Unscripted love Chapter 70 - Mzansi Stories

Monday, July 4

Wizzy

Unscripted love Chapter 70

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#70
Belonging. Identity. Family
LEVI’S POV
The late night grew cold and misty as the moon hung over the quiet township, in the middle of nowhere. I was parked in front of an incomplete house on a dirt road in my dirt covered car with the driver’s door open, keys hanging from the ignition. I’d just arrived and my face was already dry from the dry air. I stepped out of the car and observed the old house my father called home.
The house seemed to have collapsed inwardly on itself somewhat, like a loaf of bread taken out of the oven too soon. It looked like a giant had sat on the roof, for it sagged terribly. The windows were gaping holes for the wind to rush in and out through and the door hung on its hinges at a jaunty angle. It was a rotting heap, not fit for human habitation. In the high winds of the season the old house could be heard creaking as if in its death throes.
The door screeched open and a young man walked out of the house, unshaven and his short shaggy hair looked as if it had not been combed in days.
“That’s your younger brother, Amohelang.” Keagile informed me as he walked back from closing the homemade wire gate.
I walked towards the boot after standing still to observe the quiet houses surrounding me in the distance. They too looked like wonky teeth, rotting away. It was almost hard to believe that people lived like this.
Suddenly, I heard a disturbance in a zinc brick structure next to the house, causing me to stand still, my hands extended in front of me, as if I were set to dash back toward my vehicle.
“Dumelang. Le kae?” I turned to the voice behind me.
“Hi, sorry I don’t understand.” I informed Amohelang.
“Oh, what do you understand? Just English?” He was rather hostile for a person that didn’t even know me.
“Amo! Don’t start. Make yourself useful and take the things into the house.” My father reprimanded.
“Let’s go meet your grandmother, please call her nkgono.” Keagile beamed.
Me: N-what?
Keagile: Nkgono, it means grandmother.
Me: Nkhunu?
Amo laughed at my attempt as he walked past carrying the TV.
We followed Amohelang into the house. A pale-skinned woman with dark grey eyes and deep lines of hardship drawn all over her face was standing in the middle of the kitchen when we walked in. She was thin, short and angelic-looking.
“Orefile.” She said with a gasp expelling as she spoke. I attempted to step toward her, paused, thought about whether it was appropriate to hug her, then proceeded to move forward to place my arms around her when she opened her arms.
She closed her eyes and smiled as she held me tight, I was glad I’d found my family while she was still alive. Right there in my arms she fell apart and let her tears form the outward expression of what both of us felt within. I just let her cry on my shoulder. I let the tears wash away the hurt caused by all the time lost. When she tried to speak her voice faltered into unintelligible croaks.
“We never gave up looking for you, never gave up hope you’d return.” She chocked between sobs. She lifted her hand, silently. Despite the robotic components she touched my hair, my face and my shoulders as if she was making sure that I was really real. I wish I'd washed my today, I wish I’d slept long enough the previous night so I could look my best for our first meeting, but she didn't seem to mind the tired eyes.
“It really is a pleasure to meet you nk – nk….. Grandmother.” I smiled.
“Orefile, my love for you is no different than the love I have for my other grandchildren. I’ve carried you with me in my spirit all these years. Just knowing you were walking this earth was enough to hold on to the hope that we would meet. I prayed for you daily and never gave up my hopes of somehow knowing you.”
“Orefile!?” My sister called as she walked in, speaking softly in a pleasant tone. I turned to face her. “I’m Oratile, your older sister.” She wanted to say something else but the words did not make it past her chokes. Keagile put an arm around her and wiped her tears with the sleeve of his jersey. A little girl came into the kitchen and introduced herself as Koketso, another one of my sisters.
Countless minutes passed, my brain was taking it all in, they were real. Meeting my biological family was emotional for me even though I did not cry. Which is something I worried about later—should I have cried? I hoped they didn’t interpret that as me not being as jubilant as they were.
