Mzansi Stories : Last kiss: Our mistakes
Showing posts with label Last kiss: Our mistakes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Last kiss: Our mistakes. Show all posts

Monday, November 2


Last kiss: Our mistakes Chapter 24

"Its so funny how you have sensation of pain around your chest when you're emotionally broken."Unknown
You know when you breathe fresh air and surround yourself with new people, you learn a few things about yourself. You get to look at your life through a strangers eyes and laugh at how wrong they are about you and how crazy some intentions are but most of all your level of tolerance. I don't love Phiwe at least not the way I want too, not the way he wants me too. He was speaking marriage and I was imagining Gcobani during sex, Olwethu's words were eating me up but I needed the money and he knew I didn't love him, at least I think he did. The signs were there and but then again I was being a great actress, could have fooled myself too. My last day I woke up with a call from my parents.
Mom"Ubuya nini na?"
Me"Soon, nandi khumbula?"
They both laugh and I smiled like they could see me.
Tata"Ewe khabuye, woyika your results"
Laughter turned into tears, everything came creeping back like a thief in the night.
Mama"Hay tshini, we saw you study. You tried mtanam and regardless of the outcome thina we are proud of you"
I wasn't ready to just admit to my parents that I didn't want to disappoint them, I'd be the first one to fail, suddenly I wanted them to hug me and tell me everything will be fine.
Me"I don't want to fail"
Mom"Then maybe you didn't, but whatever happens sikhona thina. No one else matters, they don't know your struggles, the amount of times you screamed because you get a sum right"
Dad"Ungakhali, sobona nge mini yephepha"
That day I spent the whole day in bed, Phiwe left with his friends and I needed him to be gone so I can cry myself to sleep.
I went back to PE on the 6th the next day I would be getting my results, my parents didn't say much but their faces were speaking in volumes. I got a call from private number.
I wore my uggs his hoodie because it was quite cold. I told my parents I am going for a walk, Gcobani was standing right outside my house.
Gcobani"Awufuni chips?ndiyothenga umbane"
I nodded and we walked in silence, he just held my hand which bothered me a little.
Me"I have a boyfriend"
Gcobani"I know, I have seen the pictures"
Me"Then why are you holding my hand?"
Gcobani"Because you need assurance, I still love you"
Me"Don't do that please, make it seem like we are cool"
Gcobani"I don't want you back"
Gcobani"Sanele says ukhala gqithi, he asked me to check up on you"
Me"I don't need your pity"
Gcobani"Khathule Fey"
We bought the electricity and then my chips, he walked me home.
Gcobani"We both know you passed, Good night my Spider monkey"
He kissed my forehead and left, I wanted Phiwe to have this effect on me. Or maybe he could when given the chance.
I didn't sleep while everyone was fast asleep, I was on Facebook waiting for someone to tag but dololo. I accepted I failed. Around 6am my phone rang and I wiped my tears then cleared my throat.
Gcobani"I told you"
Gcoboni"Fezeka stop crying and tell Mthuzi no Thandi upase ngo D"
I laughed,I wanted to cry but I couldn't. Was overwhelmed, I ran to my parents.
Mama"Thank you God"
My father hugged me, I think him crying motivated my tears.
Me"I already have plans"
we all laughed
Mom"I am so proud of you"
Moments like these
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Last kiss: Our mistakes Chapter 23

"It begins at home"
I learned in the earliest age that my mother missed out on her teenage years, she had to raise her siblings and their children. Lisa taught me two things 1. Never seek a relationship 2. Always remember number 1, but I am nothing like Lisa I am on the "let me try" side and that has been my downfall. I looked at my mother I wanted her to ask me why was I crying, or how was my day. Wait don't misunderstand me, she is a good parents within her right but she lacks a lot of that smothering. My father on the other hand, he is that guy who understands his wife to the point where he plays both roles not saying my mother is a bad parent no but she has her short comings just like my dad.
So after Christmas Phiwe sent me money to visit him in Joburg, and I asked Sanele to cover for me. To my parents I went to Yanela, they have no reason to doubt me because I always go kulo Yanela. I left for Johannesburg on the 27 of december and I was planning to return on the 4th. Was I nervous? not really, nothing could possibly go wrong because I prayed, and I needed this. I arrived around 9am, he was already there waiting for me. We hugged.
Me"I need to sleep"
Phiwe"You look so beautiful"
I smiled although I found that so corny but I knew his intentions were good.
Me"Can we go?"
We walked for 20 minutes before arriving etaxi and something that felt like a life to get to Mapetla. When we finally arrived I took a bath and wore my pyjamas.
Me"Can I sleep first then we'll talk after"
Phiwe"Eat then ulale"
He was being so sweet which made me suspicious, nice people terrify me. I agreed to eat but I wanted to have cereal, he offered me Coco Pops . We made small talk, he was nothing like Gcobani yonke into about him was everything I disliked in a guy. He ate my food, he touched my face and called me pet names.
Me"I am really exhausted"
He kissed me which made me uneasy, I thought I was inlove with this guy and most of the time it felt like I was. Yet when he kissed me, nothing happened no butterflies, no curling toes nothing just pure self loath. I responded, he took of my pyjama top then sucked my right boob which normally drives me nut but this time I just wanted him to finish.
He stood up and went to his drawer, I took off my pants and quickly fingered myself so I can be wet. He returned and inserted himself, I moaned then looked up thinking about Gcobani. He was grunting, sweating on top off me and every few minutes I threw a moan for him.
He came and I didn't even reach any orgasm, he wiped himself then gave me the cloth . I wore my pyjamas then slept.
The following day we went to his friends, whom honestly annoyed the hell out of me. We chilled with them for 6 straight hours, I was probably the problem and hlambi abananto or Sanele calling me enxilile telling me ndaphoswa.
Sanele"Mfondini andazi! I am so faded mtase, wena wenzani?"
I wasn't faded, I was sober as hell.
Me"I am at a braai"
Sanele"Let me bounce, depression ewundifaka kuyo"
We left around 11pm, I went inside the house and changed.
Phiwe"Uright? "
He tried to kiss me and I moved away then took off my pyjama pants, I quickly touched myself and we had sex. Was the sex bad? no but wasn't what I wanted. When he was sleeping, I went on Facebook and decided to inbox Olwethu.
Me" Why are you awake?"
Olwethu"On my out"
Me"You too? am I the only person that's sober human"
Olwethu"You should be drunk from cum"
Me"Hahaha I thought I would be too, not enjoying this as much as I thought I would"
Me"I feel like maybe I am not giving him a chance"
Olwethu"Or Maybe just maybe, you don't love the guy. Could you honestly say without his money you'd stay? or you'd even let him touch you?"
Me"Thats saying I am a prostitute"
Olwethu"No that's me telling you awuthandi lomntu, stop lying to that guy"
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Last kiss: Our mistakes Chapter 22

"It hurts sometimes but you will be fine."
I realized something about me and it really needs to stop, I give the man in my life so much power. Gcobani treated me like someone who needed rescuing and I let him, then Phiwe he treats me like I cannot think! I hate that. Yet I couldn't say shit! I let him because for some stupid reason I need his love, because he makes me belong. Stupid isn't it? I mean I have my parents and two amazing siblings yet I seek a sense of belonging in men, my finals finished and I went straight home without doing that phony shit of signing shirts. I got home and my mom was there, she told me I had two letters that Sne forgot to give to me.
Me"Ziphi? "
Mom"On your bed"
I went to my room, and I new what that orange bird was which university. I cried before opening it because I already knew the drill, small envelope means rejection and UJ had just rejected me. I opened it and cried even louder because I knew my parents wanted me to go to varsity, they may have claimed not to care but I know they did. I looked at the NMMU letter and I laughed at how pathetic I was, I mean I always say I don't want Nmmu and guess what? the feeling was just as mutual. I wanted to call someone anyone, I couldn't call Kay or Yanela because I told them to fuck off, I couldn't call Mandisi because I ruined that too by dating Phiwe and he wasn't support the relationship and Thando told me to fuck off. I had Olwethu and I couldn't call him, because I felt like a burden these days. So I cried my self to sleep.
I woke up from the floor and changed to my normal clothes, I sent my sister a pls call and she called.
Me"I got rejected"
I could sense the disappointment from all the way to PE.
Lisa"Tell your parents and own up, umoshile and I won't lie ungiphoxile but it doesn't matter. Next year we will send you to a college, you not the first to fail matric"
Me"But I will be the first apha"
Lisa"You are not Sanele and I, don't you dare compare yourself to us because we have fucked up too"
I couldn't help but cry, she was disappointed and I felt like shit. I failed my trial exams, I wrote crap on my finals hence failing matric was the inevitable.
Me"Ndifuna uhlala nawe next year"
Lisa"Fey speak to your parents because uyandi xabanisa, I cannot just take you in without Bhuti saying so"
Me"But he said its fine"
Lisa"Not kum, I cannot FeyFey as much as I want to"
I felt like someone was pulling me to hell and I was not even putting up a fight, everything was just crumbling and I couldn't do anything.
Lisa"Worse you're busy no Phiwe, your cousins ex nawe uyathethisa. You know that will add more drama"
Me"Lisa! she told me its fine"
Lisa"We cannot always defend you Fey, umdala ngoku"
What was happening? my own sister was turning against me.
Lisa"Shap, I'll call you tomorrow"
She dropped the phone, this is why I felt like Phiwe is the only person that cared because everyone else was just throwing me under the bus. I sat in bed reading my rejection letters like those words would say something else.
The next morning Phiwe's call woke me up.
Phiwe"Your cousin is crazy, she just tagged you on a status saying you betrayed her and you are dating her enemy which is me"
I didn't utter a word, probably letting it all sink in"
Phiwe"I … I don't know and she has over 20 comments"
I hung up and decided to put my phone on flight mode, I sat in bed for what felt like eternity when Sanele walked in.
I wasn't but him saying that triggered my tears, I couldn't stop crying on his lap and I knew akayazi athini naye.
Sanele"I support you, no matter what! She can fuck off! Facebook? nah that was low"
Me"Should… I… apologize?"
Sanele"No! fuck her, jonga vasa uyeku Olwethu"
Me"Cela uthi aze apha"
I tilted my head
We made small talk until Olwethu arrived, we went to sit outside.
Olwethu"I hate you for crying, never cry!"
I smiled at him
Olwethu"As far as beautiful people go, you are amazing! You should never ever allow anyone or anything take that away from you"
He kissed my forehead
Me"I needed that"
We decided on playing our favorite game "Say it in a song", I laughed at him singing Man who cannot be moved by The Script.
Me"Hahaha going back to the corner? what corner when our parents forced us to be friends"
Olwethu"And we've been inseparable ever since "
I smiled.
Me"Thank you, for always being there"
Olwethu"Thank for never judging"
Everything around me was crumbling but my friendship with Olwethu made sense. I took my phone and sent a text I should have sent a long time ago.
"I never meant to hurt you"
I needed to mend things with Gcobani, but I don't want him back just want us to be civil.
My life sucks sometimes
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Last kiss: Our mistakes Chapter 21

