Mzansi Stories : Last kiss: Our mistakes
Showing posts with label Last kiss: Our mistakes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Last kiss: Our mistakes. Show all posts

Monday, November 2


Last kiss: Our mistakes Chapter 5

Too often, the thing you want most, is
the one thing you can’t have. Desire leaves
us heartbroken. It wears us out. Desire can
wreck your life.
Two months went by so quickly the next thing I know it was my first day in grade 12, and my boyfriend had 3 days before leaving me . We tried to spend each and everyday together, but he kept on leaving for EL to check if everything was sorted. I on the other hand made RCL member so I already had annoying duties at school, at the rate things were going I wasn't going to see him leave. After school I took the bus and got off at his place, I knocked on his room but no answer.
I turned around
Me"Molo Mama"
Mama"He left this morning, umalume wakhe befuna aqele iMonti before school starts"
I nodded
Mama"Ngo April kalok Sthandwa"
My world stopped, my heart broke into a million pieces, yangathi andikwazi uphefumla. His mother was staring at me, I sobbed thinking of how things will never be the same.
She gave me her phone and I took it
Gcobani"Woyikisa uMama kodwa mtchanam"
Me"You left"
Gcobani"I'll come back, I promise you "
Me"It will never be the same"
Gcobani"Change is only bad if we let it be bad, I love you Fey! told you ndizo goduka if you need me, my phone will never be off and I'll save money then uze for the weekend because andikho se res"
I smiled
Me"Let me go home"
Gcobani"Remember what I told you, you are mine"
I smiled giving his mother her phone, I apologized for causing a scene.
Mama"Akhonto mntanam, uberyt ke kodwa "
I took my school bag and practically ran to Yanela's house, I knew she would be home already and unlike Olwethu she wont remind me about what I already knew.
I sat on the stoep
Yanela"You saw him?"
Yanela"Does he know you love him? "
Me"I told him"
Yanela"Trust him, you were the first girl he kissed, the first girl he had sex with… You two got married, you wear his ring with pride and let all the doubts go because azange waku nika reasons to doubt him"
Me"Let me go home"
She changed her school clothes then walked me, a car stopped next to us.
Guy"Anifuni lift?"
We exchanged looks
Yanela"Ewe tshini"
She and the guy laughed
Me"I'll walk"
Guy"I wont do anything to you"
Me"Good for you"
I looked at Yonela
Me"Thanks tshomi,Chat later"
I walked to my house kicking stones until I got there, my brother was with his friend.
Sanele"Ever heard of parliament street?"
Me"Kuphi apho?"
They laughed
Sanele"Friday and saturday sipha, your parents are leaving for umgcwabo ngomso"
Me"Hahaha andina mali mna"
Sanele"Just relax, vasa ubuso and cook"
He analyzed me
"Suthanda kakhulu, you'll hurt more when the relationship ends"
I nodded, on that note I went to change then went to cook. I checked my phone there was nothing from my husband, but a text from an unknown number
"I like girls like you, your friend gave me your number. I would love to take you out for lunch" I was just annoyed.
Two weeks went by fast with no word from Gcobani, I wasn't insecure just annoyed. Around 9pm my brother came home rushing me to get dressed, 19 years of my life this was about to be my second night life experience that's if my sister' 21st birthday counts. I wore khaki shorts with a red vest and a denim jacket obviously with a necklace.
Sanele"Yayi nxiba ikaka shame"
Me"You wouldn't understand"
I wore my strapped heels, our cab was outside and we left for Government a club in Parliament hahaha creativity was never a thing. It was packed lawey a lot of familiar faces, we sat down his friends were already there too.
Me"Its so packed"
Sanele"This is nothing"
They gave me a dumpie of Heineken and some blue drink in a small glass
Mbasa"Starter esi, if you want more take from the bucket"
They told me bayeza and I was left with my cousin kunye ne girlfriend ka brother wam.
Bahle"Do you know that guy?"
she whispered in my ear
I stood up and I followed him outside.
Me"Do I know you?"
He looked defeated but he smiled
Kutlano"Kutlano but my PE friends call me Bruno"
I nodded
Bruno"Can we walk to Engen? I need to buy cigarettes"
I agreed because the "starter" made my head heavy
Me"Okay but hold my hand, I am intoxicated"
He laughed while we walked to Engen, he was an studying at Nmmu doing his 3rd year, he was originally from Pretoria oh yeah and he had a kid. My phone interrupted us.
I was caught between being angry and jumping for joy.
