Unscripted love Chapter 86 - Mzansi Stories

Friday, August 19


Unscripted love Chapter 86


Small Steps
4 months ago, the sinking in my chest felt physical. I was the 4 a.m. muffled cry, the boy who forgot about a photo shoot, for the first time, and had to pay for costs incurred for rescheduling. I was a zombie, I couldn’t focus, I couldn’t feel. 4 months ago, even the best concealer couldn’t do its job. Every picture looked dull and uninviting, I couldn’t even smile for the TV commercial and nike released me from my contract.
3 months and 5 days, ago I went to a club for an appearance. I was the guy who fell and hurt his knee, I was the man who burst into tears after having one too many, I was the guy who didn’t remember anything the next day. I couldn’t even remember why I didn’t want to take a picture and post it on my social media account as stipulated in the contract. 3 months and 5 days ago, the drugs made it seem like I was okay, like I was coping, but I was dead inside.
2 months and 27 days ago, a status update popped up in Sandiso’s Facebook page. He spoke about how he felt whole for the first time in a very long time. I hesitated before trying to appear normal in front of a sea of journalists that were there to take shots of me when I walked in the Arsenal training camp for the first time. There was a tight space in between my lungs. 2 months ago, I didn’t even bother trying to conceal the bags beneath my eyes.
2 months and 5 days ago, I was physically and mentally prepared for the next chapter of my life with a little help from nose candy. A lifetime of dreaming, decades of training all came down to the moment when I was on the starting line-up with the greatest footballers of our time. I felt calm. I was smiling. Adrenaline was surging through me. I could breathe. 2 months and 5 days ago, I sulked like a bitch the whole afternoon because Our Love wouldn’t be there to witness the moment when dreams were realised, but it was the most alive I’d felt in months.
1 month ago, I moved in with Joel and my mother. When I failed doping tests and blood results showed that I had cocaine in my system I was banned from playing football for 18 months. Arsenal sued me for breach of contract. My mother negotiated an out of court settlement which she paid and thought it would be best if I went to rehab and moved in with her afterwards. I went to rehab. I moved in with her a month ago.
I slept most of the day away, but the moments I was awake I felt so lonely. It was a scary feeling, there was no longer a constant person to fall back on. I no longer had something I was working towards. All attempts at finding Sandiso were fruitless and I was starting to feel like money was being wasted on the private investigators that were just as useless as the police.
To my surprise, I finally got a response from the Khoza family and I was given a date to pay lobola for Thando. My family was confused, having never heard of anyone paying lobola for a dead person but I knew Thando would have liked to finish what we’d started. I packed two hundred thousand in a suitcase, got ten chickens and I was good to go. Nobody understood the significance of the chickens but I did. It gave me the illusion that everything was okay again. Like we were back to our goofy selves. Like someone jumped out of the bushes and screamed, ‘it was all a prank.’ A month ago, I felt so much regression.
5 days ago, I went to Wits as a full time student for the first time. Even though I’d ticked the certificate box and was now entitled to my inheritance, Our Love would have wanted me to finish the course and get a degree. I met up with Futhi who was at the start of her journey in a brand new city. I enjoyed myself that day, but I was guilty precisely because I did. 5 days ago, it hit me that everybody knew who I was and what had happened to my wife, and that it was bigger than just the both of us. It felt truly real for the first time. Our Love was dead and death is final.
Yesterday I spent time with my biological father that was still so proud of me even though I’d fallen from grace. Today I was hanging out with Futhi again and I was meeting a classmate for dinner later on. It wasn’t a date. Just dinner.
I was going out with Kagiso and Nthato the next day. In a month I’d be celebrating my 26th birthday. In April, 3 months from now, I’d be flying to Jerusalem with Futhi. A gift for doing so well in Matric amidst all the confusion and hurt. She wanted to walk where Jesus supposedly walked. I just wanted something to fill the time during the month when my child would have been born.
It was hard to accept that Our Love wouldn’t be the wife I went home to, or had kids with, or grow old with. But I was glad I got to share a portion of my life with her. She was my best friend, she believed in me, and she propped me up at my weakest moments. And I missed her every day. It didn’t matter who I was with – at the back of my head she was always there. Every event felt like a mini death, over and over and over again. Nobody could fill the void, and nobody should be able to. She left with a piece of me and I couldn’t soothe the ache. It was so hard.