"It's so strange how the same thing Can make you feel so right And bring you so much pain. It's so strange how the same face Can make you love until it hurts" Fifth Harmony
How many personalities does this guy have? no seriously I cannot keep up, one day I am the best thing that has ever happened to him and the next day I am whoring victim. I think I read that message about 20 times, I had no desire to reply because ibizo baxeka and I am far too exhausted to be arguing. I decided to sleep.
The next few days were crazy, I was writing the whole week. So saturday Sanele took me out, we decided on Zanzibar well because its affordable but the vibe is always good.
Sanele"What should I get you?"
Sine and I went to sit down.
Me"Now or later"
Sine"Later, yamazi Sanele will act out"
Sanele came with the drinks and six tequila shots. I drank my two and downed with beer, the best part about going out with my brother is I can get wasted and know I am safe. I went to dance, I needed to dance.
Sanele"Check in kalok"
He gave me my phone and I checked in, knowing very well that my fellow matrics will judge the fuck out of me. As soon as I checked in, my phone rang and it was Phiwe.
I ran outside because it was really noisy, and I just know Phiwe will be on my case.
Phiwe"Where are you?"
Phiwe"I am not in the mood for your jokes"
Me"Why would I joke? I am in Parliament street google it"
Phiwe"Are you drunk? "
Me"Not yet, but my knees feel heavy but then again these heels are too high"
I giggled at comment and he didn't even laugh, which didn't bother me at all actually.
Phiwe"I am at home while my girlfriend is drunk! kanti who is the man here?"
Me"Was I suppose to ask for your permission?"
Phiwe"Kanti yini ngawe?"
Me"No! what is wrong with you? its okay for you to behave like my father … I don't appreciate the way …"
Me"No listen, you called me a whore and you expect me to just be okay with that"
Phiwe"You are behaving like one"
This guy is full of drama and he is exhausting.
Me"See now this whore is getting her grove on, fuck off "
I hung up, I turned around and two guys were laughing at me.
Guy1"That nigga caught feelings, if you were my girl I'd make you a side chick"
Me"I am 19, and being a side chick to a guy in Gauteng wouldn't be the worst thing"
I always call myself a feminist yet I do everything they stand against, I guess I was a part time feminist. I went inside and sat next to my brother, he told me they wanted to go check the vibe.
my phone vibrated and it was a message from Cell c telling me someone bought me R30 rand airtime. Then a text from a very familiar number followed.
Gcobani"Can we talk? I won't call, just want to text"
Me"What do you want?"
Gcobani"How are you? how are the exams"
Me"They are good, but what do you want?"
Gcobani"Okay I can tell awukho se mdleni wam, I need to ask you"
I chuckled
Me"Whats up?"
Gcobani"Can we divorce? I will give you time to think about it"
Me"Nah I am fine, akhonto we will divorce"
Gcobani"I am sorry"
Me"For what exactly? undijonge wabona isibhanxa ne? is that it?. You are such a hypocrite"
Gcobani"Uphembene! u cheated on me!"
Me"And you are fucking the girl, you told me not to worry about. What's your point?"
He replied after a while
Gcobani"I broke up with Asanda! didn't even love her, you have your head so far up your ass awuboni noba I love you. But fuck off"
I let these guys control me! I allow Phiwe to think, because he gives me money he can be the third parent yet get the benefits of a boyfriend. I went to buy myself 2 more tequila shots because Sine and my brother seemed to have ditched me. I decide on sending Phiwe a text.
"I need a man not a father, I am only 19 and you seem to forget that. I will NEVER change myself to accommodate you"
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Last kiss: Our mistakes Chapter 20

"When someone shows you who they are believe them.the first time".Maya Angelou
Anyone who knows me will tell you, I am easy influenced but that doesn't mean I am well at least not in my eyes. It simply means I am a kind person, but lately even I don't believe that crap anymore .
He dropped the phone and I asked myself "what just happened", not to compare but Gcobani didn't know shit about my Facebook nor did he even care and lo has been around for a month but he has my pin. I called Thando to give a heads up.
Too late
Me"Not my fault, was calling to warn you "
Thando"Nah Fey just fuck off bra"
Me"Heh! ndithe sorry"
Thando"Say it to someone who gives a fuck"
He hung up, which got me into panick mode! what the fuck just happened. I had my head in my ass! the thought of all the friends I was about to lose because of a psychotic boyfriend. I decided to switch off my phone, it was the only thing I could do because if he went crazy on Thando quite sure Gcobani was already blocked or removed .The next day I went to Olwethu and we decided on McDonalds, he needed to talk and I needed to feel needed. We took a taxi to Greenacres when we got there we decided on Steers, we ordered then sat down.
Me"Whats wrong? "
Olwethu"I had sex!"
Me"Real sex or Gay sex"
We both laughed, I love my gay friends.
Olwethu"Gay sex"
I screamed and then composed myself but screamed again, see Olwethu was gay but he wasn't really sure about his position.
Me"So receiver?"
Olwethu"Hahaha you were gay in your pass life"
Me"Hahaha would explain a lot, you know the new guy?"
Olwethu"The asshole? I don't like that guy"
Me"You didn't like Gcobani too"
Olwethu"Nothing changed, he took advantage of your love!"
Me"Delusion but Mamela, new guy has my Facebook and he is removing guys that flirt with me"
Olwethu"And you are with him because?"
Me"I like Him"
Olwethu"Udom yazi?!"
Me"He is marking his territory"
He gasped then rolled his eyes.
Olwethu"I am younger than you but I swear I have more brains"
Olwethu"Good get your head out of your ass and tell this idiot to stop raiding your inbox!"
He gave me my phone, I dialed Phiwe while Olwethu was giving me the "you are stupid"look.
Phiwe"Are you cheating on me?"
Me"What the hell! with who?"
Phiwe"Why is this guy inboxing you and asking you to come over?"
I won't lie I was annoyed.
Me"Myeke mfondini"
Phiwe"Some guy is treating the girl I want to marry as a booty call"
I am already fucken married! I.wanted to say that but I couldn't .
Me"So am I suppose to tell people to stop inboxing me?"
Phiwe"I don't know Fey"
What is with the men in my life? or the men I attract? or am I the problem? .
Me"Let me rather change my pin, us fighting is exhausting"
Phiwe"Set boundaries Fey, you are like a joy ride ko Gold reef everyone wants to get on" "And you are willing"
I won't lie that made cry, Olwethu took my phone and took out the battery out.
Olwethu"Get a new man and buy a new phone please"
I took a big bite from my burger.
Me"Do I whore around?"
Olwethu"You are 19 and you married your first love, yes you are a whore "
Me"Hahaha thank you"
Olwethu"Focus on yourself"
Me"You sound like Mandisi"
Olwethu"Trust a guy with acne, we give great advice"
Me" Hahaha I hate you"
We had an amazing lunch then we went home, I got home and practiced my maths.
Mom"Lala I'll wake you at 7"
Mom"Kuya bhaleka kodwa?"
I nodded, although maths was raping me but didn't want to stress her.
Mom"Lala ke and ndoku vusa late"
I took off my clothes, I could sleep naked until he returns. I took my phone and went on Facebook changed my pin then sent Phiwe an inbox.
"I think you are trying to control me and manipulation is a sign of emotional abuse"
I got in bed and waited for his reply, I wanted to dump him but I loved the money and the attention. He replied.
"Stop trying to be a victim, if I can be in Gauteng and remain loyal. Why is it so difficult for you to do the same? Grow up Fezeka"
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Last kiss: Our mistakes Chapter 19

