Broken Vows - Diary ya ga Obonolo Chapter 39 - Mzansi Stories

Wednesday, October 14


Broken Vows - Diary ya ga Obonolo Chapter 39


Yooo a Surprise..What for? I looked at Obakeng and Kevin…This two rats knew what has been cooking behind my back. Apparently I was having another bridal shower. A pre-wedding shower. This one though, was done by all my sisters and closest friends who made it to the Guesthouse. Some I didn’t even know they were coming tonight. I was really surprised..In a good way off course..Mmmmmm Nice one.

Pre Wedding Bridal shower

It was such an intimate affair, a pre-wedding bridal shower. In attendance was my two beautiful mothers,(MmaDire and MmaTau) ,Makgolo, rakgadi Malentswe, mmamogolo Banyana& Barona, Mmamane Gaba,Mmamalome Kebareng, auntie Dieketseng- rakgadi wa Kevin, aus Dinkie- Mmane wa Kevin, ausi Nthabeleng( aka Nthabi, Kev's elder sister) , ausi Otsile (aka Tsitsi my elder sister), ausi Reatlehile( aka Reatli, Kev's younger sister), Obakeng, Batso, Bongiwe - Thabo's wife, owner of Guesthouse, ausi Refilwe( aka Fifi,wa Omphi my brother), Tshwarelo( aka Relo- Kagiso's wife,Nobantu-Lubabalo's wife, Bathabile - Lu's girlfriend , Motsheoa- Kgosi's fiancĂ©, my colleagues,Rebabedi,Mbalenhle,Zuraider,Lesedi, and Hlogi, Omontle & Rethabile & some few ladies I didn’t know, who must have come with Kevin 's friends.

The theme of the shower was: A secret for a successful marriage and the bible verses they swear by in a relationship or in life.

I will share with you, a few of the secrets.Although all messages were very close to my heart,but the following ones,stand out.

Mmematswale, MmaTau opened the shower,she wrote me a letter and said :
This is for you and Karabello, so feel free to share with him.).I want everyone here to know that Ntate Tau and I are celebrating 38 years of marriage this year and we are more in love and closer than we can imagine. Our marriage also centers around our faith. I can't see how marriage can be fulfilling and successful without Christ at the center.A successful marriage must have a lot of attributes to strive. I could write all of them,but I thought,all of us here,wil share some of them. So I will stick to a few I know are fundamentals of a happy marriage.

Your spouse’s needs have to come before your own.In our selfish human nature, we tend to look at every relationship (including marriage) as a way to get our own needs met, but marriage means laying down your own rights for the sake of another. This requires mutual submission and serving your spouse even when they’re not reciprocating. This is modeled by how Jesus served us and even died for us when we were undeserving.

“And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. For you MaKananelo, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For Karabello is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you should submit to your husband in everything. For Karabello, this means love MaKananelo, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her” Ephesians 5:21-25. So you must be able to give up your life for your wife.

If you want to strengthen your marriage,as a wife, take time to encourage your husband. Be a support. Help him carry his load. Karabello you need to learn to communicate more and to humble and ask for help, but your offering to help will be a start. MaKananelo, o tlamehile go mo encourager for his strong points and sometimes try to overlook diphoso tsa gagwe.Ha le nale mathata,sheba his strength,O kope Ntate Modimo to reveal out all his good points.

This positive approach will get far better results than nagging.If you're seeking God and asking Him to help you o rate Karabello fela jaaka Ntate Modimo himself loves you,He will cause you to see his good points and not to focus on the faults that might bother you.Lenyalo le lengwe le le lengwe, le nale its ups and downs,but it's through those ups and downs that marriages are strengthened. Se le tlamehang ho se tseba ke gore, Marriage is a work in progress.Be good friends. Don't have unrealistic expectations.Do not compare your marriage to how marriages are portrayed in movies,social media,books or even with anyone else's marriage either,for just as every person is unique, so as every marriage.

The style of your love,relationship and marriage might change over the years, but real love will become even deeper and stronger through the difficulties you overcome together.
In the 37 years, I've been married,I went through the most greatest moments and also the tough times. I knew just how to deal with the tough times, I would write every wrong down, ask myself, is it worth dwelling on it, worrying about it or just ignore it? If the answer is to deal with it, I call a Commudate-communicating with hubby kind of date, this is where, I will be stating my unhappiness or concerns or complains. Here, I would arm myself with three things, Love, humility and prayer.

Love doesn't care who is right or wrong.Love reaches out to nurture, to heal and to give. Love engenders more love,so that the giver also becomes a receiver. Humility also doesn't care who's been right or wrong,it just make things right.It seeks the lowest place,and from there reaches out to help.Humility is not preoccupied with its own needs.

Then Prayer, which is the key to supernatural resources.Prayers for oneself are good,but prayers for others are even better because they are an expression of love and concern. I have gotten more answers, more heartfelt apologies,more closure and more joy because of how I handle my "tough times".
So, learn to equip yourselves with the three keys. Trust me my daughters, these three put together, I guarantee you a success in your marriages and or relationships.