I felt like there was no way I could ever get my life back together. There was no way I was going to be happy again. And no one could convince me that there were other “fish in the sea” because I truly did not believe that no one would ever understand me the way she did. And I honestly never believed anyone would ever love me as hard as she did. And that was my flaw. I was focusing on my relationship with her, not on my relationship with myself. I was focusing on my future relationships, not on my own personal future. I had to cut all the people out, including Pearl, and focus on me.
Every day that I could get myself out of bed and out of the house was small victory. Every day passed with me hopeful and in anticipation that one day, I would stop counting the days. It felt like it would never happen but I knew it would, eventually.
“Oh. My. God.” Futhi gasped beside me as I rounded the curve in the long driveway and the house rose before her. “This house is massive! Sister Thando didn’t tell me that you are rich. First this car, now this gigantic house that looks like a block of flats.”
“Joel and my mother are rich, not me. They are the ones that own the house and they got the car. Besides, these things aren’t a big deal to me.”
“An Aston Martin DB11 is a big deal. And this house is a massive deal. Now I’m gonna look funny in my pumps.”
I chuckled and watched her long braids piled on her head dance and her eyes sparkle in the passenger seat next to me. She reminded me of her sister in so many ways yet they were so different, almost like chalk and cheese.
“What do your parents do?” Futhi enquired as we walked up to the massive double doors.
“My mother is a gynaecologist and Joel is an engineer.”
“And they make enough to live like this?” She pointed in the general direction of the house and the ten cars parked in the garage enclosure.
“They also have businesses. Restaurants, coffee shops, clubs and, and, and…”
Her brow furrowed. “Do restaurants make that much profit?”
“I’ve made a tidy sum from my share of the businesses where I am part owner.”
“Part owner?”
“It’s more like a family thing. Joel forks out most of the running costs for the businesses.”
“Where did he get his starting capital and how old was he when he first went into business?” Futhi asked.
I led her to the kitchen while searching my brain for an answer. “I don’t know, banks, maybe he grew up rich or something. I don’t know Joel well enough to know when he started his first business. Why do you ask?”
“Even me I want to live in such a house and drive those cars.” We both chortled, out laughter bounced off the walls.
“All I know is that my dad was a farmer. He made a killing from that.”
“I’ll start my own chicken farm, starting with the tem chickens you brought for lobola.”
There was a hint of sadness in the joke but the mood remained light.
“So who is that boy you were talking to when I came to pick you up.” I asked, changing the subject and setting a glass of lemongrass juice I’d just made in front of her.
Her cheeks turned pink. “He is nobody.”
“Nobody that is making you blush as the mention of him.”
“We should actually be discussing you that’s already skipping class.” She digressed.
“I finished early today. They credited me for all the subjects I passed at Unisa so I don’t have a whole lot of subjects.”
“How did you get space when you applied so late?”
“I know people that know people in strategic places. Are you hungry? The chef can make you something.”
Futhi grinned. “Levels.”
“Levels? What levels?”
She shook her head while she laughed. “I would like something made by a chef, thanks. I’m guessing that’s also not a big deal?”
“We were still talking about the tall lanky gentleman with glasses.” I reverted.
She swatted my arm, “he isn’t lanky. He is a friend.” Her smile indicated that the ‘friendship’ was more than platonic.
“Okay, well, I suggest that you make your friend work hard to get out of the friend zone and even harder to get into your pants.”
“You are soooo embarrassing,” her cheeks turned a deeper shade of red. “We aren’t… you know… there. We are both born again and we know that it’s a sin so that’s a non-issue for us. That’s if we date sometime in the future.”
“It’s a non-issue until the two of you are reading the bible in your room at night and the next thing bible talk turns to pillow talk. All I am saying is that you must take it slow, get to know him and what he is about for about a year before you get to that point. If he is worth it he will wait.”
I called the chef and asked him to make us a light lunch before we retired to the man cave.
“I am guessing you also wait a year before you…. you know?” Futhi asked.
