Broken Vows - Diary ya ga Obonolo Chapter 103 - Mzansi Stories

Thursday, October 15


Broken Vows - Diary ya ga Obonolo Chapter 103


I got to the office and locked myself inside. Thank God I didn't have meetings, so I buried myself in my work, I was just too emotional.

Zuraider did not even notice I was already at work. She only saw me around two when I went passed her door, going to fetch my water. Luckily for me, she was on the call, I waived my hand, greeting her. I just filled my bottle and went back to my office.

A part of me was beating myself up , regretting taking those tests because now I got so emotional and the pain of losing Butterfly came back. It was like that moment when I looked on the dish and saw that sac with my baby boy in it. I thought of the baby I almost had but couldn't survive long enough, inside of my tummy, for me to mother him. I needed to recover. I needed some quiet time with God, just be on my own. I thought of my hometown. Rusti dusty…

I decided to put on leave for Friday; I thought I should drive to Mmatau. That was such a good idea.
I immediately applied for leave, updated my diary and re-directed all my calls to Zu ( Zuraider). I Smsed her, informing her about my absence tomorrow. I buried my concentration into my work. I finished off and it was chaile time.

I called Kevin and told him I was going home and that I wanted to talk to him, so ke kopa a tle straight home. Ke ne ke batla go mmolella gore I was planning to drive to Mmatau for a weekend, to refresh myself and reconnect. I felt that perhaps I haven’t dealt completely with my miscarriage, deep inside I was still hurting and had way too many questions.

Why did God make me conceive and take him away? I wanted to just go home and be with mama. I was sure I would come back refreshed, clear and at peace. My mom knew just how to put me there. .Spending time with my mom will definetly be beneficial to all those emotions I was carrying. She always knows how to put me at ease. Not questioning God, not blaming God, but just how to embrace any challenges and blessings that I was experiencing in my Life.

The drive home was very short. I was listening to TD Jake's audio. I put it on repeat and just wondered around, deep in God's presence. I got home, went upstairs. I got out of my work clothes and decided to take a nap but then decided against it.

I took a bible and opened Jeremiah 29:11 -For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.

What a beautiful promise from God. It offers an assurance for the future. Whatever the circumstances today, God’s people can trust God to change their tomorrow. It declared God’s intimate relationship to God’s people. God isn’t leaving God’s people out to dry like a sheep among wolves. God is intricately involved in creating a new future. It brings a perspective of hope.
I felt peace in my heart, I had renewed hope. I said a little prayer, thanking God for his promises, protection and his wonderful plans for my future.

Kevin entered the bedroom, kissed me and sat by my bedside. He didn't utter any word, he knew I was going through some emotions. That's how well my husband knew me. He just stood there, rubbing the palms of my hands with his fingertips. I was shaking. Tears started piercing my eyes. I closed my eyes then they flew out, pouring down. My husband was scared to even ask what was wrong, he was lost for words. He kept wiping my face, only saying Shhh.

He finally gathered his strength and opened his arms for me to rest on his chest. I just threw myself onto his muscular chest. I was listening to his heartbeat. It was beating fast, normal. I remembered that Dr at Sunninghill hospital saying he can't find the heartbeat. I went back to that day, 1 January 2009, Hai, ka lla sello sa mma-iyoo. Kevin was trying his best to comfort me.

Kev: "Shugaboo what's going on, what's wrong my love, bua le nna hle moratuwa"

I moved away from him, pulling myself up. I left him there, went to the closet, opened my cabinet, and pulled out the brown paper bag. I went to where my husband was sitting, looking so confused and lost. I extended my hand and gave him the bag.

Nna: “This is what is wrong."

Kev quietly opened the bag and peeped in, then looked at me and back to the bag. This time he put his hand inside and took out the contents. He shifted a little bit from where he was sitting. He smiled at me.

Kev: " are you suspecting pregnancy shuga?, you want us to test?, Bobo, how can this be wrong?"

