Unscripted love Chapter 84 A - Mzansi Stories

Wednesday, August 10


Unscripted love Chapter 84 A


#84 A
Lovers and Friends
“Are you hungry?” Pearl asked from the kitchen. I’d just walked in from another day spent searching for answers but I was no closer to finding out where Sandiso was. Our Love’s mother went to his mother’s house daily, probed her for answers, believing that she would somehow lead us to her son but my mother in-law’s attempts at getting Sandiso’s mother to speak had been futile. Sandiso’s mother went as far as filing a restraining order against Maria to stop her from harassing her. I suppose we were foolish for thinking that his mother would hand her son over on a silver platter.
The Detectives were looking for a man they wanted to put in jail and take away his freedom until such time a parole board deemed fit. Personally, I wanted to snap Sandiso’s neck in two and carry his limp body around like a price. I dreamed of smothering Sandiso’s face with a pillow and listening to his heartbeat fading then burying him in a shallow grave in my backyard where my dog would piss on him every day. I would have the pleasure of knowing that the bastard was dead.
I shrugged from my spot on the recliner. “I’m not really hungry.”
“What did the Detective say? Have they found new leads?” Pearl beleaguered.
“Which one?” I groaned. “The one buggering off to Paris on holiday when he is supposed to be searching for Thando’s murderer or the one sitting around waiting for DNA evidence to charge Futhi’s rapist. WHICH ONE?” I screamed my question in frustration.
Pearl studied me as I sank lower into the chair and wrapped my arms around my stomach. My nappy hair fell over my face but I didn’t bother moving it.
“You really should eat something, Levi. When was the last time you ate something?”
“I don’t know.” I lied. I wondered how long Pearl was planning on staying. She invited herself in my house and moved in after the funeral. I liked having her around, but I also wanted to be alone. I needed to be alone.
She set a plate of rice and stew on the coffee table and came to stand in front of me. “I know you are hurting and I know you are in pain.” She was almost begging. “But please, don’t do this to yourself.”
I finally allowed myself to look up at Pearl.
“She was all I had.” My voice was hoarse. “This is the part where everyone goes home and carries on with their lives but I am left here, alone. No wife. No kid. Our forever was so short lived…. Pearl, do you know how horrible I was when she told me she was pregnant?”
Pearl ignored my question and suggested that I eat something with a small cheeky grin so I decided to listen to her. I took a small forkful and swallowed the vile contents drenched in oil.
“Do you like it?” Pearl asked. “I’m not really much of a cook but I tried following a recipe. Something about the colour tells me that I messed up somewhere.”
My lips twitched into half a smile. I doubt Pearl even noticed. “Looks fine to me.”
“So, I hear that you aren’t going to London anymore.” She peeped beside me.
“Yeah.” I jabbed a fork into an oversized cubed carrot.
“Don’t you think you should wait a while before you make major decisions?”
I took a few more bites of food and pushed the food away. I wasn’t hungry anymore. I just wanted to sleep. “What time are you leaving?” I asked.
“I think you really need a friend right now so I’m not leaving.” She looked at me with a gentle expression and threw a curveball. “Have you thought of hiring a Private Investigator?”
“A Private Investigator?” I asked.
“I think he or she stands a better chance of Sandiso. You won’t find him, you don’t have the resources or expertise. Being the awesome friend I am I actually set up a consult with a company that has undercover detectives and retired violent crime investigators in their employ. They work closely with the authorities so they have connections and access to information that you aren’t privy to. It’s pretty clear that badgering Sandiso’s mom won’t get you anywhere.”
I smiled at the thought. “Wow, I didn’t think of that.”
“Most can’t afford it but your pockets are deep. It’s such a pity Thando and I didn’t really get a chance to get to know each other. I would have loved to have known her.”
I nodded and stared at my sock clad feet.
“Was the food that bad?” she asked.
“No,” I looked up at her and our eyes met for a moment. “I’m not hungry. Thank you.”
When Pearl finished her food she took both our plates to the sink. I studied her vaguely as she placed my plate in the microwave and rinsed hers. I glanced at the wall clock. It was getting late – almost nine. She must have been tired, had to be after slaving away in the kitchen for our meal.
“Go and change into something comfier while I open a wine bottle. I think you will feel a little better if you at least try to relax.”