I felt good connecting with them, but I did not feel so overwhelmed that I cried. It was great to finally put faces, voices, identities, and life experiences to a group of people I am related to but did not grow up with. When I found out I was having a child I yearned to look into my child's face and be able to say with some authority, "you look just like your grandma" and now that could finally happen. I walked into the living room and regained my composure with each step.
Keagile motioned me to sit next to him on the tattered couch. I studied the faces around the room and barely registered what they were saying or asking. It was surreal. I was home. I was so glad that the file I had on them seemed to have pictures of all my siblings because I often worried about chance meetings at the grocery store or accidentally dating a sister or cousin.
Koketso was ordered to bring the family album and my father showed me pictures of my siblings. Oratile was the first born and she was the sister who was knee deep into politics. I was next in line, followed by Atlegang, a sister that was four months younger than me. Amohelang was the first born when my father settled down and married. He was followed by Lesedi and Koketso. My brother, Lefu, passed away when he was five and it caused a strain in his marriage which resulted in my father straying and fathering twins he named Lebo and Lebohang. I tried not to judge Keagile for fathering eight children with five different women, instead I vowed to be better and make better decisions for myself.
Once the introductions and brief family history was brushed through, it was a little awkward as no one really knew what to say to get things started. There were uncomfortable amounts of silence and conversations at first, but within just a few minutes my sisters began to open up to a point where it seemed just like we were a group of siblings that had decided to meet for dinner. I couldn’t verbalize the feeling. I just knew I belonged, I fit in, I felt whole. I was one of them.
Only I wasn’t quite like them and this became evident when a plate of pap and chicken feet was placed on my lap, no fork or spoon in sight, just a cloth. They sunk their teeth into the evening meal while I sat back and wished the plate of food away.
“Is there something wrong with the food?” Amohelang asked, noting that I hadn’t touched it.
“No, I’m just… Its just.” I struggled to find the right words to inform them that I didn’t eat chicken feet politely.
“I don’t eat chicken feet.” I settled on the straightforward truth.
“Have you ever tried them?” Orefile asked. “They are quite nice.”
“No.” I admitted.
“But you’ve tried snails? And prawns which are nothing more than glorified cockroaches.” Amohelang shot.
“Amohelang thle!” Keagile hooted. “What is your problem?”
“My problem is that we are pretending to be this big, fat happy family when we aren’t. You are sitting there, happily showing off pictures of us as children, apple-cheeked and smiling, squinting into the sunshine. They are a visual diary of seemingly sweet and contented children. By showing these to him you are saying, "Look, look how happy your siblings were growing up. Here is proof."
The thing is, though, those happy little children in the photos? They’re nothing but well-seasoned actors. When you are used to pretending that everything is ok, that you are a normal family with loving parents, you develop a really excellent false smile. You can do it on command, like a trained dog.
If we’re going to get real, if we’re to bring any semblance of verisimilitude into this, let’s look at the true picture: you, drunk and vicious, smashing up a bedroom suite, or beating the dog, or whipping my sister and me with a belt, or getting blind drunk and forcing us into the car, where you’d drive and scream at us for hours. Let’s see you wrap your hands round my mother’s throat and strangle her. See me and my siblings punching and kicking at your legs, trying to stop you. See our little teeth biting ineffectually at your pant cuffs.
Clearly I should have compiled my own album of other pictures of the stark insides of empty kitchen cupboards; a still life of the last heel of bread, spread with the last curl of generic margarine and sanded with white sugar; bruises blooming like black dahlias on my arms and legs and backs. Maybe a candid of my mother, her hands swollen and battered, a book covering her tired, hopeless face as she tried to ignore you beating the life out of my sister in your drunken state.
This whole charade that has been put up today has made me realise that we were are nothing more than a pair of lost children who are used to keeping secrets. We have been taught to keep our heads down and just get through our shitty lives as best as we can. We don’t have to lie and pretend anymore.
Orefile, Luvuyo, whatever your name is, you must be glad that you lived a different life. A life where you can turn your nose up at pap and chicken feet when the rest of us see it as a delicacy because we get to eat meat today, something that only happens once a week. I wish you knew half of the real truth but since you don’t all I can say is, run and never look back.”