Kevin was just excited by seeing the pregnancy kits in that brown paper packet without even opening to see what was inside the packets. I asked him to stop with so many questions.

Nna: "Go ahead and see what is inside".

He quietly continued one by one, opening the packages. Every time he opened one, he will look at me and read through them. He starred for a while at the Clearblue one. He looked at me, and there were tears in his eyes. All along I was standing up. He knelt down before me, put his hands around my waist and just held me for a while. I was holding up the tears, my head looking up the ceiling. I put my hands on his head and said,

NNA: “I'm scared Karabello, I am so so scared. I don't know if I am ready for the journey, especially after what happened. Ke tshogile hona. Ke tlamehile ebe kea thaba, ke a itumela but my heart is beating too fast. The feeling is bittersweet.”

He stood up, and held me so close.

Lavo: "its okay my love, it’s understandable, but don't be scared, I'm here for you and for this precious life growing inside of you.”
He touched my tummy. Knelt down again and kissed me on my tummy. He whispered to my tummy.

He said, " Gracious miracle, loving God, thank you for this gift of life, I know you will protect and bless us and our unborn child. Little one, mommy and daddy can't wait to see you. You need to hang in there for a little while, be strong precious one, we love you. He stood up again and told me how much he loved me and how grateful he was. He said Thank you.

We held each other closer and we kissed for the longest time and we laughed and cried. That moment, letshogo le lotlhe la tsamaya. Joy filled my heart. Nothing else mattered. Right there, in our bedroom, we looked above and told God, this was for Him to keep.
Nor matter what lies ahead ,nor matter what His plans for our future and the future of the life inside of me, we were ready for the journey. Tsotlhe re di beya go ena.

Kevin and I are pregnant. No feeling in the world surpass that kind of joy.

We packed the three pregnancy tests, all saying positive in their own way. I told him I want to keep them. I told him about everything leading to me taking the tests, about the Leave I took for tomorrow and my planned trip to Mmatau. He blatantly said I’m not going anywhere.

He said I must call Omphi; tell him we were coming to see him tomorrow to confirm everything, blood tests, scans the works. He said he wanted to know how far we were and that our bundle of joy was doing ok.
He said he spoke to his dad about Kgafela, so his dad called him gore a boele Sebokeng and another guy will go to Rustenburg to work. So he thought instead of me driving to Rustenburg, he will arrange that Kgafela must pack his stuff, drive with mama tomorrow. A tlise mama to us and then Sunday afternoon, mama will go back to Rustenburg with the new driver.

Nxoo , my husband was clever and a fast thinker. That could work our perfectly.

Nna: Wow, it sounds perfect Lavo. Thank you.

Just as I was about to call Omphi, I remembered...that I already took leave. Tomorrow I was not going to work. So maybe, we could go to Parklane together. I told Kev my thoughts.
Kev: Its fine Shugaboo, its Friday tomorrow, I'm supposed to go to Vereeniging office. So I will go to Rosebank office in the morning, then we meet up ko Parklane. I will go to Vereeniging after our appointment.

Kevin was so excited. E ne e kete a ka tlolaka up and down and tell the whole world that his wife was pregnant.

I called Omphi, shared the news with him and told him we wanted to come see him. I think he just doesn’t want to be my Gynea, He was saying a lot of things, more like excuses. He ended up saying we should come but we will see Dr Ledwaba, her colleague. The one we dealt with last time. Oh well, it’s ok. He said he was still at work, so was Dr Ledwaba, he said, he's going to set an appointment with her now and he will tell us what time must we come. He said congratulations and we hang up. I told Kev who laughed and jokingly said Omphi o tshaba go ntshwara jj in front of him. We laughed. Ka gongwe ke lona lebaka. He has not been his wife's Gynea, so it makes sense.
Omphi called me and told said that our appointment was scheduled for 9:00. I told Kevin. We were so happy , we could not wait to find out how far along we were and trusting God that he will be with the three of us through this journey. That night we went to sleep with purely overjoyed hearts.

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