Broken Vows - Diary ya ga Obonolo Chapter 71(Part B) - Mzansi Stories

Wednesday, October 14

Wizzy

Broken Vows - Diary ya ga Obonolo Chapter 71(Part B)

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DYGO 71
Nna: “Obakeng o siame? You have been a part of my life for so long; you have never spoken like that. Ke eng? What's so wrong with your life? You seemed to be doing well. I know JK is not the best man ever lived, and I know ever since you came back to Gauteng after your life back at Kzn, you guys needed some adjustments. I thought you were finally building your marriage far away from meddling in laws. Why o bua ka pelo e botlhoko jaana?”

She sobbed,

Obakeng: “Mmata, I have been hiding the reality of my life for far too long. I was way too miserable ko Nkandla, I even considered divorce. He begged me not to, and I asked him gore re boe re tle this side. That was my condition for not divorcing him. He was reluctant but, I was way too serious. He eventually agreed. I haven't been happy,not at all.I thought being closer to home, will make me happy, but still, Jabulani continued with his ugly ways and habit.I resent him, I dread my marriage. Jabulani is so abusive,controlling and heartless Mmata.

He doesn't see anything wrong with the way he treats me, He think its love. I'm really scared of him , he threatens me all the time.. Sometimes I think I let him do as he pleased from the beginning of our relationship. Mmata, I was a naive student, who enjoyed attention of an older boyfriend. A boyfriend who looked after me. Back then it was ok. But Mmata, I ignored all the signs. I covered them and protected him. Mmata so much happened. I ended up loosing my self esteem and believing that I can't live without him, jaaka a mpolella, day in day out.

Nothing I do makes him happy. He calls me names. Jaaka ke seyo ko ntlung, when I get back, He will be so mad, a kwatile and we will fight.Thats my life. Life of pushing, pulling, defending and being put down.

My daughter has grown now,she's able to see and internalize how I'm being treated. She witness all the nasty fights between me and Jabulani.

Can you believe I haven't been home to Mmatau since re buile from Nkandla last year? He refuses me to go.O batla ke tsamaye le Ena, re dire gaan and terug. I haven't spent time with my mom, and my siblings ever since the wedding.

I always have excuses all the time.My mom came to visit us ka June, yooo, he was grumpy the whole week. My mom even asked me if everything was okay. I lied and covered up as usual. Pretending that everything is okay. Nothing is okay Mmata. I have hidden my miserable life from everyone I cared about. Somehow I was hoping He will change, but he gets worse every single day.

He wants to chose who I should be friends with and who I should see.Where I should go and for how long I should be there for. The only time I am allowed to go anywhere is when we travel together to Nkandla every month to his own family or go visit his sister in Rabie Ridge. Mmata, I really am suffocating in that marriage. I'm so miserable its not funny. I thought he would change but he doesn't.”

I stood up and went inside the house to fetch the tissues, and ice cream tub and went back to where Baksy was sitting. It looked like we are going to need those two. We sat there the whole time, Obakeng pouring her heart out. Shame, she needed to offload ka nnete. I have seen JK from the beginning gore ke banna ba ba ratang go tswenya basadi, I didn't think he was this mean. The things I just heard, were confirmation of my suspicions about him.He really damaged Obakeng. She was so broken. She was so unhappy.

I sat there,letting her talk. I was just listening and saying nothing. I was not sure what to say and how to say it. One thing for sure, if I was not against divorce, I would ask her to leave him. But I was raised to believe,a woman should stick it out and work things out. Even at my bridal shower, we were told that divorce should be the last resort. Or that one should only consider divorce if there is physically abuse and infidelity in the marriage.

I felt so bad for her. Here I was, the happiest woman alive, with a friend who needed comfort, who was so down and so broken. How do I start to comfort her,without being insensitive or coming across as arrogant,judgmental and hurtful?

I held her close to my chest; we hugged, crying together…I was just letting her to cry it all out.

Nna: “Mmata, I know you are hurting right now. I know that it feels like every breath is hard work, but you are strong. That spark inside you has not gone out – you are one strong person I know. I want you to know that no one has the power to do that to you, you need to remember that.

The hard part about what you are going through is to look at yourself, your circumstances and your pain. Ga go ope yo a ka bonang gore o utlwile botlhoko. No one can see the wounds you are trying so hard to keep hidden, except yourself. For so long you have kept and bottled it all inside, it didn't tear you apart. I cannot tell you how proud I am that you let me in, that you have opened up and shared this with me instead of trying to cope alone. No one should have to go through this alone.I'm here for you Mmata.

Ke batla o itse gore, there is a way through this, that God does have you in His hand and He will see you through. I can’t give you the answers I know you want, I don’t think anyone can. Its only you, who can dig deep inside and search hard.Only you can choose where you let your thoughts go – upon the trauma and injustice or upon the possibilities in your future. Only you can choose who you surround yourself with – those who support and uplift you or those who feed you misery and keep you trapped. Only you have the choice to keep walking forward or to surrender to despair and drift away, lost in the void of your pain.

You need to ask yourself hard questions, are you happy?, Can you leave without him?, Do you want to work it out?, Or do you want to walk away? Ke a tseba, those questions will cripple you if you let them. They will keep you tied to the past; they’ll keep your eyes upon all of the things you have no power to change. What I am trying to say is that, you need to decide what to do with your life, but I am here for you, whatever you choose.”

Obakeng: “ Mmata, kea go utlwa, and kea tlhaloganya,but my question is,why are these happening to me. Why must I go through this? Is this because I brought this to myself? My mother told me I should focus on my books and so that I can be a better person. What did I do? I went to KZN and brought trouble and heartaches di ituletse kgakala. Jaanong I'm paying the price. Ultimately so.

My daughter Minenhle ( aka Minnie ) is the only best thing I went and fetched ko KZN. I dropped out of university, no degree to my name, empty and broken promises. Ke sematla Mmata, goreng ke bile ka dumela a stranger to turn my life so upside down?I let JK promise me heaven, jaanong ke belerutwane fela, who takes joy in destroying the little that is left in me. Goreng Mmata?”

Yooo, of the 25 years I've known Obakeng, this is the first time ke mo bona ale so distraught, broken and hurt. I hurt for her. I just didn't know what to do anymore or what to say

Nna: “my friend, sometimes things happen to us, things we don’t have a say in. Circumstances can blindside us and all of a sudden we find ourselves stripped to the core of who we are, raw and bleeding. In that moment, when you look around yourself and feel like there is nothing left, it’s then you need to remember that you always have the gift that God gave to every human being.
Something that no one can ever take from you. Draw strength from Him. Itlhotlhore lerole, o je ka lengwele fo fatshe( you always advise me to give it to God), use same for what you going through. I believe in you and I know you will make the right decision.”

Obakeng: “Mmata, where do I start?, I basically have nothing, I would barely survive out there. I have been depending too much on Jabulani, with everything. I'm scared right now to make a choice. Go bua nnete. Ga ke sa batla go ba le Ena. I have lost all the love I ever felt, I despise that man. I just am at my worst to make any decision especially one to walk away. I look at Minnie and always wonder what my choices or my decisions will do to her.How do I move forward, when I feel so scared of the unknown, of the future that lies ahead?

Ke direng Mmata?”

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