Amohelang didn't raise his voice, his muscles tensed and he got right in close to Keagile for maximum impact as if daring him to explode and show his real self. Nkgono quietly stood up and padded out of the room without a word, taking Koketso with her.
“You’ve ruined dinner with your lies.” Keagile stated calmly. “Just sit down and eat your food, if you don’t want to be here then leave. Don’t sabotage this with the nonsense going on in your mind.” Keagile’s voice wasn’t raised but there was seething behind it.
“Maybe I should get going.” I suggested even though there were so many questions swirling in my mind. I was afraid any questions I had would incite violence and it was best to leave. The more I mulled Amo’s outburst over the more my brain became a spinning top, always finding more questions than answers. What truths was Amohelang talking about? Did I really want to dig through the past and possibly uncover that Keagile was actually the monster I was raised to believe he was?
Oratile shot up and took my plate, almost as if she was glad that I’d opted to leave as the mood tensed. “I should also get going, it’s quite late. Orefile will drop me off Ntate.” She said before she scrambled to the kitchen. We were out of the house and on the road without as much as a goodbye.
“Why does it seem like everyone is scared of Keagile?” I took my eyes off the road and glanced at my sister on the passenger’s seat.
“Please don’t ask me questions that I cannot answer.” She sounded like she was in a panic.
Me: Was there any truth to what Amohelang said?
“All I will say is that Amohelang has the talent of an Academy Award-winning actor.” She said and looked out of the window. It seemed odd to me that he would go through such great lengths to discredit Keagile to paint him as an abusive drunkard. It was time for me to rummage the contents of the file and contact my mother’s family to hear their side of the story and hopefully put the puzzle pieces together.
“Amohelang is jealous of the life you got to live and it would be best if you avoided him at all cost.” My sister’s warning was stern and it carried the message that Amohelang wasn’t someone I I wanted to mess with. “You must thank God for the privileged bubble in which you reside. Ntate was so happy to come back and tell the entire family about the prodigal son that grew up participating in ballet, gymnastics, tennis, swim team, science club, basketball, soccer, art classes, summer camps, and piano lessons, which you viewed as a punishment when it was actually a privilege. A life Ntate wished he could give all his other children but couldn’t afford to. It seems as though you lead an extremely charmed existence, the kind of childhood that we dreamed of having, but didn’t.
While Amohelang chooses to dwell on that and hating you for it, I am just glad that we are reunited. Our lives are so very different from the other because we were raised differently. Due to the decisions that others made we missed out on a lot of memories. You never got to see me marry my husband and you’ve never met my children but I am so glad that I now have the opportunity to see my little brother reach those milestones. Regardless of what happens with Amohelang, Ntate or the rest of the family this is our relationship and I want us to define it. It’s nice to finally meet you, Orefile, my little brother.” She said wearing an expression of contentment.
I still had a lot of questions but I realised that this, ultimately was what this was all about, a gift I had received at birth but had never unwrapped. Belonging. Identity. Family.

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***
The car had slowed down, Seth gently pressed on the brakes due to the number of cars on the street. I let out a small sigh as I looked out the window and noted the number of cars. We were at the end of the street, Zain’s house was on the other end but we could easily hear the loud music coming from his house. Girls and boys were walking up the street to get to the party Zain organised to celebrate his first C-section. Seth had rolled his window down and scoffed at just exactly how loud the music was.
“How long until the cops get here to shut it down?” Seth asked.
“I doubt the neighbours will call the cops. His parties are always like this.” I said. “He usually talks to the neighbours beforehand too.” I added.
“I don’t think I’m gonna stay long.” He sighed. “Mom tells me you went to your birthfather’s house last night. How was it?” He asked. My cousin was on tenterhooks.
Me: It was a little confusing. A lot of things were said that don’t add up. Let’s just say I have a lot of questions that I don’t want to think about tonight. I also don’t want to think about a documentary we were filming earlier today. I am emotionally drained and I just wanna get fucked tonight.
“Well, that’s going to be an issue seeing as Thando isn’t around to fuck you. Unless… you’ve gone back to your old ways of banging everything that moves.”