"That knowing, is better than wondering. That waking, is better than sleeping. And
that even the biggest failure, even the worst, most intractable mistake, beats the hell out of never trying." M.Grey
They have said have faith, every mistake is forgiven but forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting. I am one of those people, I forget the world doesn't function/ revolve around me. Maybe that is my biggest downfall but I admit to my flaws, anyway Gcobani had proven to me what I've always known. He wasn't mine, he was never mine to begin with we were lessons to each other and maybe I am that girl, you know the bitch that makes the guy ruthless and maybe he is the guy that damaged me uninternationally but he did anyway . I took a vow in that taxi to never ever contact Gcobani Lombatha. I arrived home and my father was watching cricket, I greeted and he told me to watch with him.
Me"Not a cricket fan remember?"
Dad"Why do you hate it?"
Me"Don't hate it, just don't understand it"
He laughed at me then told me to sit down. He explained who was who and what they did, by the time the Proteas were batting I could understand.
Me"I take what I said back"
Dad"I told you"
we bonded over a game of cricket, for the first time in a long time my father and I laughed together without Sanele, Mama or Anelisa. He even wanted to know about my future plans, he asked about everything and I mean everything which was funny.
He smiled at me.
Me"Think I want to move in with Anelisa next year"
Dad"Why? "
Me"I need to find myself"
Dad"Were you even lost?"
Me"Not in that sense but I want life outside PE, I feel trapped"
Dad"Trapped? "
Me"Yes" "Allow me to take next year off, if I fail then I move back home"
Dad"Fail what?"
Me"Being independent"
Dad"So if you fail, you come back home"
I nodded
Dad"One year, but you leave here only if you find a job or a school, mna no Mamakho wont support you and Lisa will need your monthly contribution"
Dad"Yeva? "
Dad"Nmmu is waiting for you"
Me"Let me go study"
I know my father thought what he said would discourage me, instead it motivated me even more and after failing my trials I needed to bury myself in my books and appear that newspaper!
Dad"False. Evidence. Appears. Real"
Me"I am not scared"
Dad"Then what "
Me"You'll never understand"
My finals began and I can honestly say I was struggling, the first 3 papers I cried myself to sleep. My mom would wake me up everyday at 3am to study and she bought me bought me cans of Play energy drink. Zola and I broke up, the funny part I still found time for a new boyfriend but he wasn't a distraction behlale Joburg yena, he was 5 years older, had a kid and a stable job. Think I forgot to mention he was my cousin(Asi) ex boyfriend, it was meant to be just a fling but he said all the right things. He called during weekends because my phone was off during the week, he bought me 30rand which to me was a lot and he sent me money. Was my love being bought? it honestly didn't matter because he was providing things that Gcobani couldn't. With this relationship my cousin and I drifted, but not drastically because she claimed not to care. I decided to consult Mandisi because I respected his opinion.
Mandisi"Mtchanam I won't even lie, you will get hurt kule. He could be using you to get back at lo "
Me"what if he isn't "
Mandisi"Mfondini you will regret this"
The next day I was studying when Phiwe called, thats the new guy. He called almost everyday, which was annoying at times.
Phiwe"Who is Thando?"
Me"He is my Friend, why what happened? "
Phiwe"I don't like the way he speaks to you"
Me"Phi? what did he say?"
Phiwe"This boy is disrespecting me, I am your man but he is busy addressing you as babe"
Me"He has a girlfriend"
Phiwe"He wouldn't like it if I spoke to his girlfriend like that"
Me"Ngoku what should I do?"
Phiwe"Remove him, I won't be disrespected by little boys"
"Give me your Facebook pin"
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Last kiss: Our mistakes Chapter 18

"I like when I don't have to be careful what I say. That's when you know you're with the right people."Unknown Author
Its either new pussy is really powerful or Varsity changes people, I honestly didn't call Asanda because when Gcobani basically told me to fuck off I switched off my phone. And I would never give Asanda the satisfaction of watching my husband and I fall, we may not be together but Gcobani is the love of my life and I know very well I am his. This temporary so I allow her to shine, and this just made me realize how I should also move on.
Sanele"I allow you to pass out again"
Me"I need to pass out"
When we were at the house, 2 already left so we were now 4. Asi, Sine, Sanele and I.
Sanele"Yhooo Fey the Stalker get glasses kaloku"
Asi"Stalked who?"
Me"Gcobani said I am stalking his girlfriend"
Sine"Ekse nina maCherrie nine drama, can assure you when Gcobani called that girl was breathing down his neck"
Me"New pussy"
Sanele"Heh! sungxama?"
Shit I forget my brother isn't my friend sometimes, we are not your typical sister and brother. We fight yes but he has my back and sometimes I take him for granted losing my respect and he gets me back to reality.
Me"Skip Skip hahaha"
Sanele"Ndithenqa but on the real, move on! stop lurking little sis"
Me"Not lurking, they won't even last"
Asi"Then dont be there when they fail"
Me"Forget him completely"
Sine"What do you want to do?"
Me"Try new things"
Asi"New dick bu…"
Sanele"Hay hay fuck off! ya'll are my little sisters, change subject"
We all laughed, we were Jamming to some Drake. Something about listening to Thank me later gets me philosophical or all that fake deep shit.
Me" I hate getting drunk, I cannot feel my tongue"
Sine"Can you not cry namhlanje? hahaha Fey yeka usela"
Me"Just my tongue, vodka is dangerous"
Asi"Can we dance"
Sanele"Ratchet behavior will not be tolerated"
We were on our second box, suddenly we were 8 and I had school tomorrow but no one seemed to care nor did I.
Sine"We can afford lighthouse"
They called a cab requesting a Avanza, cab arrived and we left. We got there and it was packed, they went to play pool while we bought drinks.
Me"Please don't mention Gcobani"
Asi"Why should I? unless you pregnant"
Me"Fuck no, but can we find me someone'
Asi"Have 5 shots and I'll hook you up with this guy I know"
Asi"You'll see"
I had my 5 shots of tequila and I wanted to throw up but I need a man so had to suck it up.
Asi"I'll tell you tomorrow"
I couldn't feel my legs so I decided to sit on one of the stools, didn't want drunk me to disturb my people. That night actually the whole weekend was just epic.
A week later
Moving on from the love of your life has to be the hardest thing ever, meeting new people and starting over isn't easy. I am honestly trying but I look at my new boyfriend and think "he wouldn't touch me like that" and I deserve everything I am getting because I fucked up. The new boyfriend is Zola (don't remember his name, he wont last) he was doing 2nd year at VC . He had the qualities of great boyfriend and we had in common, he reads, he writes poems but isn't phony dressing like a rasta to prove how different he is, he loves 2pac and Slaughter house! he was everything I wanted but timing was so wrong . After school I went to meet up with him, he directed me to his place and when I finally arrived we chilled making small talk.
Zola"You hungry"
Duh another fail, Gcobani knew I love eating.
Me"Depends on what you are offering"
We went to the kitchen and he opened a packet of sweet chilli Doritos while preheating the oven, he poured chips on the baking pan then 4 slices of cheese on top.
Me"Looks delicious"
Zola"I hope you enjoy it"
We kissed while waiting for the "food", I sat on the kitchen counter with him between my legs. He took off my jersey then my shirt, he took off my bra and started sucking my nipples.
Me"Its burning"
He laughed then went to check on our "food"
Zola"Can we continue then eat?"
Me"You know we not fucking right?"
Zola" Plenty of other things"
Me"Hahaha lets eat later"
We picked up from where we left off, he tried to go down on me but I pushed him offbefore he could.
Me"I don't feel comfortable"
everything I know, kissing, having sex I learned from Gcobani and this (oral) I want him to teach me.
Me"Can I leave?"
I wore my things and took my school bag.
He ran to the kitchen, then returned with a tupperware.
Zola"You'll return it uphinde waza "
we kissed and I left, in the taxi I decided to use my life line one last time.
"Tell me to move on, I wanted life with someone else but who am I fooling. I love you"
I smiled to myself thinking of us reuniting, I loved Gcobani and he loved me just as much and him replying was all I needed.
"I don't want you back and I would appreciate it xa unoyeka, you wanted to have freedom now enjoy it. Move on Fey"
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Last kiss: Our mistakes Chapter 17

"you have to get lost before you find yourself" unknown
One thing I respect about Gcobani is his honesty, he was never one to beat around the bush. Was I hurt? yes but I expected this, I wanted this at some point and I wasn't about to change my mind. Someone tapped on my shoulder and I tilted my head.
Asi"Iza, I'll buy you pink drinks"
Me"Just Vodka son, I need two shots"
She helped me up and I went to join everyone else, I got so drunk I cried on Sanele's shoulder on our way home. We were sleeping in Summerstrand at Asi's place, all six of managed to sleep on a single bed.
I woke up the next morning on the floor cuddling next to Asi, I took my phone and uploaded pictures while everyone was sleeping.
Sanele"Spar, buying breakfast for everyone "
I wore Asi's slippers took her shades, we left for Spar which gave me a chance to talk to him.
Me"I don't want to study next year"
Sanele"told your parents? "
Me"Na just Anelisa"
Sanele"I won't lie, your parents will freak out but if awufuni no one can force you"
Me"I am just not ready"
Sanele"Now what?"
Me"I move in with Lisa, until I figure out what to do with myself"
Sanele"You asked her?"
Me"Thought I could just ambush her"
We both laughed
Sanele"Speak to her, but december apply for a job kwenzele when you move there you'll contribute too"
We finally arrived at Spar, we bought potato chips and meat then went to tops to buy Vodka and Cranberry smirnoff.
Me"Thathe ngaphi?"
Sanele"When are we going home "
Me"Around 4"
Sanele"Buy 2"
We paid and left, embarking on another long journey which gave us a chance to talk. My brother listens without judging, he also told me some of his problems which made the trip fast .
Sanele"So Gcobani?"
Me"He doesn't matter, like honestly no mo…"
my phone interrupts me a text from Gcobani.
"Grow up! you stalking Asanda is childish"
I din't! worse part I have minutes qha but no airtime.
Me"Asanda says I am stalking her! and Gcobani is livid over something I didn't do"
He gave me his phone and I called Gcobani.
Me"When did I stalk your girlfriend? what did I do?"
Gcobani"she says you were drunk and you kept calling to swear at her"
Me"Really? Gcobani would I do something like that?"
Gcobani"Just apologize to her"
Me"For shit I didn't do? No I wont"
Gcobani"You know what, I hate liars and you…"
Me"You are dating a liar!"
Gcobani"Touche but fuck checking in, stay the hell away from us"
Me"This is stupid"
Gcobani"Really disappointed in you Fey"
I didn't call her!!!
I had a hectic weekend and I couldn't write, but will post 2
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Last kiss: Our mistakes Chapter 16