“Oh no, I’m a slut. You don’t want to be like me.” I joked. “I’m meeting someone for dinner tonight.”
The smile fell off her face. “It’s not a date.” I felt the need to add.
“Are you moving on already? Sister Thando just died. If you died she would have worn black from head to toe for a year and she would have stayed away from men during the mourning period. Shouldn’t you grieve the same way she would have grieved?”
I powered up the Xbox and dropped the projector screen. “I may not be in black from head to toe but I am grieving.” I said and moved on to another topic. I still couldn’t talk about Our Love without feeling my chest close up but the therapist said a time would come when I would say her name and not feel like I’d detonated a bomb. I was going to get there. For now, I had to take it one day at a time and make a choice to get up and show up each day.
I folded my arms behind my head and leaned back on the pillow. “Take off your panties.”
She grinned and bent forward, hooking her thumbs in her panties as she slowly slid them down over her hips. Her breasts were pushed together nicely in a black, transparent bra. I decided to let her leave that one on.
“Come here.”
She bent down on the bed and crawled toward me, her long blonde hair traced up my legs as she slowly glided up my body. She positioned herself above me, straddling me like I was one of the poles she frequented. This chick knew what she was doing. That was both good and bad in my books. I liked a girl that knows how to fuck, but that also made me wonder how many guys she had to fuck in order to get so good.
I reached over to my wallet and grabbed a condom, handed it over to her.
“Put it on,” I commanded. She kept her eyes trained on mine as she opened it. I spotted some white powder on the tip of her nostril. She must have forgotten the first rule, never use the merchandise. She brought her hands to my dick. I grabbed her wrists and shook my head. “Put it on with your mouth.”
She grinned and began to lower her head when I heard footsteps. Then the bedroom doorknob made an unsuccessful turn. Fuck. Wasn’t Thando supposed to be at the mall with my mother and that little brat that wouldn’t shut up long enough for me to think?
“Sandiso, open the door!” Thando yelled from outside the room.
“Fuck!” I shoved the girl onto her back. I stood up and grabbed my pants, pulling them on as the girl on the bed looked back and forth between me and the door. I picked her clothes off the floor and threw them toward the closet, pointing for her to hide.
She stood up and scoffed at my demand, shaking her head.
If this bitch really thought she was about to walk out of the room with Thando on the other side of the door, she was delusional. I grabbed her by the shoulders and shoved her towards the closet.
“Get in there,” I whispered. She started to object, so I covered her mouth with my hand.
“Do you want me to get someone else to take your place? You know you need the money, you’ll make more as a mule than you’ll ever make stripping.”
She shook her head and I pushed her further into the closet, just as Thando beat the door for the second time.
“Two minutes,” I whispered. “I’ll get rid of her.”
I kissed her then shut the closet door. I grabbed a towel and wiped my hands, then walked to the bedroom door and opened it.
“It’s two in the afternoon, why are you asleep?” Thando asked, shoving past me.
She was heading toward the closet, so I grabbed her by the waist and pulled her down onto the bed. “Aren’t you supposed to be doing your hair with my mom? Where’s Hlelo?” I asked, to distract her.
It worked.
She relaxed and curled into my chest. “The smell of chemicals at the salon was making me nauseous so I just left. Your mom bought dye and hairpiece so she’ll do my hair at home. I still feel sick. I don’t even know how to describe it, I want to puke but nothing comes out.”
“The joys of being pregnant.” I commented.
I pushed the cap off her head then flattened the hair sticking up like she’d been electrocuted. I rolled her onto her back and hovered over her, holding my upper body up so as to not squash the baby. The distinct bruises on her arms caught my eye, and it reminded me that I never did apologise for taking such drastic steps to keep her here. Getting someone to follow her around from a distance while she went to the mall was a better idea. That way she felt as though I trusted her enough to let her roam around freely with my mother but I had someone who was there to point her in the right direction of she tried to make a run for it.
“Did you go to the fake club or get more people to agree to smuggle drugs for you today?” she asked. I sometimes wondered how Thando got me talking about the business when I didn’t want her getting mixed up in the mess.