My brow furrowed. “Fucked as in get drunk!? You are going to stay for a while because you must make sure that I get home safely.”
Seth: You are lucky I have to be nice because you are leaving in a couple of weeks. I know its gay and all but I will miss you. You are more than a cousin to me…. you are like an older brother that I’ve looked up to all my life.
“I’ll miss you too, dude.” I didn’t want to dwell on the thought of leaving my whole life behind. I quickly changed the subject and spoke about the number of cars parked on the street.
It took us about five minutes to finally pull up to the house. Seth lightly pressed down on the horn to signal people to get off the driveway. As the crowd dispersed he drove in and parked next to Zain’s car. Both of them stepped out of their vehicles at the same time while I grabbed a case of beer I bought on the backseat.
I glanced around the front yard looking at people doing different things. Some just talking, some drinking, others smoking. As Seth locked his car he followed me as I trailed up the walkway. Both the front doors had been left open so that people could easily walk in and out of the house. We were greeted by a few people we recognised, however, we didn’t stop to talk. Both of us just wanted to get to our friends.
“Zain doesn’t know half these people.” Seth said as we stepped into the house. The music sounded louder and I bumped my head to Zain’s favourite song – High by Royal Headache. The smell of marijuana filled my senses and the room looked a bit foggy because of the substance. There were people everywhere playing different drinking games, chatting and dancing.
I grew a bit irritated due to the number of people that were cramped up in the large space like sardines and didn’t like the fact that we had to literally squeeze past people. Seth had to talk a bit loud so I could hear him over the music, saying he was going to go to the back living room while I said I was going to the kitchen first.
I maneuvered through the crowded room, making it to the kitchen and looked at the overly drunk girls that were pouring and mixing nearly every bottle that was on the counter – which was a lot. I opened the fridge and set the case of beer down in front of me. I packed the beers inside the fridge, grabbed four bottles for myself so I could one, avoid the trip back. Two, I was fully aware that they would be gone by the time I left the kitchen.
Leaving the kitchen I turned down the hallway, huffing at how people were casually hanging out when the space was narrow as hell. I held two beers in each hand, gripping onto them tighter so they wouldn’t fall as I told people to move now than then. I ignored the group of girls that tried to grab onto my arm to talk to me. I’d finally made it back to the living room, for a split second I thought it wouldn’t be as crowded as the rest of the house but no. I was wrong.
I spotted my friends on the large L-shaped couch and made my way over. I took a seat beside Andrew at the end and placed my beers down on the coffee table in front of me so I could keep an eye on them. I muttered a small greeting to Andrew who I was surprised to see, but I was glad that he and Zain squashed whatever bullshit argument they’d gotten into last year.
“Glad you made time for us!” Zain cheered loudly. It was easy to tell he was drunk which only made me sign.
“Where’s Conor?” I asked when I noticed the blond Irish boy wasn’t with them.
“Smoking.” Andrew answered with a nod.
I followed Andrew’s gaze and looked to my right. Glancing around the crowded room before finding my friend perched on the dining table smoking a Cuban cigar. He was partnered with a girl which I didn’t pay mind to. When I looked away I did a double take at the group of girls on the other end of the table and furrowed my eyes at the familiar blonde.
“Who invited Alana?” I asked Andrew.
“Zain told her to come so she could invite her friends since he’s trying to get with Meryl.” Andrew answered.
My eyes went back over to Alana, looking her up and down. Her body was clad in a pair of black skinny jeans – which fit tight against her long legs. She had on a black long sleeve that had a deep v-cut tucked in her jeans. She also looked a bit taller due to the black ankle boots she had on her feet.
There was no denying how good she looked, not to mention how much I loved how she only wore black but she just managed to make it look trendy. Black contrasted her light skin and blonde hair. Her dark eye shadow made her green eyes stand out. I took notice that her hair was a bit longer. What once rested on the top of her breasts now passed them and fell down to her waist.
I shook my head to rid myself of the thoughts and stop myself from staring. I leaned over and grabbed one of the bottles and twisted the cap open before bringing the rim to my lips and taking quite a large sip.