"I do not dwell on anything from my past because I've learned that, whoever and whatever is meant for me will always find its way to me" unknown
After watching a movie we bought pizza, Olwethu looked so concerned but I didn't want him to. Wanted him to trust that I will be fine, whatever is bothering me will pass. We took our pizza and left, we decided on a cab because it would be quicker than a taxi.
Olwethu"Switch on your phone"
Me"I promise I will"
Olwethu"Just a street away"
We hugged, I went inside and greeted my parents.
Me"Xolo Mama"
Dad"Never apologize when you don't mean it, cook Fezeka and wash those dishes"
Dad"Anelisa arrives tomorrow morning"
I nodded and excused myself, I went to take my phone and earphones. Messages poured in, I ignored everything and went to cook. I started with the dishes but my phone rang and I answered not removing my earphones.
Gcobani"Hey, you good?"
Me"Yeah and you?"
Gcobani"I am good too, I deposited R200 namhlanje"
Me"Thank you"
Me"Are you fine?"
Gcobani"No I am miserable without you but I'll be fine"
Me"Nothing changed babe, I just need to find myself"
Gcobani"Everything changed, you betrayed me! Look at me, ndim who makes the first move but you fucked up. I don't want you back, don't get me wrong my duties will continue and I will check in once a month. But you and I are done"
Gcobani"We divorce when and if we don't find ourselves in each others arms again"
Me"I still love you"
Gcobani"I love you too, take care of yourself mtchanam. You are beautiful"
Me"I promise to take care of myself"
Gcobani"And good luck with your trials, I'll check in on how they going"
Me"And how is Varsity?"
Gcobani"Its good, everything is fine. Let me bounce, airtime and all"
Click and that was it. I won't lie and say I was hurt because I wasn't, I needed this and secretly he did too. Gcobani and I never got the chance to act our own age, we got married without thinking about the possibilities or what could possibly happen. Will I miss him? hell yes but this right now, it was me being selfish and I had to put me first.
3 moths later
My birthday and yesterday was last day of my trials, Sanele woke me up with his horrible singing voice. I smiled loving the attention.
Me"Thank you"
He hugged me
Sanele"Zanzibar later"
Me"Yey! thanks big bro"
Sanele"Let me go study, I'll come back later"
I checked my phone and I had a text from Mandisi and a whole lot of people, I got out of bed singing Get me bodied by Beyonce not forgetting the dance moves. My phone rang and I checked the caller id, it was Asanda which made me throw up inside but after I swallowed I answered.
Asanda"Happy birthday"
Asanda"What are you doing today?"
Me"Going out and you?"
I don't even kbow why I asked.
Asanda"I don't know, boyfriend is in King until late"
Cheap shot and I allowed her to have this moment.
click and that was it but I wasn't hurt because I expected them to date at some point, hence me hanging up was the best reaction. A part of me was livid because Gcobani moved on and I've been chilling for some odd reason, so maybe I should move on too.
We were at Zanzibar and the vibe was insane, my cousin Asi was also there with us and with a heineken on my hand everything seemed alright.
Me"Am I allowed to call Gcobani?"
Asi"Have to more beers and I will allow you to call him"
The dj dropped Touch the sky and I screamed like that ratchet girl in the club, my brother and I started dancing but obviously we can't . I was really having a great night with my family and friends, dancing my worries away and it felt so good. Asi pulled me aside and gave me my phone, whispered in my ear "it might not go your way"
Me"So I shouldn't?"
Asi"Call but rejection is on the table"
Me"I don't want him back, just want to talk"
Asi"Talk but after this, move on because you will hurt"
We walked outside and I called him, at first he didn't then I called again.
Gcobani"Birthday girl"
Me"Hey, hope I didn't disturb you"
Gcobani"Was blazing nothing special… You got your gift?"
Gcobani"Sent you track number kwi inbox, bought you something you will love"
Me"Hahaha nto leyo?"
Gcobani"No hahaha, just check it out monday"
Me"Asanda told me, I hope you are happy"
Gcobani"I am, are you fine?"
Me"Yeah I am, was laughing at how weird today has been"
Gcobani"Parents remember? hahaha"
Me"Hahaha ewe, mama even gave me money"
Gcobani"Hahaha told you they would, Fey glad to hear your voice"
Me"I am glad you picked up"
Gcobani"Enjoy your night babe, tell Sanele to take care of you"
Me"Hahaha I am a big girl"
Gcobani"Still in high school so ungumntana"
Me"Varsity changes people"
We both laughed.
Me"Mhm "
Gcobani"I don't think you should call again, unless its important. You drunk calling will cause fights with Asanda and I don't want that"
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Last kiss: Our mistakes Chapter 15

"Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands."Anne Frank
I sat on the chair for what felt like a year, I kept on staring at Khanyi and her face looked like she was pleading with me to assure her everything will be fine but how? how do I promise something I don't believe? . The smell of that place bothered me, pine gel but it felt like you couldn't scrub of the sins! I looked at my hands and they were covered in blood.
Khanyi pointed at it, I ran there and threw up . I wasn't pregnant but I couldn't stomach what was happening! we always preached against abortion but we were here! us! how, I mean Yanela had everything figured out sex wise or at least she pretended to. I washed my hands, you know that moment when you catch a glimpse of your reflection in the mirror. I screamed! I sat on that floor and cried, not for Yanela, not for her baby or Gcobani but I cried because for once in my life I couldn't fix this problem.
I looked at her and Yanela, they helped me up. We took a cab to Khanyi's place in Magxaki, in the cab no one said anything and trust me I wanted to say a lot. When we got off, we went straight to her room.
Yanela"Can I sleep?"
Me"Because you just gave up your child, cry!"
Khanyi gave me a deadly stare but I ignored her.
Yanela"Then what? kuzothini? I feel like crap then what Fezeka? you tell me I should have used a condom?"
Me"Why? help me understand why you aborted, help me understand why you couldn't tell your mom? I have known you usafunda uGrade 4 and the Yanela I know would never consider abortion ever"
Khanyi"We grow up!"
Me"And kill? is that it? who are you people? See the girls I know would be arguing about fashion but we all suck at it!"
Me"No! Yanela fucked up and she should own up to it"
She slapped me so hard, I held my cheek looking at her.
Yanela"Fuck you"
Me"Let me go"
Yanela"Futsek hamba"
I took my bag and left, they didn't run after me and nor did I want them too. I stopped a taxi and got in, I logged in on my facebook and removed every tag, everything that had to do with them and then unfriended them. I did the same with Gcobani and his messages.
I locked myself in my room for 3 straight days, the only time I went out was to pee. I buried myself in my school work, I studied for my trials like Mandisi had been instructing me. I was listening to Words by Skylar Grey, my mother shouted my name and I unlocked.
Mama"Naku Olwethu"
Mama"ngaphinde utixe! and uzohlala nabantu namhlanje"
Me"Have to study"
Mama"Ndakuphoxa bonanje Fezeka, uyadika ne moods zakho. Sobe sihamba emaqadeni because we are scared of saying all the wrong things"
Me"How about leaving me alone?"
Mama"Kwenzeka nto ngawe?"
Mama"Sundixaka "
I nod hoping she gets out because this talk is pointless
Mama"I know Fezeka, it may seem like I dont but mntanam ndikwazi kakuhle and ngoku uyawa"
Me"Ndiwa njani?"
Mama"You are falling apart, and ukuba awuzi lungisi uzophalala and your downfall will be your pride"
Me"Got it"
Mama"Fezeka yinto? why are you so angry? mntanam imbi lento uyenzayo and you will have no one because of inzondo"
Me"I don't hate you"
Mama"Hay mtanam, you can hate me all you want but my biggest worry is watching you hate yourself! zijonge Fezeka"
Me"Nothing is wrong with me"
Mama"Olwethu ulapha"
I walked past her and left for the living room.
Olwethu"Lets go"
Olwethu"Greenacres, my treat"
I pointed at my attire, was wearing my school tracksuit pants and Gcobani's hoodie with nothing underneath obviously with my uggies.
Olwethu"I also didn't bath, lets go"
I went to fetch my phone and we left for Greenacres. We took the Bridge entrance to avoid bumping into people.
Me"Got dumped"
Olwethu"That we expected but tell me whats up? Judging Yanela? that's not you, so whats up"
Me"Feel so empty , like I am stuck and akho ndawo yophuma"
Olwethu"Then go through this phase but babe, be careful you are burning bridges"
Me"What if I want to? maybe Olwethu, I want to Fezeka without Gcobani, I want to fuck up"
Olwethu"I am here for you"
Me"Thank you"
The beginning
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Last kiss: Our mistakes Chapter 14

