Mzansi Stories : Diary of a Single Mum
Showing posts with label Diary of a Single Mum. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Diary of a Single Mum. Show all posts

Friday, September 11

Wizzy

Diary of a Single Mum Episode 69

Episode 69
The mentioning of the suicide note had me jumping out of my skin. Part of me wanted to see what had really driven her to the edge. The way Mike was driving her crazy with his promiscuity, could have gladdened the heart of every woman when he had bid her goodbye. There was no chance of seeing it now because it was in the hands of the police. Relationships end but as long as one is alive, there is hope that somebody out there will still have room in his heart for your love. You don't have to kill yourself and prove to the world that you couldn't afford to live without him.
Joy's relatives started flocking to the house. I didn't know who had pulled enough strength to undertake such a hard task of informing them. Never did I wish to be the one to deliver bad news because some people collapse upon hearing it and the thought of heart shattering cries, filling my ears wasn't something to look forward to. A group of women got out of the car.Two of them were holding a grief stricken woman between them who was having difficulty in walking. I guessed that she was Joy's mother. How was I going to answer these unbelieving people's questions when there was nobody from Mike's family? I thought against calling Peter. Telling these people the root cause of this catastrophe would open a can of worms that couldn't do justice to the memory of Joy's life. Not that there was anything more to hide because as it was, suicide couldn't be hidden.
Some people started moving furniture to other rooms to create space at the sitting room. We had to get things moving as to prepare for the next step when her body would be brought.
Isaac called me outside. He wanted to be on his way back and go to work. He gave me money to use in case I needed something. I wanted him to take the kids to my place until the funeral was over, I wanted to shield them from all the pain and bad memories that they would carry as they grew up. I felt that it wasn't possible to do that because there was nobody who could give me permission.
when he was leaving I told him how thankful I was for his help and support because not everybody else could have done that.
"call me if you need anything sweetheart" he said, touching my cheek before leaving. I felt like I was all alone without him but for the sake of the kids, I chose to stick around as long as it was required. I was already having a tough time at work for giving more excuses than any other employee. What would happen next didn't cross my mind because I was mourning and nothing else mattered.
The night of that day,the women's guild from Joy's church came to sing funeral songs. Those songs that give hope to the remaining people that they will see the departed person again some day. They are songs whose meaning make you feel the unbeatable pain of loss and wonder how it would feel like when your turn comes. 
I had my phone in my hands and was going through it when I noticed that I had an unread message. When I opened it I got the shock of my life when I read that it was from Joy. I closed my eyes and thought I was dreaming. The message had been sent at 01:45 am of that day.
"I couldn't bear to see him in the arms of another woman. The shame was just too much. My children would always see me as a failure for driving their father away. I'm sorry Wangu but I hope you will understand and help to take care of my babies."
My outburst was so sudden I couldn't control it. I felt like if only I had read that message the moment it came through, I could have done something about it. 
Nobody could have understood but I did, Joy was afraid of losing, afraid of being alone, afraid of looking at life through a new window. A new window of life after divorce. Everything had stood still in her life upon hearing that simple seven lettered word.
I was taken outside as I had disturbed the singing. While they took me inside the tent that had been pitched outside, I saw Mike coming. He came now that Joy had breathed her last when he had not wanted to be near her when she needed and missed him most. This man who had the guts to walk here when nothing could be done anymore. If I had a gun, I could have shot him right there and then with a smile on my face...
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Thursday, September 10

Wizzy

Diary of a Single Mum Episode 68

Episode 68
Rejection is like a disease that slowly eats at the core of one's soul.
I felt numb from head to the tips of my toes. It was just unbelievable, simply insane to think that just a few hours ago we were together but now she was gone, completely wiped off from the face of the earth, leaving behind a shameful legacy as a woman who died the death of the cursed. I was crying uncontrollably as reality sunk in. There was just one person I thought of turning to in those painful moments, Isaac. I dialled his number with trembling hands. The moment he picked up,I couldn't hold back the tears and I ended up telling him nothing he could phantom.
" hang on sweetheart I'll be right there."
The whole house was awake now and Norah tried to console me but I just couldn't stop the tears. Amanda and Laurent started crying too in all the confusion,they were scared for they have never seen me in such a state before.
The moment Isaac walked inside the house, I run to him and buried myself in his chest. He was in his pyjama and slippers, obviously sleepy but he left the comfort of his bed to be by my side. He hugged me tightly. I told him everything and he was grief stricken too. I knew he understood the depth of loss, the sting of death he had known and came to live to live with.
I asked him to drive me to Joy's place, Norah wanted to come with us but I told her to watch over the kids. 
He drove silently,deep in thought and I was equally in despair, crying all the way for an extraordinary woman who had given up on life too soon. If only I had stayed with her over the night maybe things could have been different. I couldn't help to ask myself 'why?' a thousand times because she wasn't someone I had known to give up easily just for a man who had brought her headache. She chose to depart and leave behind three beautiful innocent souls she had helped bringing into this world. Where had her faith gone? That endless pilgrimage of the heart. I was shaking uncontrollably as we drew nearer. Many a time, Isaac had to stop and gather me in his arms as I became hysterical. The pain inside me was enough to rip my heart open and tear it in shreds.
We arrived at the house just in time as her body was being carried from the house into the ambulance. I quickly got out of the car to see her corpse for myself but Isaac stopped me before I did. I wanted to wriggle free from his hold but one of police officers who was standing nearby said, "you don't want to see that madam,its not a pretty sight."
I stood there,crying my heart out as Isaac held me in his arms. It was better to keep the picture of the woman I used to know. Looking at Joy's children didn't help matters, I just didn't know what these poor kids were thinking. Lusungu the eldest was holding her two siblings who had no idea what was going on. A thousand thoughts were crossing my mind. Where was Mike? Who would take care of the burial? Who would inform Joy's family because I didn't have the strength. Peter's car drove in at that point and he stood dead in his tracks the moment his eyes set on mine, I looked away. He walked straight to where I stood.
" What sort of a crazy world do we live in? Is that what you used to discuss with your friend? Advising each other to commit suicide? " I didn't know why he chose that moment to fire me with so many questions.
"Excuse me Sir but this is not the right moment to talk like that." Isaac saved me.
" Where is my poor mother? She must be terrified." He spoke while stroding inside the house, only pausing to look at the kids before proceeding. Did he make me his mother's keeper or what? Where was the once compassionate man I had loved before? It was useless to talk about him when it didnt help in bringing Joy back to life.I was heart broken.
" Be strong now dear, you must realize that not everybody is as strong as we might wish them to be." His words only brought fresh tears to my eyes.
Peter came out holding his mother as if she was the most delicate China. Her face was cast down as if genuinely grief stricken. I wished I could shake her shoulders until her teeth came out of her mouth. She was the worst pretender I had ever known and wished God could punish her there and then. She was alive to destroy the lives of these men she called her children yet they were too blinded by her influence to notice it.
I watched them pass us to Peter's car and we went to where the children were sitting. I wanted to usher them inside the house but a picture of Joy hanging from the roof made my blood coil, it felt like I was seeing her, swinging, painfully struggling for breath,fighting as death finally claimed her.
I called the maid to make tea for the children because they were obviously cold. After she was done serving them, Isaac called her to narrate how it had happened. She said she had found her hanging in her bedroom when she went to check on her if she was awake so that she should bring her something to eat. It must have been hard for her to see her employer who was more than a mother to her in such a state. Another thing, she had found a suicide note by the bed side...
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Thursday, September 3