“I’m stepping out for a cig.” Andrew said. Seth and I nodded as he headed towards the back door.
Seth scooted over slightly so he could talk to me without yelling. “Alana is here.” He said simply.
“I saw her.” I bobbed, brought the bottle to my lips again.
“You gonna tell Zain off for inviting your ex?” Seth asked, in hopes that I wouldn’t.
I sighed before shaking my head. “It’s his house, he can invite whoever he wants. Andrew told me he invited her so she would come with Meryl.” I answered.
Seth chuckled before nodding. “Lad can’t take a no for an answer. Meryl is not interested.”
“It’s just a bit annoying because if I were to throw a party and invite Chloe he’d take a piss and wouldn’t talk to me for days.” I said, downed my beer before placing the empty bottle on the coffee table and grabbed a second one.
Both of us looked over at Conor when we heard his laugh. My eyes sneaked another glance at my ex, twisted the cap off from the bottle as I watched her smile and speak to her partner. I quickly looked away when she turned her head and looked in my direction.
“How long ago did you guys break up again?” Seth asked.
“Seven months ago.” I answered simply once again.
“Wel,l the seven months did her good.” Seth smirked. “She looks so much hotter!” He laughed.
I brushed off his comment. Not finding it relevant to engage or discuss it further. I looked straight ahead and listened to Seth talking about hot girls and couldn’t help but subtly take a glance over at Alana every now and then. I wondered if she’d seen me. I also wondered if she was doing good or forgiven me for breaking up with her and telling her I wasn’t ready for marriage or anything serious.
I was on my forth beer. Still unable to stop taking glances at Alana since I first saw she was here. Andrew had returned a while ago and Meryl had made an appearance and was now seated on Zain’s lap. Which caused Zain to have the widest smile on his face. Conor had rounded up his discussion with the brunette and made his way over to us, making me scoot over so he could sit beside me.
“S’good seeing you out.” Conor said sarcastically.
“What do you mean?” I asked with furrowed eyebrows.
“You barely come out anymore and when you do, you come with your kidney.” Conor chuckled.
“Because partying and getting drunk isn’t everything Conor.” I said in annoyance.
“Where is your kidney?” He asked.
“Thando is at her place. I invited her but I doubt she’ll come because her parents are… visiting?” It came out as more of a question because they seemed to have moved in. Her dad slept in Sbahle’s room while Thando and Sbahle slept with her mother in her room.
“D’you know Alana is here?” Conor smiled.
“Yes.” I answered.
“You gonna talk to her?” Conor urged with a teasing smile.
“No Conor. I’m not.” I sighed. Unsure why he would ask that when we all knew Alana hated me.
“Saw her on a cover of some magazine, she’s fucking hot man. But your girlfriend is quite something as well … what’s her name again?”
“Thando.”
Conor nodded, easily able to tell I didn’t want to talk about Alana any further.
“Got any beer left?” he asked as he gestured to the bottle in my hand.
“I brought some, left them in the fridge but I doubt there’s any left. These people are fucking scavengers.” I sneered.
Conor pursed his lips in contemplation. “What’s got you ticked off? You seem irritated.” He observed.
I hadn’t really paid attention to my foul mood but I’d been ticked off since filming the mini documentary on Thando’s rape. Hanging pictures of her battered face and abdomen after that savage beat her up for having an abortion enraged me. I wanted to get on the first flight out and fuck him up. I was certain Thando’s father felt the same way as he kept clenching his fists throughout his segment.
The angle taken by the investigative journalist was commendable because Thando didn’t have to do this on her own. She told her story. I spoke about how I blamed myself and the role I played as her partner to help both of us move towards a new normal. Her parents were asked to speak about the role a parent can play in helping their child survive such a tragedy. Reliving it, discussing it, dissecting it and unpacking the emotions the entire day was gut wrenching for all involved.
“I’m not ticked off,” I lied.
“I’m gonna go get us some more beer.” Conor found himself standing and walking towards the kitchen.
