Broken Vows - Diary ya ga Obonolo Chapter 40 - Mzansi Stories

Wednesday, October 14

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Broken Vows - Diary ya ga Obonolo Chapter 40

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DYGO 40
Bongiwe emphasized on doing everything together in the marriage. Especially to Pray together."Pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak." Matthew 26:41. "Pray one for another." James 5:16. "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally." James 1:5.
Pray aloud for each other! This is a wonderful rule thatsucceeds beyond the wildest dream. Kneel before God and ask Him for true love for one another, for forgiveness, for strength, for wisdom--for the solution to problems. God has given a personal guarantee that He will answer. The praying person is not automatically cured of all of his faults, but he will have a heart that wants to do right. No family ever breaks up while sincerely praying together for God's help.

Rakgadi Malentswe touched on a very important issue, while saying her advise, she was looking at my mom and matsale, as if, she was saying to them, I hope you are listening. She said Never talk negatively about him to your family. I learned this lesson the hard way too. If you’re going through a difficult time in your marriage and you need advice, see a counselor or pastor.

Family counseling is a great tool, but try to remember that your family members and friends are not the most objective people to give advice. The argument they are hearing is one-sided and they often build up negative feelings toward your spouse, which usually doesn’t subside once you and your husband have gotten past it. Protect his image with those that you’re close with and seek help from those that can actually be objective. News flash, ladies – your mother cannot be objective.

Even the bible says in Genesis 2:25 “Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”What it means to become husband and wife. The two become “one flesh” meaning that they are so unified that they actually become one.They become one in unity, one in essence (as in family), one in purpose, and one in mind. It’s also important to notice that the man is to “leave his father and his mother.” This is so important because the man and woman are to leave their own families and leave them out of family issues because they now have their own family.

Parental interference has broken up so many marriages because parents tend to take the sides of their own children in conflicts.

Mmamalome's advise was, "Thou shalt not commit adultery." Exodus 20:14. "The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. "Keep thee from the evil woman. ... Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids. ...

Family intimacies must never be shared with others--not even with parents. It is a great sin and a tragedy to break this God-given rule. A third person to sympathize or listen to complaints is a tool of the devil to estrange the hearts of husband and wife. Solve your home problems privately. No one else (except your minister or marriage counselor) should ever be involved.

Always be truthful with each other, and never keep secrets from each other. Tell no jokes at the expense of your spouse's feelings. Vigorously defend each other, and strictly exclude all intruders. And as for adultery (in spite of what some marriage counselors say), it always hurts you and everyone else involved. God, who knows our mind, body, and emotional structure (and knows what helps or hurts us) says, "Thou shalt not." And when He says, "Don't," we had better not. Those who ignore His rule will pay the supreme penalty.If flirtations have begun, break them off at once, or shadows may settle over your life that cannot be lifted.

Matebatso was quick to point out one important fact, simply because she knows how it is like to be suffocated in a marriage. Her marriage had turned that way.She always tells me that as couples, we need to Respect each other's personal rights and privacy.

"Love is forbearing. ... Love knows no jealousy. ... She is not unmannerly, nor selfish. ... She does not rejoice in injustice. ... She is full of trust." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. "Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another." Romans 12:10.

Each spouse has a God-given right to certain personal privacies without explanation. Do not tamper with each other's wallets or purses, personal mail, and other private property unless given permission. The right to privacy and quietude when preoccupied should be respected. Your husband or wife even has a right to be wrong part of the time and is entitled to an "off-day" without being given the third degree. Marriage partners do not own each other and should never try to force personality changes. Only God can make such changes, and we shall all answer personally to Him on this matter.

Perfect confidence and trust in one another, no checking up on each other, is absolutely essential for happiness. Spend less time trying to "figure out" your spouse and more time trying to please her or him. This works wonders. Talk things over and counsel together freely.Love is neither anxious to impress nor does it cherish inflated ideas of its own importance. ... It is not touchy.
A few things will strengthen your marriage more than counseling, working together and communicating on all major decisions such as changing a job or purchasing a home, a car, a boat, furniture, (major items at least), and all other items that require money involve both husband and wife, and the opinions of both should be considered.

Talking things over together will avoid many blunders that could ruin your marriage. If, after much discussion and earnest prayer, opinions still differ, the wife should submit to her husband's decision. Scripture is clear on this. (See Ephesians 5:22-24.)

Mmamane Gaba's message really dug deep. For a person who is divorced. She initially said she cannot believe that she was to give me such advise. She said had she knew what she knows now, she would still be married. Especially after such a painful and messy divorce. Her message was simply saying Kevin and I should agree, every day of our marriage life that divorce is not the answer or an option. She said nor matter how big the problem, we must not resort to divorce.

"What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." Matthew 19:6. "Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery." Matthew 19:9.

The Bible is clear. The ties of marriage are meant to be indissoluble and indestructible. Divorce is permissible only in the case of adultery. But even then it is not demanded, only permitted. Nono, always choose permitted not demanded. Work things out. Forgiveness is always better than divorce, even in the case of a moral fall. Marriage is for life. God so ordained it when He performed the first wedding in Eden. Thoughts of divorce as a solution will destroy any marriage. This is one reason Jesus ruled it out.