Wizzy

Diary of a Single Mum Episode 67

EPISODE 67
Why was he cursing and insulting me as if I was the one who had sent him to cheat on his wife? He even got it all wrong when he accused me of wanting to destroy his 'happy' marriage. Did he even know the meaning when love and faithfulness was not included?
All I wanted was for him to come and sort all this out because I didn't have the money to waste on such a senseless matter. I didn't know what his next step would be but to me having a mistress, rude or not, wasn't my idea of an ideal life, it only leaves you and yours hurt while the home breaker picks up her own broken pieces, walk scott free and start afresh with somebody new.
I gently nudged Joy awake and went to her side to help her out of the car.
We went inside the station where the two security guards were giving their statement. The way they were describing Marble's injuries was enough to make the police lock Joy up forever. Worse still they said we left Marble unconscious and didn't know if she was still alive.
I was so angry for their petty lies and was even angrier at Joy for dragging me into the middle of all this.
Isaac called me, I went outside to pick the call. I told him where I was and what was happening. He offered to come and see if he could be of any help.I told him not to bother since Mike now knew and could probably make an appearance too. He insisted to come.
He arrived when I had just finished giving my statement. To my surprise, he hugged me so tightly never minding the prying eyes. I was so embarrassed since I wasn't used to such public display of affection.
He called the office on duty aside and engaged him in a steamy conversation. I could see from the officers facial expression that those two security guards had done enough damage. Within minutes they went inside a room, when they came out, the police officer was grinning from side to side and came where Joy sat.
" madam becareful next time before you act like a mad woman." He told her. Joy was about to start giving him a word or two when Isaac quickly strode to her side and told her that we had to go.
It was obvious a bribe had been offered,we all know what police officers are like when it comes to corruption.
I drove Joy's car and Isaac drove behind us. When we arrived at Joy's place, Mike was not there. I helped her inside the house and her mother in law was there. I acted as if she was never there as I helped Joy to her bedroom. What was she doing there when she was supposed to be taking care of Peter? Whatever, I didn't mind.
I made a strong cup of coffee while Joy finished taking a bath.
I left when she was tucked in bed,awaiting her husband. I wished her all the best to that and told her that if she wanted anything she could always let me know but it didn't have to include dragging me to another beat-a-mistress mission.
I left with Isaac.
" Thanks for coming over." I told him.
"Anytime Sunshine." He smiled before proceeding " hope next time I won't have to come to your rescue when you will be the perpetrator" I laughed to that. Well I was a good girl so he had no reasons to worry. This was the only time we had been close since the last time we met at the hospital. I was afraid to ask about anything to do with his late wife in case I touched a raw nerve. There was something about him that made me wish I could hug him close and tell him that things would be fine,an envelope of sadness. He probably would have thought me crazy or something.
He suggested we go to Mc Daud's for a bite. Since I was hungry I didn't refuse but I was conscious of what I wore. It wasn't something to be seen in at such an extravagant place but again he insisted saying he didn't mind. What a man. We sat down and ordered Lunch. Unbeknownst to me perhaps to both of us,we didn't have a slight idea what fate held for us. This was a time that changed things between us even as I became more conscious when he started baring his heart to me. I wasn't sure if I wanted to take a step and see what was inside. To me it was a no go zone. He was still someone who needed emotional healing, he was living in the shadow of his late wife and whether I wanted it or not but her name would still be a major topic of conversation only God knew till when. I loved his sense of maturity and I didn't know if he was also a mama's boy in a man's skin like Peter. I know it sounded ridiculous to compare the too but I had to if I didn't want a repeat of mother in law blues.
Even though inside of me was screaming not to do this,I found myself agreeing to meet him again the following day at lunch. I felt like Peter would think that I had betrayed him,us but he was water under the bridge just like Ben was.
He went to drop me home. I learnt from Norah that Beatrice came and collected her things and left me a note.
"Sis, am sorry for everything but understand that I have followed my heart.my wedding date has been fixed. If you want to know more, call me. That way I will know that you have forgiven me.love, Beatrice."
I read it for a thousand times as I fought myself from calling her.
Another time. I told myself, throwing the note on the fire.
For the days that followed, I was busy working. It was hard to walk beside someone who no longer had anything to do with me. It was so hard to believe that at one point Marble was my friend and we could laugh together. The days at this forsaken place were bearable because we had each other to turn to. She had started treating me with contempt that was hard to deal with. Even when I tried to talk to her on a simple issue, she could either ignore me or answer me rudely. I let her be.
In all these passing days, Mike didn't make an appearance at his home. Neither was he available on his mobile phone. Joy was panicking, really losing it. She couldn't stop thinking that he had left her for Marcy. There was no way I could help her find out the truth because we were no longer on speaking terms with Marble. The whole thing was proving to be difficult when Joy went to Mike's work place and they denied to tell her any information about his whereabouts. She stood waiting by the premises gate from morning to evening until they closed and watched everybody pass by with abeited breath but she didn't see him. She blamed herself for wanting to fight for her marriage yet she had ended up pushing her man into the waiting and eager arms of another woman. No matter how hard I tried to tell her otherwise, she couldn't hear any of it.
Reporting him missing wasn't an option either because we both knew this was a deliberate move intended to prove whatever ego tucked up his sleeve or teach Joy a lesson never to interfer in his affairs. I didnt know what a grown up man with three kids and a wonderful wife would look for in a girl like Marcy. She led a reckless and carefree life, never minding whose foot she stepped on as long as she was buoyant, afloat the modern life.
Joy was slowly sinking in despair and helplessness for a man who had hurt her. She couldn't hide the fact of her regret for agreeing to stop working and be a full time house wife. I remembered how she had advised me not to give up when Peter had suggested the same for me. She had failed to stand her ground when it was her turn, defending herself that she was legally married and was as much entitled to what he had as he was. Now she couldn't have access to their joint account without his signature.
I was at work when Joy called me that she had received a call from a lawyer who claimed to represent Mike to go and see him. She wanted me to escort her. I told her that I couldn't make it since I was at work. She begged me and I had no choice but to tell The Human Resource Manager that Laurent was sick and I had to rush home to take him to the hospital. I felt guilty to say such a lie but I had to answer Joy's call for companionship. I hoped we couldn't end up at the police station again.
"I hope the lawyer has news of my husband" Joy told me the moment I stepped in the car when she came to pick me up.
I didn't want to say anything but my instinct heralded some bad news. I learnt that the hard way. To me anything associated with lawyers meant trouble.
We drove out of town to Six Miles along where his offices were situated. G&J associates was a firm I heard that handled difficult cases of divorce. I didn't tell her that for fear of being misinterpreted. Perhaps if I had told her in the first place about Mike and Marcy things could have turned otherwise.
The receptionist was a middle aged woman with a ready smile that made you wonder if she knew you from somewhere. We waited as she made a call before directing us to Mr Godsend's office.
He was a short man with a long beard and big eyes that made him distinguished.
As he firmly shook our hands respectively,I prayed that this meeting would end well because of late, Joy seemed to always be at the end of her wits.
"Welcome ladies please take a seat."
"Thank you" we said in unison.
"I'm Mike's wife Joy and this is my friend Wangu." She made the introductions.
"As you already know am Mr Godsend and my pleasure meeting beautiful ladies like you."
"Am rushing to another meeting, can we go straight to business." Joy said sounding serious while looking at her wrist watch.
" I am your husband's lawyer and he wants a divorce."
I could hear the sound of a cow mowing far away and a pin dropping somewhere. I couldn't look at Joy for fear of what she could look like. My heart was having a Marathon. Has it reached that giving up extent sure? I wondered.
" On what grounds am I being divorced?" At last I heard her speak but her voice had a pained expression attached to it. She couldn't believe it as much as I did.
"That will be said when you sign these papers."
"Tell Mike I want to see him now!" She started shouting on top of her voice. " I don't care how you will do it but bring him in this room. Why can't he be man enough to say it in my face?"
I wasn't the only one shocked by this angry woman. Mr Godsend had to push his chair back for fear of being pocked in the face.
" I am sorry madam but your husband is out of the country now and will be back in two weeks time."
"Oh God I can't believe this! How could he neglect his kids and waltz out of the country without saying anything? What sort of a fool did I marry?" She continued.
"Madam please I would advise you to go home and wait until he returns.am sure you two will reach to a certain agreement." I thought lawyers were used to handle angry people but he was trembling like a dry leaf.
"What makes you think that he will let me know when he is back especially since he disappeared without a whisper.Tell me what do I tell my kids? "
"Joy ..." I began. She gave me a look that warned me not to get involved.
"He has frozen your joint accounts for the moment but if you need anything for the kids you should tell his mother she will know what to do." That she devil should have been hanged long time ago. I thought.
"I didn't marry his mother,I got married to him. That woman can go to hell she has meddled in my business too far."
"Those were his instructions am just passing the message" he defended himself.
Joy told me that we had to go. I followed her meekly like a puppy.
On the way back, I told her not to quarrel with her mother in law, fighting her was useless. She just had to wait until Mike came back. As far as Mike and Peter were concerned,they thought their mother an angel. There and then she broke down and started crying. To her being divorced meant he had realised his mistake and wanted to collect it by removing her out of the way of his life. She felt she hadn't tried good enough and hadn't been woman enough. I told her that it was his loss not hers because she was a remarkable woman and mother who had made a selfless sacrifice of her career, time and life to raise a family.
she couldn't hear any of it for she labelled herself a failure.
Reluctantly, she let me go home after I had let her take sleeping pills for her to sleep off the pain and rest even though it was early in the evening. I told the maid not to disturb her until she woke up herself.
Back home I took a bath and had supper content with my children around me. I chatted with Isaac while in bed until I fall asleep unknowingly only to be awoken by my phone ringing in the wee hours of the morning. It was Peter's Mum. For three times I watched the phone ring until I couldn't take it anymore. Why was she calling me at such an odd hour as if we were long time friends.
" What do you want?" I asked, obviously irritated. Her voice was a mixture of sobs and shock.
"Joy hanged herself"
...oh No...