“No,” I lied, running my fingers down her wrists, over the marks I left on her. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. Sometimes I forget how fragile your skin is,” I bent down and kissed the bruises left by harsh ropes. “I love you,” I said softly as my hands started roaming.
She pressed her lips into a thin line and swallowed. “Please get off. You being on me is just….”
I could tell she was trying not to cry. This was going to take a whole lot more work than I thought, I couldn’t stand the fear in her eyes. “God, Thando. I don’t deserve you. I swear to you, I’ll make it better. I’ll make it better for both of us, okay?”
I took both her cheeks between the palms of my hands and kissed her deeply. I knew girls liked it when guys held their face while they kiss them; like kissing was their only intention.
It’s bullshit. If guys had their way, the hands would never venture above the tits.
“I love you,” I told her again and I slid my hand over her tummy and down her waist. My dick swelled in my pants, getting a hell of a lot harder than the whore in the closet could get it.
As many girls as I’d been with, I could honestly say Thando turned me on more than any of them. I didn’t know what it was about her that I found so much more attractive than the rest of them. Her tits weren’t that big and she didn’t have a massive ass. I think it was her innocence.
I slid my hand underneath her shirt and pulled her lace bra down. “Let me help you get through it, redefine the memory,” I whispered. I pressed my mouth to the thin layer of shirt covering her nipple, and I took it in-between my teeth.
“Sandiso, I was walking around in the sun. I’m all sweaty. Let me take a shower.”
I released her nipple from my mouth and attempted to change her mind by running my hands between her legs, rubbing at the denim of her jeans. “You are perfect,” I said, licking the sweet skin of her neck. She stiffened, so I increased the pressure of my hand.
“Relax,” I whispered.
This took me back to her virgin days. The gates to Jerusalem were on lockdown and I had to work so hard to get her to unlock the keys and let me in. I was determined to get her to open up to me again.
She fought it, but I could feel her slowly melting against my hand. I let the subtle curve of her hips guide my hand to the right spot. I sat up on my knees and unbuttoned her pants, easing them down enough to give me access. I thumbed her tears with one hand, slipped my fingers underneath the edge of her panties with the other and eased two of them inside of her. She grabbed my arm and buckled her hips, forcing me out of her.
I covered her mouth with mine and kissed her hard to silence her protests. She let out a scream that was completely muffled by my mouth. God, I loved it when she screamed into my mouth. I slipped my hand out of her panties, pulling them back into position. That was as far as that was going to go, I would push the envelope further the next time.
“You can go take your shower now. We are going out to celebrate this evening.” I kissed her again. She grabbed my face, then pushed me onto my back and rolled on top of me unexpectedly.
“What are we celebrating?” she asked, reaching down to zip up her pants. She was sending mixed signals by clawing me like she wanted me but zipped up her pants to deny me access. I figured we were back to the high school days when she knew what she wanted but too afraid to venture down that road.
I grabbed her hand and pulled it away. “We are planning something big and if all goes to plan we are going to be filthy rich. I’m talking more money than we ever dreamed of,” I said. “We’ll talk about it later, now go shower.”
She smiled. “Like on a date?”
“Not like a date. It is a date.”
She grinned and hopped off me, heading toward the door.
“Close the door on your way out,” I said.
She paused and turned around. “Why? What if Hlelo wants to come and chill with his dad?”
I grabbed the bulge in my pants. “I need to finish what you started.”
She crinkled her nose and rolled her eyes, but she closed the door behind her. I jumped up and turned the key, then turned around, just as whatever-her-name is came barging out of the closet. She pointed a finger at me practically spit venom when she spoke. “You sick fuck!”
I grabbed the hand that was pointing in my face and spun it around, wrapping her arm around her back. I leaned into her ear and pressed my hard-on against her stomach. “Hey, hey,” I said quietly, attempting to calm her down. I ran my fingers down her cheek and lightly kissed lips. “I saved the best part for you.”
I pressed her down onto the bed, ass first. I dropped my pants and kicked them off, then reached for the condom and slid it on. The girl lay back on the bed and spread her legs open.
Fucking whore.