Tsitsi followed by saying, A husband and wife are united in everything.
There can’t be “his” and “hers” when it comes to money, hopes, dreams or struggles. Marriage means sharing everything. It means keeping no secrets from each other. This means your disagreements won’t have a “winner” and a “loser” because you’ll either win together or lose together every time. It means remembering that you should never let your spouse walk alone, because you’re unified in everything.

For a relationship to be balanced,each partner must share the load,care for the other and not imposing their will.Obonolo, banna, ga ba rate a domineering wife. Mosadi o too controlling,ga a tsenye fela relationship ya gagwe tsietsing,but also undermines her husband's self-esteem and his chances to succeed.What any husband want from their wives, is acknowledgement that he is the leader,the one with authority.

This is not to grind you under or treat you as inferior, its purely because God has made your husband responsible.Lesaka ga leke le tsenwa ke dipoo tse pedi. That will be setting your marriage up for failure.God knew someone had to be in charge, and that is why scripture clearly teaches that, in order for things to work, the wife is called upon to defer to her husband. Noli, ke batla o be liberated and to be able to exercise your gifts and express yourself. Those who know you, knows how self-sufficient, strong and tough you are, but, in marriage, ithobe pele ga monna wa gago ausi. Your career, your friends, your independency should not be priority, o nyetswe, o wife, dira se bible e se buang. Submit and Respect your man. I don't want you to be stifled.But on the other hand,if you feel your husband is unhappy,it could be because you have imposed your will too much.

Ithobe, o be le tlhompho, o ikokobetse, fela jaaka mama are rutile. O be mosadi wa rarabollang mathata, ka thapelo. Eya, even praying women go through the worst, fela, itshwarelle ka thapelo.God is no liar. Whatever you will ask from him.He always deliver. You are now going to be a wife. Be a good one, through the best and the worst times.

Never ever, consider Divorce. It hurts more than if you and Kevin can sit and sort anything out.
Ke a itse go boima go fitlhela and go maintainer the correct balance,particularly if you are a highly motivated woman,like you are,but if you simply ask God,o tla go thusa to find that balance. Review Ephesians 5:25-33, e tla go bolella gore as mosadi o tshwanetse go itshwara jang.

“Fifi said, A marriage takes three.She said she she's not talking about polygamy here . Ke bua ka The third strand in your marriage.The bible refers to it as Cord of Three Strands.
Marriage is a wonderful experience and when a husband and wife can work together with the Holy Spirit, it is one of the most beautiful experiences that any human can ever have.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 shows that “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

When two cords of husband, and wife bound together, they are not easily broken, and when three strands are woven together, these three cords are not quickly broken. If the third cord or strand is God, then three are better than two. And even the Devil can not break what God has joined together.

Don’t let happiness and fairness be your guide in marriage but let God and his word in the Bible be your guide. God does not make mistakes for putting you guys together. All things works good for those who love Him. I believe that divorce rates would plummet within the church if we had God as that “third cord” in our marriages.

Marriage is a miracle in itself and being human, it is made more difficult, so without God, it is so much more .God created marriage not just to be a man and a woman, but rather, a man and a woman in a growing relationship with each other and with God. The more you love God, the more capacity you will have to love each other.

“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Deuteronomy 31:8. May God richly bless your marriage to Kevin.

Mmamogolo Banyana mentioned that marriage is NOT about doing what "feels" right or what makes you happy. No where does life promise you that. Marriage is about being un-selfish! Serving each other expecting nothing in return. There will be times, seasons or even years where one of you might be pulling more weight, doing more, feeling run down.

You cannot be thinking about "what makes YOU happy" in times like this. You must serve out of love.Monna wa tlhomphiwa ebile wa tlhokomelwa.Kevin needs your affection and romance,and so do you.Mofe di tshwanelo tsa gagwe, dont deny him his marital rights. If you want to fight, fight naked. You will see how le wena will benefit from the boost.

You may not have strong sex drive as he does,but you need sex too. Le tshwanetse go utlwa mofuthu le lerato in your marriage.Nothing beats a feeling of man's arms around you.You need the feeling of safety and security that lovemaking brings
Nthabeleng said:Obonolo, i want you to always remember this, Above all hold unfailing your love for one another, since love covers a multitude of sins." 1 Peter 4:8

Continue (or perhaps revive) the courtesies of courtship in your married life. Successful marriages do not just happen they must be developed. Don't take each other for granted, or the monotony that results will destroy your marriage. Keep love growing by expressing love for one another or it will die, and you will drift apart. Love and happiness are not found by seeking them for yourself, but rather by giving them to others. So spend as much time as possible doing things together if you would get along well.

Learn to greet each other with enthusiasm. Relax, visit, shop, sightsee, eat together. Don't overlook the little courtesies, encouragements, and affectionate acts. Surprise each other with little gifts or favors. Try to "outlove" each other. Don't take more out of marriage than you put into it. Divorce itself is not the greatest destroyer of marriage, but rather, lack of love. Given a chance, love always wins.

