Unscripted love Chapter 83

‪#‎83B‬
The worst part about pain is that the minute you think you’ve past it, it starts all over again. Meredith Grey.

THANDOLWETHU’S POV

My throat was sore from all the screaming, and begging. Every inch of my body throbbed and my insides were on fire. Yet, it was so cold and my body shivered; I was in a short satin night dress and unprotected with my arms still tied to the bed post. A blindfold shielded away the light. I strained my ears for any sound but other than my own breath and rhythmic heartbeat, there was nothing but absolute silence.

I would have been happy to have a catheter, my bladder was so full that it almost burst. I felt so sticky down there and I was determined not to soil myself. When I was just about to give up, the key in the door turned. My body tensed, halfway expecting Levi to walk through the door but I knew better.

“Pholile?” I asked. “I need the bathroom.” She was Danger’s girlfriend and the one tasked with making sure I ate and drank whenever Sandiso and his goons were away. Locking me up in a room had always been sufficient but for some strange reason this time Sandiso tied me up.

Warm fingers glided over my protruding belly and I winced, my heart pounded in my throat. The hands moved alongside my neck and up my cheek before stopping under the blindfold which was removed in one pull. I gazed into Sandiso’s eyes.

His eyes were so dark. Almost an inky liquid painted mysterious with glee. They were haunting, cruel and painful to look at. To think I used to trust those eyes. I used to confide in them. But it was different now. His eyes were now the eyes that followed me in my nightmares. They were the ones that continued to torture me, icy pupils that cut through my skin, my heart.

“Good morning, sthandwa sami.” There was a wide grin on his face. “Enjoyed your night? I hope you didn’t miss me too much.”
I turned my head when my insides revolted at the sight of his cheerfulness. “Can you please untie me?” My voice was so hoarse that the words were barely audible. “I really have to use the bathroom.”
“You promise not to attack me? I don’t want to be forced to tie you up again.”
I nodded.
He loosened the ropes enough for my wrists to slide out before pointing with his chin to a pot on the floor. “You can pee in there.”
I froze for a moment. “Why can’t I go to the bathroom?”
“Because you keep trying to run away from me babe. I’m forced to keep you in this room because I don’t know what stunt you’ll pull.” Sandiso said.
I didn’t want to pee in a pot but my urges were overpowering, Levi’s big baby was pressing against my bladder. When I tried to stand I wobbled and Sandiso’s arm slid around my waist to stabilize me. His touch brought tears to my eyes. I recoiled which only tightened his grip.

My feet stumbled forward until I was next to the pot. With blurry eyes, I gazed at Sandiso. “Can you at least turn around?”
“Why? I’ve seen you naked a thousand times.”
“Please.” I begged.
He hesitated before giving in and facing the wall. I went down on my knees, the pot between my legs. As my bladder emptied, a peep left my lips as the pee burned terribly as it left my body. When I stood up, I realised Sandiso did not keep his end of the bargain and was watching me intently.
“Why does it burn when you pee?” he asked as if I knew the answer to his question. “Hlelo’s mother used to complain about vaginal thrush when she was pregnant, maybe you have it.”

My stomach clenched at the thought of having thrush and the mention of his baby mama. “Can I take a shower?”
His gaze wondered to my thighs which made me tug at the helm of the short nitie.
“Later,” he said. “I have to make sure the house is secure first, so you don’t run off on me.”
Maybe if I had water I could get rid of the burn between my legs. “I’m really thirsty.” My voice was small and sounded like that of a nagging child.
“Tell you what. If you promise not to try anything stupid I will let you shower then we can go to the doctor to see our baby, get something for the thrush and get you new clothes.”
“Promise.” I squeaked with no intention of keeping that promise.

***
A few hot tears dripped to the ground was Sandiso and I walked out of the doctor’s rooms. I was both excited and sad to hear that Levi was right - we were having a baby girl. I wanted to share the moment with Levi but Sandiso took that away from me.

“They say that pregnancy makes women hormonal but I think you are the worst, babe. You cry all the time now.” Sandiso commented as he dabbed tissue on my face. I snatched the tissue from him and ignored his questions and comments the whole ride to the mall.