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Thursday, August 27

Wizzy

Diary of a Single Mum Episode 66

EPISODE 66
You don't know how strong you are until being strong is the only option- Anjawo Nyirenda
Looking at Joy felt like a dam of defense had broken and the water was everywhere,wild and untamed. I took her hand and went inside the house.
Norah had taken the kids to the market so we had enough time to talk. My heart was hammering inside me and hoped that if she had got wind of her husband's cheating,she won't be mad at me further for not telling her.
When I looked at her face again,tears were flowing down her cheeks. I squeezed her hand in comfort and she smiled at me faintly.
"Do you realize that you are my only friend who I can talk to without being judged?" Seriously this question took me unawares. We were friends yes but we hadn't reached that level when we could say we were best of friends. I was flattered to know that she regarded me as such.
"I don't know the type of battles everybody has fought out there,as such I don't take it upon myself to be judgemental.That's one lesson life has taught me." I told her. She looked like she just reflected on a past painful experience taking from the way her face contorted suddenly.
"I agree with you.but you have known pain in your young life.I am older than you but you won't realise how much I have learnt from you?"
"Me?" I wondered "what could i have possibly taught you?"
When she answered,her voice was calm.
"Wangu don't ever belittle yourself. You are strong."
"Anyway enough talk about me. Tell me what happened to you" I said changing the subject.
"I can't understand Mike anymore. It all started with late home comings. As if that wasn't enough he would go for business trips for a week or two. I thought it was normal because I trusted him so much but I don't think I still do."
The cat was out of the bag.
"That's too bad." I sympathized.
"He is having an affair. I couldn't believe it if somebody else had told me but I saw them together going into a shop hand in hand can you imagine when he had lied to me that he was out of town." She let out a heavy sign then continued. "I followed them inside. I am not a violent person but I swear I wanted to murder the woman right there. Can you imagine when I asked Mike what he was doing there, the b**** had the nerve to ask who I was." At that moment I could play the picture in my head, one bit I didn't envy to be Marcy.
"Then what happened next?" I asked curiously.
"He said,"Marcy this is my wife." And the girl had the nerve to say "such a big pig?"
I could imagine the tempers that had flown everywhere. That was a big test for even a sworn priest to pass.
"Do you know the girl?" I asked her feigning ignorance.
"Yes i now do.You wouldn't think I could leave it like that? I have dug as much as I can and lucky enough I even know where she stays. She has an identical twin." I was shocked to hear such detailed information.
"Hey how did you know all this?"
"People don't think twice when selling out the devils.well wishers did."
"What will you do now?" I had to be careful in my questioning for fear of raising suspicion.
"I can't give up my man or my marriage.I worked too hard for this.I swear I will make both of them pay dearly and when am done they won't wish to cross me again."
I kept quite to allow her words sink inside me. How much damage was she prepared to do?
"When he came home and I asked him about this,he beat me up in front of the kids. What has this girl really done to him because Mike has never acted like a maniac before especially in front of the poor kids. They were so frightened."
"Don't blame yourself dear.his cheating is none of your doing."
"I will go there and sort her out.she can't come from the blues and upset my life. Mike hasn't been home since last night.I can't imagine that he went to her."
Suddenly she grabbed her car keys.
"Where are you going?" I asked her.
"Home ofcourse."
I sighed in relief.
"Okay dear.don't do anything stupid.go home and take care of your man and kids they need you."
She left. My mind was reeling. What was I to do? Call Marble and warn her of the impending ambush? Let matters be like they were? What if she went there and find Marble instead of Marcy? She would receive the punishment that wasn't meant for her and worst of all Joy would be arrested for assault.
All in all I didn't want anybody to get hurt especially since I wasn't already in good terms with Peter's family. Mike would surely blame me for selling him out to Joy, to borrow Martina Cole's word 'glass'
I went to resume my washing and thought about Ben's request to take the kids to his home village during the school holidays. That was deep and I wanted to find a way for them not to go. I would go mad worrying about them so far away.
Thirty minutes after Joy had gone,she came back all flared up. I was alarmed.
"come on gal you and me are going for a drive." She said to my surprise. She was breathing heavily and sweating hard.
"Are you okay Love?"
"Stop whining like an old woman,lock that house.let's go!"
This was an order but I didn't want to go,something didn't sound well.
" I just can't leave..." I started protesting but it didn't change a thing. I locked the house and put the keys behind the door mat. I called Norah to tell her that I was going out and would explain everything when I returned.
We drove out, I was surprised that we were driving to Area 14 right into Marble's neighborhood. It's when I really started panicking. She looked like a maniac,as mad as a hatter. Every word I spoke was hit by a blank wall of silence.she was murmuring to herself under her breath and I couldn't pick out exactly what she was saying.
She brought the car to a sudden halt and got out. I followed behind,frightened of what I was about to witness.
she banged the gate none too gentle and an alarmed gateman came to open. The moment the gate opened, she pushed the old gateman aside and made our way straight to the house. I saw the man dusting himself up and run after us. Joy opened the door to the house. Both Marble and Marcy were home,watching television and their chatter died instantly the moment we arrived unannouncedly.
" Which one of you is Marcy?" Joy bellowed like an angry lioness that she was. My eyes locked with Marble's and I gave an innocent shrug to signal her that it was none of my doing even when I knew it was useless. She didn't look to believe me and at that moment I felt like a Judas for bringing the angel of death right at their door step.
" I am.." Marble said slowly and the moment those words were out, Joy pounced on her. I couldn't believe it, i knew who was who and couldn't understand why she chose to be a sacrificial lamb for her promiscuous twin. With Marcy we tried effortlessly to get Joy off Marble but she was too strong for us and mercilessly raining blows on her,ignorant of our pleas. Marcy was shouting that she should leave her sister and beat her instead but it was already too late. The security providers of that compound finally responded to the alarm that had been pressed by the gate man. Two guards finally managed to get Joy off Marble. Her face was battered and blood was coming out of her mouth and nose.
"Let me kill this b**** where is your loud mouth now,speak to me again like you did that day!" Joy was still shouting when they took her away to their car. Where was the sweet natured woman that I knew and who was this animal in her place? I couldn't look both the girls in the face. Marcy went to take towels to clean her twin's face while I looked On. She was murmuring apologies for her taking a bullet in her place.I could still hear Joy urguing with the security guards outside.
" Are you happy now?" Marcy shouted at Me. I didn't know why she was blaming me for her own sins. I wasn't the one who had slept with somebody else's husband.
" What are you still doing here? Go away!" It was Marble talking through clenched teeth with so much difficult I could see that she was in excruciating pain.
There and then,I knew that I had lost a friend, a confidant and a collegue because things would never be the same again between us. To her, I had betrayed a profound friendship and failed to guard the code of sisterhood. I was at a loss as I slowly walked outside to see Joy. Another security guard called me aside.
" I am sorry madam but we have to take your friend to the police station."
"Please don't do that" I begged him.
"Did you see how that girl is damaged there? She won't have the confidence to look herself in the mirror again. Perhaps you prefer we call the police here? "
" No..no.."
" let's go then, your friend is quite a handful. She has a smell of alcohol on her.were you aware of that? I hope she won't live to regret today." I then knew that she had acted on the influence of alcohol. After today,I don't know if a bottle of liquor would visit her mouth ever again.
She handed me her car keys and we drove behind the security van.
It was like I wasn't there at all. She was talking to herself loudly ofcourse and I fought the desire to slap her hard on the face to shut her up. I was trying to think of how to get her out of this mess. After what seemed like eternity she eventually fall asleep ...
She looked so innocent I felt so guilty when I had to wake her up at the car park of the police station. It was time I called Mike, the son of the devil himself and I wasn't too happy to be the one doing it...
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Wizzy