I looked at Bruno and smiled
Gcobani" I don't have a phone, somehow left it apho ndingayaziyo"
Gcobani"Why would I? "
Me"two weeks yonke?"
Bruno signalled that he is going to the bathroom.
Gcobani"Since when do you doubt me? azange ndaku…"
Me" Your phone has never been off for two weeks"
Gcobani"Mfondini lahlekile!"
Me"public phone! you should have tried"
Gcobani"Babe I am sorry"
Me"So am I"
I dropped the call then switched off my phone
My first mistake
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Last kiss: Our mistakes Chapter 4

Dear younger me: set an alarm!!!!
We walked to my house the 3 of us, on the way I wanted to pee but Gcobani calmed me down and moss was telling his bad jokes. The worst part tomorrow I was starting with my exams but my first paper was at 11am, and Gcobani only had one paper this week. When we got near I wanted to pick up a stone and hit myself in the head hopefully die.
Me"Jika, I'll be fine"
Gcobani"Khame sani, Are you sure? because we can explain what happened "
Me"It will just make things worse, the worst thing that could happen is my mom beating me up"
Moss"08000 55555"
Moss"Was trying to help"
I laughed at him, I hugged Gcobani then Moss.
Me"Put your cell c sim card, I might call later"
He nodded and with that they left, I opened the gate and went inside no sign of my parents.
He peeped from the kitchen
A silent fart escaped probably the relief
Sanele"Call bra, sukwenza into ezifunny. Because uphume apha uthetha nge matric dance, I am not about to lecture you but if ufuna istrato talk to me! I'll talk you ubuye, Anelisa never did half the things you did. Sufuna uphoxisa ngawe because Mama will treat you le way uziphethe ngayo"
Sanele"Don't apologize to me, just grow up bra"
Me"One mistake"
Sanele"Is enough to ruin your reputation"
I stood there sulking
Sanele"Just bath and change, tell Gcobani angandiqheli"
I went to bath as instructed, I heard voices and I knew my time had arrived. When the door opened I looked around to see which belt was the nearest, my father stepped in with one already wrapped on his hand. I said a quick prayer just to tell Jesus 'its been real on Earth I am ready to depart', he didn't make any small talk just swing' his belt and it hit my arm.
He grabbed me and he swung for my bum, I screamed
Me"Xolo tata!!!! Xo…lo!!!"
White people would see this as abuse but in black homes, its accepted but obviously to a certain extant that by no way have my parents have never crossed.
Dad"Ukhalela nto?"
That question was rhetorical, beating the hell out of me then asking why I am crying?. He eventually stopped and sat on the bed, he looked really disappointed in me.
Me"Ce…la manzi"
Dad"Do you have a boyfriend"
I looked at that belt and swallowed
Me"Hayi tata"
Dad"Where were you?"
Me"At Sbashi's house, it was raining so I fell asleep"
Dad"Ngoku her parents, don't think we are worthy of an explanation? we were worried nguwe! wena ulele okwe sana!"
Dad"Ndakuphinda ba ukuyeki ukhala "
I wiped my tears faster than Jerry running away from Tom. He stood up and left me,he returned with a two adcodols and water.
Dad"Ngaphinde Fezeka! I like to think I raised you better than that"
I nodded
Me"Cela uthi ku Mama sorry "
He nodded and left, I took my pills and wore pyjamas.
Me"Note to self : Never fuck up"
The next day
My mother woke me up and gave me my bus fare, she didn't say anything about last night and I honestly didn't want her to. I prepared for school then I took a bath, my brother walked me to the bus stop after I finished with everything.
Sanele"Kill it lil sis"
Me"I'll try"
Sanele"Don't try, murder mfondini"
He stopped a taxi for me and I left for school, arrived there wrote my paper then left . I was rushing to see my boyfriend, I missed him but mostly I needed him to make love to me! We did it once and never attempted again and he was holding back for me at least I think he is. When I got there he was with his friend Asanda practicing mathematics, I hated their relationship but I had no reason to doubt him.
Asanda"How was it? phof everyone is good at paper 3 "
I took off my shoes and sat on top of the bed.
Gcobani"Hahaha behave"
I nodded and went on Facebook while they worked.
Me"I have an hour"
Asanda"Uhm let me leave"
I waved
Asanda"Siye Monti next year"
My smug immediately disappeared
Asanda"Have fun"
She left us finally
Me"She got accepted too?"
Gcobani"Wsu babe"
remember what I said about wanting to be intimate? I was more than motivated to mark my territory.
