard to believe, to believe her. But why would she lie about everything?

I was literally paralyzed from shock and the true meaning of what I just found out. Omo screamed at me saying dijo tsa me di a tsidifala. I asked Ora to go called her mom to come to the room. She hurried out and called her.

When Omo entered the room, I told her that I couldn’t move my lower body. She was laughing at me when I told her that I couldn't move. My legs were locked. I swear I couldn't feel them. Thank God for that, I had a reason to cry. Tears flooded my eyes, and the falling sensation intensified. Boy, I cried my heart out. Omo tried to pull me up, but I couldn't stand up. She was now realizing that I was not kidding, I could not stand up. My legs were numb. My heart was broken into zillion pieces. Omo called Olefile.

They tried to help me get up, but still my legs would not unlock. By that time, I had tears running down my face; there was no sound coming out of my mouth. But I was crying my heart out. I was torn apart.

Omo went to the kitchen and fetched a packet of ice bag and started rubbing it on my legs. For almost half an hour a ntse a dira jalo. Still, I was feeling numb.

Olefile asked me if he should call Kevin or Ambulance…I said no. It was not something serious, besides, I didn’t want to see that Kevin character anywhere near me. I asked them to elevate my legs and wait a little while. I told Ole that if for the next 20 minutes I still can’t feel my legs, He should drive me to ER ( Sunninghill Hospital’s Emergency room).

Omo elevated my legs and after a few minutes, I started regaining and feeling my legs. I was relieved. Now that my legs sensation was back, I had no reason to continue crying; otherwise I will have to explain to my family and kids why I was crying. I told them to go back to the dining room and that I would join them as soon as I freshen up.

I gathered my strength and went to join my siblings and my kids at the dining room. Everyone was sitting and eating. I tried eating my pick me up meal, but I had lost my appetite. I seriously couldn't stand the smell of ting anymore, I felt nauseous and a need to throw up. I excused myself from the table.

I raced to the guests’ bathroom. I dropped to my knees and barely got my face over the toilet bowl in time. I threw every little piece of ting that I managed to eat. Again and again my stomach convulsed until there was nothing left. Not in my stomach or my heart. Weak and shaking from head to toe, I struggled to my feet and wiped my mouth on a piece of toilet paper. I felt much better. It couldn’t be true, could it? Kevin with another woman holding hands? I had never suspected something like this about my husband. There’d been no signs. .

That thought struck an off note, and I remembered details from the past few months. Normally between September and March it's busy months for Kevin due to rainy seasons. Leaking roofs, ceilings, painting delays etc., but from mid-last year till recently, had been the worst ever. So many weekends away to a lot of projects site that he had to go back to, to get fixed or to ensure they finish on time etc. that I had to struggle to remember exactly where he was and for how long he’d be away.

I realized that I won't be much of a good company and decided I must go home. I decided I am leaving the kids behind, I needed time alone to figure out how I was going to deal with the devil that was breaking up my marriage. Another wave of nausea crashed around me, but I stayed on my feet. I had no time to hover over toilets, fearing the worst, wondering if it was possible that life as I’d known it might just come to a crashing halt.

I composed myself, pretending that I was 159% fine. I didn't want Ole to stop me from going. I went to the sitting room and sat down for few minutes and told my little brother and sister that I have to get going. Kevin was waiting for me at home. I knew if I say that, they won't cross question me.

I went and hugged the kids, kissed them goodnight. Kaho wanted to go with me, but I managed to let Ora a mo tshabisetse ko kamoreng gore ke mo sie. I hugged my little sister and asked her to dish up for me ting and stew. As he went to the kitchen, Ole asked me gore ke siame naa? I gave them a scare earlier on. I assured him that I was ok. I lied and said me loosing the feel of my legs does happen to me, so it was nothing. I hated lying to my family so much. But what do I do when it turned out that I am married to the biggest liar?

I hugged him and reminded him to give me a call whenever he was with Tshego (He corrected me this time, saying the name is Sego').

Ole: “Aah ausi Noli, wena ka Tshego? My girlfriend's name ke Lemosego, but I call her Sego'."

Nna: “Askies, nna all along I thought you were saying Tshego. Ohk, Sego it is.

We said our goodbyes. I told Omo that I will see them tomorrow when I come to fetch the twins. I took my doggy bag, hugged her and left.

I drove home, with trails of thoughts running through my mind. Just then my phone rang. It was Relo. She said she was checking up on me. I told her I was not okay but I will be fine. She told me not to just confront my husband on the spot or accuse him of anything, just in case he saw her. She said she didn't want bad blood between her and Kevin. She said maybe it was just an innocent gesture that Kev displayed with Barbie. I promised her that I won’t mention her at all. She must not worry; I won't tell Kevin gore she was the one who saw them. I cannot snitch on her. That would be cowardly. All I needed to do was find a way to deal with this; in a smart way.

If what Relo saw was indeed cheating, then I will have to find that out myself. I could not rely on hear say and immediately assume my husband was cheating. Yes he lied to me but not cheating. Relo also advised me to play detective , check the signs and confronts Kevin with fool proof not hear say. She emphasized that should I find out that my husband was cheating, I should not even think of Divorce, I must sort out the shit. I agreed with her. Besides, seeing Kevin with a girl driving to Temba does not mean the end of my marriage. Yes Kevin has lied to me about it, and that was it. Lies. All I needed to do was to find out the real reason for the lies and le go batlisisa gore Kevin o amana jaang le Barbie doll. Was there a relationship or what. Maybe there was some valid explanation to that.

I closed my eyes, and Kevin’s face came to mind. I could hear him sweetly and romantically whispering, You're gorgeous baby, you are my world Shuga, You my dear Bobowapeloyaka, are my gold. I could never live long enough to grow tired of your company, or at times he would say I treasure your every breath Obonolo Tau..The day I met you I became a man blessed beyond any other. I can't imagine myself with someone else but you. I can't get enough of You. He’d said it as long as I’d known him.

I opened my eyes and gazed outside the window as if it could tell me what I needed to know. Could there be someone else, someone he was seeing on the side? My stomach clenched in response. It wasn't possible. Kevin Karabello Tau would never cheat on me. He would never do anything that bad knowing it could kill me and our marriage. Could he?

I remembered Relo’s voice and knew there was only one way to find out. I said a little prayer asking God for strength. I had my TD Jake's audio CD on. I kept saying Are You there Lord? I heard a little voice saying Don't be afraid. I will supply all your needs. I felt my chest pounding as I tried to swallow the anxiety building within me. All I wanted was for Relo to be wrong. Lord I love my husband. Please help me understand what's going on.

From now on I should open my eyes, ears and trust my gut feeling. Sekhukhune se bonwa ke sebataladi. What we do in the dark, comes out to light, always.

Kevin must know that I am on to him, like a thief. He better watch his back and shady dealings. I will be on a serious look out.

I decided that I won’t confront him about his trip to Hammanskraal, well, if he doesn’t tell me about it, but after the twins’ 1st birthday next coming weekend, I will.

For now I needed to deal with myself and start with my “operation find out what Mr. Tau was up to”.

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