Diary of a Single Mum Episode 65

Episode 65
I pulled a sheet from the nearest bed and covered myself as best as I could. Beatrice came rushing beside me and told me to stop shouting for fear of alerting the neighbours. I took out my phone to call the police.
"Please sis don't call the police." she begged me.
" so... you know this man?" I asked her but she didn't reply and I interrupted the silence as a yes.
" You may do all that you like out of this house and out of my eye shot I don't mind but don't bring your baggage inside my house.don't you have shame?"
The man had came out and was getting dressed. The need to slap his face was so great but I ended up clenching my fist and dropping it at my sides. He wasn't worthy an ounce of my anger even if I had all the right to unleash it.
"Out of my house both of you!" I shouted. If Beatrice had thought she could escape this so easily then she didn't know me well enough. Where was the respect I deserved? If not for me as her elder sister but as the owner of the house.
"But sis..." she started protesting and I shot her a look that had her shut her mouth.
"Let's go Lumbani" she told the intruder. That was when I realised that he was the same fool who wanted to marry her back in the village but she realised soon enough that he was married and already had three children. She had escaped the polygamy unknowingly and if she was somebody else she could have been thanking God for that and keeping away from this man.Yet here she was with him in my house and allowing him to misuse the liberty of her body. I really felt so sorry for her. I mean what sort of disturbing love was that when one didn't learn any lesson from the first encounter? Did she thought she was strong enough or beautiful enough to lure him to her bossom
and make him forget about his family he had spent so many years to build? What I knew was that he wanted to use her as much as she could allow then go back to his wife. The wife probably thought him to be on one business trip or another when all he was doing was spending his days in the arms of another woman. Why do we women have to prove to each other that we are the best at destroying and disturbing fellow sisters' peace? Do you know what it took for that other woman to build the home and family she calls her own? The sweat, agony and endurance she tolerated for this man to still be with her and bore his kids? Love is hardwork yes and its a miracle to stay in love,to stand the test of time and overcome those mountains that seem impossible to move.
Maybe she could have said she didn't know that he was married that first time they met, when she knew she called it quits but now she was going back to him as if he was the only man on earth and didn't know when another one would come again...
After they went out, heaven knows to where, I called my mum.
"Hello"
"Mama you should tell Beatrice i don't want her in my house again.How could she bring a man in my house? "
"You mean she brought Lumbani?" she said then started laughing.
"How did you know?" I was bewildered. "Ofcourse he came to tell me. He has already gone to your uncles and paid her bride price, she is going to be his third wife."
I couldn't believe any of this. Not even a second wife but A THIRD!
"Mum are you alright? is that what you want for your daughter?" I was on the verge of tears.
"If that's what she wants then so be it,she is not a kid anymore. Are you jelousy or what? Atleast she is getting married properly, where is your husband if you even have one?"
she cut right where it really hurt me.
"But mama..."
"Enough Wangu.Your sister is marrying into a royal family.Lumbani's uncle who died few months ago was a Chief and he will succeed him. why can't you be happy for her?" she said cheerfully.
"For you its always about status and money never integrity. You should try to preserve it one day and you won't regret."
"Make sure you treat her well.She is the one who will bore him a male child when those two miserable women of his have failed."
"You don't have shame and I feel so sorry for you. I only hope you won't live to regret this."
"Atleast am happy for her and it won't kill you to be too."
We had said enough and prolonging the subject would have only made us say things we could later regret. We said our goodbyes and hung up. This wasn't a scheme that had happened overnight,it had been happening for some time. I wondered why I was always the last one to know things in this family. Don't they think my views count too?
My phone beeped,it was a message from Isaac. Of late we spoke almost everyday as he told me how he was coping with his wife's demise.How his daughter was with his mother in another city until he sorted himself out. Such a sad love story. This guy had loved his wife so much I couls see from the way he talked about her. All I did was give him an ear as he lamented and offer comforting words where necessary. But when he said he wanted to see me again I told him that for the moment I was so tied up but once I sorted some issues I would let him know. I didn't realise I was smiling to myself until I heard the kids' voices entering the house. I got dressed and went to them.
Two weeks later,Norah called me that she had finally gathered enough courage to walk away. It looked like a stroke of grace had touched her life as she had went to the police and reported all the abuses she had suffered at his hands. The bruises on her body from the battering.He had chosen to inflict them where people wouldn't be able to see. The husband and his mistress were nowhere to be seen. Since she couldn't afford to pay rent and other bills as well as take care of her baby, she could come to stay with me until she was back on her feet. Her father had told her to look for somewhere else to stay because her space at home was no longer available the moment she went to get married.His reaction he claimed was to save as a lesson to her siblings to be careful when choosing a partner to marry. Talk of that awkward moment when your family abandons you when you need them most. I still didn't understand why he took me in when he was now denying one of his own.
A car stopped outside our yard while I was washing the children's school uniforms. Joy came out of the car wearing sun glasses,I didn't know why she had not called to tell me that she was coming. I stopped washing to go and welcome her.we hugged but she didn't say any word even when I spoke to her.When she took off the sun glasses,she had a blood shot eye. I gasped in surprise.
"Atsikana what happened to you?"
"It's Mike..."
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Tuesday, August 25

Wizzy

Diary of a Single Mum Episode 64

EPISODE 64
Have you ever felt so lonely it feels like the hollow inside you gets wider by the second? Well I did and its not something you can get used to nor claim to fight,the least one can do is learn to live with it until your heart is ready again for love and companionship. Sometimes one can be lonely even when a partner is there. When love seem to wear off by the day and when it looks like there is nothing left out of it except the two of you to agree and part ways without all the fuss that comes with breakups. It's really sad when you are in it and wish you could close your eyes and open them again to find that all of that is a past that is locked away at the far back of your mind.
I was sitting on my bed and wish there was someone I could open my heart to in a way beyond the closeness of friendship alone. How does one open up to a seven year old and expect her to offer the comfort you long for? When all that you long for is a shoulder to lean on and strong big hands to hold you while you unleash the tears and pain bottled inside. Even when you act as tough as you wish to be,there's is somebody you wish to comfort you too.
Willowing in my love misery was not an option so I went to see Norah and her husband. Between them there were all the signs of a love lost. The animosity and tension engulfing the atmosphere was enough to make me wish I wasn't there at all. Why these too were still holding on to the tatters of what used to be a happy marriage was beyond me. We all stay for different reasons. For society,for children, for our egos and pride...for faith and hope for a miraculous turnover from above.
The strain could be heard in her trembling voice and frightened manner in which she carried herself. She was a bubbly person by nature but he had put the fear of the devil in her, blew out her shining candle and reduced it to melting wax. She looked so sick and thin,it showed that she had not been eating properly. Most of the times he was drunk and his actions were unpredictable. He had resorted to insulting her and calling her all sorts of names even around people. Gone was the loving and caring man I had once seen and it's a pity the picture of him on their wedding day was still vivid in my head but he had completely changed,transformed into a worse monster than characters in the wrong turn movies. I had one conclusion - all this was too much for him to handle,he had lost his mind or hidden behind the facade of alcoholism and womanising. He was sinking deeply and would die there if he didnt seek professional help.
When she was escorting me, I told her that an abusive man will stop at nothing until he breaks you down and see to your ruin personally. Nothing pleases him than seeing you at your lowest ebb,desperate,hopeless and begging for his mercy. His presence alone was able to make her have nightmares when she could dream of him murdering her in her sleep.
I told her that if she was prepared to leave him,she would be welcome at my house. I couldn't forget the kindness and care she and her family had bestowed me when I was carrying Mandy. Surely a good turn deserves another.
I left with a heavy heart and afraid of what would happen next. I felt like I was watching a timing bomb that was about to explode.
I was ready to help only if she was able to help herself. To take that first step outside would determine an entirely different way of life. A new lease of life that she only dreamt of; a peace of mind.
I went home. The children were at school and Beatrice was in the kitchen preparing lunch. She looked startled because she wasn't expecting me to be home so soon but I could come in and go as I pleased, I didn't need a chaperon for that. She only had a wrapper tied around her armpits but didn't look like she was coming from the bathroom. She was in a good mood than I could remember.She pulled out a stool for me to sit on as she told me about a new girl she had befriended recently. It wasn't my business but I listened anyway. There weren't many times we chatted like that and I wanted to make the best of it.
She took my handbag to the bedroom and told me to remove my Shoes and rest my feet. The kids were due to come home anytime and I couldn't wait to see them again. I stood up to go and change my clothes.
I went to the bedroom, removed my clothes and laid them on the bed. I looked at the room which had two beds. Amanda shared it with Beatrice while I did with Laurent. There was nothing else to be done since I couldn't yet afford a bigger house. But I knew deep down inside me that I could fight for it and give that to my kids before I breathed my last.
I opened the narrow wardrobe to look for a dress to wear. My eyes met with those of a half dressed man whose eyes instantly moved to my breasts below and instinctively I put my hands around them protectively from his intruding and prying eyes and screamed for help...