Me"ndifuna uphinda"
I said while taking off my uniform, we did the nasty and this time it was better
Gcobani"What is it?"
Me"Will it always be us? I mean will you ever dump for someone else?, My biggest fear is being all the way in PE and have you cheating on me because a lot can change in a year"
Gcobani"Every long weekend, every holiday and possibly every weekend you'll visit too but it should never interfere with school"
Me"I trust you"
Gcobani"And I trust you"
We had it all figured out
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Last kiss: Our mistakes Chapter 3

There’s an end to every storm. Once all the trees have been uprooted. Once all the
houses have been ripped apart. The wind
will hush. The clouds will part. The rain
will stop. The sky will clear in an instant
and only then, in those quiet moments
after the storm, do we learn who was strong enough to survive it. M.Grey
The next morning it was pouring cats and dogs PE style, I checked my Facebook and an inbox from Lwazi was already waiting for me.
"I'll be there ngoku ngoku"
That was sent 30 minutes ago, African time I assume not that I mind him being late gave me time to bath and get dressed. I got out of bed, struggled picking an outfit but I settled on black leggings, a plain white t shirt, Gcobani's grey hoodie because it looked like a dress and my black ankle boot. Point is I have bad fashion sense, I apparently I dress like whites but hey I like being different. I took a bath and got dressed, my parents were chilling watching tv.
Me"Viewing Matric dance pictures, kuthanda izinto. I'll be back before my curfew"
Which was 5pm.
Dad"Take an umbrella Fezeka!"
I ran to their room and took an umbrella, ran out of the house before they could say anything further and lucky for me Lwazi arrived xandiphuma erhangeni. I got in the car and smiled at him, he greeted.
Lwazi"My father stays ePeter, he isn't home"
Me"Looking after the house?"
Lwazi"Something like that"
We arrived fast because it wasn't really far from my house by car.
Lwazi"Make yourself comfortable, ndokhangela iheater"
I sat ontop of his bed and took off my boots, he walked in and sat next to me.
Lwazi"I love your bone structure"
Me"I like yours too"
Lwazi"Take a compliment and run with it"
Me"Touche sir"
Lwazi"Hahaha such a handful, I find your intelligence sexy"
Me"Stop it! hahaha, so many compliments"
Lwazi"Fine ndithule but can I say something"
I nodded
Lwazi"I'm lucky to have you"
He leaned in for a kiss and I met him half way, Did sparks fly? no but I enjoyed it enough to respond to his kiss. He pushed me to the bed and got ontop of me, I closed my eyes for a second because it left like he was taking off my leggings.
Me"I'm not ready for that"
I covered my eyes
Lwazi"Why are you here"
Me"Uhm what do you mean?"
Lwazi"Fezeka … apha uzothini? I mean its raining, you don't want to have sex then why are you here"
My heart probably stopped beating at that moment.
Me"Suka phezu kwam"
He held my shoulders while I was trying to get up.
Lwazi"You are so childish"
Me"Lwazi suka!!!"
Lwazi"Futsek hamba"
He got off, I wore my shoes while he got up and walked out of the room. I took my phone and walked to the lounge, he was playing Fifa with some guy I assume was his friend.
He didn't bother looking at me.
Me"Cela undi godose, I have eczema my skin and rain don't get along"
He looked at me then laughed.
Lwazi"Andifuni and goduka ekhaya"
I felt my tear army threatening, I quickly walked to the door so he wouldn't see me cry and think he won! letting him see me crying would boost his ego and I wasn't about to allow that. The rain was pouring so hard I listen to it while gathering strength to open the front door but I finally did, I had no strength to go home but I started walking crying in the rain as loud as I know how to. When I finally arrived, I knocked and the door opened.
He pulled me inside and like a stray dog looking for love, I curled up in a corner with my wet clothes and he went back to bed without saying a word. I was trembling, I kept on sneezing but he wasn't phased, he was watching a movie or stand up comedy because he kept on laughing.
"Fezeka! should I now tell you to take off your clothes?"
He said without looking at me
Me"Was just punis…hing my…self"
He got out of bed and went to his closet, he tossed me tracksuit pants and his vest then went to his drawer and gave me socks.
Me"Thank you"
I stood up and took off my things then won his, I slowly walked to the bed opening the covers waiting for him to object but didn't say anything.
Me"Please hold me"
He held me so tight and I felt so safe, like the Lwazi of this world would get punished.
Me"Not ngoku"
Gcobani"Should I be worried?"
Me"do you love me?"
Gcobani"Since the day you walked into my house, I still remember what you wore"
Me"You stopped saying anymore"
Gcobani"I decided to show you my love or don't you feel it anymore?"