I kneeled down on the bed and positioned myself between her legs. I waited silently and listened for the water to start running across the hall just in case Thando came back for a towel or something. When the shower started up, I slammed into her so hard, she screamed. I immediately put my hand over her mouth and continued slamming against her.
I couldn’t tell if she was screaming against into my palm because she liked it, or because I was fucking her so hard it hurt. The fact that I couldn’t tell the difference turned me on even more. It had been a while since I had sex so I didn’t take too long. I actually tried to do the noble thing and remain faithful but that is for the birds. I squeezed my eyes shut and slammed into her one last time, holding my position for several seconds while her moans were still being supressed by my hand.
I relaxed on the girl’s chest and pulled out. She whimpered, squeezing her thighs against my hips, wanting more. I tossed the condom, then lay down beside her. “Taste her and tell me how she tastes,” I said, tracing my two fingers along her lips.
She turned her face to the side, not wanting to take my fingers in her mouth.
“Suck,” I demanded. She closed her lips over my fingers and sucked them. There was just something about having my fingers sucked that thrilled me. The feel of her tongue sliding up and down my fingers nearly made me bust all over her.
“Fuuuuuck,” I groaned and pulled my hand out of her mouth. I rolled off her and tossed her clothes.
“Get dressed,” I said. “I have a date this evening.”
“I’ll see you at Pearly Gates for the drop later. What time is the stuff going to be ready for pick up?” She asked as she got dressed.
“The shipment with the cocaine was delayed so everything has been pushed back. Have you decided on the way you are going to smuggle the drugs in SA? Are you going to swallow, shove it up your anus or get the implants?”
“I think the cocaine breasts implants are a safer bet. Painful but I won’t get caught.” She said.
“Good! If you get it right then I’ll send you to Colombia, that’s when you will make the big bucks.” I said.
I popped my head to make sure the coast was clear before yanking her out of the room. Just then my mother came waltzing out of her room. She walked back in her room shaking her head when she saw us padding down the passage. It was a close shave, too close for comfort.
I stared deeply into the closet, looking over the small wardrobe. Finding something to wear was a lot harder now with my bulging stomach. Tonight I didn’t have to worry about picking out my own clothes – Sandiso had already done that for me while I was taking one of my long showers.
The dress I was supposed to wear was laid out on the bed. It was more revealing than what I was comfortable with, but since Sandiso picked it, I had no say in the matter. With a sign, I stripped down to my underwear and grabbed the dress. I stepped into it, but had trouble pulling it all the way up. I could have sworn that it was a couple of sizes too small for me, making my body seem like it had more curves that it really did. When I eventually got it on all the way, the zipper wouldn’t budge.
“Let me help you with that.” The sudden feeling of Sandiso’s hands on my back made me jump a little. His fingers made me shiver as he drew a line up my spine, zipping the dress closed. My breathing quickened when he trailed kisses along my neck. A small bite to my sweet spot made me suck in a sudden breath of air.
“Are you going to be a good girl tonight?” the way he asked this made me feel sick, but I hid my distaste.
I turned around and used his jacket to pull him closer to me. A mischievous look crossed my face, and he smiled lightly. “Aren’t I always?”
The way he chuckled suggested that he didn’t think so – understandably so, we were going out to a restaurant together for the first time since I got there.
“You about ready to go?” It was less of a question and more of a demand, so I just nodded, showing no sign of declination.
A pair of black Giuseppe Zanotti high heels he dropped thirty one grand on were held out in front of me and I took them from Sandiso, putting them on as he left the room. I had a few moments to examine myself in the mirror before heading out. I glanced at the teddy bear and chose to leave it. I wasn’t a child and I wouldn’t be able to explain why I was carrying it around.
I looked at myself again and tugged the hem of the dress. The warm blue colour wasn’t something I would have picked out, but it looked great nonetheless. Even though the dress itself made me look a bit whorish.
My fingers pinched at the bottom of the dress in an attempt to pull it down a little, but to no avail. A groan rumbled at the back of my throat.
“Thandolwethu Zenkosi Khoza, if you do not come out right now you will eat your fingers!”
Shit, he used my full name.
I rushed down the passage to the front door, trying not to trip in my heels on my way there. I ran back in the house when I remembered that I forgot my heartburn medication. When I eventually made it out the house, there was a mini bus taxi with a gigantic picture of the cookie monster and other sesame street characters that my pregnancy brain couldn’t recall.
