Broken Vows - Diary ya ga Obonolo Chapter 100 - Mzansi Stories

Thursday, October 15


Broken Vows - Diary ya ga Obonolo Chapter 100


Dygo 100
She continued…
Obakeng: Imagine tlhe Mmata. I told him that I was going home long time ago, now he was being so mean? He made a funny comment gore, ke ya Kzn so late. I was like, No, not Kzn, ko gaetsho. Yooo ya ba excuse ya gagwe, are ko gaetsho ke Nkandla, or have I forgotten he bought me? And that I was no longer Motswana I rave about, I'm now makoti wa ma Zulu, and I should get that into my stubborn thick head. He doesn't want his daughter a ntse a dira di up and down ko Rustenburg, because ore when Minnie comes back from Rustenburg, she always converse with him in setswana and that pisses him off.

Nagana tlhe Mmata, such crap. He just wanted to start a fight and I wasn't in the mood. I just ignored him and said, we will be gone for only, two days. Jabulani is really mentally unstable. He went on that if I insist to go, I can go alone, and leave his daughter behind. Imagine tlhe. Ngwana o ready to go see her family ya ko Rustenburg, now he says I must leave her. I thought, ooh well, Since are I can go but leave Minenhle, maybe I should do just that. I went to where my daughter was sitting, told her she was staying behind le papa gagwe, yoo, she was not happy. She cried, and ran to her bedroom. I was broken, I went to the lounge where Jabulani was still standing, I asked for his car keys. He looked at me with those ‘what are you talking about eyes.’
I told her I wanted the keys and that I was leaving Minenhle with him.

Motho ke oo a changer sefatlhego, are ke a tsenwa naa? Ga gona ko ke yang. I thought he was joking. I told him that I was going to Rustenburg tonight. I've planned that trip a while ago, and that he agreed. I told him I don’t want us to fight, he must just give me the car keys so that I could go before it gets too dark.

He shook his head and ignored me completely..

Modimo wa batshidi! Ga nte Jabulani Khoza ke monna yo ntseng jaang bathong? Can he be mean like this? To his own wife?
Yaaa, everything that Obakeng was telling me about JK felt like a horror movie , I could not believe a person can be treated like that.
It was just too much. Bu it was all real. I was listening to my beste friend, telling me about her caged and trapped Life in a marriage, worse, a very unhappy one for that matter..
What would it take for JK to change? What would it take for Obakeng to see through JK’s controlling and abusive nature? This was not healthy at all.

Obakeng: hai nna ena ga kea gona go kereya monna. This one is such a cruel, mean possessed animal. He just looked at me, aya ko kamoreng, then to Minnie's bedroom, ba mpheta moo ke ne ke emeng teng, off they went to the garage. I thought maybe he was clearing his stuff so that I could take the car and hit the road. I waited right there by the Lounge. My bags were already by the entrance door, as I was only waiting for the car keys. I think I waited for over five minutes, a sa boe, I went to check him. When I get to the garage, there was only one car, my car. He was gone with Minnie. Bathong, monna o wa tsenwa tlhe. I thought, oh well. Let me take chances and just use my car. If ke a staka, I'll see what to do, se se salang, ko lala ke robetse Mmatau bosigo ba gompieno.

I went to where I put my car keys. Hee banna, di keys di medile maoto. I looked for them everywhere I thought I could have put them. Nothing. I took my phone and called him, he said o di tshwere mo go ena. Ka re Maar gante what was going on here. He said nothing. I told him I needed them, ke batla go tsamaya. You know Mmata, he asked me gore ke batla di keys tsa mang? I said tsa me, tsa Megan, he repeated the question, this time he spoke Zulu, I knew I was not going to like what he was about to say, He told me that all the keys he had were for his cars, and that if I insist on going to Rustenburg I should go get a taxi, ena tsa gagwe dikoloi are going nowhere.

Predictable son of a bitch. I knew it. He is like this, especially when I want to go home. He likes coming with tactics. If he doesn't take the car for some wheel alignment, or to put new tires, he put the fuse off, or prick the wheel and claims flat or damage tire that need changing blah blah, anything to stop me from going home. He was master of tactics, master of deception. This time I thought, I will show him.
I remembered my spare keys, I got excited gore, after all, Rustenburg ke mo ke yang. Mmata, belerutwane eke e bitsang monna ee, beat me to it. He took the spare key sa koloi yame. Oh well ya gagwe. So yep, I couldn't go. It was too late for me to take a taxi to Pretoria, then to Mmatau. So his mission was accomplished. I phoned mama and told her the whole story.

