Dygo 153 cont.
Right there in Reatli’s home, I broke down and cried so bad that I couldn’t feel my cheeks anymore. I stayed in Reatli's arms motionless, as the feeling of numbness opened up into a hollow sadness. My breath caught in my throat as I let the reality settled in. The thoughts filtered through my mind, and I silently chastised myself, hearing my broken heart beating. No matter what plans I had for the future , and what I had prayed and hoped for, there was no denying anymore. There was no doubt in my heart anymore, Kevin was the father of Sheryl’s twin boys and I had to accept that. No wonder Reatli and Nyiko and MamaTau believed that it was Kevin's.
I remembered what MamaTau told me when she found out that I was expecting twins. She said it was Tau genes. I also remembered what Kevin told me about DaddyT’s twin brothers and also the step - twins born same year as his twin siblings (Thabiso & Rethabile). There was no coincidence. None whatsoever. I could deny all I can, but even though miracles do happen, this one was given. Kevin made Sheryl pregnant as drunk and drugged as he claimed he was, they made babies, now she was expecting yet another set of Tau Twins.
Why didn’t Sheryl let her family come to our house to lay claim on the pregnancy? And why was she not throwing her weight about being pregnant with twins? Especially to Kevin? What was the story here? Can she being pregnant with twins proves anything about the paternity? Does she even know that Kevin had twins or comes from a family with history of twins? That day she rocked at our house on our twins’ first birthday celebration, didn’t she know it was Kevin’s twins’ birthday? What was her story? This whole thing was just a bit mysterious and it smelled a deadly rat. What was Sheryl planning? Was she planning to see the look on both Kevin and I’s faces when we get the results proving that she was not lying about Kevin being the father? Hai. I was crashed.
Was this God’s plans? Why did He allow such misery in to my life and my heart? Where was God in all this ? To me ,this was His doings. But also it seemed like the devil’s works. There was no way God would allow such evil to prevail in my life. Why did it seemed like everything was just working out for everyone but myself? Was God punishing me? For what? I have been nothing but a loyal servant. I knelt down day and night asking God to work on my favour and spare my heart this pain but yet He seem to be throwing me deeper and deeper into the deep end. I was drowning with pain.
Was this some kind of tests? Was I being tested on how strong in faith I was or how much I trusted God? No maan. This was way too much for me. I have been nothing but a loyal wife. I really did not deserve all this.
Pooof! Our secret was out. Kevin and I had concealed the truth from our families as we were waiting for the paternity tests results. I thought well, since my sister in law knew about the cheating fiasco of Kev and Sheryl, I had no choice but to tell her the truth about everything.
We sat there crying together about our marriages and what our husbands had brought into our lives.
I must say I was so broken and torn apart. I could not handle what I just heard. I asked Reatli to keep what she told me between us. I told her not to mention all this to Kevin and that I would tell him myself. I needed to get my head around it first . She agreed that she would not say anything.
Here I was with information that could mess my marriage, especially because Kevin wanted to support Sheryl financially through the remaining of her pregnancy and I refused. What will he do if he finds out that Sheryl was carrying twins? His twin boys? God will have to forgive me. I would never tell him that. Not now at least, we would have to wait till the results. This was one thing that I feared. Now it was reality. Reality that could bring my husband and Sheryl closer. Oh God. Why? Why did it had to be twin boys? Why did it had to be my husband's mistress pregnant with twin boys? Not me?
The way I was so devastated, I phoned Kevin, telling him that I was not feeling well and that I would not be joining them. I told him that I was going to lie down a bit and rest. Initially Kevin wanted to cut their fun short to rush to me, but I assured him that I was not too bad .I told him that he and the kids must have fun and I would see them later. We agreed that they would pick me up at Reatli’s later.
I decided to take a brokenhearted nap. You know that power nap you would take when you are so torn? Hoping that when you woke up you would realize that it was just a nightmare? Yeah, that one. Unfortunately an hour and a half later I woke up realizing that my life was about to change, this time forever.
My drive home with my husband and the kids was longer. I was so absent minded. The kids kept talking about their good time at the Zoo, but I was not hearing them. My mind was far away. How would I live with myself for keeping the secret to my husband’s mistress being pregnant with twins? But also, how do I tell him? Well my selfish excuse was that Kevin and I agreed not to discuss anything about Sheryl and her pregnancy until after birth, so I was not being a biyatch.
Or was I fooling and convincing myself?
We finally got home and I told my husband that I needed to take a bath. I headed upstairs, Kevin followed just as I reached our bedroom. He offered to run my bath and even wash my back. I accepted offer number one, and avoided offer number two simply to avoid spending time alone with my husband. I was avoiding him, just in case he asked me about my visit to the Baloyes. I told him earlier that Reatli and I were discussing women stuff and that I would tell him later. Given my earlier mood in the car, he was concerned about me and even worried about the baby.
I could not discuss what I found out . It would not be easy. For one thing, it meant keeping secrets from my husband, something we vowed never to do. I knew should my husband insist on rubbing my back, he would ask me questions and I knew I won’t be able to lie to his face. He would be able to see through me, he'd always been able to know when I was hiding something. All Kevin had to do was to take a good look at my face…and I'd tell all.