“Maybe we could get some things for our baby.” Sandiso suggested when we walked in the mall.
“This isn’t our baby. You aren’t the father, Levi is.” I snapped as I looked around for any possible exists.
“I don’t want to hear that name again! I have been very patient with you but you are working on my damn nerves with your constant whining!” He whisper yelled.
“Then let me go! I want to bother Levi with my whining and constant crying.” I fired back. “He is going to find me.”
“Just so you know, I am armed.” He hissed.
“You won’t get away with this!”
He chuckled, “I already have. I was at your funeral baby girl.”
I knew Sandiso well enough to know that he made up shit in his mind. “What the hell are you talking about?” I entertained him.
“The less you know the better. All you need to know is that everyone has a price, be it money or the safe return of a loved. Money or love will make anyone say just about anything you need them to say.”
“You are speaking in codes.”
He smiled brightly. “Forget about the past, this is our new life now. Our new beginning. What do you think of this?” He asked as he picked up a brown romper.”
“Girls don’t wear brown.” I rolled my eyes.

The shopping spree was a losing battle from the start. He hated the idea of my child wearing pink all the time so he chose colours a baby girl shouldn’t be seen in and he picked out ugly oversized clothes for me to try on. When he realised that I wasn’t happy with any of his choices he came up with a ridiculous analogy. “You know, baby, you don’t see what you are wearing. You only see your clothes when you get a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. I on the other hand, get the benefit of looking at you all the time so it is only fair if you dress in the clothes that I like, especially when I am paying for them.”

What nonsensical logic. “That would mean that I must pick your outfits, too?” I asked.
“Of course,” he grinned. “I can wear whatever you want me to wear.”
“If I can choose your clothes then why can’t I choose clothes for the baby?”
“Do you hate brown that much?”
I glanced at him. “Yes! Hlelo can wear brown, Bokamoso cant.”
His brow furrowed. “Is that the name Leva gave her?”
“Yes.”
“What’s her Zulu name?”
“We haven’t decided.” I snubbed.
“Zenkosi is a beautiful name, just like her mother.”
“It is.” I had to admit. “But I want my mother to give her a name and I want to stay with her for two months.”
“I thought Leva would come up with an English name, he is such a cheese boy. And no, you won’t stay with your mother for two months. My mom will help with the baby, Pholile also has a kid.”
I didn’t feel the need to talk about Levi’s family tree and I was at least happy that my baby girl was getting pink clothes and blankets. Shopping for my own child was surreal and I fought back the tears when Sandiso was the first to buy her things, not her father.

Next was the hairdressers. I was happy to get rid of the weave that felt like a nest on my head and get a new one. But this time, Sandiso didn’t even ask for my opinion.
“She wants to relax her hair, colour it ginger and curl it.” He informed the beautician. “Maybe a light perm will be best.”
“You can’t perm and colour in one day,” the woman pushed back.
“Well, then use the tong.”
“I don’t want to relax my hair. I want a closed weave.” I chimed in but my opinion didn’t matter.

Two hours later, my new appearance met his approval. Next, he also butted in at the manicurist. I preferred nude coffin shape tips but Sandiso wanted my nails natural.
“Is colour okay?” the girl actually dared to ask him without looking at me when she was done soaking off the artificial nails I had on.
“Yeah.” He started to massage my shoulders when he noticed the tension in my face. “How about pink, baby?”
“I don’t like pink nails.” I rolled my eyes.
“But you were going on about pink just now.” He grunted.
“We were talking about clothes for a baby.”
“What colour do you want then?”
“Black.” I actually didn’t think that was all that appealing but I wanted to make one decision I knew he would disapprove of. I guess it was my futile attempt at rebellion.

He laughed. “Don’t be silly. You would look like a Satanist.” He beamed at the manicurist. “Make it pink. I am sure she will love it once she realises pretty it looks on her.”
“What’s the name of this mall again?” I played dumb to try and get my bearings as I had to wear a blindfold in the car.
Sandile caught on and cut the lady off before she gave me an answer. “Nice try. Behave or you won’t leave the house again.” He whispered as he kissed my cheek. I made a mental note of the fact that a whole host of people around us spoke Swati.
While getting the nails done I nagged him to go get me a coke, hoping that he would be dumb enough to leave the shop but he didn’t fall for it. His vile arms were wrapped around me the whole time. To others he looked like a love sick puppy but I knew he was keeping a close eye on his slave.