He sank next to me on his return and I groaned when he found that I was right, there wasn’t any beer left in the fridge. However, he came back with a bottle of tequila that was still closed and shot glasses. He cheered out the word ‘shots’ when he placed everything down on the coffee table.
Shots were downed, over and over. We were halfway through the bottle and it was my seventh shot when I felt the liquid pass through my body. I groaned at the sudden urge to piss.
“I need to urinate.” I said as I stood up off the couch. I stood in front of Zain with my hand out.
“What?” Zain asked as he looked up at me.
“Give me the keys to your room.” I answered.
“Why?” Zain questioned. There’s a bathroom downstairs and two up in the hallways upstairs.
“Do you know how many people have fucking pissed all over and sat on or even puked in those toilets by now? Eeew, I am not taking a leak in those, plus there’s probably people waiting to use each one.” I answered.
“Fine.” My brother said reaching into his pocket. He grabbed the set of keys to certain rooms he didn’t want people invading. He tossed the keys to me, I caught them and turned on my heel towards the fucking hallway that I knew would be too crowded.
I stumbled my way through the bodies in the hallway and somehow quickly walked through the front living room which was by far the most crowded area of the house. I made my way towards the staircase, bit my tongue to prevent from cussing at those that recognised me and demanded pictures. I looked a mess and these people wanted to photograph me. I rudely ignored them and made my way up.
There was nothing up there but bedrooms and an office. Zain had locked each room leaving only the two bathrooms open because he didn’t want anyone fucking on his beds or his desk. The thought of having foreign fluids on his things made him gag, I wasn’t as fussy.
My instincts were right when I saw people standing in front of the bathroom doors waiting their turn. I made my way to Zain’s room, unlocked it to enter inside and locked the door. I walked to his bathroom, as I was peeing I heard a loud thud coming from outside the door. I ignored it and pulled my jeans and boxer briefs back up and buttoned them before flushing the toilet and went to the sink to wash my hands.
“Seriously Sheena, get up!” Teagan said when she noticed me and a bunch of others staring at the girl on the floor. Legs dangling and flashing her red underwear.
“I’m try- I’m trying.” Sheena said drunkenly.
“No you’re not. Get up, people are staring at you.” Alana frowned as she took Sheena’s left hand and Teagan grabbed hold of the right. Her body didn’t lift off the ground as they tried to pull her up.
“Don’t be that drunk loud girl that gets on everyone’s nerves.” Alana spat as they tried to pull her up again. They managed to get her up, after a few steps she tripped over her heels and fell straight forward. Sheena hit her head against a closed door and instead of wincing at the pain she blew out into a fit of giggles.
My eyes met Teagan’s as I looked up and she sent me a coy smile.
“Oh hi, Levi!” She beamed.
Alana looked up nearly instantly, eyes meeting mine as I had averted my gaze back towards her. We held eye contact for a few seconds, neither of us wanting to break it.
“What are you doing up here?” Teagan asked causing both of us to break our stare at the same time.
“Bathroom,” I answered her flatly.
“In that room?” She asked and I nodded.
“That would have been helpful like five minutes ago.” She added with a chuckle.
“Why?” I asked, confused.
“We have to pee.” Teagan answered and gestured towards herself and Alana.
“So pee. There are bathrooms up here and downstairs.” I said carelessly.
“Can’t we just use the one in that room like you did?” Teagan asked as she and Alana managed to get their friend back up again.
Me: No.
“Why not?” Teagan frowned.
Me: Because the room was closed and locked for a reason.
Teagan: Zain would let us in.
“Feel free to run along and ask.” I said as I turned to lock the door and placed the keys in my pocket.
“My friends neeeeeed to peeeeee!” Let theeeeeem.” Sheena giggled and dragged the words in her drunken state.
“What we really need is to get you downstairs and get you some water.” Alana said, changing the subject so they could just go back downstairs.
“Um, no. I’m gonna piss on myself.” Teagan whined.
“We are wasting time standing here. You held it in while talking to that guy, right? So you can hold it while we go back downstairs.” Alana said in annoyance. I was just ‘that guy now.’
