Broken Vows - Diary ya ga Obonolo Chapter 65 - Mzansi Stories

Wednesday, October 14

Wizzy

Broken Vows - Diary ya ga Obonolo Chapter 65

Loading...

DYGO 65
As soon as I said so, I let go of his hands and walked away. 
Deep inside, I wanted him to stop me; I was hoping he would stop me. He didn't, he stood there, still looking down. I walked faster and started running. I was crying my heart out. Mosese wa me o ne o gogoba fo fatshe, o ntshireletsa go siana, I was busy pulling it up, running and walking as fast as I could.. while looking behind to check if my husband was following me. Everytime I looked back, I was drifting further away from him. He stood there, not moving.

I ran towards the Halls, until I could not see him anymore. I went back into the Reception hall; there was no sign of anyone. Only a few people who were clearing out stuff.

Yaa Neh. Maybe this was not my day ele ruri. I had gone through so much in just one day. A lot happened today. I celebrated my birthday, walked down the aisle, snooped in my husband’s phone to find out a possibility of infidelity, I bumped and had a fight with my ex friend, now I’m getting ultimatums from my husband….

Why some people especially man, believe they are entitled to be forgiven, given second chances ( more like million chances), blah blah, but they can’t do the same? Earlier on, I almost stopped the reception, because of the smses between him and LSG, I could have easily stopped the whole thing, but I still dug deep and looked at the bigger picture. I am so sure had I confronted him about them, he was going to apologize, ask for forgiveness and still expected me to put a smile on my face, forget about it and go through the wedding…

On the other hand, I had a little feud with Kedibone, suddenly, I have unresolved feelings for Rich, and that I must deal with them, and that He will cancel the honeymoon until I’m certain that I dealt with my issues? This is really unfair. Ka nnete. Go ba mosadi at times, is not nice. You are expected to give up so much for your relationship to succeed, yet, for a man, it’s easy to just let anything ruin it. And it’s supposed to be ok.

Did I just lose my husband? Does he think I was in love with Rich? What was in his mind when I walked away from him? Why didn’t he try to stop me and try to work things out? My heart was broken into million pieces. I didn’t know what to do or how to feel. All I knew was that my marriage just hit a hard rock. I didn’t even know what to do about it.

I turned back, and decided to walk to the guesthouse. It was getting dark, but what else could I do? My husband was very angry with me. I needed to go be with my family and friends, while he figured out way forward or better yet, cancel our honeymoon.

It was around 19:00, it was still light, so I was willing to take the chance, but I was scared. I sat by the cocktail area, and thought, this is way bigger than me. Kevin was willing to let me go to resolve issues and my feelings for Rich? Even after I reminded him of the day he was on the receiving end. I was expected; no actually I was requested to dig deep, trust and believe in him and his love for me and forgive. Yet He could not do the same. Ka letsatsi la lenyalo la rona, my birthday…I did not know what the next few minutes held for us… or what our future would be, for that matter..I looked up and whispered , God, I really need a miracle.

As I was deep in thoughts, I remembered all the advises I got from my parents and sisters during my pre-wedding bridal shower. They all said, during times of trouble, uncertainty, ditsietsi le matshwenyego, I should call onto the Man above. He was after-all the only man I could trust and rely on.

Tears came in earnest; I knew there was only one way out of despair that gripped my soul. I saw some serviettes lying on the tables; I stood up to got them. I took a whole lot of them, I wiped my eyes and then laid the rest of them down on the floor. Ka khubama ka mangwele, with my head bowed, my body convulsing in sobs, I buried my face on one of the couches that were there and cried out to Ntate Modimo, the only person who could make sense of my situation right there.

I said, I needed a miracle, Lord...I'm at the end of my rope.

Just as I finished saying that, a scripture immediately came to my mind: "My grace is sufficient for you." I remembered the rest of the verse. For my power is made perfect in weakness.

I felt at peace, thinking, Ntate Modimo ka nnete o teng gaufi le nna. He saw how weak I was and he knew what I needed, not just a miracle, but a couple of them. I needed to forgive, I had anxiety, fears and disappointment and my marriage was not where it was supposed to be. I needed a Devine intervention.

I immediately sensed that instead of despairing over the misery of my situation, I was to embrace the experience and find Gods goodness in it. I thought regardless of what my situation was at that moment, God has an abundance of blessings for me. Right where I was, He was working powerfully in my life. All I needed to do was to close my eyes and call out His name.

Nna: “ Rara, mpontshe letsogo la gago le le matla, la tshireletso mo bophelong ba me. I paused...

You know when you are going through the storms; God wants you to sense His presence. O batla gore o mo tshepe ga kgolo ga o tshogile, o lelale go Ena, o tle o kgone go utlwa kagiso mo moyeng. When you are weary, you will find His strength. When you are empty, you will find His fullness. When you are sad, you will surely find His joy. Bogolo ga ole gare ga phefo ya matlakadibe,(the one that I was right into) you will find His shelter and provision.

I started calling upon His mighty name.I continued praying...

Lord, you are everything to me. Thank you that I can walk through this dark moment with you and not have to figure life out on my own. Le ga ke tsamaya mo tseleng e thata, e lefifi, ke a itse gore nka beya letsogo lame godimo ga la gago le le matla, ka tshepela go wena, as we walk through it together. I lift to you, the heaviness of my heart that is weighing on me, ka motsotso ona.

You know, good Lord, my sitting and my rising up, You understand my thought afar off. You comprehend my path and my lying down, and are acquainted with all my ways. Though I walk in the midst of trouble, You will revive me, You will stretch out Your mighty hand against the wrath of my enemies, and Your right hand will save me. Please Lord, ke neela all my relationships to You and Thank you for them. For those who are closest and most important to me and the ones that are most challenging and difficult, especially my marriage and the challenges Kevin and I are facing. Help us draw closer to one another.

I praise You as the God of restoration, for I know you can restore my relationship to complete wholeness. Help me to forgive, be courteous, loving and to be in unity with others, especially Kedibone and Richmond. Help me not to return evil by evil, but rather only give blessings to them. You are as much their heavenly father as you are mine. They are my brothers and sisters, and You love and forgive them, as You love and forgive me. You have a purpose for their lives just as You have for mine. Help me not to judge them and to let go of my anger towards them.

I surrender to You the pain, disappointment and sense of loss, failure and resentment I felt towards Kedibone and Richmond. I praise You and worship You, Lord. I recognize that all I have, especially my marriage to Kevin, comes from You. Everything I have is Yours, and I surrender it all to You for Your glory. Therefore, whatever I have lost I release into Your hands.

I praise and thank You that this is the day that You have made, and I will rejoice and be glad in it. Nor matter what has happened or will happen in my marriage, as long as I am alive I will sing praises to You. Tsotlhe Tse, ke di kopa go wena, Maineng a mararo.

Amen.

As I sit there, feeling the peace of my conversation with God, and ready to walk to my family and friends, I felt like there was someone besides me.

Right by my side, was my husband, also in tears. A khubame fo fatshe in a cream linen pants….

It looked like he was also praying with me. I didn't see or hear him, fa a fitlha. Ke makaditswe ke ge le Ena are Amen. Ka nnete Ntate Modimo O molemo, O montle, O mogolo and also O phetagatsa ditshepiso tsa gagwe.

I was so relieved…..

My husband looked at me. He didn’t utter a single word.

I could not read his expression, I didn’t know if he was sad, or angry, or happy or what.. but Whatever it was, I felt so much at peace…

I was ready to hear whatever He was about to say...

Loading...
Subscribe to this Blog via Email :