"And you never know. You never know you have it until you don’t anymore. You can hold true love in the palm of your hand and wrap your fingers around it in a stealth grip, and you know what? It’ll still slip through" Emma Hart
I have this bad habit of trying to fix everything and everyone around me, yet I cannot fix my own problems and I am starting to think its curse more than anything. Gcobani and I were now in bed, for some reason I expected him to stab me. I've watched enough movies to know NEVER EVER mess with an angry guy!
Gcobani"What are you thinking"
Me"Where you hid the knife"
Gcobani"Fey I won't lie and say I am chilled, or whatever shit you expect from me. You betrayed me and I honestly don't understand ngoba, I was so busy giving you what I thought you want kanti awukho lapho"
He interrupted
Gcobani"You'll get your turn, what did he do Fey? or what did he say! old you would have laughed then called me! the girl I fell inlove with would have told me! you begged me to stay away from Asanda who I didn't even want… For as long as I can remember, you belonged to me! I think I deserve an explanation"
Me"Andiyazi Gcobani"
Gcobani"Njani? Mfondini you wanted 18 years to lose your virginity, you stalled for unyaka wonke before we had a real kiss! so don't lie"
Me"He listened" "He listened Gcobani! I needed you to left me think for myself for once! I need to feel normal just for once…"
Gcobani"And I don't? Fezeka we could ask my mother all the times you came here crying, ndisalala endlini! you have told me everything even the things I didn't want to know. So yena yinto le ayi mameleyo?"
Me"Tell me something about me, tell me what I hate about myself the most"
He burst out laughing like a maniac
Gcobani"Thats it? He told you shit about yourself and he fucked! akumnadi and me sibhanxa I am at varsity trying to lay foundation for our future! yes Fey ! Me! the idiot that married you, remember me?. Did you even think about me? I cannot sleep without praying about you! 4 fucken years and you ruined it"
He got out of bed and searched for something in his belongings, he tossed a ring box at me.
Gcobani"I saved up for this, its not much but I wanted you to at least have a ring"
he wore his pants and reached for a hoodie.
Gcobani"The one thing you hate about yourself, you hate how you allow everyone control you but you cannot stop it either because for some reason you think everything will fall apart if for once you do a selfish thing"
He opened the door and left.
The next morning I got out of bed and fixed it, clearing the mess then I got dressed. I locked his room and put under the mat as always, I took a taxi to Town and called Yanela when I got there, she told me she was already inside with Khanyisa. I stopped myself from crying trying to remember a good joke.
Khanyi"She is crying, you are not allowed to cry"
Me"Where is she?"
Khanyi"Throwing up in the bathroom"
Me"I cannot be here"
We were at Marie stopes, I couldn't stand the smell I felt nauseas but I sucked it up when I saw Yanela. She hugged me holding on for the longest time.
Me"I love you" "Khanyi loves you so sukhala"
We shared a group hug, a nurse called her and she looked at us with tears in her eyes.
Me"Can I cry now?"
she just hugged me tight without saying a word, I cried on her chest so loud and she comforted me with words.
Khanyi"Pray about it, akhonto ingadluliyo mtchanam but at some point kuzo lunga"
Me"I cannot handle this, everyone around me is falling apart and I cannot do anything"
Khanyi"Then save yourself"
Everything has changed
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Last kiss: Our mistakes Chapter 13

"Some people believe that without history, our lives amount to nothing. At some point, we all have to choose. Do we fall back on what we know? Or, do we step forward, to something new? It’s hard not to be haunted by our past. Our history is what shapes us, what guides us." Meredith Grey
I called the only person I knew wouldn't judge me, instead he would make me laugh about it.
Me"Hahaha ewe"
Mandisi"Nto mtchanam? what happened? "
I just met this guy yet he is my rock, I could tell him anything and expect nothing but solid advice.
Me"Cheated on Gcobani with a guy that hasn't bothered to call me, Ndithini? I feel so cheap right now! like my pearl was given up for a plate at Spur"
Mandisi"Can I tell you something"
Mandisi"Admit you fucked up"
Me"I fucked up"
Mandisi"Everyone makes mistakes,and you are human. At some point we all go through "hit and runs" some will build you up but first they will ruin your life"
I listened to him preach and he made all the right points, they all bruised my confidence.
Me"Do I tell Gcobani?"
Mandisi"Do you love Gcobani"
Me"I won't"
Mandisi"Let me get back to studying, you should be doing the samething too"
I laughed and hung up.
After that day a week went past without a word from Bruno and I won't lie, I cried more than I smiled to a point where I tried calling him but chickened out. Gcobani sent an occasionally text, school worked was pilling up and he told me studying will be his wife until june holidays and I also had to study because my june report was needed for my varsity applications.
I finished with my school exams and that day I hanged out with Thando (Mandisi's best friend) he was sent to me to keep me sane. Latest development was Gcobani staying in East London because he had a holiday job in King. So I spend most of my holiday studying and the rest with Thando until Mandisi arrived. We went out often and lucky for me Sanele was covering for me to go out for a small fee obviously. Thursday morning after a rough night Gcobani called.
I jumped out of bed and wore my uggies, running outside screaming. He stood next door with a huge smile, I jumped up and hugged him.
Me"You idiot why didn't you tell me"
Gcobani"Uphi Thandi?"
Me"They are at work"
we hugged again
Gcobani"since when do you have an afro"
Me"Trying new things"
Gcobani"You look beautiful" "Baby let me go home, come through emini"
I hugged him again, I wanted to kiss him but was afraid of the neighbors.
Me"Awuka goduki?"
We both laughed, he kissed my forehead.
Gcobani"Please sleep over"
I nodded he took his things and left, I called Sanele to ask him to cover.
He laughed
Me"Please sort out your parents, I'll return ngomso kusasa"
Sanele"Don't say shit fam, disappear and when they call say uhamba nam because ndise St Albans mna"
Me"Usual price? "
Sanele"Nah just take caution Fey, ufunde bra ndakucela"
Me"Promise I'll take my books with me"
my airtime cut us off, I played music while cleaning the house then went to take a bath and pack an over night bag. I inboxed Thando and told him andizi today, it was really hot so I wore a skirt and tang top with denim shirt. My phone rang and I ran for it.
I looked at the caller id and froze, I decided to hang up. I sent him a text.
"Stay the hell away from me"
He replied
"FeyFey pls talk to me"
I deleted the message and took my things ndaya kumyeni wam, I won't lie Bruno calling me was a bit of a surprise but knowing Yanela she probably found him on Facebook and told him where to get off. I sent Gcobani a pls call me and he called.
Gcobani"I see you, ndiku Moss"
Gcobani"Ngena, akhomntu apha"
I made myself at home while waiting for him, I advanced airtime because I wanted to call my father but Bruno's call interrupted me.
Bruno"Why are we fighting?"
Me"Its been a month, I am not fighting with you or your silence"
Bruno"Fey we were not dating or did I miss something? it was just sex"
Me"For who? did it occur to you that I wanted more than sex? "
Bruno"Did I rape you? force you to take of your clothes?"
Me"Ungu mqundu shame"
I hung up and looked at him
Me"Not you, Yanela was off loading"
he sat next to me on the couch, I laid my head on his lap and he brushed my hair.
Me"Jason Mraz"
Gcobani"Mamela le ngoma every time you feel like you miss us"
Me"why would I miss us"
He played the song Jason Mraz I won't give up
Me"You are breaking up with me? "
Gcobani"I would never do that, told you I love you"
Gcobani"I know you, you are no longer invested on us and I don't blame you"
Gcobani"One last time, one night Fey . Allow me to live a lie, let me think I am the only guy who you will ever love"
I started crying and wiped my tears.
Gcobani"Don't you ever cry for me, because I will always be one phone call away"
Me" I don't want us to break up"
Gcobani"We are married, you'll always be mine"
We kept quiet for the longest time, I've seen Gcobani cry but now it pained me because ukhaliswa ndim.
Me"I didn't mean to sleep with him"
Gcobani"But you did… you betrayed me and answered my call like awenza nganto"
Me"Who told you"
I murmured
Gcobani"You did… "
Gcobani"Say it! don't just apologize for getting caught"
I didn't say anything
Gcobani"He fucked you"
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Last kiss: Our mistakes Chapter 12

