Broken Vows - Diary ya ga Obonolo Chapter 9 - Mzansi Stories

Tuesday, October 13

Wizzy

Broken Vows - Diary ya ga Obonolo Chapter 9

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DYGO 09
My jaw nearly dropped. I was spinning in my Pjs; I was shocked at the contents of the SMS. I was hurt, I was broken down. My heart felt like it was ripped in two million pieces, I couldn't help but cry. I cried so hard that I didn't even get to finish my movie, I took the whole slab of chocolate, shoved it into my throat, all of it. Re reading the message, crying again. Boy, I've never cried that hard in a long time. I was in so much pains of a broken heart. It was my first serious relationship, at least I thought. Rich broke my virginity, he was my boyfriend, and I loved him. But for him to tell me that I was forcing him in this relationship, tore up the bones in my heart. Was I naive? Was I clingy? Controlling? Boring? Yaaa, 2 long years of my love life, was all a lie. I kept pinching myself, checking the SMS, you know, making sure it was all a dream and that I will snap out of it.

Each and every time, I did so; I realized it was all real. Richmond, never loved me, Richmond was suffocating in this joke of a relationship. Richmond, as he put it, kene ke mo imela, ke mo bora, ke mo ja ka nako, ke mo bakela slow down. With a gun against his head, ke mo kgapeletsa go ba le nna. Really? I mean Ruri? Nna Obonolo Dire? Am I that kind of a person, that kind of a girl? I questioned myself, ke ipotsolotsa gore, e kabe manyala a Richmond a a kwadileng here on the sms is a reality? Is Rich telling me the truth about myself? Is that why Kev vanished into thin air because I was too clingy, naive and boring?

That was too deep. It really cut me way too deep. Yak, I felt so naked. I was so undermined, so degraded. To even think that at some point I was contemplating to get back with Him because of my loneliness...Well maybe he is right. I broke up with him, why was I thinking about getting back together or regret my decision? Ka nnete maybe ke bo naive bo Rich a buang ka bone.

I must have dosed off on the couch because of a broken heart, because I woke up in the middle of the night, actually in the wee hours of Sunday morning. It was 4:35, as I switched off the not watched Titanic, lights off, took the tray to the kitchen, and went to the bedroom. I took off my robe, and remove the 12 teadybears displayed on my bed. Yes, 12, and all of them ditswa from Richmond. He always gave me a Teddy bear whenever we had a huge fight. So in 24 months, we had 12 huge fights, meaning, all other times we were ok. So he must be lying, he loved me. He had to have loved me, he must have loved me.

I burst into tears, another break down moment .I started tearing those teddies up. Started with the first one I received from him.
Our very first huge fight, I named it Oneric.He came with it day after we fought, He just let the teddy apologize, talking in a puppet way, I just laughed. Then he said, “This Onerichman is sorry, & this teddy is here to remind you, everyday, how sorry I am. All the time I am not around here, this teddy bear will look after you for me. It will watch over you and remind you that there’s someone out there who thinks you are super special"

I was charmed by the gesture and the apology. I accepted the teddy and forgave him. I then said, “Hmm I could do with a teddy bear, every time you act like a jerk."

That was the biggest and stupid mistake I made for condoning teddy bears as his apology and peace offering. Ke ikutlwile ke setse kere “I will only forgive every time you bring me a teddy, and you admit you are wrong & you ask for my forgiveness." Maybe ke bo naive ka nnete. A teddy bear is just a token, a material, it doesn’t talk, but I accepted getting a teddy bear as an apology. Hai le nna ke a tsenwa ele ruri.

2nd teddy I named it Tworic, 3rd one Thric, 4th one Fouric, fela jalo, all names were made up of, the numerical order of how they came about and the first three letters of Richmond's name, 'Ric' at the end. I would take a permanent marker and write the numbers on their back to remember them. So that's how I ended up with twelve teddies .Maybe that's Naive.

As I shred poor Oneric the teddy bear, I paused and thought, a few minutes ago, I had no wonderful memories of Rich & I, since everything we've been through was based on lies and pity, so the teddies are so far, the only real things I can show for the 2 years I lived, loved, let down and let go of Richmond. So I stopped tearing it apart.

I thought, I was too late anyway, I should have done so, for the twelve times he stood before me, asking for forgiveness, knowing very well that whatever the fight was about, he was not regretting, he was not sorry, he was acting.
Well, it’s a reflection on Him not me. This whole thing of him trying to hurt me ,actually hurt him more than it was hurting me right now. He had to live a lie, put a loving face, be with me, pretend to want me, answer to me, call me almost every day,send me sweet nothings sms's, buy me gifts, spend time with me, take me places, introduced me to his Mom, siblings and friends.

Aowa tlhe, o ne a tshwere bothata bo bo tona ele ruri. I only hurt once, now and I swear I would not shed a tear for him. In fact, I'm gonna pray for all that miserable 2 years he spent, living a lie. Jerrr, who does he think he is. Calling me naive? He is the greatest coward ever lived. I have no respect for him. All the love, respect I had for him, was about to be thrown away, gone, never to be remembered. I decided, to shed the last tears in his memory. I literally had a moment of silence.

I remembered my Mom, she always said when you reach such moments in life,moments of pain and despair, otla ka lengwele fo fatshe, bitsa Rara yo o kwa magodimong, kopa tshwarelo, le wena o itshwarele ba ba go utlwisitseng botlhoko. She swears by it. She says the peace that comes afterwards is so warm. Yes whatever broken part won't just be mended immediately, but the peace that follows will soothe your heart. "

I decided to pray, I knelt down, dearest God, help me to never exchange your truth for a lie. Fa-ther Lord, where I have accepted a lie as truth, please reveals it to me. Help me precious Lord, to clearly discern the enemy speak. I refuse to think futile & foolish thoughts that are not glori-fying to You. I don't want to walk according to my own thinking. I want to bring every negative thought captive and control my mind. Spirit of truth, keep me undeceived. Ntate, you have giv-en me authority over all the power of the enemy, so I command the enemy to get away from my mind, I refuse to listen to the lies. Help me to think upon what is true, noble, just, pure, lovely of good report, virtuous and praiseworthy. Jehovah wame, you have said to call upon you in times of trouble & that you will deliver us. I call upon you right now & ask that you would work deliverance in Rich's life. Deliver him from anything bad that binds him, set him free from all the bondage of immorality, bad attitude, anger and all his fears. Deliver him quickly & be a rock of refuge & fortress of defense to save him. Help him understand that" we do not wrestle against the flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of darkness in the heavenly places. I pray he will be strong in the Lord, a sokologe go tsotlhe tse di maswe tse a di dirang mo bophelong ba gagwe. I forgive him Lord, ke mo neela go wena Ntate, let him know you, and have a relationship with you. Set us free from all the hurts, bad memo-ries, and the ties we had in our relationship and unrealistic expectations of one another, I pray that there be no Anger, hatred and hostility between us. Ke kopa tsotlhe mabitsong a mararo, the father, the son and the Holy Ghost. Amen.

The next 20 minutes I sang praises to God & spoke His word out loud. I told the enemy to get away from me, and I thanked the Lord for giving me the spirit of forgiveness and also the au-thority to do that. Then, as clearly as I have ever felt anything, I suddenly sensed the dark, heavy blanket of spiritual oppression, insecurity, self-doubt lift. It lifted so suddenly and com-pletely that I realized I had been dealing with a direct and specific attack from the enemy. I knew in an instant that, I was dealing with a spirit of heaviness. I realized that, there was noth-ing wrong with me or my life, but the enemy was trying to get me to believe there was.

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