Saturday, November 7

Mahlatse Ramatseba

Diary of a restless soul Insert 76 (Part B)

Insert 76 continues.
I was still in wonderland when reality kicked in.
What the hell am i doing.
I quickly broke the kiss.
Me: i am so so sorry i didn't mean to do this.
Owh my god
what have done.
What did i just do.
(i got off the bed and paced around the room.
I couldn't look at sibu in the eyes.
Somehow i felt so terrible)
me: owh my god
i am going to hell,
i am gonna burn in hell for doing this.
"come down bhabha.
You did nothing wrong ohk.
For the first time ever i did what my heart wanted,
i never felt like this in my life.
I needed this,
we both needed this."
sibu: no you didn't.
Me: how do you mean.
Sibu: i mean me and your sister.
We are not dating ohk,
we never dated ohk.
We just slept together.
And your sister knew that i loved you.
That's why we never dated with her,
its because she believed that you and i will be together one day
the truth is i love you athe and i always did.
Back then and even now.
(he held my hand)
Me: no this is not right.
It shouldn't have happened.
I don't know what got into me.
I yanked my hand out of his grip.
I exited my room as fast as i possibly could.
I felt this anonymous heat taking over my body.
I needed fresh air.
And i needed to think straight.
If it was alright to kiss sibu then why does it feel so terrible.
Not that the kiss was bad.
Infact he is a great kisser.
Suddenly i realised that i was no different to mandy.
I pointed one finger at mandy
forgeting that the rest of my fingers were pointing right back at me.
When i got to the veranda.
I tried to catch a breathe.
Then someone held my weist.
I thought it was sibu.
Me: ai maan stop it.
"aibo why are you grumpy nah wena" khitha said with the widest smile in her face.
Me: owh its you.
Khitha: uhm jah.
Who do you think it was.
Me: nobody.
Khitha: aibo whats up
you don't look good at all.
I could feel my armpits sweating.
I battled with myself whether to tell her or not.
Don't get me wrong.
I didn't wanna hurt my sister.
So secrets have ways of coming out.
Even if i don't tell her
she was gonna find out oneday.
And the fact that i didn't tell her
will break her even further.
" i kissed sibu" i blurted out.
Khitha: intoni!!!!!
Me: i am sorry,
its not his fault,
i kissed him.
He resisted.
But i persisted.
So he gave in and we kissed.
I am so so sorry.
I was expecting a slap or anything.
But to my surprise,
khitha burst out laughing.
Me: are you alright.
(i thought that the fact that i betrayed her,
drove her mad.)
me: i am so sorry i didn't mean to hurt you chommie.
Finally khitha spoke between laughter.
Khitha: yhuuuuu finally.
Me: what do you mean.
Khitha: i am tired of hearing sibu sulking about you everyday.
Me: i don't get you.
Khitha: sibu is always talking about you.
About how much you don't see his love.
And how he is afraid to tell you that he loves you.
That's why we never dated.
We just kept it civil because his heart is with you.
Me: so you are not mad at me.
Khitha: hell yah i am mad that it took you so long to make your move.
You go girl.
Khitha was dancing and laughing at me.
And i some how felt so bad.
I don't know why.
Me: i am not gonna date him khitha.
Khitha: why not.
Its not like we still sleeping together mos,
we stopped at that pens down braai.
Or is it because you with nceba.
Me: nooo!
i like our friendship just fine.
I don't want to ruin things.
Khitha: ruin things how.
Me: my relationships don't last.
They crumble and fall apart.
I don't want the same thing to happen between us,
i don't wanna loose sibu.
Khitha: i know that life hasn't been easy for you.
But to be honest sister.
I think you sometimes stand in the way of your own happiness.
You focus sooo much in the negatives.
Ever heard of the phrase that when one door closes another one opens.
But wena girl you focus so much on that closed door,
that you don't realise that another door has been opened for you.
With that said she left me there with a confused look.

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