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Wizzy

Diary of a Single Mum Episode 63

Dear single mum
Life may be hard
The going may get tough
With nothing to lean on
Nor a kind word of comfort
But for that cute little innocent face
Soldier on to the end
Hang on to the thread of hope
That seem thinner by the day
Days of smiling may be few
And days of misery a truck load
Don't give up!!!
God will always see you through
EPISODE 63
Quit listening to accusing voices. if you don't like yourself,you will never become what you were created to be- Joel Osteen
It felt nice to walk away as if I didn't have a care in the world. Deep down I knew Peter would pull through,he was a fighter and survivor even when he didn't know it. He just needed a driving force to nurture him.
When I arrived home,I told Beatrice that she should pack Chris' clothes ready to take him back to his father and grand mother. I called her to ask when she would be back home,lucky enough she said the doctor would discharge Peter the following day in the afternoon. I informed her that Beatrice would be coming the following day with Chris and she agreed.
Beatrice was against the idea of leaving Chris but as long as he was still with me,Peter would use him as a snare to lure me back to his net. Sometimes I didn't know if I wasn't strong enough to resist him or if I was so weak to fight off temptations. For once I realized that all my problems derived from men. If I had been able to live my own life and not fall for Ben and his tricks to send me to school while he in exchange got sex,I could stil be standing on my two feet. Don't be deceived,some men will never be nice for nothing. They always want something in return. Selfishness takes time to mature and it has different levels and sometimes we are foolish enough to excuse it as jelousy and misinterpret it for love. Just because he takes you out for lunch and drive you around town to fancy places and calls you around the clock while worshipping the ground you walk on,doesn't mean he doesn't have crooked thoughts,he is simply buying his time to take his dues. You will be suprised to learn of a side chick or less still a main chick you have never heard of or suspected him of having.
Anyway I made up my mind to wash my hands off these people who were eating at my life like a cancer.
The following day before leaving for work I gave a sulking Beatrice money for transportation to Peter's place. Seriously I never got why she still wanted me to have Peter in my life. It wasn't like my life depended on him.People like Beatrice had a serious dependency syndrome. She was the same person complaining about being ill treated yet she didn't want to cut ties. Well I had my own share of grief and wanted a breather.
At work there was serious trouble. Thieves had broken through the roof and went away with goods worthy millions. The two night guards were nowhere to be seen and that left the police with no options but to hunt for them. We were left at the mercy of the boss' tongue who insulted us as if he went to school for it. If only he could use that mouth to recit bible verses. It was depressing to be on the receiving end when the culprits were at large. we were being questioned one after the other throughout the day.It didn't matter if you were already questioned but you just had to comply. Our histories were dug almost to the point of us to mention our forefathers. The day was one of the longest I had ever known.
We knocked off before our time and each one of us was glad to leave such misery behind.
Beatrice was home and in bed even if it was early evening. I woke her up.When she looked at me,I felt the depth of her accusation and could see that she had been crying. It seemed that letting Chris go had been the hardest task. It hadn't been easy to me as well.He was such a sweet child who never gave me too much trouble. I was fond of him and I could see that the children were also feeling his absence. This situation was just beyond me.
I made biscuits for the kids and tried to cheer them up.
I made a call to the estate agent who told me that he hasn't yet found the house for me to buy because one million five hundred thousand wasn't much considering how the currency was fluctuating.
I made a call to Norah who seemed both excited and mad to hear from Me. But then friendship is like a swing,you need to push for you to have the desired effect. We were in the same city yet both of us looked like we had forgotten about the other. I blamed it on my hectic job and she blamed me on the pressure surrounding her marriage. She said now her husband had found himself a mistress and she was having his baby. I was shocked to this recent turn of events and in all this madness she had tempted several times to commit suicide. I don't know if it was a good idea but I told her that no man is worthy dying for and if she loved herself she had to get out of that marriage as fast as she could. She may not do it for herself but for the love of her baby she had to soldier on.
She would never be the first woman to be a single mum nor the last one...

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Tuesday, August 11

Wizzy

Diary of a Single Mum Episode 62

EPISODE 62

Choose your life's mate carefully.from this decision will come 90% of your happiness or misery- Jackson Brown
To say I was trembling like a dry leaf is an understatement. Between us we managed to lay him down on the carpet and I applied the basic first aid I had seen people do on TV.I did a mouth to mouth to resuscitate him but nothing happened. I felt his neck pulse but there was nothing. I knew that panicking wouldn't solve the problem. I summed up enough courage,went to take the car keys and told Peter's mum to help me carry him to the car. All along I was praying to God not to let him die on me...
His head was prompted on pillows on his mother's lap to keep him stable while I drove like a lunatic. At that time traffic officers meant nothing.
In no time we arrived and he was rushed into the emergency room. The most annoying thing was that his mother kept shouting, "if my son will die,his blood will be on your head"
I didn't know what issues this woman had with me but another word from her mouth,I could have knocked her teeth. She just had to learn to shut her trap.
If I stayed in one room with her,people would find her dead, so I went out of the waiting room and walked to and fro the corridor.
It was getting late and I was hungry,I wanted something to eat. I went at the reception and asked where I could find a cafeteria.She was a pleasant woman who looked at you with those pitiful eyes that seemed to tell you that she understood what you were going through. I didn't want to be pitied, I wanted to eat and hit my head on the pillow.
She gave me directions and I went there.I had a steaming cup of tea and a cup cake.I drank it slowly as I reflected the tangled path that I seemed to visit ever since I made myself into Peter's life. The heart pain I had known because of him impregnating Masozi,his mother who would always be a thorn in my fresh as long as me and her son were together and his ex girlfriends. There was only one way I seemed to dread thus; to walk out of that room and never look back. Who was I kidding if not myself. Nothing beats a heart that is in love,others call it being pathetic while some say its true love.I have never sat down and studied these two at close range. What I know is about being pathetic is when he keep hurting you and you keep taking him back. Some of us women have a crazy tendency of loving bad boys. Being in love is when he is not giving you pathetic reasons to threaten your heart with other women in his life.
How does one continue loving somebody and look ahead to a bright future together when his mother hates you with a vengeance? Imagine that sweet son of yours with a woman you don't ever want. You would do anything to show him and prove that she is not worthy his trouble. Why was I a threat to Peter's mum? Did she think his son loved me more than he loved her? Seriously for the sake of Peter I was ready to tolerate her but if she kept acting up towards me I wouldn't do otherwise but cut ties for good.
At that particular moment when I was thick in the forest of my thoughts my mother called me.
" should I starve while you are alive?"
"mum how are you?" I answered her.
"Am fine.you promised to send me money but I haven't seen a penny yet."
"You could have asked politely. You sound as if I owe you money."
Why does she always pick the most awkward times to call me?
"Are you sending the money or not?"
"I've kids too who need the money more than you do.I'll give you money if you learn the proper way of asking."
"Wangu don't start lecturing me."
I thought with age came maturity but this was something else. I had problems and she didn't have to add more. She was an elder and she was supposed to do things that had to make her earn and maintain the respect I had for her.I loved her still but I could draw a line and hold back.
I switched off my phone and continued sipping my tea. A distraught looking man invited himself to where I was sitting. I could see tears glistening from his eyes and veins sticking out on his forehead, now and then he had to take out his handkerchief and wipe them off. Seriously I felt ill at ease. It's not everyday you see a man so grief stricken and not ashamed of showing it. I didn't know what to do apart from watching him.
"Oh Rosemary why" he finally said. I guess he was soliloquizing and I didn't ask what happened to that Rosemary.
" my wife just died leaving me with a two year old girl.what do I do without her? We have been married for three years and ohh she was the most beautiful thing I had ever known." He started opening up.Grief is scary especially if you don't know the person both bereaved and deceased. I don't know how to comfort a grown up man but suddenly words came into my mouth.
"It's only God who gives and takes what is His and its not in us to question His will because Him alone knows why.The best we can do is pray for strength and courage to brace us up in these trying moments. Give thanks to God for the happy moments you shared with your wife and may God help you raise your kid."
He looked so blank I thought he wasn't listening.
"All my strength is gone and my heart is heavy.She was talking this morning that she is fine and ready to go home. She sent me to get her favourite food and when I returned she was gone."
I felt sorry for him and wished I could do something to make him feel better.
"I'm sorry for your loss." I told him and then he gave me his business card and took his leave. I was left gazing at it yet seeing nothing. I knew the pain of losing a beloved one. That moment when you wish you could hold them again or tell them you love them for a moment when memories seem not to be enough. The pain of losing them is unbearable and make you wish time could stand still only at those moments when you were together for the last time.
I went back to the waiting room to find the doctor talking to Peter's mum. The expression on their faces didn't look good, I quickened my pace to hear for myself.
"....as I was saying madam, your son is out of danger now and has gained consciousness." The doctor said just as I arrived.
" can I see him now?" I asked.
"Am afraid not. He has said he don't want to see anyone now."
"But am his mother.."
" I respect the rights of my patients. For now I would advise you to leave until tomorrow when he is in the mood to talk to you again"
I was dumbfounded and didn't want to say much. I started going out.
"I'm not going anywhere until I see my son." His mother was about to start acting up. I didn't want to be witness to all the drama because I had enough of it for a day.
I went to where I packed the car and waited for sometime to see if she would follow but she didn't.
My thoughts started drifting to that recent widower. I took out his card again and decided that I would call him the following day to ask how he was fairing. I learnt that his name was Isaac Matope,a senior procurement officer at N&T holdings. I saved his numbers in my phone in case I lost the card.
I decided to leave without Peter's Mum. I called Beatrice to ask if the kids had eaten.Laurent had refused to eat until I was home. I didn't know how he ate when he went to Ben's place.children are just peculiar creatures.
I arrived home and fed Laurent before he slept. He was half dozing already. Later I put him to bed and went to have a bath before having my supper and hit my pillow.
The following day at lunch break I called Isaac. He said they were on his way to Zomba to his wife's village for burial.I told him words of comfort and promised to call him again later.
Marble asked who I had talked to with such a sorrowful expression on my face.I explained to her including the issue why I went to the hospital in the first place.
" Gal the way you are concerned is like you were his mother." She mocked me.
"I just feel sorry for the poor man"
"Okay if you say so but ask yourself why you haven't called Peter to ask how he is feeling."
I failed to answer that question.
After eating our lunch we went back to work and throughout the day I didn't bother checking on him until we knocked off.I went to the hospital called Peter's mum that she should come out of the hospital. When she did,I gave her car keys and simply walked out to go and board a minbus back home. I didn't look back.half of me expected her to throw the keys at me,the other half wanted her to tell me how Peter was doing but I was too proud to ask...
I just wanted to walk away from there and never hear anything again about these people ...


