Broken Vows - Diary ya ga Obonolo Chapter 117 - Mzansi Stories

Thursday, October 15

Wizzy

Broken Vows - Diary ya ga Obonolo Chapter 117

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DYGO 117
The drive home was very short. I was already at the gate. It was 19:30. As I opened the gate and got in the garage, there was no sign of Mr. Tau. 

I went inside the house put the lights on and sit on the sofa. I was playing R Kelly's cd, Prayer changes. I was not even listening to it; my mind was working overtime, plotting and planning how I was going to deal with this dilemma I was facing. I surely couldn’t ignore the possibilities, and I also could not jump to conclusions.

One thing for sure, there is no smoke without fire. Something was definitely going on. I hoped and prayed in my heart that I was just wrong about my Husband being a cheater. I really hoped that I was.

I put off the Rkelly cd that was playing alone and decided to watch the news. I was now thinking hard on way forward.

I remembered Aus Tsitsi, she once said, when you suspect your spouse is cheating, don’t ask him or bring it up to his attention especially without concrete proof. She said the possibilities are he will deny and becomes defensive. She said, there is always signs that we woman tend to ignore.

She said, the minute you suspect that your husband is cheating , priority number one should be to get any proof you can. She also said one need to start paying attention to the signs and listening to your instinct but, be careful not to confuse signs of infidelity with proof of infidelity. Yoo that’s tricky. Aren’t they one and the same thing?

A husband displaying signs of cheating is cheating and proof of husband cheating is cheating.

Or jaang bagaetsho?

Anyway, my mission was to gather enough information that will lead me to the proof that will reveal the truth about my Husband, my marriage and that would determine my decision.

Come to think of it, my husband has been way too busy. Was he busy with the She’tenders? I remembered Reatli telling me about Nyiko’s cheating. She said there were signs and she ignored them. Emergency Business trips that he took, business meetings that took the whole day through the night, and something about getting business.

It got to the point where my husband would prefer to work hard and come home very late at night. If it wasn’t golf with business partners, it was late meetings. We had times that he would come home not hungry, saying he grabbed something while meeting a client. He would be out several nights a week, meeting with clients, suppliers, agencies and potential business or his department colleagues or team. At times he was excluding me from the social gatherings, saying I will be bored (like he did today) that there were only male clients. Later on I would learn that other spouses of his business partners /associates had attended. They always complained gore go reng ke ne ke sa tla to a certain gathering, blah blah. Could that have been an indication that he was up to something dodgy?

It may not be quite infidelity, but perhaps he could be flirting with it, as well as with some woman who “understands” how hard he worked. Otherwise why was he avoiding taking me to some functions? But like a loyal and trusting wife, I always looked at the bright side of it. My husband was working hard to finance our luxurious lifestyle and building an empire for our kids. I was just being supportive and grateful.

I have been asking him to sometimes decline the invites so that we could spend time together. He would, most of the times resist my requests and told me I didn’t understand or appreciate how hard he was working to provide for us. I wanted to be a supportive wife, so I backed off my needs for quality time with him. Was that the Biggest mistake I have ever made?

My arms and legs were still trembling, and my stomach ached. A bagful of possible scenarios spilled across my soul, and as I examined them, fear crept back and taunt me.

Did my husband really have to work this weekend? What about the other weekends –had He really gone to work or not? If not, where was he spending his time ?

Right there I decided from that moment on, that I will not confront him but I will do as Ous Tsitsi suggests. I will stay vigilant,and do my own proof-searching, verification of facts, own investigation and only then, I will confront him and stand my ground.
I checked my phone, it was 20:00, and still, my husband was not home. I decided to check Omo and Olefile and let them know I was home safely. I called Ole, and spoke to both of them. They said the kids were asleep. They said they were worried about me and asked if I was ok. I spoke more lies and said that I was perfectly fine. We said our goodbyes and I hung up.

I took some time, sit quietly, expanding my breath and relaxing my body. With each deepening breath, I released my mind chatter and let thoughts flow downstream. Then, gently bring to mind the question or situation in a neutral way, and listened to my inner voice—the wise intuitive self who will guide me. Most importantly, I decided I will have to trust my intuition. I asked myself whether I was ready and strong enough to embark on that painful journey. The Journey of revelation. Unpleasant journey to find out what kind of a man was I married to. I kept thinking that all this will be unbearable and heartbreaking. My final decision was that, I will be doing this exercise for greater clarity.

Right there on the sofa. I did what I do best. I knew the power was on my knees. I cried out to God earnestly and called upon Him to intervene. I trusted God to lead and guide me. I decided to think positively about the whole situation. After praying, I stood up and I decided to embark on the revelation journey. I decided, the first place to start at was his ' no go area for me' the study. I headed towards my husband’s study - office. I was gunning for concrete proof, the one that he would not even think of denying.