Me"I am being crazy, babe please wake me up 4:30"
He whispered okay as I was falling asleep
"Gcobani" "Gcobani" "Gcobani vula"
I heard the noise and kicked him so he could wake up, he finally woke up and went to check the door.
Gcobani"Moss whats the time"
Moss"half 7, kudala nilele dan"
I think it took me a second to grasp what he said.
Me"Gcobani my curfew"
Moss"Hahaha Fey outa nge curfew"
Me"7 wanini"
Gcobani slowly opened the curtain
Gcobani"7am baby"
I couldn't even laugh, I looked for my phone.
Me"40 missed calls and 15 messages"
Gcobani"We will deal with this together, don't cry!"
My belt awaits
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Last kiss: Our mistakes Chapter 2

Someone once said "The beholder of the relationship, is the one that cares less"
Two days after our union and 2 months and 17 days before he leaves for University, our relationship was more than amazing each day was better than the last, I wanted to shout my happiness to the world but I couldn't well not without my parents finding out. I come from a lower class family according to society standards, a product product of a domestic worker because my mothers job doesn't begin to define and my father has a 9-5 job what he does? I have no idea but he takes a laptop to work so it must be important again that is based on society and their standards. We have DSTV and I attend multi racial school, but my brother and sister both went to local schools which took nothing from their education. My sister moved to Joburg after matric and my brother is currently studying Marketing, according to my standards domestic workers make the best mothers. Well sometimes. I call my father dad but others call him Mthunzi and my mom is mama but those older call her Thandi, my parents and I have a basic relationship nothing to write books about but its not their fault. I prefer being an outsider, keeps me different and I love being different.
Mama"Nguwe ophekayo"
I laughed at her, she smiled back.
Mama"Fezi ngathi ulahlekile"
She analyzed my eyes, you know you fussy mothers are.
Me"Tired, trying to pass grade 11"
Couldn't tell my mother my relationship issues without telling her about getting married.
Mama"Unjalo ke wena, ibangathi awuthandwa"
When she said that, my heart broke a little but black mothers never understand without including the belt in our problems.
Me"Think Olwethu yagula"
She just nodded
Me"That's why ndingathethi because when I do, you dont listen ngathi I bore you"
She sat down and looked at me, guess that meant I can talk.
Me"Uhm Olwethu is gay"
She nodded
Me"And being gay is hard, the constant judgement can break someone and he may act brave but he is dying inside. Ngathi his problems are mine lately, like I feel empty because my pillar is dying inside and I cannot preach about ignorance without being punched or being called a coconut"
Mama"Then let his family deal with it, focus on yourself"
Me"But he is my friend"
Mama"Yes, yitshomi and sometimes we have to uqhelisana iboundries Fezeka! awunoncenda wonke umntu"
Mama"Akhonto ndizo yeka,Mntanam in this world abantu take advantage of umntu omuncu! if uzoba dom they'll show you flames"
I stood up and took my phone with me
Mama"yeke ndizopheka"
I walked to Gcobani's house, he stayed near yet far from me depending on my mood. Thinking about my conversation with Mama, how can I watch someone I love suffer and not do anything about it. I called my idiot and he picked up after the first ring as usual.
I laughed
Me"We have 10 minutes"
I dont know what is like to date someone else and some days, I wish I could maybe I am too much because in the movies I am labeled as "too much"
Gcobani"Cinga phi?"
He sat on a rock next to me
Me"Who am I?"
He laughed and I giggled too
Gcobani"Hahaha rha ne drama mntana ndini"
Not the response I was looking for but I accepted.
He stood up and we walked in silence, yet my heart spoke in volumes. I wanted to tell him what I was thinking but I couldn't without losing him or losing everything that I. believe in.
Me"Think I want out"
He held my hand tighter with saying anything then he let go.
Gcobani"That will be my pain when you let go"
Me"Andiyazi omnye umntu but you, I never experienced love because ndaqala kuwe yonke into. What if I am whats wrong with you? you'd never know because kwasoloko uhleli nam"
Gcoban"then why did we get married"
Me"Because you felt guilty! like you owe me love or something"
We walked in silence again until we reached Limba(a street) our separating point.
Gcobani"He doesn't love you, he just knows better because umdala"
I acted surprised
Me"We not dating"
Gcobani"So in the meantime ndithini mna?"
Me"You explore, love someone else just let me breathe nje kancinci"
Gcobani"Fe …"
Me"Just two months"
He walked away and I stood there watching him walk., not feeling any regret or remorse not even an ounce of guilt.