Zain had just reached the top of the stairs and frowned when he saw Sheena hanging on Alana and Teagan. He walked over and carried her bridal style. “Let’s get you downstairs before you puke all over my carpet.” Zain groaned.
I watched as they turned towards the staircase to head back down. Teagan walked ahead, followed by Zain with Sheena and Alana was a step higher than all of them. I was quick to rush over to the staircase and grabbed hold of Alana’s arm before she could take another step down.
She didn’t say anything as I pulled her back up the stairs. However, she had a confused expression on her face. She followed sheepishly as I led her back to the door I came out from. Getting the keys from my pocket, I unlocked the door and gestured for her to walk in. She was hesitant at first but slowly walked inside. I followed her in and locked the door behind me.
“What-”
“The bathroom is right there.” I interrupted her.
She turned to look behind to the open door and then looked back over at me. “You need to use the bathroom and there’s lines at each one and they’re probably dirty as hell.” I added.
She nodded thankfully and turned on her heel to the bathroom. She turned on the light and closed the door as I pulled out my phone and sat on the edge of the bed. I groaned in frustration when I realised I had a dozen missed calls and messages from my wife. I didn’t feel my phone vibrating in my jacket.
Alana opened the door which caused me to look up and I pocketed my phone, deciding that I would call Thando later.
“Um, thank you.” She spoke up in the room lit by the moon shining through the large window.
“No problem.” I said simply.
She stood there as I remained seated on the edge of the bed. The tension was thick and both of us were able to feel it with ease. “Well I’m gonna…” she pointed towards the door.
“Wait.” I spoke which caused her to stop walking towards the closed door. “Um, I just wanted to apologise for the way things ended. You are an amazing girl and anyone would agree that you are drop dead gorgeous so I don’t want you to ever doubt yourself when I was the problem. At the beginning we agreed that we were just having fun. I could tell you were getting attached and I didn’t want to hurt you by stringing you along. I wasn’t ready to settle down.” I said as I scratched the back of my neck.
“But you were ready a month later? You started dating her a month after we broke up now you are engaged and having a baby.” She stated which made me regret apologising in the first place. This shit was awkward and I couldn’t say anything to take back the pain I caused her. And I didn’t know she was talking to my friends about me because they are the only ones that knew about the pregnancy.
We both remained in our spots for a few more seconds. Silence was the only thing that engulfed us. Instead of saying another word she began to unlock the door. At this, I was quick to stand off the bed and push my hand against the door, causing it to close after barely opening. She gasped slightly before turning around to face me, I was taken aback by our close proximity and the sudden urge to kiss her.
“What are you doing Levi?” she asked breathlessly.
“I don’t know.” I shook my head. “Just… seeing you tonight. I don’t know.”
“Don’t know what, Levi?” She muttered.
Our eyes met. She glanced between my eyes and then down to my lips. I stepped back.
“I just wanted to tell you that I am really sorry.” I broke our gaze and opened Zain’s closet. I took my jacket off and grabbed one of Zain’s jackets mindlessly in a bid to keep busy and not look at her pained expression.
“Don’t be sorry for making me realise that I deserved more than a one sided relationship. I know now that I was in love, you weren’t. I handed you a security pass straight into my heart with exclusive access to my mind and soul. I was full of hope, ready for a new adventure. When you didn’t give a damn about my mind and soul. All you cared about was my tits and pussy.
I was stupid enough to think that sex was proof of love when it isn’t. I was naïve to think that sex would make you fall in love and I mistook physical contact for intimacy. The sex was my desperate search for hidden love in hurried kisses and aggressive thrusts and it didn’t make you want me, not the way I needed you to want me anyway.” Alana said so softly, so quietly it could have passed as a whisper.
There was a faint knock on the door. She yanked it open as I was putting on Zain’s jacket. I halted when I saw Thando standing outside the door.
“That was good baby,” Alana purred in a husky voice before she walked out.
“No! We did not. Babe, this is not what it looks like. Forget what she just said, she is being spiteful.” I fumbled. I pulled on the other arm, zipped the jacked and walked towards Thando who was frozen on the spot.

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