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Wizzy

Diary of a Single Mum Episode 61

EPISODE 61

An awakened imagination works with a purpose. It creates and conserves the desirable and transforms or destroys the undesirable -Neville Goddard.
Sunday evening,Ben brought the kids.I hugged them so hard as if I would never let go.
"Did you think I would kill them or what?" Ben asked me.
"Did I do something wrong?" I retaliated.
"The way you fuss over them its like you can't believe they came back."
"I don't think you can understand but being away from my kids is not something I do every day."
" 'our kids' I would appreciate it if you would get it through your thick head that I intend to be as much a big part of their lives as you are so get used to it."
His answer irritated me and I clenched my jaws,looked around to see if the kids were within ear shot before I answered. Their voices could be heard from inside the house.
"I don't care what you intend to do but I could appreciate it if no harm could befall them in your care,I haven't forgotten how wicked you can still be."
His face contorted.
"Ouch ...that hurt, anyway who is that little fellow who was here when I came to pick up the kids and he is here again today?have you adopted another mouth to feed?"
I swear Ben had a way of talking,every word he uttered had an insult hanging at the end.
"It's none of your business who I keep and who I don't.Thanks for bringing them back.Bye" I dismissed him but he didn't move an inch.
He called Laurent and Amanda who came rushing outside.
"I'm leaving. Hope you will show your mum everything that Aunt Cindy has bought for you."
What pride!
"Yes dad" Amanda answered.
"Who is your friend?" Ben asked Laurent pointing at Chris.
"His name is Chris" Laurent answered.
"He is uncle Peter's son. mum said that makes him our brother." Goodness,some things are better left unsaid.I was so ashamed of myself for getting my kids right into the confusion of my love life.Today you tell them this is your uncle, tomorrow this is your dad.Next time you will introduce new men in their young lives and before they are fully grown they will get used to all the 'uncles' who come and go.You will be surprised to know that they were counting them all and finally they know what a love-sick jerk you have been.
" well...well...well that's quite huge.I'm touched. Peter is opening his closet now and I hope there ain't more skeletons in the closet. How are you coping with baby mama blues?" His voice was filled with the sarcasm that I had now got used to. I closed my eyes in distress and started counting before I lost my cool.
"Alright kids,say bye to your 'father' and lets go inside it's getting cold." My voice was stable and I was determined to show him that his words couldn't make me twitch. Thank God he didn't know the full details of the masozi saga otherwise he could have used it to torment me.I am sure the 'you are not any good' part could have come in.
***************
The following morning I called Mike and asked him to meet me if he had time. I wanted to clear my conscious and get rid of the sleepless nights of guilt which were making my life hell. I felt like every passing day I was anticipating for something bad to happen. I hoped that the news would delay reaching Joy before I had time to play my role and save the day. Who did I think I was? The heroine who saved a sinking ship and rescued people? What if it backfired to me and Mike defended himself and proved that he wasn't cheating?
I almost hung up before his voice was heard on the other end.
" hello"
"Yes Mike,this is Wangu"
"Yes?"
My heart started hammering. Why was I such a coward inside?
"I was wondering if you have time.can we meet and talk?"
" I don't have anything to talk to you unless it's concerning Peter.Besides stay away from my family,you are an intruder."
Then he hung up.
Maybe he was right,this whole thing wasn't my business. Joy has always been a friend when things were falling apart with Peter.I didn't know how best to handle this whole thing but I prayed that Joy couldn't come out hurt worse still our friendship couldn't be bruised.
I carried out my day as a normal one and continued the routine between work and visits to Peter's place. His condition was improving and he started using clutches.
Working at the headoffice was just fine. I made myself as scarce as possible by keeping out of the boss's way. We helped pack goods in shelves and we were on our feet most of the day. Marble was no longer a till operator and neither was I a data collector. Thanks to that ruthless Manager who was determined to get his revenge by getting us transferred. The only way out was to find another job because at the end of a working day we felt like we had swum across the ocean.
The supervisor was also giving us hell,he seemed like he was the very devil's incarnate. I wanted a job but this was turning into a nightmare. By and by I was dreading to face the day when morning came. I could see that Marble was at the end of her tethers too. A day filled with all sorts of degrading remarks as well as overworking wasn't something to be proud of. It was my sweat yes but it came the hard way. Finally we were reduced to mop the floor. People think mopping is so simple and can hardly be regarded as hard work.Wait until you mop and somebody step on it before the floor is dry. Imagine facing that irritation every day. It was driving me crazy.
Peter's mother was still avoiding me. The moment I entered the room,she would leave without greeting me.whatever demons were lurking in her mind needed exorcism. Why didn't she say it outright if I offended her? On this particular day I had a bad day and I just had to vent out my anger.When I arrived,I heard her laughing inside the house but the moment I entered she kept quite and stood up to leave.
"Where are you going?" I asked her.
"Excuse me.."
"You heard me.why don't you just say it out that I'm not welcome. I think we both realised it long time ago that we don't like each other. If you don't say it today I will never step inside this house again." I busted out. Not even Peter was prepared for that.
"Peter tell this thing to get out of my sight,I don't want her trouble." She said to Peter.
"please listen ...both of you." Peter was trying to play the peace advocate.
" Don't get involved Peter. This is between your mother and I.it's time we set the records straight. she can go to hell for all I care."
"Don't talk to me as if I'm your mate.if you think coming back here and trying to stick to my son will make him marry you then you are a right candidate for the mental hospital."
I was stunned beyond words.who in their right minds would say that.
"Remember.weren't you the same person who begged me to come here? You should be ashamed of yourself."
"You act as a cheap wh*** who stays this long with a man who hasn't even paid a single penny of their bride price. Desperado!"
" You witch why don't you drop dead and do the world a favour"
"Enough!" Peter shouted. In all our argument we forgot his existence.We put him on a tight corner and left him with no option. To show sides could have been a disaster.
" you stand there and watch her insult me.me? The woman who gave birth to you.Peter you will never know a day's peace in your life!"
"Leave him alone.you are a shame to womanhood."
In the thick of our exchange,we heard a shout as if from strangulation. We both rushed to his sides as he struggled to breath and we watched in disbelief as he slipped out of consciousness, I was shouting for her to call an ambulance and she was shouting and insulting me for causing everything ....

