Broken Vows - Diary ya ga Obonolo Chapter 86 - Mzansi Stories

Thursday, October 15

Wizzy

Broken Vows - Diary ya ga Obonolo Chapter 86

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DYGO 86
I changed my position, I sat in an upright position and my feet hanging on the bed. I breathed in and out, finding the right way to ask her what exactly does she mean by what she just said.

Nna: “Mme, ebe Miscarriage is preventable naa? My Doctor told me it happens to a lot of woman, and it is always beyond any woman’s control. People miscarry for different medical reasons that neither their doctors nor themselves could have foreseen. I like to believe hore le ho nna, it was beyond my control.”

Mmatsale: “Hai Koti, Karabello o njwetsitse hore o ntse o nwa majalwa non-stop and ke nahana hape hore those pills you were pumping, all along must have played a role”

No He did not discuss that with his mom..And No she just didn’t blame me for drinking alcohol ke sa tsebe hore I was pregnant. That was just unfair and cruel and so insensitive for her to say that. I just looked at her with tears flowing down my face like waterfall. I could not believe she just said that. As if I was not blaming myself enough for the loss of my child. I did not expect her to put it on me like that. And what was it with my husband mara?

What is it that Kevin does not tell his mom mare? By the look of things, this woman knows a lot of intimate details about me. I was sure she knew my favorite sex position. She knew how many times we have sex, How I taste, She knows everything. I was really mad. I was really disappointed and hurt beyond. I wonder why will Kevin tell his mom that I had been drinking alcohol. Was he also blaming me? Thinking this miscarriage was my fault?

Nna: “Mme, I just had a miscarriage. I am so heartbroken to see that (pointing towards the toilet), my child so motionless. For you to be pointing fingers at me at this moment in time is just insensitive and cruel. I loved that child; I wanted that child, why would I endanger his life intentionally? I don’t know if your son has told you that I was not aware that I was pregnant till the doctor confirmed it. You talk about me drinking alcohol and pills as if I was drinking it ke tseba hore ke moimane. I didn’t know. It is really unfair to blame me.“

I was so mad; I even forgot that this was my husbands’ mother. I just let it out. I gave it to her. And I was not finished. I was even shaking, while crying. She really hurt my feelings. What kind of a person will say such things to a wounded human being? Couldn’t she have waited to say all those nasty insensitive things for later in the weeks or months? Not in that hospital room?

I looked at her straight in the eyes, and wiped off the tears on my face. I did not want her to see any more tear from my eyes, especially for what I was about to say to her. I didn’t want to give her that satisfaction. I needed to be strong enough to take her on in a calm and clearer tone and with so much humility…

I continued:

Mme, ka boikobo, lerato le hlompho, How will you feel if I could turn this and blame it all on you for causing this? If you seriously think its self-inflicted pain or I did it on purpose to miscarry. Then I would say, you helped me do just that.

Ebe Mme o sa hopola hore omphile Stameta to clean out my tummy while I was already pregnant? What was in that stameta Mme? O se kentse eng that was so harsh? Do you remember that day we were telling you about our pregnancy? You thought I was pregnant because I drank Stameta…Ebe hobane eng Mme o ne o le so sure that it cleaned me out that I even conceived in two weeks?

That was alarming don’t you think? Not unless you knew very well what was in that Stameta that worked so fast and effective for me to conceive in two week. Now you standing there Mme, with one finger pointed towards me while the other four are pointing right back at you…How convenient? Ooh and I know you were planning to let my husband swop my pills or even get me something to sweep of the birth control pills I was taking.

Kana what was that you wanted to give me to clean off the pills in my tummy? Mmm Mme! Whatever it takes for me to be pregnant and make you happy? Ooh must have been the stameta right? So let’s hear it Mme? What was in that bottle? Why don’t you think you could have caused this?”

Yooo, just saying that, my mother in law‘s face changed. I think she had a short memory or was pretending to suffer from amnesia. She forgot that she gave me the Stameta that I was consuming to clean my pregnant yummy. I told her that people drink alcohol ba le pregnant and some woman drink their birth control pills way longer not knowing they are pregnant and they all don’t have miscarriage…

I told her I could not say the same about stameta. We don’t know whether it was harmful or not. Yooo, whatever I said, really hit her hard. She immediately changed on her face, from arrogant to guilty to scared.

I looked at her and continued

I asked her if she knew the effects of stameta and if it was harmful or not. I also asked her if she knew the effects of alcohol and birth control pills for her to blame them.

Yoo, she went on saying I was accusing her of killing my unborn child, and that her conscious wa clear. I was to be blamed for whatever I was going through. She even mentioned that anyway I was not ready to neither be pregnant nor give Karabello a child. Why was I carrying on like I wanted to be a mother?

This woman was cruel shame. I never thought she could be so insensitive to me like that. She just kept hitting hard and rubbing salt on my wound. She seemed not to care at all.

Mmatsale: “as far as I am concerned, I know for a fact that Stameta was not harmful. All my daughters, I and other female members of my family drank it and it never hurt us.”