Obakeng o bua maaka tlhe. Such cruelty? Motho a ho sokodise jaana Mmata abe a go fitlhele dilo tsa lona? Aowa tlhe mmata, this is not life. Even prisoners are entitled to basic needs.Wena o ganetswa ka koloi , you can't see your friends and family, you are in 24hours tracker, you are not happy. Why are you still in this marriage mara Mmata? This man is slowly damaging you. Aowa. Mos one of this days he's going to stop you to go to the toilet.

Hai, that was too much. I said, with so much shock and disgust. O go tlwaela gampe JK, ka nnete. You guys are married. You share everything, where does he come from? Monna wa go tlhola a ntse are yame yame, Ruri?

JK is so materialistic, he thinks he is punishing you, by withholding stuff from you. He wants you to be at his mercy , he wants you to beg him for your stuff, he gets pleasure a go gatella, knowing you will be tied down without a car. Mmata, times like these, please call me, I will rush here to help you. Or call a maxi taxi and go. Don’t let him oppress you that much. He doesn't own your soul. Yooo, I'm really disappointed in him. O bua nnete, he is a very mentally unstable person. He needs help.

Ka nnete what kind of life was that. Monna wa go nyala, a go kgaogantshe le batho ba o ba ratang , a go sotle, a go tshware makgwakgwa, controls you, disrespect you, then have the guts to command respect, love and care? I don't know if Obakeng wa tsenwa or she's given up on herself naa. This was madness.

I'm not judging my friend or any woman in such unfortunate situation, but I say, if you have friends and family you trust, use them, ask for their help, and see if they can, only after they turned you down, maybe, you can hustle alone. I know some friends and family will make you a laughing stock, ba go sebe, ba bue gore o ne o nagana gore o selo mang, thinking you could build a successful marriage but I also think, there are those who could genuinely help you.

Obakeng had me. I was willing to be such a friend, a shoulder to lean on, a supportive friend and or sister through the challenges she faces. I could offer to help where I can. It was a hard pill to swallow that, Obakeng was still going through some tough times in her marriage and still not reach out to me especially after she decided to open up. I asked her to always reach out to me and I was willing to try my best to be at her service.

What I'm trying to say sisters, ke gore, let's not die with silence in our marriages. Have that one person you could confide in. Often times, people might not take away the problem altogether but sometimes they might be able to ease the burden or offer a little help. Lenyalo ka bo lona le thata, o ka se jare joko e boima o le mong, so when the going gets tough, dial a friend guys.
I snapped out of my thoughts and looked at my friend; she really was carrying a load of rubbish and needs to lean by the dumping ground to offload.

Nna: Obakeng, why are you doing this to yourself? Naare Jabulani is holding you hostage at gunpoint against your own will ? Go diragala eng?

Obakeng: Mmata, o ka se tlhaloganye. This is more difficult than it seems. If I leave this marriage, now, I have nowhere to go. I won't be able to take care of myself and my daughter. I’m all alone around here, with nowhere to go. If I leave, I will hurt my daughter as well. It’s not simple. I have to think things through before I can break free. Its true this is not a good life I'm living, I'm so miserable It’s not funny. There's nothing I could count as best in this marriage, apart from my daughter, the roof over my head which I'm constantly being reminded that it’s his, cars and security. I hate my life, I hate my marriage, but mostly I hate this man I call my husband, I can't stand him. He is so cruel. Every day with him it's torture. It’s a reminder of what I’m slowly becoming. A statistic of domestic abuse. Every day I spend with him, its pain. He diminished me, reduced me to nothing. He is aware that I depend on him, He believes that I can't live without him. For now yes, I can't do anything. I have to pretend and settle like dust, until such time I will be able to stand on my own two feet and be independent. Right now Mmata, I depend on him.

Everything is about him. Everything we own is his. The house we live in, the cars we drive, the money we have, the child we have. It’s all about him. He is so selfish. When I say I Despise him, I mean wholeheartedly. I hate when he kiss me, I hate when he touches me, I hate when he have sex with me. He is so aggressive with everything. I lie there when he violates my body, crying, and just waiting for him to finish. Every time after sex, I take a shower to get rid of his smell. Mmata, if I had a plan or alternative, I'd be long gone. But It’s not as simple. I’m financially unstable, with the little salary I get, I won't afford to pay for rent and a car and still look after Minnie. It’s ideal but not realistic. That's why I'm still here. I look at Minenhle everyday and think, I'm doing this for you, once she's grown or my financial status is changed, we will leave but for now, I will have to stick it out.

Yooo. Yooo. Dead. Not only was she unhappy in her marriage, she was sexually deprived, she hates him, she's not living ka nnete. It pained me that my friend was only 29 but not enjoying her life. Ka nnete what was the point for her to be in that marriage mara? For Minnie?
I needed to do something for her, as a friend, to help her out of this mess. I can't make her leave him, I don't understand why she wanted to wait for huge money or new job or Minnie to get older before she can realize that she was slowly suffocating in that marriage. Settling for less. True ga ke tlhaloganye, I’m not in her shoes but I don't think anyone needs to be in her shoes to understand her predicament. It’s as simple as that. That marriage was not healthy for the three of them.