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Thursday, August 6

Wizzy

Diary of a Single Mum Episode 60

EPISODE 60

There is no price tag on friendship.
I looked at Joy and immediately felt so sorry for her.I wasn't sure if I should be the carrier to herald such doomed news. I felt an overwhelming urge to shield her ears and heart from ache at the same time I wanted her to know what her man was doing. Shamelessly flunking himself around town with an immature teenager who was out for nothing but fun and had little thought of the aftermath.
" Never mind dear maybe some other time. " I told her.
" ohh," she held her chest." for once I thought you were going to tell me some bad news, you should have seen your face. "
I smiled at her and squeezed her hand.
" Don't worry. I can't afford to be the one to wipe off that smile on your face without a second thought. it's nothing don't worry." My heart was racing at such a blue lie but hey I just couldn't bring myself to say it.
She dropped me at the hospital while they went to have fun.
Peter was in better shape now.I wheeled him outside where we sat under a tree and chatted restlessly. I laid a wrapper on the green carpeted grass and had our lunch. His mum had gone with Joy so that she could drop her at home to rest. I just couldn't make what I had done to her to give me an attitude,but whatever it was,it didn't have long to stay inside,sooner than later she was likely to burst it out.She was just bidding her time.
Peter told me that he wanted more than we were doing. He was near but feeling so far away because I was shutting him out, building borders that he couldn't reach out to my heart again.
"Babe I know I messed up but knowing that you are here until am well again make me wish I can stay ill forever"
"Peter please don't start.I'm not ready to go further that step. I once did and burnt my fingers,I don't want that again. Let time alone decide what will happen to us." I spoke with a sense of finality.
" Why are you afraid to continue talking about us? Are you afraid to admit that you still love me as much as I do? that's you all over,trying to keep everything under wraps.I'm tired of your pity,I want to know that you are not doing this for charity." I wasn't prepared for his outburst.
"Fine.I hear you but can we wait until later when we both feel like talking about it?" I didn't want to give him the satisfaction that he had cornered me.
" When will that be?" he asked, clenching his jaws.
" Let's concentrate on getting you better because for now that's what really matters."
"Oh boy it's going to be a long wait then." he said. 
We finished with the fruit salad I brought then went back inside.
The silence between us was spine chilling. I didn't want to say something that could hurt him let alone give him false impression that I was being flirty. I could shower him with praises and adoration just to get him back on his feet but for him to feel that we were good again as in back like the good couple that we used to be.
Mike had scared me further. Cheating was in these two close brothers' blood and nothing could stop them. The thought of Liz always made my blood cold. But what is it with people and exs. Once an ex shows signs that you are still desired you can't wait to show off how you have improved in their absence. Sometimes I guess it's to settle an old score (get back to them for dumping you).Some people can even hop back in bed with an ex and later do the dumping again,only this time the one dumped in the first place,does the dumping. An itch for revenge does that.
************
In the days that followed,Ben called to say he wanted the kids for a weekend. Give me a break! I wouldn't recommend for sleep overs at this stage because they were not yet used to have him as a father. I couldn't forget Cindy's uptight attitude towards me.What would prevent her from dishing it out to my children too? Wouldn't I wake up one day and find out I was childless,thanks to her? My fears for my children were strong yet I didn't have the power to stop it.
The day when Ben was coming to pick them up,I told Amanda to look out for herself and Laurent. If anything could happen, she should get out of the house and seek for help.Get somebody to call me.I let her memorise my phone number. That was the intensity of my fears. I know I sounded crazy but my baby understood.
He finally came and made a show of his Range Rover. He parked outside and hooted so loudly that when I came out to see who was making such noise,I found all my neighbours standing outside in awe. It must have bemused him but it annoyed me big time.
When they were gone,I didn't know what to do with myself. Ofcourse Chris was there but it did little to fill the void.I worried myself to death and knew that it was going to be the longest weekend of my life. Peter was back home but I knew the state I was, I couldn't have been good company, so I stayed at my house. Reading my favourite Martina Cole wasn't a help either,I just couldn't concentrate. The whole of Saturday I slept and fought off the insane need to take my phone and call Ben to know if my babies were okay.I just had a bad feeling that something had happened to them. I watched every ticking second of the clock until finally I received a call from an unknown number. With trembling hands I picked it up and answered.
" Mummy?" There was no way I could have mistaken that little voice.
"Sweetie are you okay?" I asked breathlessly as I prayed that they should be okay.
" Yeah Ma we are fine.I borrowed Aunt Cindy's phone to let you know because I knew that you will be so worried." I was so thankful to God for such a sensible soul.Thank God that they survived their first night just fine.
" When are you coming home,I miss you?"
"Uncle Ben I mean Dad said he will bring us tomorrow evening.You should see my new dress and shoes.Laurent has an aeroplane, he makes noise with it I don't know if any of us will be able to have peace." I chuckled at that.
"I can't wait to see all of that.tell Laurent I love you both and take care hun."
" love you too mumie, bye."
Atleast that put my mind at rest,I had to wait for their return. I laughed at myself for worrying over nothing. You can't blame me it's called 'motherly instinct'...


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Wednesday, August 5

Wizzy

Diary of a Single Mum Episode 59

EPISODE 59

There was an awkward moment of silence as we all tried to make out what was happening.
"hello Wangu long time" Mike said to me trying to lighten the mood.
" hey Mike ...its good to see you again" I said and knew that I sounded awkward.
" baby meet my bro Peter and his woman,guys this is Marcy."
Mike made the introductions. 'baby'? so he was cheating on Joy? and how dare he introduce me as Peter's woman urgg he just made me look like i was his nanny. Maybe I was all along without even realising it. Marcy looked at me as if she had never seen me before.
" how can you bring her here when you knew mum is around?" Peter asked.It gave me the impression that he knew about his brother's side chick. These guys knew everything about each other and kept secrets. Remember how he said it was Mike who had gave Peter's number to Liz.
" Sorry bra I thought mother was home.We will be going soon,so where is she?"
"she just went out" I answered him.
He gave me the shopping bag they brought and I opened the bedside drawer and shoved them inside none too gently.
" Alright then we are off." he went over to Peter and hugged him then came to hug me too.He whispered in my ear.
" pretend you didn't see or hear all this." Then he smiled at me,took Marcy's hand and left. My eyes followed them out. I went to close the door behind them and sat on Peter's bedside.
" small world eeh?" I looked at Peter for an explaination.
" Don't accuse me of anything dear" he defended himself.
" How did they know each other?Peter come on you know that's not fair."
" That night you went to a party with the two rascals,Mike escorted me when I came to pick you up.They met but I didn't know he was serious about her. "
" It's not nice, Joy is a good person. I thought they loved each other." I said in disbelief.
" Honestly babes I didn't have an idea they were this hooked. Mum won't be happy to hear it so I suggest you keep your mouth shut and don't let it out to Joy. I dont want to cause world war."
I didn't answer him,I was lost in my own imagination. It wasn't nice to keep Joy in the dark about all this,what if it was in my case, couldnt she tell me? She had always been a good friend and was I to betray such trust? okay if I told her,what would her reaction be? would she confront him and say she had heard it from me. Even if I told her not to say she heard it from me,they will know anyway because among them all,I only could be the one to spill the beans. I was so confused as I recalled Mike's warning before he had left. I promised myself to talk to Marble so that she tell her twin to stop messing with Joy's marriage. What if she knew already? Twins don't keep secrets from each other.
I left with a clouded mind.
The following morning at work. When I arrived,I didn't waste time but called Marble aside and asked her.
I explained what I saw the previous day and she gasped in shock.I don't know whether it was real or pretense.
" You know how good Joy has been to me and I don't want her to suffer at the expense of another woman."
Her voice in reply was full of genuine concern.
"I didn't know she could scoop so low and date a married man.But how come she didn't tell me?" I truly felt sorry for her,she must have felt betrayed and left out by her twin. She took out her phone and called her.She put the call on loud speaker.
"Twin wanga"( my twin) Marcy answered jovially.
" Marcy what are you doing with Mike?" There were some silent seconds before Marcy answered.
" So Wangu couldn't afford to keep her mouth shut? I can imagine now the madam knows about her husband's side chick hahaha seriously I cant wait to meet her." How dare she make a joke out of something so serious.
" Marcy am warning you to leave him. I will tell Kelvin and let's see if he won't dump you." I sadly listened to their exchange.
" You will do me a favour,I don't know how to get rid of such a leech and...Please tell Wangu to stay out of my business." she laughed sarcastically and the line went dead. Here lay a complicated case that required the wisdom like the one God gave to Solomon.
They were twins but so different like the two sides of a coin.One so promiscuous and hopping from man to man. the other, living the life of a nun while awaiting for her betrothed from abroad.
She was so disappointed I went and hugged her.
" how could she? she even seem so happy about it." She complained.
"Don't worry am sure we will come up with something to stop her. " I wasn't sure what.
During the Saturday of that weekend,Joy called me.She was coming to take the kids to the Play centre.I gave her direction to the house and she came.Looking at her made me feel so guilty. What sort of a friend was I when I couldn't gather enough courage and tell her? If she knows later that I knew all along and didn't tell her,won't that be the end of our friendship? she could never trust me again.
My guilt was so acute I could taste it in my mouth. Amidst our chats she realised that I wasn't half listening to her.
" Wangu are you okay?" She asked me.I was taken aback and just nodded in acknowledgement.
"tell me what is wrong? You know you can always talk to me." That further saddened me.I was close to tears and felt like I could choke on my own words.
"Am fine,maybe just tired." I answered smiling slightly.
"Take it easy on yourself, I know you are worried about Peter but just believe that he will be fine.The whole family is grateful for your help.Your coming again into the picture has put off the strain from all of us.we can now say we hope for the best and thanks to you sweetheart." She was just too sweet.Nobody had uttered a simple word of gratitude to me not even Peter himself.
It wasn't fair on her but I didn't want to spoil the day for the fun anticipating kids.
" Joy I want to tell you something..." I began.