Me"I am doing this for you"
I said it as if he would hear me, although he was right there was someone and he was saying all the right things but mostly he thought I was breath taking. I decided to call him on my way home, it went to voicemail. I decided to assume he was in class, Lwazi was studying business management at Nmmu and he knew so much, he knew club owners, he could drive but most of all he found me attractive. I called again after 15 minutes.
Me"Calling to confirm tomorrow"
my heart beat accelerated fast
Lwazi"Ngathi kuzo netha, I have a test at 08:00 so I'll pick you up after that"
He wrote tests on saturday, such things fascinated me
Me"See you tomorrow"
Lwazi"Hahaha sho baby"
wasn't sure why we were laughing so I hung up, I finally got home and everyone was there . I took my food and sat next to my brother, logged in on Facebook because my dumb phone didn't support whatsapp. My inbox was filled with messages from Gcobani but one made me sob in silence
" Is this about your virginity? I know you and noba in your mind this is where oura story ends . Mfondini don't let other relationship stories narrate our future together, we are not your friends"
I wiped my tears and replied
"I love you, see you monday tata wants us to spring clean ngomso"
first of many lies*
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Last kiss: Our mistakes Chapter 1

We sat outside Home affairs with our two best friends and we all laughed at the same time, maybe for different reason but at that moment nothing could kill my mood. He held my hand, I looked at him and I saw my world, my forever, my husband. The look on his eyes was nothing but comforting? through his eyes I was us sitting on a porch at our beach house with our grandchildren running around.
He said my name with the sexiest voice ever, my heart melted and my palms were already sweating with all the butterflies dancing in my tummy.
I sometimes get ahead of myself, let me start from the beginning and introduce myself. I am Fezeka but everyone with sense calls me Fey, I like that name and its easy to remember. I am in grade 11 and I just turned 18, I've been dating the same guy since grade 9 and his name is Gcobani. He happens to be a grade ahead of me, which means this is his last year in high school nevertheless this is our story. I have two siblings Anelisa and Asanele they not are twins but my parents are not creative or just lazy. I am the product of high school sweet hearts, which is probably why I am a sucker for a good love story . I have two best friends Olwethu and Yanela, I am nothing without those two. I am not perfect but I love that about me, reminds of my human qualities . I think that's everything about me, I am not a fan of talking about me. Gcobani is moving to East London, he will be studying at Fort Hare and for some stupid reason we decided to get married but let me explain.
Gcobani" Fort Hare accepted "
We we listening to Ed Sheeran's acoustic versions, siting in his room. Yes siting we were both virgins, so sex wasn't really a priority and trust me its not as dumb as it sounds.
Me"So you are leaving?"
Asking obvious questions, expecting not so obvious answers. I do that a lot, I master being dumb sometimes.
Gcobani"You'll join next year, and I told you Nmmu didn't accept. Fey nothing will change between us, I love you and you love me"
I decided not to answer because I was already crying, and that was enough to show how I feel about the situation. I have watched every movie and read almost every book about long distance and they all end the same way. What will be different about us? Varsity means new friends, new crowd means new girls, and I cannot compete .
Gcobani"Trust me! Fey trust me"
I didn't all of a sudden my heart was filled with doubt, my mind made a movie of all the possibilities and every ending had me crying wishing Nmmu accepted him.
Me"We have 3 months left, lets make the most of it"
I slowly took off my top not breaking eye contact,I took off his vest my hands trembling.
Gcobani"We didn't plan it like this"
I nodded, while taking off my bra and exposing my medium size breast. He stared at them and he both laughed, he laid me down. My heart was beating fast, I couldn't stop crying a lot was on my mind but this was never part of the plan or maybe I planned too much.
Gcobani"Fey I love you, this we don't have to do"
Yet after 30 minutes of stumbling, awkward feelings, telling each other to relax laughing inbetween. I had just gave my purity to someone who will belong to someone else, I just gave myself up to keep someone from leaving me. I cried even louder because this was never part of the plan, we planned everything but difficulties.
He held my waist from behind, whispering in my ear.
We both giggled
Gcobani"Let me find out kwenziwa njani but I want you to be my wife, I will buy a ring but I promise when I get a proper job I will get you a proper one"
He kissed my neck and my heart felt warmer than a home made custard.
He didn't answer, I slowly moved his arms and got out of bed. I found my phone and sent a text to Olwethu
"We getting married"
I smiled letting it sink in and she replied
"Kiss him like its your last kiss"
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