So as tempting as it was for my husbee to give me some love, I declined his offer to wash my back.
I blushed as I remembered how good it feels to be under his scrutiny. Shaking my head, I walked into the bathroom and dug myself into the bathtub. As I lay in that bath, I went deep into thoughts. I just eyed the small roof tiles decorations, that was all I could do not to shudder. I was really worried and scared. I was wondering if it was wise to keep what I found out a secret? I knew it was going to be the hardest part, spending everyday with my husband, being in close proximity to the man I love and not saying anything! It meant I would have to watch what I say to make sure there were no slip ups.
Haa lies and secrets are really not nice. Right now I was so caught up in keeping a secret from my husband. I was planning and plotting how I was going to survive close to three weeks with such information. I was even planning to keep our conversations light, impersonal, and I thought, thanks to our agreement of not discussing Sheryl, I won’t feel too much guilty for not discussing her. I must say Kevin looked so worried about me. He asked me over and over if I was okay, and all the time I told him that I was. Obviously lying. If only he knew!
We ate dinner and went to our bedroom. We brushed our teeth and went to bed. I could not even bring myself to pray nor read my bible. Kevin came closer to me and pulled me to his chest. Yoo. I just threw my head on his chest and cried. It was like I was loosing him. It was like a piece of me was ripped off my heart. The thought of Sheryl being pregnant with twins tore the base of my heart and I was scared that my fears were being realised. Loosing complete claim, love and attention from my husband once the babies are born because, knowing my husband, he would want to make up for his father’s mistakes by being there for his illegitimate kids.
I didn’t want to share my husband’s attention, but I knew if she was truly carrying his kids, he would want to be part of those kids’ lives. Something I was battling with. Kevin wanted another boy child, now he might have a chance of fathering two boys for that matter.
My husband just let me cry without saying anything. He wiped off the tears running down my cheeks.
When my sobs finally subsided, my husband asked me to join him to pray. I just looked at him and said nothing. We got off the bed and knelt down. Normally when we kneel down , I always ask my husband if he would love to pray or should I pray. That moment, I just knelt down and bowed my head. For a good 20 seconds there was silence between us. I squeezed his hand. And I guess he got the message that he was the one who asked us to pray, so he must do the praying. I only heard my husband started praying
Dear most high gracious God
Thank you for this day and the people you have put into my life. Father, thank you for my beloved spouse and children. Thank you for the love you have for me and the forgiveness you have given me. Thank you for your Son, who lives in me. I approach you in prayer through your Son Jesus Christ, to ask that you please grant me the strength to change my ways to better my family. I know in my heart I thought wrong on how to lead and love my family in life. I have forsaken and neglected them and allowed the evil of money, greed and infidelity to blind me of what I had. I know that my past had wounded my wife’s heart, but you have healed it and taken away the things that kept me from loving her as you would have me do. Lord, I pray that you will continue to change me and make me into the husband, and father you would have me be.
Lord, I truly know now that happiness is the family and having fun and enjoying life with them. Allow me to bring back love and togetherness to my family. To give them unconditional love, to listen to them with the two ears you gave me so I listen twice as hard before I speak with my one mouth, and allow them to grow and experience life and not hold them back from their dreams. But stand by their side and support them regardless of the out come.
Lord, it’s through your son Jesus I ask for the strength and guidance to be able to provide and protect them. My wife is a very special person to me, who I love dearly and will never leave nor forsake ever again no matter what.
Lord, I know I hurt her and if I caused her heart to harden, Lord Jesus, I pray that you will soften her heart and lead her to you and back to me. I know she believes in you as do I. Please allow her to forgive me for the years of heartache and love I took for granted and for not listening to her even when she was not speaking. Help her to forgive me for neglecting and forsaking her when she was there for me all along. I know now and should have known then not to focus on unimportant things that caused me to lose focus on what was more important to me, and that was her love.
Lord, please allow her to forgive me and bring me back in her life. I promise, I will never neglect her or my children again and will dedicate my life to them . I have committed to bring happiness back into their lives and with your strength and their support, what ever challenges that lies ahead I will be there for them no matter what happens. Please Lord, grant me this one prayer in life to show them I have changed and that I will do my best to never let them down ever again.
Lord, thank you for the love you have poured into my heart. Your unconditional love overflows my heart. You know my heart Lord and the depths of my love for my wife and my kids. I pray that you will pour your abundant blessings upon our family. Lord, your word has shown us what you would have us do and that you want us to stay together and forgive and reconcile. Lord, I pray that we will both submit to your will and rebuild our marriage. I pray that you will heal and restore our marriage.
Lord, I do plead to you to hear and answer my prayers through your only begotten son Jesus Christ, my raining King and Redeemer - Amen
Yooo! This man besides me though? His prayer brought me to tears. I even felt guilty.
Must I just come clean and tell him what I heard? Or should I keep mum about this till the results? Oh God, what must I do?