I know I was just scaring her. I wanted her to think I could also be devious like she was being. I wanted her to feel what I was feeling when she blamed me .Yes, she was my mother in law and I cared about her. I knew how much she wanted me to conceive, but she pushed me so hard. I had to defend myself by making her look into her own part in this. If my miscarriage was caused by the things she mentioned, then she should also add the stameta.

Wait a minute!!! Could she have put something other than Stameta in that bottle for me to drink and clean my tummy? Was my miscarriage the result of whatever harmfull or harsh stuff I got from drinking that Stameta? Why did she give Karabello that bottle and asked me to drink it? Especially after telling Motsheoa that she would do whatever it takes for me to conceive? E ka be my mom in law had a hand in this? Or was I just being paranoid or thinking the worst for nothing?

I got so scared that I was so convinced that the Stameta was tampered with. She went and bought it…She had a lot of time to do whatever she wanted to do and gave it to her son. I can’t even remember if the bottle was already opened or sealed. All I know was that she called and convinced me to drink that stameta, religiously slow..Mmm No she didn’t….Or did she?

I felt a chill down my spine, even had a sharp pain piercing my heart…Did I lose a child because my mom in law tampered with the stameta?

I sat properly on the bed, in an upright position. I shook my head and folded my hands..

And continued..

Nna: “Ooh, is that so Mme? Did you drank it while pregnant naa Mme? Seeing that Mme o tseba ho le hontsi ka di effects and causes and also reasons why I had a miscarriage, how about I call my brother, Dr Dire who is a professional Gynea-Obygn and knows who more about this matters and the causes of miscarriages. Re ke re mo botse.

I will tell him that you gave me Stameta to clean my tummy, and also tell him that I was drinking wine and my birth-control pills before I knew I was pregnant. Let’s hear his professional opinion.

Ooh and maybe ask him to get the results of my blood test so that we could know for sure which of the three stuff that I drank, caused this miscarriage. And also, send someone to my home to fetch that bottle of Stameta to be tested gore ebe what was in that bottle, which was so harsh and tasted so bitter. Ka gongwe o rekile moriana o senyegile or something. Ka nnete ke nagana gore ke mpe ke dire joalo. Re tle re tsebe once and for all..Mmm What do you say Mme? Ha o bone ele mohopolo o motle ono?”

Mmatsale: “Aowa Koti, phephi thle. A re ise maikutlo a rona tlase. Ke a lemoha hore I was harsh on you. Empa fela ke utlwile botlhoko. I was so much looking forward to holding my grandchildren and that I let my pain and anger get the better of me. Intshwarele ngwanaka ho ho utlwisa botlhoko. O bua nnete, what happened to you was beyond your control. Ha hona lebaka la hore rentse re bitsa batho ba tlo kena taba tsa lelapa la rona la ha Tau. Ke a amohela ke beile insensitive and I am really sorry.”

She came closer, with tears in her eyes. She opened her arms for a hug. I could not run into those hands. Why now the sudden change of heart? Did I scare her?

I don’t want to lie, that woman has hurt me with her words when I was at the lowest of the lowest point in my life. . I didn’t believe she was genuine. Something I said must have scared her. Did she put something in that Stameta? Why when I mention to get it tested did she start softening up? She said she knew in her heart of hearts that stameta was not harmful.

In my heart I knew she was pretending that she was sorry because she heard me saying I would call Dr Dire to explain. Knowing her, she hates it when people get involved in her family business and she doesn’t like to be exposed. So her apology was not from the heart. She just got scared of what the doctor might say or find in that bottle (which by the way was long gone with pikitub). But why did she get so scared? Mmm ho nkga lefotha mona.

I just sat where I was, not moving. My hands covered my face , I was shaking and I let out the most painful cry. I just heard her sitting next to me.

She was now patting me on the back, saying phepi manyeo, phepi koti, over and over. It was like she was hitting me with a hard rod on my back, because with every pat, I was crying even more. I hated how she made me feel. I hated her at that moment.

Kevin and daddyT came back while I was still crying. She stood up and said to daddyT that I was not handling this too well. Really? Kevin came closer to me and did the same thing his mom was doing on me. Patting me on the back. I was mad at him. I was disappointed at him.

I was thinking, did my husband somehow blame me for the miscarriage? Is that why he ran to mommy and told her that I was drinking? Why didn’t he tell me that He was blaming me? Or why didn’t he show me somehow instead of confiding in his mom of all people?

Yooo, just thinking that, made me even angrier and hurtful. I cried even more, until Dr. Ledwaba came in to check on me. Mmatsale and DaddyT said their goodbyes and left. I was so happy that she left. I hated the side of her .

Dr asked me questions and wrote on her file and left the room. Just as she closed the door behind her.

Kevin came closer to me and just held me. We sat there not talking to each other. I was deep in thoughts about my altercation with my mother in law. I was searching in my heart for a better explanation of what transpired, what happened to me, why did I lose the baby? Was it God’s will, Or My fault or My mom in law’s fault?

I thought of asking Kevin how he felt and if he was somehow blaming me. Just as I was about to ask him, a knock came through our door.

Kevin turned around, and shouted come in….The door opened.

Hee banna, E be o batla eng ona in our room?


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