Pear’s persistence was kind of sweet. I was terrible company but she stuck around because she wanted to care for me… about me. I hadn’t felt many emotions, but she made me feel things I hadn’t known in what felt like such a long time. For a brief moment, I didn’t have the pain of losing a wife and a child or the weight of being alone and it was nice. It was nice to feel again.
“Okay.” I mumbled, leaving the room as the grabbed wine glasses and placed them on the kitchen counter.
Clean clothes were in our bedroom and I had no choice but to go in there to get a shirt, shorts and clothes for the rest of the week so I wouldn’t have to walk in there for the rest of the week.
The room was suffocating. I breathed out slowly as I clutched my clothes in the darkness and I pulled them out of the drawer. Our clothes still shared the same space, not even divided into his and hers section. I tried to drive the memory of her roping me into doing our own laundry aside but failed. We had numerous ‘heated’ discussions about my messy ways which I felt could easily be solved by getting a helper. But she insisted on us cleaning up after ourselves, starting with me putting my dirty clothes in the laundry basket, not next to it or behind it or hanging on the side – inside with the lid closed.
I pushed the memory out of my mind. It was still there, just hiding away until the right moment for it to come and haunt me yet again. That’s the horrible thing about memories. Good or bad, they are always somewhere in your head, waiting to remind you of what you miss or what you’ve lost.
Whenever I was alone and the silence was too harsh, that’s when the memories came flooding back all at once. Everything I loved had become everything I’d lost and another piece of me cracked. I didn’t know how much more I could take before I’d break completely.
“Levi,” I heard Pearl call. “Are you okay?”
I wondered how much time I’d spent in the room, how I’d managed to shower and get dressed and not remember. I wondered how I ended up in a crumpled manner on the floor, crying while clutching onto Our Love’s dress.
I didn’t give Pearl an answer. I knew that I’d gotten to the part where I was supposed to walk towards healing and a new reality but I couldn’t carry on. People were tolerant and they expected me to be sad, broken, maybe even depressed. But what would happen in two months? Or even a year? How much time would it take before I was given a deadline and have people telling me to get over it?
The uncertainty surrounding Our Love’s disappearance was ruining me. It made my head pound and my heart race. Despite being told that science said it was her I had this nagging feeling in my gut I couldn’t shake after a person called and said they saw Our Love in a mall in Swaziland the day after her funeral. The girl he believed to be Our Love had short curly blonde hair and she was walking hand in hand with a man who was dragging a trolley full of pink baby things. The idea of Thando dying her hair blonde and walking hand in hand with her rapist was laughable. Sandiso and Thando didn’t even hold hands when they were together and she loved her big puffy afro.
I passed on the message and contact details to the lead Detective on the case out of a sense of obligation. As expected, the informant was just a chancer that wanted to swindle money out of a grieving family by demanding money for the name of the mall.
As days passed I was supposed move towards acceptance but questions kept popping up in my head. Where did the State get the dental x-rays used to compare with the burnt skill when Our Love hadn’t been to the dentist in the recent past? Where did they get samples of her DNA when we weren’t asked for hair brushes or anything else that had traces of her DNA?
I posed these questions but my concerns were shoved away and dismissed as queries by a grieving widower that was in denial. I eventually stopped asking questions when the forensic anthropologist called me and walked me through his report. DNA samples collected from bone, bone marrow, teeth, and hair all indicated that it was my wife. I was grateful that he took the time to call to try and put my mind as ease.
A hand touched my shoulder and I gasped, lifting my head up. I realised how I’d been sobbing. My face was buried in the dress she wore on our wedding day.
“Levi,” Pearl’s voice was low, hesitant.
Instead of trying to answer her, I walked into her chest. Her arms folded around my body and I buried my face in the crook of her neck. I wasn’t a needy person but in that moment I needed to feel hands on my back as they created a tingly sensation. I needed to feel a heart beating against my chest and hot breath warming my skin. I needed to feel anything other than pain even if it was just a temporary high.
Pearl peeled herself off me and gazed into my watery eyes. “Make love to me.” She whispered.
“W-what?” I hesitated. “I buried my wife last week. I can’t. You are like a sister to me?” It came out as more of a question than a fact as she stepped two feet back and pulled on the drawstrings of her dress, letting it fall and pool around her ankles. Leaving her with nothing but a tiny little thing on that didn’t leave much to the imagination.