Sambulo was in the driver’s seat, Pholile was in the front, Danger and Bandile were seated at the back, their gaze trailed from my head down to my toes as I walked down the driveway.
“Something came up and I have to bail. We’ll go out tomorrow.” Sandiso said, walking up to meet me.
“No, I wanna come.”
“You can’t come.”
“Why not!?” I whined. “Danger takes Pholile everywhere.” I said walking towards the car.
“We are running out of time.” Bandile said and slid the door opened. He winked at me as I ignored Sandiso and climbed in. I rolled my eyes and headed to the back row, far away from Bandile’s stench that he called perfume. That guy disgusted me to on all levels. Too bad I didn’t have the same effect on him.
Once I settled on the seat, I felt Sandiso’s eyes boring into the side of my skull, clearly angry that I defiled him. I didn’t dare turn my head to meet the possible glare being sent my way as Sambulo turned the key in the ignition. The rumbling of the engine startled me, making me jump a little in my seat.
When we pulled in front of our destination, a knot found its way in the pit of my stomach. I’d never been to a place like that before. I prayed that the cops wouldn’t show up and arrest me as part of this gang that was there to do some or other drug deal.
The words ‘Pearly Gates’ were splashed in front of a female on a stripper pole on a board outside. My seat suddenly because really uncomfortable and I shifted wearily. Sandiso looked over to me and smiled mockingly at me. “Something wrong, babe? You wanted to tag along.”
After letting out the large breath I’d been holding, I looked at Sandiso with my fakest smile. “No. I-” I cleared my throat. “I’m fine.”
He looked more like he was amused, rather than checking if I was okay. It was almost like he was testing me. “You sure?”
I nodded again and got out of the vehicle, noting a huge box stuffed with kiddies jackets. There was nothing I wanted more than to go back to the house and lock myself in the room. I had no idea how drug deals went down, but something deep down told me to run, and run fast. But no matter how much I wanted that, I knew that it would be no use. Sandiso ran faster than me and I’d be running all the way to jail.
An unsettling sound that could only be my heart beat, rapidly vibrated in the centre of my chest. Not knowing what to expect was eating me up on the inside, anxiety took over. Every effort I took to calm myself didn’t work, but when Sandiso wrapped his arm around my waist, for once, it was comforting.
I leaned into him a little, but he only ushered me forward – it wasn’t a loving embrace, but one meant to make me move. The space between us and the club dwindled as we got closer. My heart beat was still crazy from the anticipation.
“Why do you drive around in a kiddie’s mini bus?” I found myself asking.
“Nobody searches kids or their transport so it’s easier to get around.” Danger weighed in.
“True, I’ve tried a lot of things but I’ve found that the easiest way to get drugs through the border is to stitch them into puffy kiddies’ jackets and get a little ones to wear them. Custom officials focus on adults and pay no mind to kids playing with their dolls. My daughter has smuggled in much more than I could ever get past a boarder.” Pholile said.
The flickering light from the Pearly Gates insignia caught my attention, and I couldn’t tell if it was supposed to do that on purpose or if their battery needed replacing. Either way, it was daunting, and literally a red light telling me to stop in my tracks. And then it hit me, this was their depo where they hid their true business behind the facade of a strip club.
My second of hesitation made Sandiso sigh, and he pinched my side to pull me out of my thoughts and focus on what we were there for. Sambulo was ahead of us so he took the initiative to open the door for Pharaoh that came out of nowhere pulling a crate of tinned baked beans. Something told me that the tins weren’t filled with beans soaked in tomato sauce. If my suspicions were true then these guys were smarter than I fathomed.
“And then?” Pharaoh ogled me. “What is she doing here?”
“Ey voetsek wena mdidi. Keep walking and stop asking stupid questions.” Sandiso jeered and shoved past him. He held me tighter and led me through the doors that Sambulo was holding open for us.
Pharaoh stayed training behind, and I could feel him seething in anger. It was clear that the others trusted me but he didn’t. He was right not to trust me.

Subscribe to this Blog via Email :