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Wizzy

Diary of a Single Mum Episode 58

EPISODE 58

We went back home with the kids. I was delighted to watch them play and ran all over the place.All the noise was driving me out of my mind in the one bed roomed house but their laughter and screams were worthy it.
Chris was being treated as the baby and got away with so much.Laurent tolerated him like a young brother and let him have his favorite toys. Soon exhaustion kicked in after they had dinner,I tucked them in bed. I couldn't help smilling down at their little cute innocent faces,looking so serene. Love tightly gripped my heart and I envisioned Peter standing beside me as together we looked at these gems that completed the circles of our lives.
I took out my pen and notepad. I had to start making plans about the One Million Five Hundred Kwacha that had come miraculously into our lives.I had always thought of buying a house for the children as a priority. One can go to bed on an empty stomach in the comfort and warmth of his blankets but even if somebody manages to scrap for food to eat,a blanket doesn't offer the much desired comfort when he is outside under a biting cold or drizzling sky. I made a note to talk to the estate agent the following day to help me find a house. In this area of Likuni a house at such a price was likely to be found.
Beatrice had told me so much and she said as far as she was concerned she was not going back to that house no matter what. This whole thing had turned into a blame game.With Peter's mum hating her for being in her son's house when I was the one supposed to be there at this hour of need. But then if only Peter hadn't gone out of town...if only Beatrice hadn't been crazy enough to scald Chris' arm with hot water...if only I had not left,we couldn't haven't been here in the first place. She couldn't help telling me amidst sobs and laughter how unbelievably cruel Peter's Mum was.The feeling of cold water thrown into her face every morning to wake her up when she had not slept enough from tending to Peter's groans of pain and endless demands during the night. It seemed like he was driving towards killing himself by refusing anymore medical attention. The facade of her (Peter's mum) joy I realised was plastered to trap me into believing that she was a changed woman. It was just too good to be true.
The following morning I left the kids in Beatrice's care but I told her that she had to think of something to do because keeping an idle person was expensive unless she wanted to go back to the village. Laurent opted to stay ,as young as he was, I sensed that she didn't want to be anywhere near his grany because of the tantrums she never bothered to throw in his absence but showed it enough to scare the poor lad.As long as Beatrice was staying, he could stay too.
I arrived at the house when Peter's mum just finished helping him take a bath. The strain on her face was evident. She had just been left alone with him overnight and she was already tired, well it saved her right maybe she could start respecting other people's efforts. I went to make breakfast and we ate almost in silent. When we were done, she went about cleaning the house while I sat down and Peter called the Doctor to book an appointment. We were scheduled for physiotherapy at 10:00 that morning. It was around past eight so we still had enough time to chat.Peter's mum was sulking because I didn't raise a finger to help her when a load of laundry was waiting. That wasn't my job and she couldn't tell me what to do for fear of upsetting me. We started off at 9:45 and she helped me get Peter settled in the car and folded the wheelchair in the back seat. I was driving.
Peter looked good.Clean shaven, in a black Jean and a White strippped golf shirt. His body spray aroused in me memories of how I used to know that he was nearby when it wafted across my nose. peculiar? There is always something that reminds you of that special somebody. Be it a favorite food or drink that you feel is more in his life than you are,a song that make you think of him every time it's played, a movie that you have watched for a thousand times alone or together yet it has never come near to boring. You become more alert to all these things when you two are together but it is even worse after a breakup.
We arrived at the hospital. The doctor was a pleasant young man who told us that Peter had to have his legs ex-rayed again because we forgot to bring the previous copies. As we waited for the results he took us to attend a session,there were a few patients in attendance. He explained that the road to recovery laid within oneself. One has to be willing and determined. It was a force of strong faith and a belief in God and oneself.
The x-ray showed that there was more damage in one leg than the other. The ankle was badly strained and had required an immediate POP had Peter
not refused any further medical attention right after the accident. He had discharged himself from the hospital.
Further examinations had to be done and he had to spend a few days at the hospital to which he refused. He agreed after a bit of cajoling from me. I had a job to attend the following day so I didn't have to be there. I called Peter's mum to get prepared because I was going to pick her up to be his guardian. When evening came,I left. She was ready and we set off immediately. Throughout the drive we settled in some sort of mutual silence that suited both of us just fine. I realised that she needed help and the least I could do was find them a maid but this time I would get a house boy,somebody who could stand up to her and maybe be a little afraid to bully.
The following morning I went back to work.Peter had let me have my car back so before going I had to go and see him. He was happy I had brought home made food, he didn't want to touch any from the hostal.
It was good to see Marble again. In my absence she befriended a girl from the restaurant next to our Supermarket. Her name was Rabecca but she preferred to be called Becky. We got on fine but she was just too loud for my liking. Surely this girl could win Olympics of talking,if at all there is such a thing,and win a gold medal. Half of the lunch hour was spent with us hearing her bragging about the expensive gifts her boyfriend made a job of showering her with.Poor thing,maybe he was cheating and wanted something to distract her attention from sniffing it soon. Marble's fiance was abroad furthering his education and was due to be back in a year's time and plan for their wedding. I hope by then she won't be surprised that he had married somebody else and won't ever be back. Well when you hear too much of heartaches around you,you begin to realise that love problems are real and in due time things are likely to blow off,one just needs to be prepared.
The manager tried as much as he could to stay out of my way. It didn't come as a suprise when the Supervisor called me and Mable that we were being transferred to the head office at the same complex with City mall at Bwaila roundabout. It was a relief but the owner,an Indian Mr Ratiff was another hard nut to crack, his temper was legendary,it could go off anytime,anywhere. Well we would find out for ourselves when we got there.after all how did the rest of the workers manage?
Later,I called my mother. She was back to her old self. I hoped she wasn't planning another love escapade with somebody else's man. I told her that once I had things running smoothly again, I would arrange for her to visit us,meanwhile she needed some money which I promised to send soon.
I went back to the hospital. When I walked in,Peter seemed to have been in a serious conversation with his mum.When I sat down,she went outside without even greeting me. I wandered what had rattled her nest this time,I ignored her. I hugged and kissed him then let him fill me with how he had faired at the physiotherapy session. His left leg was in a POP up to the knee and it didn't need to be moved in the next three to four days,any sudden movement could lead to a prolonged hospital stay. I brought him and books and magazines and propped up his pillows so he could read.
Mike walked when we were laughing and teasing each other. He was with... Marble or Marcy? I didn't know who was who until I had to ask. But what were they doing together and where was Joy?

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