Saturday, November 7

Mahlatse Ramatseba

Diary of a restless soul Insert 77

Insert 77
i think i stood for a whole 10 minutes in that veranda.
I was still making sense of what khitha just said.
"but i can't ruin the friendship i have with sibu.
I don't want to loose him"
i thought out loud.
"you will never ever loose me bhabha.
I will always be there for you"
sibu said.
He came behind me.
And it was clear that he heard what i said.
"i love you bhabha" he continued.
Me: as much as i like you
i am afraid we can't date.
Sibu: but why
is it about khitha, trust me she won't mind.
Me: no its not about khitha
i already told her about what happened
and she's fine with it.
Sibu: then what's the matter.
Me: i am taking a break from guys.
And i like our friendship.
I shouldn't have complicated things.
Sibu: its ohk
i understand.
Me: thanx for understanding.
Sibu: so did you take your mom to church.
Me: well no.
We took her to tat'ujola.
And when we got there his wife told us that he passed away.
Sibu: shame inoba la witch-kazi has something to do with that.
Me: well as far as she is concern you can never be sure.
Sibu: that woman is really evil.
I wish the spirit of the people she has kill can come back and haunt her.
Me: my wish exactly.
Sibu: so what will you do with your mother.
Me: will take her to church after the wedding.
Sibu: but atleast she seems sober today.
Me: yeah she promised nwabi that she won't drink.
For the sake of her wedding.
Sibu: atleast that shows that she still cares.
I believe she will be fine.
Me: i really pray that she gets better.
I still need her bhabha.
Imagine next year we are going to pretoria.
How will i cope knowing that i left my mom drinking herself to death.
Sibu: don't worry bhabha all will be well.
I am here for you.
(he gave me a warm hug.
I tried avoiding the feelings that were welling up inside me)
we broke the hug.
And i avoided eye contact.
And for a while no one had nothing to say.
It was awkward.
I cleared my throught.
Me: can i be excused.
Sibu: yeah sure bhabha.
I walked away quickly
because a part of me couldn't wait to get out of sibu's sight.
It was clear that my actions had just complicated our friendship.
I went to take a shower.
And wore a skinny jean and a big t shirt and my sneakers.
I tied my hair into a messy bun.
Applied my ponds and lip gloss.
I then went to the kitchen where everyone was busy as a bee.
Everybody was roaming around like a headless chicken.
Khitha and mandy were chopping
a pile of cabbage and pumkins.
And a group of other women i hardly new were busy with the carrots and other veggies.
The men were busy with the cow outside luyolo and sibu were amongst them.
I made my self some cereal.
I ate as fast as possible.
After eating i went to join mandy and khitha.
And we all chopped the veggies.
Making small talks here and there with khitha.
When mandy talked i just ignored her.
I still wanted nothing to do with her.
Some women were singing wedding songs outside.
Mandy: yhuuu ai those women are really gifted shame.
Just listen at how well they are singing.
Khitha: they really are talented.
Mandy: the is no need for radio
when you have them around.
Khitha: yeah they are better than the radio.
Anyway athe why are you so quiet.
Me: i just don't see the need to talk thats all.
Khitha: what's up with you two
because since athe entered the kitchen
she has hardly spoken one word to you (point at mandy).
I could feel the tension filling up the room.
Me: mna ndi right sisi there's no problem.
Khitha: i am not a kid.
I can see that the is more than what meets the eye.
Me: well then its clear that you have bad observation.
It went dead quiet again,
i focused on what i was doing.
But i could feel khitha's sharp eyes piercing through my skin.
I acted like i everything was ohk
while i was slowly dying inside
khitha will randomly look at me and then back at mandy.
I couldn't bring my self to tell her about what happened between mandy and nceba
and the fact that i went cray-cray on nceba with a scissor
the worst part of it all is i slapped a pregnant mandy in all that.
The emotions and anger were slowly creeping in.
I swear i didn't wanna stay mad at mandy
but seemed like the anger i heard passed the forgiveness i was rendaring.
I left them there because i felt tears building up and what will i say i am crying for at khitha
so i went to check on my mom who was fast aseep in her room.
I stood at the door looking at how different my mom looked.
She looked so dark,
and truth be told the beauty in her face was slowly dying out.
She was getting uglier by the day.
"i wonder why my mom is doing this to herself.
She could have drink when her husband died or when my father left her
but nooo!
She didn't
so why now, why all of a sudden
this made no sense at all"
i thought to myself.
At the back of my mind i knew that nomonde has a hand in this.
But a part of me felt like i was blaming her for everything that goes wrong in my life.
Maybe it was not her.
Maybe my mom saw it best to drink.

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