"Everything comes by being! Be the love you seek. Be the friend you seek. Be the lover you seek. Be the honesty you seek. Be the integrity you seek. Be the patience you seek. Be the tolerance you seek. Be the compassion you seek."Bryant McGill
Mandisi"Where are you getting off"
Mandisi"I'll accompany you, think they have a chemist there"
I laughed at thina for reading my text
Me"Your eyes are naughty"
Mandisi"And you've done naughty things, guess we even"
Me"Hahaha I hate you"
Mandisi"Hay mtchanam ngoba?"
When the taxi arrived etruck in, Mandisi and I knew everything about each other. He was doing his second year at UCT, he stayed with his girlfriend who was also studying there and he went to Muir high and primary uhlale Tinarha.
Me"Buyothini eMonti"
Mandisi"umtshato we Family, ndisa yendlini to fetch my things then drive to Cape Town"
Me"I've never been there"
Mandisi"Apply at CPUT and I'll hook you up with my friend kwi SRC"
We exchanged numbers, we finally arrived e Njoli and took a walk to the complex. We got there and bought the pill, he instructed me on what to do.
Me"Yaphi ngoku?"
Mandisi"I'll take a taxi to Magxaki, my best friend will drive me Uitenhage"
Me"Khwela ke"
We hugged
Mandisi"Iza we'll drop you off"
Me"Are you sure?"
We took a taxi to Magxaki, we bought food at Engen while waiting for his friend Thando. He arrived then we left for New Bright, I thanked them and walked to my house. My parents were watching tv eating their sunday lunch, I greeted and went straight to my room obviously Sanele was there studying.
Sanele"Hahaha so naive"
Me"I have 150"
Sanele"200 or I tell"
Me"Hay xela ke"
He was staring at me, waiting for me to change my mind or probably get scared.
Me"Good choice"
I sat on the bed and told him about my weekend and he told me about his, I told him about Gcobani's new habits and Asanda. He just laughed telling me to relax, I guess I really should relax.
2 weeks later
Saturday Bruno and I had a "date" I wore an oversized white shirt with blue shorts and black ankle cowboy boots, not forgetting my oversized shades. I slept at my cousins place in Gommery Summerstrand, I took a taxi to the Boardwalk. He was already waiting for me looking all kinds of sexy, we went inside decided on Spur.
Bruno"You look beautiful"
Me"You look good too"
Bruno"So modest"
I smiled but he honestly did, something about him captured me or it was my inner beast. We ate while getting to know each other better, I told him I have a boyfriend and he was still dating his baby mama. We paid and went to the beach, he kept on complimenting me and I loved every moment of it.
Bruno"Masambe I want to show you something"
We took a taxi because he stayed in Humewood, we went to his place.
Me"Do you have a roommate?"
Bruno"Nah lucky for me"
I sat on the couch while he went to the his room, he shouted from the room. I went to join him.
Bruno"Does this look familiar"
He had a collection of Sidney Sheldon and Lesley Pearse books.
Bruno"Take just one book"
I jumped up and down and hugged him, we paused and kissed. I pulled away and apologized.
Me"Think I should go"
Bruno"I'll walk you"
He was standing behind,I unbuttoned my shirt and he turned me around unbuttoned my shorts. we kissed again this time with more passion lust in the air, he got ontop of me and did his things.
He nodded and I watched him put it in, we carried on.
Me"You done"
Me"Think should stop"
I pushed him off, I wore my shorts my phone rang but I ignored it ndanxiba.
I looked at him not being bothered by me or my actions, I took my things and left. My phone rang again, I picked up without looking at the caller id.
"I've been calling"
It was Gcobani
Me"I was in terminous"
Me"Ku Asi"
Gcobani"talk to me"
Gcobani I just fucked someone else but I love you, it was a selfish mistake
Me"I'll you later "
I couldn't tell him .
Gcobani"I Love you beautiful"
Me"I love you too"
My cousin and her house mates were chilling outside while I cried myself a river. I gathered the strength to confess, I called him and he picked up after the first ring.
Gcobani"Pause the game mfazi wam is calling" "light of my life"
My mistake
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Last kiss: Our mistakes Chapter 11

"When the daylight comes I'll have to go, but tonight I'm gonna hold you so close" Maroon 5
We made love while everyone else was in the living room, we laughed about it because it was the most mischievous thing we've ever done. We stayed in bed naked talking about weird things, planning the alien invasion but mostly life after I become a vampire.
Gcobani"I want you to be happy"
Me"I am"
Gcobani"I am not an idiot"
Me"I know"
Gcobani"Then don't treat me like one"
I kept quiet staring straight in his eyes with mine tearing up, he slowly wiped my tears and moved closer to me.
Gcobani"Woyika nto?"
Me"I don't know"
Me"I just don't think you and I belong together,its like half the things we did uzenza because I force you! we had sex because you were leaving for varsity…"
Gcobani"wait so you regret it?"
Me"Awundi thandi Gcobani"
Gcobani"How do you know Fey? who said I don't love you? what gave it away? please enlighten me because I don't understand"
I looked at him trying to construct a sentence but I didn't know where to start.
Gcobani"See? nothing! you let your doubts control you, ndim lona Fezeka. You've been my girlfriend since grade 9, I remember when you were so scared your parents were separated and you cried all the time, I was there Fey! when you failed grade 11 because their problems suddenly became yours. I watched you cry! because even then you didn't deserve it and they didn't even notice the damage they did to you! you cried more than you smile. You let everyone's problems become your own and I watch you lose yourself but regardless of everything I love you Fezeka. Asanda? doesn't matter, ndithanda wena. Love me more than you fear losing me, love me more than your insecurities mfondini I never ask for much"
Me"I can…not"
Me"I want out"
Me"You have no right…! You ca…"
Gcobani"Do what? love you? uphambene, I love you nothing will change that"
He held me tight.
Gcobani"Umhle MamQocwa"
We cuddled in silence, my walls were also silently breaking. I stayed up all night listening to him snoring, I moved his arms and took my toiletry bag ne towel wanted to take a bath. I took his phone because I need music, mine was low and I forgot to charge it. I checked his Whatsapp and BBM which was a waste of time because he clearly wasn't cheating, I laughed at myself switched on Ed Sheeran just to relax.
3 hours later, I was dressed and already making breakfast for my husband. I washed the pots I used because Gcobani would never, lazy these days it scares me.
I tried making him wake up but he kept ignoring me.
Me"They are smoking your weed"
He opened one eye and we both laughed.
Me"Sies Gcobani"
He sat up smiling, I gave him his food.
Gcobani"You didn't sleep"
Me"Vampire classes baby"
I kissed his forehead
Gcobani"You packed everything? "
Me"Yeah I did"
Gcobani"so no goodbye dance? "
Me"Hahaha nope, you'll get it ngo june"
Gcobani"Can I at least suck the ugly out of you"
Me"Hahaha you wish"
We ate together playing with the food, feeding each other
Gcobani"Let me shower quickly sihambe"
I took off my shirt
Gcobani"You sure?"
I nodded
Me"Khenze mfondini hahaha"
We both laughed
Gcobani"don't have condoms my awti "
I was naked and poof he came inside me, we both giggled
Gcobani"Baby buy that pill"
Me"I will, can we go bath andifuni uhamba late"
We took a bath bonding session while we got dressed, said my boodbyes to Zintle and Hlathi we took a taxi.
Gcobani"I will see you ngo June ngoku"
Me"I will behave"
We got off kwi taxi rank ye long distance taxis, I was the last passenger which me sad . I waved and whisper "Thank you" he smiled, The taxi left and I watched him until he disappeared .
I jumped up and looked around, the problem with being a heavy sleeper ungabiwa. I wiped the drool from my mouth and looked at the stranger I drooled on top of.
Him"Trying to figure out which part was weird, the drool or your phone vibrating on my balls"
We both laughed
Mandisi"lala njani etaxini"
Me"I am exhausted"
Mandisi and I connected like we've known each other forever, he was already referring to me as "mtchanam" my phone interrupted us. A message from Gcobani.
"Baby buy that pill"
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Last kiss: Our mistakes Chapter 10

I promise you that person who highlights your flaws to make you feel small hides behind a mask of insecurities.
I think Gcobani and I will eventually break up, but not because he will cheat but we will want to explore. I am all he knows and he is all I know, we listened to others telling stories about crazy ex boyfriend/ girlfriends and mna naye didn't have anything to share because we just reached certain levels. I mean we just started having sex ngoku, we had our first serious fight just yesterday. We went to bed with Asanda and Max, they slept ezinyaweni but you know drunks sleep fast but I was wide awake while my husband was snoring. I decided to watch The big bang theory on his laptop e-lounge, a moment of happiness or I was over thinking and imagining things that don't exist.
I looked at Hlathi (roommate) and smiled, opening the blanket. before you shout inappropriate, this guy loved Zintle far too much and I wasn't even interested hate the rural accent.
Me"Watching The big bang"
Hlathi"Why are you crying? "
Me"Was laughing"
Hlathi"Try again"
Me"Roommate boundaries"
Hlathi"I am Switzerland just for an hour"
Me"You promise?"
I knew this could possibly work against me but I needed to speak to someone.
Hlathi"Never let your insecurities show, there is always someone lurking but it don't mean they will be noticed"
Me"I am in PE and balapha, I cannot help my insecurities"
Hlathi"Sukhala, put all this effort on your relationship. Mna been with Zintle for 5 years and I've never cheated on her, not every guy is an ass"
Me"Then why don't I believe that"
Hlathi"Because you are no longer interested, and its normal to get bored but never cheat! ever!"
Me"I am not bored"
Hlathi"Who are you fooling?"
Hlathi"That's where my advice ends baby girl, its all in your hands but whatever you do can make or break your relationship"
We watched The big bang until he fell asleep, I switched off the laptop and slept too.
"Gci!!!" "Gci!!!"
I jumped up because of the noise and everyone was staring at me, I looked at Hlathi who was still sleeping. I woke him up.
Lloyd"Whats happening here?"
I smiled and Hlathi winked at me.
Hlathi"Its her last day … beach vibes? you fools run to res and we'll all meet at Spar.
Me"I didn't bring anything for the beach and I doubt I will be comfortable"
Zintle"I'll sort you out"
Asanda"Bikini bodies will shine"
I ignored that comment because this would be her field, I am not comfortable with my body and anyone can downsize me on that alone. I stood up and walked to Gcobani's room, some battles are not worth fighting. I sat there and checked my Facebook, people uploading Matric dance pictures pictures because I wasn't about to rush that I checked my inbox.
Luthando Baliso"My little brother is playing a soccer match at Young park primary, please join me? its next week saturday"
Lwazi Nkaphuka"I am sorry"
Sanele Lupondwana"Naughty little sis, guess who is visiting Yanela's crib and guess who is not there?? hahaha tell Gcobani he owes me"
I logged out so fast to call him, thank God for Tata buying me airtime.
Sanele"Hello little kitten"
Me"Hahaha what do you want"
Sanele"What are you offering? "
Me"200 "
Sanele"Hahaha when?"
Me"I return sunday"
Sanele"I love you"
Sanele"Just business"
Gcobani walked in but I ignored him and carried on speaking to my brother.
Sanele"On a serious note, never fail your parents "
Me"I won't"
Sanele"Love you little sis"
Me"I love you too big bro"
Gcobani looked at me then locked the door, I wasn't in the mood for sex or anything like that.
Me"I don't want to go elwandle"
Gcobani"I know"
Gcobani"I love you Fey, I know this weekend wasn't what you expected. And I am sorry for putting my friends before you"
Me"Can we stay in bed"
Gcobani"Will that make you happy?"
Gcobani"Then we will stay in bed"
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Last kiss: Our mistakes Chapter 9