Divorce is always destructive and almost never a solution to the problem. Instead, it creates much greater problems, so it should never be considered. Torn, frustrated, unhappy, twisted lives almost inevitably follow divorce, and even success in life itself is often thwarted. I'm talking from experience,Nono, I have endured the worst pain because of divorce, my kids too. I was quick to judge and find it difficult to forgive.The first sign of trouble, I called a divorce lawyer.

Five years later after being a divorcee, I still suffer. Divorce damage a person Nono, don't ever jump to it. God instituted marriage to guard people's purity and happiness, to provide for their social needs, and to elevate their physical, mental, and moral nature. Its vows are among the most solemn and binding obligations that human beings can assume. To lightly set them aside results in removing one's self from God's favor and blessing.

My mother was the last to talk. She said: Obonolo ,Lenyalo ke selo se sentle, from God.In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." Proverbs 3:6. "And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7.

God can help your marriage to be all you have dreamed it would be.His power is to fulfill it. All you need to do is tap into His infinite resources.You and Kevin must turn your hearts towards God, as you pray for Love,Patience and Understanding,as you bring your needs and problems to God together,as you take in His word and take time to praise Him together,He will in turn give you what you need for your marriage.

This is the greatest rule. It really covers all the others. Put Christ first! The real secret of true happiness in the home is not diplomacy, strategy, and untiring effort to overcome problems, but rather, union with Christ. Hearts filled with Christ's love can never be very far apart. With Christ in the home, marriage will be successful.

In marriage,you will experience a lot of hardship, you will sometimes have certain thoughts that play over and over in your mind? The kind of thought that gives a physical feeling in your body, like a pain in your heart,a queasy sensation in your stomach,numbness in your hands, tightness in your chest or throat, a chilling rush on your spine, weakness in your knees, uncontrollable tears in your eyes? Thoughts of self-doubt such as what if my husband is right about me, ge are ke control freak or ke bokete,thoughts of regrets such as,nkabo ke sa mo dumela or ke sa moitshwarela.

Self-punishment thoughts such as, Im not good enough/ I'm such a failure. If those ugly thoughts ever plaque your mind? Ngwanake? If you've ever had thoughts like those, ka kopo, tswetswe O seka wa be, le ka motlhang ofe, and I mean, ever , wa bo o nagana gore ke Ntate Modimo giving you a revelation for your life. Ke satane o tlisang those thoughts, trying hard to gain control of your mind.

You need to toughen up, o be strong, o lwe a good fight of faith. O tie mo tshepong ya gago go Modimo.
Bophelo bo tletse tshotlego, but too often rona batho ba lefatshe, re a itshotla unnecessarily ka maaka are a tshepang , a buiwang about ourselves and our circumstances.

We accept as fact, the words that are spoken to our souls by an enemy who is only interested in destroying us. Re a tshoga, re tshabe, re be depressed, re kwate, re ska tshepa, re be confused, lonely,hopeless,insecure,worried, beaten down, defeated, and full of self-pity, fela tota, ka ntlha ya maaka are a kgolwang. Empa , we can overcome each and everyone one of those lies , ka Thapelo,Tshepo le Tumelo ya rona go Modimo le Nnete ya Lentswe la Modimo .

Can I get an amen..Those words has stuck in my heart from that day till now and I will continue to remember them for as long as I live. I will even share them with my kids one day. My mother, she is such a wise woman. Phenomenally so.

Most of the attendees, also touched on important keys to a happy marriage.In fact,all the virtues most needed in a marriage involving:humility,respect,positiveness,consideration,giving the benefit of a doubt,turning a blind eye when needed,and going the extra mile,to name a few. They all emphasized that Humility opens a channel to God,so that His Love and blessings can freely flow. I was truly humbled.

What a great,beautiful bridal shower it was.

I was surrounded by very powerful woman. Woman who loves and fear God. Woman who have been through the trials and tribulations,yet have stood the test of time. If my marriage to Kevin can ever follow the good path that their marriages did, ours will be just as strong. Right at that moment,I was just excited to be a wife and a mother. Ke ne ke tletse boitumelo, tshepo,tsholofelo, ke bona gore, the future is looking bright.

Nothing will ever threatens my marriage and no-one but myself and Kevin will have to make it work.Against all odds.

I thought to myself, with so much advise and well wishes, I see myself and Kevin, in the next 50 years, growing old,holding hands and taking walks, thinking back to Our Perfect life together.

Yes, I was looking forward to my Happily ever after. It was just few moments away.

As everyone made their way to their rooms, I said a prayer, thanking God for such abundance of blessings and love I was receiving.

I was just a happy person, as I was lying down, to have my beauty sleep, I was already missing my husband to be, I thought of calling him, but decided maybe he was sleeping.

I switched off the lights and slept...Looking forward to my Perfect Wedding...to My Perfect Man...

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