Before I made my way to the study, I decided to call my husband, find out gore o ho kae. Ke ne ke sa batle gore a mphitlhele snooping in his room. The phone rang once and he picked up. He was in such a good mood. I couldn't hear him clearly because it was really noisy at his background. I just asked him gore o kae and he said he was with Kgosi, Nyiko and maGents somewhere in Pretoria. I just said ok and said goodbye. Just before I hung up he asked me if I wanted to talk to Nyiko, and I said no. He then said he loved me and would see me later. I ignored what he was saying and just hang up.

I was broken guys. I was hurting so much. The mention of Nyiko's name assured me that they were up to no good. My eyes filling fast with tears.

I thought, ever since Kevin started hanging around with his brother in law, He was all about chasing money and entertainment. O ne a enjoyer chelete ya di tender. Now I was about to find out if he was also chasing She’tenders too. Those things go hand in hand. Money+ night life+ business trips and tenders equal to woman, cheating and lying husbands.

I entered the study and looked around thinking gore ke simolola kae. I saw his laptop bag on the floor. Oh, he left his laptop yet he was going to work? It was strange. Kevin always takes his laptop to work especially on Saturdays. Or maybe not because I rarely noticed. I opened the bag and got it out. I sat on his chair and tried to open it. I was able to get through but to my surprise, some sites were password protected. That raised my suspicions. Kevin was not a person with passwords and secrets. Way back, before he started the business, I used to access my stuff from his laptop, phone and everything. I had access to everything. So why was I bumping into password protected accounts? If he doesn't have something to hide, why protect information?

A friend of mine once said, if you ask your husband or your husband ask for your phone, it should not be a hassle unless you have something to hide. She said if there is those pass codes and password, demand explanations. She said there should not be secrets between husband and wife especially if we trust each other.

She further said "Don’t be satisfied with not seeing his password protected accounts if you ask to see them."
Now I get her. That was true and that has been how Kevin and I lived our marriage life. Free from secrets and always transparent with each other.

Ka nnete, ele gore monna wa gago o tlabe a tshabisa eng by putting passwords? Yes, our privacy is important, but if your sense of trust is at stake, it’s a request. I will ask him all passwords to the sites. I need to know what is so important that he had to secure it. I was not backing down. I knew He’ll do his best to make me think I'm just being paranoid. But bottom line is that I need to know.

I closed the laptop, wondering where to search and what to search for. My husband was not stupid. He would never leave incriminating evidence just lying around. I doubted that especially after seeing password protected stuff.

As I was scanning around for something, anything, I saw files packed nicely on the shelf. They were written Confidential, Accounts and Expenses. The other one was not marked. I stood up and pulled them out, the four of them. I put them in front of me. Ka utlwa ke otliwa ke letswalo. I got scared, more like cold feet.

I thought since I have started this, I might as well finish off. I pulled out a file with all his personal and business bank statements. I studied the personal account from beginning of 2009, and the business account from inception of the business.

On his personal account, everything seemed regular, explainable home loan, Installment finance, household accounts debit orders, helpers salaries, withdrawals and purchases. The confidential file had signed contracts & business deals. I went through the business statements, transaction by transaction, not skipping anything. There was so much money coming in and going out.

Payments for the Business premises, trucks and supplies and workers salary…I could not continue. The numbers were just too much for me to handle. I decided to ignore the rest of the statement. I was not in the mood to crack my skull with numbers. I get that every day at work. I lost interest and decided to put them away. Even the one that was unmarked. I thought, obviously Kevin was not stupid. I knew he won’t leave incriminating information or proof lying around. Definitely sure my search was unfruitful. The answers were definitely on those passwords protected sites on the Laptop.

I went to our room with a heavy heart. I needed answers, now more than ever. Kevin better bring his butt home, a tle go mpolelela gore go diragala eng.

Even if I didn’t get the proof I so desperately needed, things were not adding up.
I took a quick shower before I went to bed. I cried my heart out that night. I opened a can of worms that Kevin brought into our lives, now I have no idea what to do.

I decided to talk to the only Man who remained faithful to me. The Man who never disappoints me when I need him.
Dear Lord, in every need let me come to You with humble trust saying, "Ntate Modimo nthuse." In all my doubts, perplexities, and temptations, help me good Lord. In hours of loneliness, weariness, and trials. In the failure of my plans and hopes. In my disappointments, troubles, and sorrows. Hold my heart in your mighty hand.
When others fail me and Your grace alone can assist me, please help me Father. When I throw myself on Your tender love as a father and savior, When my heart is cast down by failure at seeing no good come from my efforts, When I feel impatient and my cross irritates me. When I am ill and my head and hands cannot work and I am feeling so lonely, Jesus help me.
Always, always, in spite of weakness, falls, and shortcomings of every kind, Jesus, please help me and never forsake me , Now more than ever. Amen

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