Nna: So Mmata, if you could win a lottery tomorrow, or get a well paying job will you leave this marriage?
Obakeng: Oh yes Mmata, I would. Unfortunately chances for winning lotto are very slim and for me to get a good job I must have qualifications at least, which I do not have. So it looks like I will be in this marriage for a very long time.
Nna: Mmata, don’t you want to finish off your Law degree and then look for a better paying job? I think that could be your ticket out of this mess. Kevin's younger brother Thabiso has a Law firm, I will speak to Kev, a bue le ene, and see what he can do. Also please send me your CV. I will speak to a colleague of mine, she is very close to our HR manager. Maybe she can help.

Obakeng: Thanks Mmata, I would appreciate it. As for studying, Jabu has been promising to pay for my studies, but every time he is angry, he tells me gore I must kiss my dream of studying further goodbye. Ko tirong le teng, they don't sponsor or give loans to study further, its every man for himself. I once asked Mama , shame poor woman, doesn't have money. I misused it when I had the opportunity. I asked my brother, he said I should leave Jabu first, and then come to him for help. So as long as I'm still Mrs. Khoza, he won't be able to help me. Aish, I would love to get my degree, but money is an issue.

Nna: Phew, girl. You have problems neh! I jokingly said.

Maar, o seka wa tshwenyega. I’m here for you. Speaking of being here for you, I want to help you, and I'm not taking NO for an answer. I want to sponsor you, ke batla o boele sekolong and finish off your degree. Either full-time, which will take quicker to finish or part- time which will take longer. I am willing to pay for everything. You decide.
Obakeng: No, No Mmata, I can't accept that, that's too much. You being my friend, listening to my dilemmas, praying for me, its enough. And I appreciate, but I can't let you do that for me. Ka nnete. Ga nkitla ke gona.

Nna: Which part of I’m not taking No for an answer you didn't get? Obakeng, stop refusing to be helped, especially if you want to get out of this mess you are in. I can't watch you carry on living like this, hoping you will win a lottery one day and leave. Not unless you really don't want out. All those things you said about being here because of your financial status is not true, because if that was the truth, you will accept help to get out of this mess. I thought you wanted so bad to be a Lawyer and you will stop at nothing to achieve that. Here I am as a Friend, offering you to do something about your life, study and finish your degree, get a decent job, and get the hell out of this marriage, yet you are refusing. You saying that you cannot let me do that, yes, you cannot let me, I'm volunteering, I'm offering. Please accept my help friend. If not for yourself, for Minenhle . She can’t be raised by a broken, beaten up woman. You have a chance, to break free from Jabu. Even if you don’t leave him, but you will have options. You won't be forced to take all his bullcrap. You will have a voice, a choice and a say.
Ke a go kopa tlhe Tsala. Please take it as a Loan geh. Once you are a big hot shot Lawyer, you will pay me back, cent by cent. I'm not making you my charity case. I have two charities I am helping out. Wena, I'm borrowing you. How about that?

I went closer to her, held her hands and begged. Pretty please Mmata. Let me help you.

Obakeng: Aish Mmata. I don't know. But you are right, I so much want out, and the only way is having something to fall on. Like a good job. And a good job requires a good education, and a good education needs money. So, in that case I will accept your help. But as a Loan which I will pay back. I really appreciate it tlhe. What will I be without you? You are a true friend. Ke a leboga. Ekete Ntate Modimo aka go atla, a go okeletse ga ntsi fela. You have a good heart. I hope this won't get you in trouble ko lapeng. I would not want to cause any problem between you and TK.

Nna: Nxoo, I'm glad you would accept my help. Its okay. You will pay it back whenever you are sorted. Ke kopa o decide gore o batla go studisa full time or part time. Get me all the information about the fees and let’s get you started on planning that exit and get away from that Belerutwane. Mmata, don’t you worry about me. Kevin and I are financially stable, we will be happy to help you. It is for a good cause. Besides, my dad's policies have paid out. Mama, Tsitsi and Omphi want nothing from his money. They are still mad at him. So nna, Omo and Ole have shared it amongst us. Let’s say it’s enough to get you that degree without any dent on our pockets. Hence I say, I am happy to invest it on a good cause.

Obakeng accepted my help and we spoke a little more about life in general. I was really happy to have spent time with my friend. She can do with some Love shame. We said our goodbyes

Yoo, I felt so beaten up. marriages ka nnete. Phew....No one ever tells you when you walk down the aisle that you are signing up for such....Is that For better for worse ka nnete?

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