We got home and he locked me in the bathroom while I took a bath and wore my new pjs. Soaking my body in a warm bubble bath and rubbing bio oil on my skin that felt dry and itchy all the time felt good. By the time he let me out of the bathroom everything was folded exactly the same and the clothes handing on the hangers were sorted by category and colour, going from dark to light with our tops on the left and the pants and skirts on the right.

“Where am I allowed to dumb my toiletry bag?” I asked sarcastically.
He looked up from his magazine. “You can put it anywhere you like. I’ll move it if it doesn’t look right.”
“Since when are you so understanding?”
“I’m trying. You can wear my shirts, shorts and we can shower together if you want. Now that I think of it, I don’t know why I refused every time you asked.”

“I never want to see your penis again and you will never see my bums again, not if I can help it.” I shrugged and sat on my side of the bed. I gave him my hand to tie me up like a slave. He took it and ran his finger over the bruises on my wrist.
“I am trying to fix things but you treat me like I am a monster. Baby…. it’s me. You don’t have to be scared of me.”
“You are a monster.” The words burned my tongue as I screamed them at him. “I fucked someone else, we broke up, you proposed and I said no but you sent your uncles to negotiate lobola anyway!” I huffed. “I moved on and it pained you so much you destroyed me. Now you brought me here against my will as if you can force me to be in a relationship with you. You are a psychopath that belongs in a loony bin! I despise you, even that is an understatement. No amount of time spent in this jail that you call our new home will change that. I will not stop until I claw my way out of here, even if it takes a decade.”

Sandiso was taken aback by my statement, but soon regained his composure. “Can’t you see the work I have put into making this work? No matter how hard I try, I just can’t seem to get through to you. No matter how hard I try to be nice to you, you don’t let me. Sometimes I wonder if my niceness frightens you, because if you see it, it won’t let you believe that you hate me as much as you think you do. You refuse to acknowledge me as someone who your world once revolved around. You see me breaking and you don’t say anything even when you see me waking up in a cold sweat from nightmares from all the times I was violated as a child.

Can’t you see that you are the only reason why I live? Can’t you see that I am dying inside? Every piece of me is tearing, shredding into nothing. I do not want to be nothing. Asking me to let you go is like asking a pig to fly. You made someone as detached as me, feel something and I will not let go. Baby we spent seven years of our lives together. Seven years! We have strutted in heaven and burnt in hell together. My gut says that even after everything we’ve done to hurt each other, somewhere deep down even you hold on to us.

I refuse to believe that you got over me that fast. When did you mourn the death of us? When did you heal? How could you when I still believe in the possibility of us? You said it would be an honour to be Mrs Yende, to bear me children just the other day. I blinked and I was left all alone with all the promises we made to each other. Leva is the rebound guy. You think you love him but you don’t. It’s too soon.” Sandiso said.

My heart crashed, it crashed hard and cowered away, tears hid behind my eyes. “I’m sorry that it had to come to this but I had to make you see that you were making a mistake,” Sandiso whispered, and put an arm around my shoulder, meaning to offer comfort.

I jerked away, wordless, and moved to the rope hanging on the side of the bed. “Apologies don’t fix everything.” I spat.
“Well, you have to forgive me. Jesus made it clear that we have to forgive in order to be forgiven for our sins. You murdered my child. God will not forgive you if you do not forgive me. Besides, you know they say blood cries out for more blood. I hope the blood of my slain child doesn’t cry out for the blood of the baby growing in your womb.”
“I need panty liners and roll on.” I chocked as a tear streamed down my face.
“Do you need anything else? Tampons?” He asked as he secured the rope around my wrists.
“Pregnant women don’t get periods.”
“Oh, I forgot. Craving anything?” he pestered.
“No,” I lied. I craved Levi but Sandiso wouldn’t give me what my heart yearned for. I wanted to tell Levi that Bokamoso was kicking for the first time. I also wanted him to know that Hailey Hope would be the perfect second name. It would serve as a reminder that our family would be reunited – there was still hope for our future.