Motsheoa mentioned to Never retire for the night angry with each other.Le seke la be la robala le kwatile, nor matter what the problem is, try to sort things out before bedtime. Le ha le ka se fumane tharabollo go seo sele gathatsang, agree to talk about it later in the coming days. Change topic to something pleasant. "Let not the sun go down upon your wrath." Ephesians 4:26. "Confess your faults one to another." James 5:16. "Forgetting those things which are behind." Philippians 3:13. "Be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you." Ephesians 4:32.

To remain angry and upset over hurts and grievances (big or little) is exceedingly dangerous. Unless quickly solved, even little problems become set in your mind as convictions and attitudes adversely affecting your whole philosophy of life. This is why God says to let anger cool before retiring at night.Don't let emotions like resentment,bitterness,self-pity,anger and unforgiveness build up in you.Keep yourself healthy and attractive and your mind refreshed and growing.

Be big enough to forgive and to say with sincerity, "I'm sorry." After all, no one is perfect, and you are both on the same team, so be sportsmanlike enough to honestly admit a mistake when you make it. Besides, making up is a very pleasant experience, with unusual powers to draw marriage partners closer together. God suggests it.

Reatli said, Marriage should not be so much about looking at each other but looking in the same direction together. I believe the message from this is to remember the positive things that brought you together and then to concentrate on positive goals to achieve as a couple. She said, all the cute, unique things that made your spouse wonderful in the beginning are going to be the things that grate on your nerves later. Try to focus on the positive -- if you look for negative qualities in someone you are sure to find them!

Le itshwarelle ka buka ya 1 Bakuranta 1:10, yona ere Now I exhort YOU, brothers, through the name of our Lord Jesus Christ that YOU should all speak in agreement, and that there should not be divisions among YOU, but that YOU may be fitly united in the same mind and in the same line of thought.

Marriage is growing, changing and learning about each other. How you communicate is very important and it might change through the years. Try not to bring up the past, families of origin (although they affect our communication style) when arguing. Be humble and make positive assumptions. "Marriage is forever. You have to stick it out no matter how miserable you are."

Rakgadi Dieketseng emphasized on Forgiveness. In most marriages, forgiveness is often asked for, given or withheld for lesser matters than infidelity. I think a marriage that harbors negativity and lack of forgiveness in the small, everyday things can be in bigger trouble than a marriage that has one big obstacle to overcome. We don’t just forgive because we want to be nice to our spouse. Withholding forgiveness can be emotionally and even physically harmful. It poisons the marriage, to boot. We may even be holding grudges for misunderstandings or trivial matters.

Choosing to quickly forgive recognizes the point at which it is time to move forward. It means that we do not withhold affection or kindness from our spouses as a form of passive-aggressive resentment. We do not sulk or complain to our friends. It means that even if sorting through a problem takes months of hard work, we will continue to love each other well in the midst of that work. We will not wait until we "feel like it" before we choose to extend grace. It means that in the heat of the moment, we breathe deeply and remember how we have been forgiven through the Cross.Forgiveness is one of the essential keys to a happy marriage.

One of the advice I received was from: Makgolo MmaK ,my dearest grandmother... she really touched my heart. Marriage is not always 50/50. Some days you will wake up and may have to give 90% and your spouse will give 10%. Other days you may wake up and give 25% and your husband will have to put in the 75%. I never thought of this before but it is so true. Marriage is a give and take.

There is No scale to measure how much either of you is receiving or giving. You just have, to give your all. You will also receive same. The bible verse she said I must live by in my marriage was, Ephesians 5:33 which says:However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Makgolo a tlhalosa verse are:

Kevin o tshwanetse go lebella selo sele sengwe fela, go nthata , go ya ka bebile. By doing this, he will carry out his headship well. Are nna, ke tshwanetse go lebella selo se le sengwe fela, Go tlhompha Kevin. She further said, ke sa utlwella lefatshe, and other's opinion about respecting my husband. Ore batho ba nagana gore when a woman respect her husband, its a sign of bomatla le bokoa.

They think that God has a case against women. But this is the world’s opinion. The world’s viewpoint goes diametrically opposed to God’s directive of being submissive to one's husband. Makgolo,like my mom, is a very wise woman, she continued to explain her verse in the way she understands it and the way she wants me to understand its meaning, according to God's words.

She says, as a wife, I'm responsible to take action. Even though some people subtly criticize the command to submission by wrongly interpreting it to mean ‘to lose motivation and sense of purpose.’She thinks it's the other way around. She says mosadi should be full of attention and action. She should be alert respecting her husband.

O re Responsibility means accountability. The husband will be responsible for how the home went because he is the head and the wife will be responsible for how she supported and respected her husband.

Ore ka tsatsi la bofelo, the judgment day,Ntate Modimo will judge each on whether they fulfilled their duties, being Love by husband and respect by wife. That's how we wil be judged

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