This part right here is called Happiness
Me"Kunjani outside? how is the weather"
Gcobani"Its hot but not too hot, yet hot enough to not wear a jersey"
Gcobani"Hahaha haven't went outside"
I hit his shoulder and went to stand outside, the easiest most dumbest way to tell how the weather is. Instead of checking the weather channel, nope I didn't do that part.
Gcobani"Ngu 28"
Me"I hate you"
I closed the door and went back to our room, I wore bum shorts and a black blouse with a black bra underneath.
Gcobani"Fuck no"
Me"Its hot"
Gcobani"And you are married!"
Me"To a 19 year old! who didn't Lobola me hahaha allow me"
He picked me up and shoved me against the wall.
Gcobani"I can do magic"
He moved me to bed and took off my shorts, I covered my face giggling.
Me"Slow this time"
Gcobani"Ngoku busenza ngathi awufuni"
We made love while his roommate was singing in the kitchen,each stroke I wanted to scream but his hand was on my mouth . We finally finished, he wiped me as usual then wiped himself.
Gcobani"I am inlove with you!"
Me"Feeling isn't mutual,yadika Gcobani"
I smiled.
Gcobani"I know you, that's code for wanting more but nah chill sungxama I'll chow you…"
Me"Really? chow"
Gcobani"drama! but I'll explore you later my Van Riebeeck"
Me"Hahaha baby I want to go out"
Gcobani"Yhuu xhosa girl wanting to finish my money!! Can I at least buy my toiletries"
Me"Dramatic and I have 300, and 250 that you gave me for my hair"
Since we got married Gcobani gives me 250 every month, even when I do ask for it.
Gcobani"Keep your money, still have money okwa ngoku but I expect you to understand when I have absolutely nothing"
I nodded
Me"Can I wear my blouse? "
Gcobani"Wear it, you look sexy kanjani"
Me"Andifuni Gcobani hahaha"
I quickly wore my shorts
Me"You know I don't wear panties"
Gcobani"We having sex now, I think you should"
I wore my bra then blouse, he handed me my denim jacket.
Gcobani"Wear sandals, I want us to go elwandle"
He wore torn jeans, a plain white shirt and sneakers, We took a long walk to get to the entrance then left for Hemingways mall. Which puts Greenacres to shame without any effort, we went to pick n pay to buy his toiletries then went to Mr price to buy underwear for me even thought I said andifuni nix. We went to the games, play almost everything then went to Spur. We got seated
Waitress"Can I get you drinks while you decide "
Gcobani"Cela Hunters dry "
He avoided eye contact
Me"Heineken pls"
She left and Gcobani looked at me.
Me"You drink? who are you?"
Gcobani"A few changes but I didn't change who I am" "And you drink beer"
Gcobani"Tonight I allow you to act wild because I trust you"
Gcobani"Incognito babe"
Me"Lets stay in, invite your friends and some girls"
Gcobani"Its a trap"
Me"Hahaha no its not "
Gcobani"Lets record you saying that"
Me"just do it, before I change my mind"
His friends arrived with 3 girls with the annoying bitch, and Hlathi's girlfriend was there too. Apparently they were shackling up together, she was originally from King but works at a call centre. Zintle yes that is her name, hate that name but whatever.
Gcobani"Uggies baby?"
Me"My feet need warmth"
Gcobani"And the glasses, who are you reading? "
Zintle and i were laughing at him, drunk Gcobani was loud and funny.
Zintle"Can I smoke"
Gcobani"Zee bring your stash, kuyaphela apha"
Zintle excused herself, Gcobani and I went to chill with everyone. I sat between his legs staring at Asanda, with my playing with my weave.
Zintle"someone teach Fey how to smoke"
Asanda"Gcobani doesn't like smokers"
Gcobani and I laughed
Me"Khamxelele mtchanam hahaha"
Gcobani"We are a herbal family, MaAsi relax"
"Kuzi lekese"
Gcobani and I said it at the sametime
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Last kiss: Our mistakes Chapter 8

I appreciate people who can sense something is wrong over text and immediately call or pull up just to make sure everything's alright.
I don't know if yenziwa yilento I've only had sex with my husband, but I feel complete everytime he is inside of me. When our bodied connect,when he stops to look at me and how he always reminds me "You are perfect" even though I am far from perfect but I love that ke says it! How he wipes me when we done, again I've just done this but to me that little thing makes me appreciate him. We made love took breaks and talked, he tickled me or made belly farts he made that moment magical. I woke him up friday morning, we took a bath together which was quite a hustle hahaha trying new things and it didn't go so well. We were laughing so loud,his roommate knocked on the bathroom door. We got out of the water, he went to make breakfast and I called my mother just to check up.
Me"Molweni hahaha yinto, you sound tired"
Mom"Besizi khuphile no Radi Hahaha"
Not clubbing, they normally have couple braais and chill indoors play some Roberta Flack a little Kenny G.
Dad"We went to a braai kwa Manzana, kunjani apho?"
Me"Hahaha hay Dad, We went out but smh eczema was acting up so I decided to cut my night short"
Mom"Uphi Yanela"
Me"Naku sleeping off yesterday, Mama ndicela iAirtime"
Dad"I'll send you 10rand airtime , siyalala ngoku we hosting later"
My parents can be cool sometimes
Me"I'll call ngomso ke"
Dad"Hay keep in touch tshini"
Me"Airtime bye"
I dropped the phone, I looked at Gcobani smiling at me.
Gcobani"Hahaha zobethwa ngu Mthunzi"
Me"Mxm, what are we eating"
Gcobani"Hahaha Coco pops obviously because I am so husband material, Babe masithethe"
He gave me my bowl and sat on the bed, He played with his spoon then looked at me.
Gcobani"I told mama what we did"
Me"What did we do?"
Gcobani"We got married"
Me"Why the hell would you do that? What if she tells my parents! We cannot even afford Spur mna nawe, imagine Lobola money!!!"
Gcobani"She found the marriage certificate! I couldn't deny it"
Me"Suxoka! you told her ngokwakho Gcobani"
Me"Hay man futsek! you are selfish! You shouldn't have! you ruined my trust"
Gcobani"Mfondini she found the fucken thing! Fey she won't tell"
Gcobani"Listen to me for once"
Me"Sleeping with Asanda really makes you reckless"
He paused and looked at me for the longest time
Gcobani"Let me go before I do something I'll regret"
He grabbed his jeans and sneakers
He took his phone and left, I took mine and sent Olwethu a text 'I miss you' and he immediately called.
Olwethu"What happened"
Me"How did you know?"
Olwethu"Because you've been looking forward to this weekend, hell it made you more excited than your own Matric dance. So what did you do?"
Me"Why me?"
Olwethu"because you are crazy and sometimes selfish, sometimes you suffer from word vomit"
Me"Okay okay… accused him of sleeping with Asanda"
Olwethu"Arg Gcobani is incapable of cheating, but we both know Asanda is waiting for you to fuck up and you are making this game easy for her"
Me"Fight for whats yours, and don't call me until Gcobani screams my name hahaha"
I got dressed thinking about where I'll start searching, decided on asking the roommate. I opened the door and my darling husband was sitting on a beanbag playing King of Fighters. Without looking at me .
Gcobani"I don't want to fight"
Me"I am sorry"
Gcobani"I honestly didn't tell Mama because ndafuna" "sometimes allow me to speak! you treat me like an idiot Fezeka"
Me"I love you that's why I go crazy, ingathi you changed and I might be changed too"
Gcobani"I love you too, and I married you. So we are stuck together, besides that we were both raised by married parents ndifuna lonto for our kids"
I went to sit next to him putting my head on his shoulder.
Gcobani"I can afford Spur you know"
Me"Hahaha are we cool?"
Gcobani"As ice"
the best laid plans
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Last kiss: Our mistakes Chapter 7