“That’s the thing. We aren’t siblings.” She purred.
“Pearl, I am not ready for a relationship.”
“I’m not asking for one. I just want you to fuck me.”
I didn’t manage a snappy comeback in time, because that was the last thing I heard come out of her mouth before she pulled me to her and lowered my lips to hers. I closed my eyes as our lips touched, feeling a zap of electricity. The room seemed to spin around me. I clutched desperately at her but the feel of her silhouette was undeniably different from the one I wished I was holding on to. It would be unfair of me to be with her while wishing it was someone else, I cared about Pearl too much as a friend to do that to her. I pulled away and stepped back.
“What’s wrong?” She breathed. “Don’t I make you horny?”
“No. I mean, yes. I mean, stop.” My brain couldn’t think fast enough. “Pearl, you know from the last time that I am bad at this. Let’s not ruin our friendship over mindless sex that I’m not even good at.” I whispered hoarsely.
Pearl ignored me. I felt her hands pull me closer . . . as close as physically possible. “I have no other frame of reference. You are the only one that I’ve ever been with.”
“What? But you have a boyfriend that you lived with?”
“Have you ever met this boyfriend? Since the last drama series I haven’t managed to secure another solid acting or presenting gig. I made the abusive boyfriend story up so that friends could let me crash on their couches when I was evicted. I was too embarrassed to admit that this well-known celebrity figure is broke. I can’t exactly go get a job as a waitress, people will recognise me and my brand will be dragged through the mud.”
“Pearl….. why didn’t you tell me? You know that I’m always there for you, you are my G.”
She chuckled. “Funny how you call me your G and fail to see that I am hopelessly in love with you. I think you are goddamn cute, I think I have a mini heart attack whenever you smile. Levi, I don’t know how you don’t see that it pains me every time you say that you’d want me as one of your groomsmen because I don’t want to stand next to you and watch someone else walk up the aisle in a white dress. I want to be that someone, Levi.”
“Pearl…. Stop.”
“I know that you cannot give me what I want. I waited and waited for you to get over the phase of dribbling girls and playing them like you play football. Waited for the time when you’d be ready to settle down, start a family. For the time when you’d see that the love of your life has been there all along but you met Thando and I just knew from the beginning that she had you. I had to let go of the fantacy.
It took me a while to come to terms with the realization that the love I have for you is unreciprocated, at best, or that my best friend did not feel as though I was deserving of those feelings. At least I know what it feels like to love someone, and for that, I will always be thankful.
I know you are not ready to move on and that’s fine. I just want you to lay with me tonight. Don’t hurl out of bed like you saw a ghost when you wake from slumber and start chanting, ‘this was a mistake, a terrible mistake’ like you did the last time. All I want is for you to make love to me, wake up tomorrow morning and say that you had a beautiful night. That’s all I ask.”
Within a second Pearl’s plump lips were on mine. I gasped in surprise and in seconds my tongue was against hers. The urgency of the kiss was unbearable. All the passion. All the want. My body was against hers. Ready for her taking. The kiss wasn’t one sided now. My tongue fought back with the same desperation.
Her hands flew up around my neck, and her fingers ruffled my hair. My hands grabbed her lower thighs and lifted her weight. I placed her on the bed I’d only shared with my deceased wife. I couldn’t bring myself to stop. I told myself this was purely physical and nothing more.
In an instant we were both naked and the condom had been rolled on. I could almost see the fireworks as we connected. It was wonderful, perfect. I was consumed in the passion. But in a flash, that passion was gone. All too soon it was over. I rolled over and came face to face with a dimpled face behind a glass frame next to the bed. My body went numb. A flush of regret wiped over my body.
“Please leave.” I whispered.
“I want to be alone.”
“I’m not leaving.” Pearl vowed and covered our naked bodies with the quilt Sbahle bought grudgingly as a house warming present when Thando moved in. The fact that Sbahle went and moved in with a sort of boyfriend after giving Our Love so much grief about the same thing was ironic and hypocritical. My love was all over this house. Too many memories were cramped into a small space. At first it made me feel like she was still close, now it suffocated me. I had to sell the house and move overseas for a fresh start.

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