Diary of a Single Mum Episode 73 - Mzansi Stories

Tuesday, December 15


Diary of a Single Mum Episode 73


My journey back to Lilongwe was not something I would wish to do anytime soon. The feeling of uneasiness that engulfed my heart made matters worse. What was wrong with me? I knew I had to trust Ben with the kids but a part of me screamed in protest. Not that he would hurt them but taking them far away from me was scary enough that I shivered even though sweat was trickling down my face.
Isaac kept texting me on watsapp. The conversation diverted back to his love declarations. I simply didn't want him to be more than a friend. To me what he wanted was a replica of his late wife. I didn't want to be chained down to excuses that would see my every action critically scrutinized on the magnifying glass to see if I performed the way she used to or could have. It could have made me mad being in such a relationship which couldn't have had any love in it but rather pity and mercy. Her pictures still hanging on the walls and everywhere around the house intrigued my mind. I probably would have felt like I was trampling on sacred ground, a temple that had inhabited two soul mates until death robbed them of their time together. I laughed to myself having had conclusions like those when I didn't even give him a chance to prove himself.
I had burnt my fingers enough to know if I would burn them again or not.
The few months I had known him were not enough to convince myself that I had undying love for him.
I asked him for time, which he said he didn't have. Why was he in a hurry? I believed a little patience couldn't have hurt him nonetheless.
My battery died when we were passing Salima, so I slept for the rest of the way.
We arrived in Lilongwe in the wee hours of the morning and waited until 5:00am to go home.
The moment I knocked on the door, it opened as if Norah had been expecting me the whole night. The atmosphere was tensed between us and she tried to explain why she didn't tell me when Ben came to take the kids. The court case can back to my mind and I shuddered in protest that I would never go through that agony again.
" Even if you had told me or tried to stop him from taking the kids, Ben couldn't have listened to you. He is stubborn." I told Norah.
" I was afraid of how you would react." She said with a smile on her face. The ice had melted. I wanted nothing but my bed because lying down in the bus had felt like bricks were beneath my back. I ached all over.
I went to sleep until 10:00 am and went to take a bath. The following day was a monday and I was worried to face my boss who calling him Hitler was an understatement. I was one of the staff who gave more excuses to tend to one problem or the other. This other time he even bellowed at me that his company wasn't a charitable organization that paid people who worked less.
Before leaving for Beatrice's wedding when a few days previously I was attending Joy's funeral, The Human Resources Manager had told me to go to the boss myself and tell him the excuse. I couldn't risk it, I made sure I kept out of the boss's way the whole day and almost sneaked out when it was time to knock off. I didn't know what calamity laid before me on the morrow. As a defense mechanism to maintain my sanity, I allowed 70% of his insults to penetrate and pass as undecoded from one ear out to the other.
I went to get dressed and later took out the kids' clothes to wash. Ben's phone was still unavailable but I knew that he had to bring them since they had to go to school the following day.
Norah was making lunch on the charcoal burner outside and we were chatting. She told me that her husband was back from Mocambique and he was requesting to see her and the baby. She asked me on whether she had to go or not. I answered.
" That's your decision to Make. You are the one who know the depth of your love for him because alot can happen. Whatever you do bear in mind that a hyena may only change the forest he is in to another but that won't him a giraffe."
She was left more puzzled than she had been before. I wasn't an excellent adviser on love matters, if I was perhaps my previous relationships couldn't have suffered catastrophe.
Later in the afternoon, I received a call from Marble. I was reluctant to pick it up for fear of reopening wounds.
" Hello"
"Wangu how are you?"
"Great and yourself?"
Then a moment of silence.
"Er...I just wanted to say hie since I haven't been seeing you at work recently."
She made it sound like I had been off work for like forever when it was only four days ago. Besides how would she act like all was well between after everything that happened.
"Have you been sick?"
" I went to Beatrice's wedding in Nkhatabay."
"Wow so she got married. All the best to her." I hated that feigned enthusiasm as if it was the reason for her calling.
I waited.
" I...I'm sorry about Joy." She stammered.
How will I ever get over the pain of losing Joy? Hearing her name mentioned was even more painful than just thinking about her. Atleast in thoughts I would try to summon only the best memories to my mind while hearing it from Marble made me realize how mad I still was at Marcy and Mike for driving Joy to suicide.
"Can we talk about something else because what is done is done." I couldn't bear prolonging this conversation.
"Am sorry I just wanted to give you my condolences."
" condolences or not but nothing will ever bring Joy back. I guess your sister is happy to have Mike all to herself."
I could feel my sarcasm cutting across to her like a sharp knife. Why did she had to say her condolences at that moment when at work she had been avoiding me like a plague? Whenever I entered the room she was in,she could immediately leave. She was acting like my sworn enemy and looking like she was the victim of circumstances that I triggered.
"It was nice of you calling but I have to go..."
"Wait...wait please." She almost begged me.
"Marcy run off to Kenya with her boyfriend."
That was the most outrageous thing I had ever heard. Run off? Like the devil she had come to steal, kill and destroy when she didn't have the slightest love for Mike. She could have left them to keep their world as it was yet she had ventured on a campaign to put assunder that God had joined. Mike had urged her on, making the devil's plans fruitful for that which is forbidden is sweet but the devil always hides the price tag. For all the gold in the world, I didn't wish to be him at that moment and have a lick of what betrayal felt like...

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