"The cost of not following your heart, is spending the rest of your life wishing you had."Unknown Author
3 weeks later/ Matric dance night
This night is one of the best nights, I mean no one can ever take this moment away from you. You're a princess, you allowed to even be a diva on this night because its about you. Mine well wasn't going as planned but I adapted because what would come tomorrow was worth any drama. My dress didn't fit me at all, we tried to make alterations but we still couldn't get my non existing boobs to help hahaha I know I said medium size but a girl is allowed to dream. Nevertheless My mother suggested I wear the dress and not dance too hard, incase it falls hahaha. My shoes were good size 4 red studded Sissyboy peep toe, and I had a weave. My date? well I convinced my cousin to come with me, and we looked good together woah! incest!! we looked cute. It was an amazing night regardless of my dress acting up, my cousin stole my shine but typical yellowbone behavior. The next morning my parents woke up with me there, I gave them the camera and showed tata how to connect it hahaha I only took 5 pictures though but they didn't know that.
Tata"Did you pack everything? Ningezi lanto no Yanela, don't trouble her mother Fezeka and take your maths book you need practice"
Me"I took it and my bio textbook, can I leave now? because I have to drop my books kulo Yanela and head to the beach"
My mother gave me 300
Mama"Unxile, utshaye uzibulale and if uyakulo Yanela have fun mtanam, you look so beautiful with your hair and nails"
Black mothers know! trust me they always know, I bet she knows where I am going.
Me"uhm let me go, before I get locked here"
Dad"Enjoy ke bhabha"
Woah my dad shouldn't have said that, some guy is about to pound the shit out of his daughter and he says "enjoy" nooooo
Me"Tell Sanele I said, if he bumps into me I DONT KNOW HIM"
Ny parents laughed and I left on that note, said a little prayer for God to protect me. I told Yanela plan going well and she assured me things were good. I took a taxi Njoli, I probably sat there for 2 hours before the taxi got full, we left and I slept.
I woke up and checked the time taxi was a bit empty, I was scared because andizazi noba ndiya phi! getting lost isn't an option because the idiot I am visiting doesn't know the place too.
Me"Xolo Mama siphi? "
She looked really annoyed, I probably farted while sleeping but that's not my fault.
Stranger"Singene Monti ngoku"
I nodded
Me"eSweet Haven"
Stranger "Own Haven"
I giggled
Stranger"Mamela call the person you are visiting and tell her akulande erankini"
I nodded and called my husband
Gcobani"Uphi? I am at Steers, uzoyibona as soon as you get off"
Me"King Steer Gciva"
Gcobani"Hahaha ngomso ungalahleki, fuck I cannot wait to hold you"
Me"see you"
Gcobani"Hold you"
Then cell c humbled my flirting . We finally arrived kodwa, I crossed the street and went to Steers.
Me"You didn't pay Lobola kodwa utya without me? keep disrespecting my people"
He got up to hug me.
Gcobani"You look so different, baby tshesa honeymoon ntoza ntoza"
We ordered our supper and left, nothing annoys me more than taking those small cars as taxis!!!! annoys me nyani.
Me"NSFAS pays for this place?"
He laughed
Gcobani"No hahaha, my brother"
Me"We've been walking babe"
Gcobani"almost there, listen I have a roommate so you cannot be loud during activities" "Dstv is for whoever wakes up first and the fridge ekitchen belongs to him, the tiny one is mine"
Gcobani"Hahaha Compact boo, and we pay half half"
We finally arrived after climbing 10000000 stairs. The roommate was with 5 guys, I couldn't even tell which one he was.
Gcobani"Ekse, this is the wife Fey so behave and babe these are the boys Mzi, Siya, Max, X and lloyd. Uphi lamjita?"
X"Umke no Asanda"
Asanda yet he failed to mention they still hang out. Any girl would be jealous.
Lloyd"Should I roll one for you?"
Me"You smoke?"
Gcobani"I told you njena but just weed
first of many lies
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Last kiss: Our mistakes Chapter 6

That's the problem with Temptation it's to damn tempting
After what I call an awesome weekend with my phone off, I finally switched it on monday morning when the bus arrived at my stop. Not because I missed Gcobani no my pride doesn't allow that part, but because I needed to ask him about my Matric dance which was 3 weeks away. Facebook notifications marched in, followed by messages and 3 were from my husband and two from Moss.
Moss"Fey uGcobani ulapha"
I think I read that 3 times, then I read Gcobani's messages
"Fezeka!!! really? how matured of you"
"I have one class monday, wont attend ndizo khwela ngomso kusasa. We need to talk, could you pls switch on your phone"
"Fey I am here, but I have to leave around 12am. I am sorry for disappointing you, but I swear to God I lost my phone"
I debated with myself about what I should do, I asked Alutha what I should do. We were in the same class, and we chilled together during break with 5 more girls.
Alutha"Bunk, I'll take notes for you. Yafana we will be organizing Mr and Miss Mhs, doubt we'll do much"
I kissed her took my school bag and ran to the front of the bus.
Me"Driver cela unika umntu my ticket and take their money"
Driver"Okay but the next stop"
I didn't even care, I was just excited qha! I missed my husband and I was about to fix whatever this mess was. When the next stop came, I traded my ticket for half price and ran to Gcobani's street which wasn't really far from where I got off but on a normal day it was far. I called Moss and it went to VM, J tried again and he picked up.
Me"Futsek, where is he?"
Moss"Futsek kuba?"
Me"Was talking to this dog"
We both laughed
Moss"Phakuye, just call kuqala because ukhona Mamakhe"
I thanked him and carried on walking to Gcobani's house while advancing on Cell C, I called him when I was done.
Gcobani"Wait Mama ukhona, you wearing uniform? "
Gcobani"Okanye iza but remember tip toe,yaz bunking is an issue"
I hung up and prepared myself for the worst, xa ndisondela erhangeni his mothers car came out but she didn't see me because there were plenty of people wearing uniform waiting for their transportation. Like a real G I went to his room and opened but it was locked. I knocked again, I heard the key turning and he opened.
I took off my blazer and my school skirt, was a pro at this after all.
Gcobani"Usuke wathini?"
Gcobani"You are different"
Me"Andiyazi lonto"
Gcobani"I cannot always ditch Varsity to comfort your insecurities Fey, mali endinge nayo leyo and you know this"
Me"My matric dance?"
Gcobani"Test that same day"
He showed me his time table
Me"I already paid for a partner but yeke I'll concern myself with that, its my problem after all"
Gcobani"Ndithini? ndiyeke? drop out because awuzi thembanga?"
Gcobani"Mfondini ndithini? because ukhalazela yonke into"
Me"Assure me this is just a phase and we will be alright! we never fight kodwa sijonge ngoku"
Gcobani"Mamela your matric dance is on wednesday right? thursday yi public holiday meaning akho skolo friday … "
Me"Yeah so?"
Gcobani"so iza kum thursday and leave sunday kusasa, tell Thandi and Mthunzi you'll be with Alutha and Khanyi matric dance weekend quite sure akazo sokolisa"
Me"Kukho Mr & Ms Mhs this friday, I won't go ndize kuwe"
Gcobani"They'll get suspicious baby, Mamela mameKhaya hahaha go home after the show"
Me"I'll wait ke"
He pulled me close and kissed me
Gcobani"We will have time to do adult things, and I've been watching videos hahaha"
We kissed again
Me"uhamba nini?"
Gcobani"We have time"
Me"Hahaha not for that, baby I missed you. Tell me about Varsity life, the new place yonke lanto"
Gcobani"Hahaha I want you to meet my friends,they envy me because ndingowase Bhayi"
Gcobani"Hahaha uzozi bonela, worse wena you twang! kuzothwa uzenza umlungu but they are cool okes"
We spoke about everything,we listened to Maroon 5 and ate my lunch. By the time time he had to leave I was happy for getting this opportunity to spend time with my man.
Tuesday came and left so did wednesday, thursday I went to sleep at Yanela's place because the event starts at 6 and her mom didn't mind dropping me off. Friday arrived since it was opened to outsides Yanela could come too, I wore a black freakum dress with white tommy takkies hahaha but I had a valid reason I would be working at the Tuckshop with Kuhle. Let me explain Kuhle, she is a 10+ yet she is humble laweyi. I told Yanela to go hang with Alutha and Sithule whole I work.
Kuhle"We are missing out"
Me"I don't mind"
3 guys came to buy pies
Kuhle"he says he knows you" "what's your name? "
Me"How do you know me?"
He stood closer to the count
Luthando"or look like someone I know, do you have a sister? "
Kuhle"She does"
we both laughed, I won't lie I was loving the attention.
Luthando"Studying at Nmmu? I knew it"
Me"Wrong but nice try hahaha"
Kuhle"You want her number? hahaha"
Luthando nodded
Kuhle"Give tuck shop guy your number"
Me"Hahaha hampa wena! and I don't give my number to strangers"
Luthando"Okay request me on Facebook"
Kuhle"Come' on Fey! Tuck shop guy is trying hahaha"
Me"Okay okay yhuu hahaha "
Luthando"Luthando Baliso"
He paid for the pies and they left
Kuhle"Tuck shop guy is no Gcobani"
Me"I know"
Yet I wanted to request him
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